Nancy Drew has been under a lot of pressure lately. Not least, the paparazzi. She has been hard pressed to call for a press conference and today, she finally succumbed.
With photographers' flash bulbs exploding and numerous news agencies' mikes thrust into her face, Nancy Drew held up pretty well and maintained a cool and calm facade while facing a barrage of questions from the presses.
PressMan1: "Nancy Drew, in one word or more, can you sum up what you think of Miss Boo, the wealthy deceased?"
Nancy Drew: "Ok...let me think.....S-L-U-T? (blinking, not believing she had actually uttered the four-letter word). Hey! What can I say? She is a gastronomic slut, a fashion whore, a health whore....who knows what else I will uncover as I delve deeper into my investigations...."
PressMan2: "Nancy, do you think she has any heirs to her fortune?"
Nancy Drew: " I can't be really sure. I mean she has a beau and they must have carnal intercourse. Nobody sits on the couch with a beau and don't make out. Unless that dude is gay.......(throwing up her hands in the air, seemingly giving up all hope) ......But you never know in this age and time.....Gosh....your pet dog could be gay too for all the world care, right..."
PressMan3: "Nanz, how do you think Miss Boo died?"
Nancy Drew: "I am working on it. Stop pestering me (glaring at reporter)! I mean, hell, my last psychic visit saw her blending some juice and the blades could have flown off the handle and killed her...But hey, life is full of vagaries.....That may just NOT BE IT. Maybe some intruder entered her house and murdered her. I will get back to you on this.....One last question please!"
Pressman4: "Awwww Nanz, you are great! Like you say, you are the bestest, hottest, sexiest sluethess babe in town. But hey I digress too. When do you think you will find out how she died and just close the whole god fucking chapter on the life (or death for that matter) of Miss Boo Ah Chiang?"
Nancy Drew(looking aghast): "Are you calling me a slut whore too?As I said, I am still looking into her death and I haven't exactly pin-pointed how she died. Gosh...maybe I will find out sooner if you didn't waste my time like this, holding a conference for you people? (staring into the audience of equally aghast reporters) Anyway, time's up and I hope you had your little fun"
Nancy Drew walks away as the reporters scribbled and filed their notes while the photographers continued snapping and flashing.
Nancy Drew will be back right after these messages.
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