I knew something was up. Call it instinct or just pure intuition.
The moment Ben put up an advert to lease out another room, it signalled that he must have something up his sleeve. Like he has permanently decided to settle down to studying abroad or that he is permanently staying at the place near his school.
I like to think that it is the latter.
At my school, I had just posted some ads about a new place I found advertising for co-tenants. The message must have been passed on because now, Old Aunty said he is coming back and does not know if he will study overseas.
You can tell from her expression, that it was a BIG LIE! Because she will either answer very directly (thus vehemently denying or agreeing to prove "innocence") or she will evade the question. This time she was evading the question (to avoid being called a liar).
That also means that the advert my ex-roomie put up was a decoy. He probably doesn't stay there and his friends are, or he spends nights at different places like a flitting butterfly. The slut whore that he is! Ben can probably tolerate this because they are in the same mode.
Old Aunty is policing Rafi who brings in his groupie (and he probably passes them on to Ben and the rest). But seriously, what about policing his own son. What has she got to say about her own son's philandering ways despite being in a relationship, other than Rafi.
All the notes she writes in her Buddhism book is such a farce and a laugh! She is probably recording down her own sins and that of her son and the rest.
Ben probably thought I was moving out and so decided to come back and stay here. With who, I don't really know. My ex-roomie? After all, my school is opening a satellite campus near here and some classes will be moved here.
Or there could really be SOMETHING THAT HAD HAPPENED BETWEEN THEM as I expected. So they are parting ways?
Of course there is a third possibility that he went for holidays. Imagine leaving the two old folks at home to tend to his potential tenants and the bed frames. Gee Wheez!
We will all have to see.
As I said, they will have their just desserts one way or another. If not immediately, later or much , much later. Only time will tell.
I am absolutely confident of this.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
What A Tough Assignment
Not An Easy Essay Topic To Write On
This assignment to write on and evaluate five personalities based on the various theories we have learnt represents the most difficult task among the three modules thus far.
I am glad I have those few good books to help me along.
When I read and studied them, the ideas for my essay topic started to flow and I found the first three personalities a breeze.
I wrote my fourth but midway, I stopped because I realised I was barking up the wrong tree. I was writing on a succesful businessman and somehow that didn't gel with a behavioral theory of operant and classical conditioning, especially of the negative kind.
I was also tired out from all that had happened. First discovering where my ex-roomie was staying and then trying to figure out what was really going on in his life.
Then there is that ever-present stressor of my property investment hanging in the balance and my agent just rung me to remind me of its due payment.
Finally I was like blowing up short fuses whenever I spoke and interacted with my ex-colleague and it wasn't doing very much good to both my physical and mental health. He reminded me of Sin Mong Chai's way and it was also my defence to stand up to him by socking back all that he threw my way. I was alreay emotionally affected by all the other stressors above.
So for a whole day I was stuck with my essay and decided that I should take a break and go for a run. When I came back, I felt better and my ideas started flowing again.
That was when I managed to complete my last two personalities with complete ease and handed in my assignment on the dot.
How I wished I was revising my work with my ex-roomie in our room, smooching, hugging and having GREAT SEX while studying.
My ClassMates And My True Chinese Soul-Mate
I am not sure why Claire isn't talking to me as much and avoiding me like the plague these days.
So I am growing closer to Sab instead.
All this while, through my relationship troubles with my ex-roomie, I realised there was only ONE person who stuck by me. He had patiently met with me and listened to all my woes both in person and on text messages.
I have been smsing him at odd hours of the day and he has responded kindly. He has been a comfort and a good listener. After I poured my all to him, I actually felt cathartic and happy.
He is only a simple Chinese boy working at a cafe. I am beginning to think who I should really love. Is it him or him?
He is away for now and I will have to wait and see.
This assignment to write on and evaluate five personalities based on the various theories we have learnt represents the most difficult task among the three modules thus far.
I am glad I have those few good books to help me along.
When I read and studied them, the ideas for my essay topic started to flow and I found the first three personalities a breeze.
I wrote my fourth but midway, I stopped because I realised I was barking up the wrong tree. I was writing on a succesful businessman and somehow that didn't gel with a behavioral theory of operant and classical conditioning, especially of the negative kind.
I was also tired out from all that had happened. First discovering where my ex-roomie was staying and then trying to figure out what was really going on in his life.
Then there is that ever-present stressor of my property investment hanging in the balance and my agent just rung me to remind me of its due payment.
Finally I was like blowing up short fuses whenever I spoke and interacted with my ex-colleague and it wasn't doing very much good to both my physical and mental health. He reminded me of Sin Mong Chai's way and it was also my defence to stand up to him by socking back all that he threw my way. I was alreay emotionally affected by all the other stressors above.
So for a whole day I was stuck with my essay and decided that I should take a break and go for a run. When I came back, I felt better and my ideas started flowing again.
That was when I managed to complete my last two personalities with complete ease and handed in my assignment on the dot.
How I wished I was revising my work with my ex-roomie in our room, smooching, hugging and having GREAT SEX while studying.
My ClassMates And My True Chinese Soul-Mate
I am not sure why Claire isn't talking to me as much and avoiding me like the plague these days.
So I am growing closer to Sab instead.
All this while, through my relationship troubles with my ex-roomie, I realised there was only ONE person who stuck by me. He had patiently met with me and listened to all my woes both in person and on text messages.
I have been smsing him at odd hours of the day and he has responded kindly. He has been a comfort and a good listener. After I poured my all to him, I actually felt cathartic and happy.
He is only a simple Chinese boy working at a cafe. I am beginning to think who I should really love. Is it him or him?
He is away for now and I will have to wait and see.
Monday, March 30, 2009
The Decadent West And We Their Followers
Standing Up To A BullyI am supposed to go into partnership with this ex-colleague of mine. Like one of his subordinates was postulating, he probably thought it was cool to imitate both our common arch-enemy boss - Sim Mong Chai.So recently I found myself blowing up fuses when interacting with him. It was also a re-enactment of what I would have done differently with this monster of a boss Sim Mong Chai.That is to stand up to him, teach him some manners, how to communicate effectively and properly, behave appropriately and give him a dose of his own medicine of unreasonableness and bullying.And it felt quite good.What Is Wrong With The American WayLet me define as clearly as I can what I think is wrong with the American way.
First their pornography (of course Asians are copying them big time now). Then their commercialism, in particular the kinda rampant commercialisation that harms. The decadent lifestyle of multiple sex, drugs, sleaze and alcohol. Parties, clubs and pubs as inappropriate venues to meet people. The preoccupation with frivolities, looks, beauty and physique that spawns a multi-billion dollar comestic and plastic surgery industry.
City living disorders and psychopathologies and finally the pure lack of ethics and principles.
We only like their technology, invention and innovation which improve our lives, not the rest.
A Telling Story About How An Alien Culture (Anti-Culture) Affects Us All
When I read this book on psychology, there was a part about how when North American aborigines lived among themselves, there was hardly any reports of suicides. Now it seems, their suicide rate is a hundred times above the national average.
Those aborigines who actively sought to preserve their culture in modern day North America, surprisingly exhibited low suicides.
What this illustrate is that the American way of life just wasn't in their DNA or culture. The American way of life was their anti-culture.
And in my handouts, there was a report of a high-flying student in one of the top JC (mind you, so you would expect he should know better) who jumped to his death because he thought he had small private parts.
Again, this is another manifestation of modern pre-occupation with genitalia sizes like penises and vital statistics like breast cup sizes. There are enough adverts for enlargement in these sectors to feed a newspaper daily.
Doesn't this speak for the rest of us? Why we abhor some of their ways too and we are in the predicament we are in now?
Yes and suicide is a pyschopathology. Question is who created it? YOU! Isn't that true and you exported them outside your state.
Unethical And Unprincipled Gays
My stance is that the gay circle here espouses exactly the same value system. Despite being in a relationship, some like Ben and Rick are still at it on the side. They model a despicable moral value for the younger set.
Serial lying and deceit are just trademarks of life here. I think that even if you are gay, there are still morals, values and principles you abide by. Like keeping faithful and monogamous for one. And all the attendant values in business or work and living.
That is why, knowing how it is like, I believe that my ex-roomie will be justly retributed just like Ben or any of the other gays I know. It will come full circle. They will play each other out.
If they can compromise on any important issue, they can compromise on anything else. Fast and loose morals.
Develop The Big Cities And Leave The Rest Alone (Or Develop Much Lesser)
China is fast changing and the big cities like Hongkong, ShenZhen, Dongguan , Shanghai and Beijing are catching up as fast as we are and we can expect value system to equal sooner if not already. The other provincial capitals are to a lesser extent coming up.
All I hope is that it will have better sense to make these cities as mega, rich and big as they can while retaining the rest of their provinces' rustic charm, the beautiful countryside, simple living and old-world values of principled, communally caring and helpful ethical living.
That will give hope to city-dwellers like us who wanna return to our roots of the good old days. And that there will still be some people who are like that.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Good Books That Lead To Good Psychology (Latest)
Good Books Are Like A Rare Gem That Helps Open Up Minds
I am glad that I have bought and read all those books on psychology and counselling. They were well-researched , well expressed and they have broaden my "psychological" horizons.
In fact, psychology has invented a lingo all of its own not found in common English language. Hypervalence for one and intensionality is another.
I think these kinda very extensively researched, studied, current and practical psychology topics are more recent phenomena.
Back then books, on psychology or any other subject for that matter, were mostly staid, stiff, factual and technical. And usually expressed in formal English language too. There weren't good illustrations as well.
These are books that illuminate many times over what my lecturers have done in a single session during class.
How I Rate My Lecturers Thus Far - Chris Versus Karen
Chris is the worst of the pack. You see through his faking and non-experience. Yet he wanna brag and he has no new knowledge. His is probably a case of licensed but no so competent.
Karen is way, way, way much better though I thought she could relate more practically and it got quite intellectual at some point too. If I got an A grade from Karen, I know I can trust it to be genuine.
I am glad that I have bought and read all those books on psychology and counselling. They were well-researched , well expressed and they have broaden my "psychological" horizons.
In fact, psychology has invented a lingo all of its own not found in common English language. Hypervalence for one and intensionality is another.
I think these kinda very extensively researched, studied, current and practical psychology topics are more recent phenomena.
Back then books, on psychology or any other subject for that matter, were mostly staid, stiff, factual and technical. And usually expressed in formal English language too. There weren't good illustrations as well.
These are books that illuminate many times over what my lecturers have done in a single session during class.
How I Rate My Lecturers Thus Far - Chris Versus Karen
Chris is the worst of the pack. You see through his faking and non-experience. Yet he wanna brag and he has no new knowledge. His is probably a case of licensed but no so competent.
Karen is way, way, way much better though I thought she could relate more practically and it got quite intellectual at some point too. If I got an A grade from Karen, I know I can trust it to be genuine.
The exam results bear this out. Karen's class had many F graders while for Chris, there were just one or two. The large majority was As, Bs and Cs.
That means that Chris was passing people with greater laxity than Karen was.
Reena
What I like most about my current lecturer is that she does regular concept checks and revision. These prove to be useful in helping us understand and remember some of the topics better.
And she does illustrate some points quite clearly which explain why I attended all her classes come rain or shine.
However, she isn't up to date and she attributed many of the psychological disorders to old reasoning, not new. Like depression for one. Look what I found out about sociotropy and autonomy (see below) particularly pertinent to depressed gays.
It reflects some lack of wider reading and experience. And of course contact with new theories and knowledge.
She didn't get many of her facts right either. Sears Towers is in Toronto? Collaborators of theories were named as one and it didn't help that there were glaring factual errors in the study guide and powerpoint slide handouts.
A real big disappointment but I was told that the local universities aren't any better in the quality department either. Accent and probably other competency (or should I say incompetency) issues .
I still think she isn't suited to teach a heavy-going, technical subject like psychology. Like Chris teaching ethical issues.
We Learn Their Pathologies All Right
The video on a taxi panic attack scene was an enactment. Then there were screenings of systemic desensitisation therapies and other kinds of phobias.
But that set me thinking how reading or watching videos on the various pathological disorders sometimes just plant ideas into our heads and we learn them. The power of suggestion and we do learn behaviors?
Hollywood, Bollywood and all.
New Discovery
I found out that sociotropic and autonomous people are more pre-disposed to depression. Perhaps that explains my pre-disposition most of the time.
Sociotropy
Sociotropics are socially dependent people who value closeness and sharing.
I guess it is worse for gays like me because we have to seek out our own kind (social deprivation) and even if we do, they must be our right kind of people whom we click with (personality etc).
Gays, being gays, exhibit some common traits just as any cultural group does. Deceit is one and unfaithfulness is another. If they don't back-stab you or seduce and steal your boyfriend, you will be most lucky. For me these are barriers to sharing and intimacy.
With my break-up, I underwent a disrupted relationship and that explained my depression.
Autonomy
Autonomous people value independent achievement, solitude and mobility.
Time and again I have been thwarted and frustrated in my working career and especially when I sought to start up my own enterprise. I was seeking autonomy.
It is worse being gay as social conformity to a "hetero" mainstream only make us more vulnerable.
We Have To Take Charge And Decide For Ourselves Sometimes, Not Leave Everything To The Doc
My nephew was attentional deficit and hyperactive. He was put on medication (as to what, I am not sure) and today when you see him, he is so overly subdued and passive, a shadow of his past hyper-self.
Ritaline has now been attributed to be a street-drug that can cause depression.
Side-effects big time.
I wished my sister hadn't brought my nephew to a doctor and sought biomedical therapy.
Holing Out And Leasing Out
A check reveals no one is moving out so that can only mean that one of the two rooms currently occupied by Ben's parents and untill now, Ben himself and Rick, are being leased out.
A few potentials came aknocking. One a American-accented couple.
Seeing how both Old Aunty and Rick responded, I have further reasons to believe that Ben is not overseas pursuing higher education in Australia. Something tells me he is still here but where and with who, I can't be sure.
The recurring thought of my ex-roomie just cannot go away. I think the school advert put up by him was just a decoy and the online gay advert posted by Ben and Rick is also fictitious. At least the location is.
TanLine To Seduce?
I have reasons to believe that my ex-roomie is tanning for pure vanity reasons - that tanline and being darker means being more macho in some sense. And probably to hook up with gays which explains his evading me the day I saw him.
As he swims, I don't think it is other forms of exercise that he is indulging in. It has got to be swimming that gave him that deep dark tan.
And the pool is one good venue to see men in all their naked glory?
Coming from this circle of gays, I know that if he is doing anything on the sly, he will come full circle and be retributed.
I pray I am wrong and I want him back badly.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
"Coming Home" (Latest)
The State Of Our Singapore Elderly Men And Some Women
A young handsome China boy just told me about his encounters here.
It seems like a few of our local girls (assuming they are) were trying to hook him. They were gesturing and dressing to seduce and even to the extent of obtaining his mobile number. On the bus, at the cafe, everywhere.
Slut whores?
Then he related how when he lived at a local neighborhood, he witnessed the old uncles at the coffee-shops, dead drunk after drinking touching the girls. There was even a pervert who undressed girls at the neighborhood.
He says that back home in his Chinese village, the elderly don't live a lifestyle like that. They are decent old folks.
Here you see the elderly in all states of psychological pathologies like suffering from poverty to ill-health to perversion and sex.
Well, well, well. City living, architectural psychology and hypersexuality all add up, don't they?
We Are Becoming Like Them - City Living Disorders
First they exported their pornography. Then the Japs copied them and the rest followed. Then it was their whole way of life from dance clubs (with all its attendant sleaze like sex and alcohol to drugs) to pubs to brothels.
It is precisely this kinda environment that breeds all the damaging effects of junk relationship, junk sex, junk food and junk everything.
If that was not enough, they export their psycho-pathologies as well and we in Asia are lapping them up.
The Ugly State Of The Human Psyche
Let me illustrate how zombified and callous we all can be.
Just today, someone knocked over a tray of sandwiches which spilled onto the floor. A white couple (who looked like they were tourists) actually walked over them and the lady even kicked a sandwich away.
The gay agent who showed me a room was playing games. First it was No X, then No Y and finally No Z on ABC Road. I was so fed up, I gave him a piece of my mind.
When I related my woes with my ex-roomie to his beau (assumption here but then again) over the NET, like a typical Singaporean, he was callous, unsympathetic and unbothered though he finally agreed to convey my one message to him.
And that China Chinese wimp who was mouthing and instigating all sorta things suddenly sent me a chain text about a loving, forgiving and helping GOD.
What Is He Doing Living In A Death-House?
Guess what?
I just noticed that my ex-roomie had put out an advert to look for a 4th roomie to join his trio. This is assuming that it is a genuine advertisement. Because as I found out, Ben owned a unit above his school space which he is leasing out to gays. That means Old Aunty had lied.
Is my ex-roomie living there? Is this advert just a decoy? Is Ben really overseas pursuing his Masters or is he still here in Singapore? Both Ben and his mom have been relunctant to reveal which country he is going to to pursue his higher education.
After all, my ex-roomie had spent three nights away from me and I don't even know where he was holing up. He seems to have places to go and spend the night. Exactly where, I don't know. Is Henry, my flatmate involved? I haven't seen him for a couple of days. And is Rafi in on it?
It was then that I found out that my ex-roomie lived in a mortician's house right next to a funeral parlor. His two other roomies were a Chinese worker and another who is studying at a language school right near my school city campus.
What happened to the Indian classmate? I thought there were four of them. Did he pull out and so my ex-roomie is now hunting down a new room-mate?
Is my ex-roomie simply staying there (what a morbid sense of fascination or state of affairs) or is he working for the husband-and-wife pair of embalmer and mortician? The wife looks like a naturalised citizen of Chinese roots. Does that explain his recently acquired dark tan as he may have to visit graves in the hot sun?
He had mentioned a paternal grandfather who is cancer-stricken and dying and that he needed to go home to attend to the last funeral rites. Does this have anything to do with where he is staying and perhaps working?
Or as I have blogged before, part of a gang of organ traffickers? Or was he in anyway preparing for my eventuality?
Finally, is this part of his discretion in doing or indulging in whatever he is doing? But seriously, discretion to the extent of living in a death-house? And I know there is a swim pool nearby. Is this where he acquired his tan?
A young handsome China boy just told me about his encounters here.
It seems like a few of our local girls (assuming they are) were trying to hook him. They were gesturing and dressing to seduce and even to the extent of obtaining his mobile number. On the bus, at the cafe, everywhere.
Slut whores?
Then he related how when he lived at a local neighborhood, he witnessed the old uncles at the coffee-shops, dead drunk after drinking touching the girls. There was even a pervert who undressed girls at the neighborhood.
He says that back home in his Chinese village, the elderly don't live a lifestyle like that. They are decent old folks.
Here you see the elderly in all states of psychological pathologies like suffering from poverty to ill-health to perversion and sex.
Well, well, well. City living, architectural psychology and hypersexuality all add up, don't they?
We Are Becoming Like Them - City Living Disorders
First they exported their pornography. Then the Japs copied them and the rest followed. Then it was their whole way of life from dance clubs (with all its attendant sleaze like sex and alcohol to drugs) to pubs to brothels.
It is precisely this kinda environment that breeds all the damaging effects of junk relationship, junk sex, junk food and junk everything.
If that was not enough, they export their psycho-pathologies as well and we in Asia are lapping them up.
The Ugly State Of The Human Psyche
Let me illustrate how zombified and callous we all can be.
Just today, someone knocked over a tray of sandwiches which spilled onto the floor. A white couple (who looked like they were tourists) actually walked over them and the lady even kicked a sandwich away.
The gay agent who showed me a room was playing games. First it was No X, then No Y and finally No Z on ABC Road. I was so fed up, I gave him a piece of my mind.
When I related my woes with my ex-roomie to his beau (assumption here but then again) over the NET, like a typical Singaporean, he was callous, unsympathetic and unbothered though he finally agreed to convey my one message to him.
And that China Chinese wimp who was mouthing and instigating all sorta things suddenly sent me a chain text about a loving, forgiving and helping GOD.
What Is He Doing Living In A Death-House?
Guess what?
I just noticed that my ex-roomie had put out an advert to look for a 4th roomie to join his trio. This is assuming that it is a genuine advertisement. Because as I found out, Ben owned a unit above his school space which he is leasing out to gays. That means Old Aunty had lied.
Is my ex-roomie living there? Is this advert just a decoy? Is Ben really overseas pursuing his Masters or is he still here in Singapore? Both Ben and his mom have been relunctant to reveal which country he is going to to pursue his higher education.
After all, my ex-roomie had spent three nights away from me and I don't even know where he was holing up. He seems to have places to go and spend the night. Exactly where, I don't know. Is Henry, my flatmate involved? I haven't seen him for a couple of days. And is Rafi in on it?
It was then that I found out that my ex-roomie lived in a mortician's house right next to a funeral parlor. His two other roomies were a Chinese worker and another who is studying at a language school right near my school city campus.
What happened to the Indian classmate? I thought there were four of them. Did he pull out and so my ex-roomie is now hunting down a new room-mate?
Is my ex-roomie simply staying there (what a morbid sense of fascination or state of affairs) or is he working for the husband-and-wife pair of embalmer and mortician? The wife looks like a naturalised citizen of Chinese roots. Does that explain his recently acquired dark tan as he may have to visit graves in the hot sun?
He had mentioned a paternal grandfather who is cancer-stricken and dying and that he needed to go home to attend to the last funeral rites. Does this have anything to do with where he is staying and perhaps working?
Or as I have blogged before, part of a gang of organ traffickers? Or was he in anyway preparing for my eventuality?
Finally, is this part of his discretion in doing or indulging in whatever he is doing? But seriously, discretion to the extent of living in a death-house? And I know there is a swim pool nearby. Is this where he acquired his tan?
As I mentioned, was that advert a decoy? After all I haven't seen him physically living there right? Just like I know that his class is in progress but that doesn't mean he is physically in attendance.
Futile Search For A Roomie
Was he the one behind several attempts to thwart my quest for a new roomie? My Chinese version of the advertisement got taken down twice and a very keen potential actually suddenly bolted for no good reason. And I got a call from a China girl despite my advert indicating to the contrary.
Or was this due to other third parties like the China Chinese wimp or the rest. And I have spotted a Chinese study mama at my school who had sent her children to the foreign language school I worked at before.
Questions to which I have no answers.
But all I know is that if he is simply lodging there, I want him to move back here to saner quarters.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
More Studying Spaces & I Am Really Worn Out (Updated)
No Room For Studies
I soon notice that there aren't too many study spots for people of all ages who wanna do a bit of reading or studying. And this is most likely because their home environment weren't conducive for studying in the first place.
The few that are, open only during office hours and many would appreciate that they could extend beyond that?
The National Library for one, has limited seats on just two floors of its building, and these few seating capacity are usually fully occupied. Many of its floors are off-bounds to users who wanna study. Laptops and writing materials are usually allowed but not textbooks or reading scripts. There are prominent display of signs that read "No Studying" and this is sad especially in the context of a library.
So it is the wish of many that more spaces at the libraries and the community clubs or any other commercial building for that matter can be freed up for reading and studying. And hopefully for longer periods too.
Sick, Tired And Worn Out
I feel very sad for myself this evening.
I was thinking about all that I have lost and possibly going to lose. I have done most of what I can and should do and I can't do very much anymore. I can only wait. For that DAY to come. How is it gonna be like, I don't know but I am prepared.
I am living day to day (don't we all) but this time, there is that tinge of sadness and hopelessness and emptiness.
I was also sad because I ran into my ex-roomie and my emotions got the better of me and I sent him very cruel messages to voice my displeasure with him.
I am jealous of his tan and I don't know why he acquired it for. Vanity reasons? To look fitter and healthier?
And now that Ben has apparently left for his higher education and I haven't seen him today, I wanna know if he is in on it with him. Have they left for studies together abroad?
If not, who is my ex-roomie holing up with? What has he been up to? Who is he slutting around with? It is just the whole environmental thingy. And partly himself of course. For me I really wanna be monogamous but if the other party isn't committed, what can I say?
Rafi is still sneaking people in and I just saw one of his side-kick yesterday.
I was also beginning to get sick of all those social representations and expectations of society. I play several roles and I am not particularly hung up. But it seems others are and they wanna pigeon-hole you into a role for you to play.
I just wanna be myself.
I soon notice that there aren't too many study spots for people of all ages who wanna do a bit of reading or studying. And this is most likely because their home environment weren't conducive for studying in the first place.
The few that are, open only during office hours and many would appreciate that they could extend beyond that?
The National Library for one, has limited seats on just two floors of its building, and these few seating capacity are usually fully occupied. Many of its floors are off-bounds to users who wanna study. Laptops and writing materials are usually allowed but not textbooks or reading scripts. There are prominent display of signs that read "No Studying" and this is sad especially in the context of a library.
So it is the wish of many that more spaces at the libraries and the community clubs or any other commercial building for that matter can be freed up for reading and studying. And hopefully for longer periods too.
Sick, Tired And Worn Out
I feel very sad for myself this evening.
I was thinking about all that I have lost and possibly going to lose. I have done most of what I can and should do and I can't do very much anymore. I can only wait. For that DAY to come. How is it gonna be like, I don't know but I am prepared.
I am living day to day (don't we all) but this time, there is that tinge of sadness and hopelessness and emptiness.
I was also sad because I ran into my ex-roomie and my emotions got the better of me and I sent him very cruel messages to voice my displeasure with him.
I am jealous of his tan and I don't know why he acquired it for. Vanity reasons? To look fitter and healthier?
And now that Ben has apparently left for his higher education and I haven't seen him today, I wanna know if he is in on it with him. Have they left for studies together abroad?
If not, who is my ex-roomie holing up with? What has he been up to? Who is he slutting around with? It is just the whole environmental thingy. And partly himself of course. For me I really wanna be monogamous but if the other party isn't committed, what can I say?
Rafi is still sneaking people in and I just saw one of his side-kick yesterday.
I was also beginning to get sick of all those social representations and expectations of society. I play several roles and I am not particularly hung up. But it seems others are and they wanna pigeon-hole you into a role for you to play.
I just wanna be myself.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Fleeting Thoughts (Updated)
Overseas Education Or Holed Up At His New Apartment?
When I asked Old Aunty the last time if Ben owns an apartment somewhere else (because somehow I have this intuitive feeling he does), she denied it vehemently.
Today, of course, I discovered he does and my ex-roomie, according to a classmate of his, lives around that part of town too.
I also found out that Ben has gone overseas for his higher education. Old Aunty has come back and when I discovered Ben missing for a couple of days since Friday, I suspected something. So I asked her this morning.
I think it is a lie from the way she said it.
He is probably living at this new apartment but with who I don't know. After all it is near his school. He must have new plans for his school or just something up his sleeve. Rick will probably visit there and here too. But I don't think he will be a permanent fixture there.
I can only suspect that it is my ex-roomie?
Higher Education
I realised part of the reason why foreign students flock here for their education is the fact that we are an "open" society.
They have relative freedom and they are free from the strictures back home and your guess is as good as mine what they do indulge here while under the pretext of studying.
I can surmise what my ex-roomie is up to?
Has He Changed To Camouflage Himself?
O boy did I run into him at school yesterday.
He had short cropped hair and was totally tanned. What has he been up to to acquire that really dark tan? Swimming? Golfing? National Service?
He is apparently living with his Indian classmate as I was told by this Indian classmate. Was he introjecting just out of obligation or courtesy or just as a general sign of mutuality?
As usual he was surrounded by his classmates who looked like his bodyguards. That no guts PIG! And he was in a hurry to leave class for wherever too once it ended! And on his mobile like always!
I text him after that to give him a few pieces of my mind and I suppose that is it!
When I asked Old Aunty the last time if Ben owns an apartment somewhere else (because somehow I have this intuitive feeling he does), she denied it vehemently.
Today, of course, I discovered he does and my ex-roomie, according to a classmate of his, lives around that part of town too.
I also found out that Ben has gone overseas for his higher education. Old Aunty has come back and when I discovered Ben missing for a couple of days since Friday, I suspected something. So I asked her this morning.
I think it is a lie from the way she said it.
He is probably living at this new apartment but with who I don't know. After all it is near his school. He must have new plans for his school or just something up his sleeve. Rick will probably visit there and here too. But I don't think he will be a permanent fixture there.
I can only suspect that it is my ex-roomie?
Higher Education
I realised part of the reason why foreign students flock here for their education is the fact that we are an "open" society.
They have relative freedom and they are free from the strictures back home and your guess is as good as mine what they do indulge here while under the pretext of studying.
I can surmise what my ex-roomie is up to?
Has He Changed To Camouflage Himself?
O boy did I run into him at school yesterday.
He had short cropped hair and was totally tanned. What has he been up to to acquire that really dark tan? Swimming? Golfing? National Service?
Why was he doing that? To blend in with the surrounds so that he won't be mistaken for a China Chinese?
He is apparently living with his Indian classmate as I was told by this Indian classmate. Was he introjecting just out of obligation or courtesy or just as a general sign of mutuality?
As usual he was surrounded by his classmates who looked like his bodyguards. That no guts PIG! And he was in a hurry to leave class for wherever too once it ended! And on his mobile like always!
I text him after that to give him a few pieces of my mind and I suppose that is it!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Meta-Analysis - The Mother Of All Analyses (Updated)
Harvard Referencing System : Coon, Dennis & Mitterer O John (2007) Introduction To Psychology - Gateways To Mind And Behaviour 11th Edition (USA - Thomson & WadsWorth)
This book on psychology is a must-read for everybody.
More so for the gay community. Gays! Read those chapters pertaining to our gender and sexuality and start using them as weapons to defend and propagate ourselves and our causes. Even more so the values they espouse.
The Rorschacd Tests
The more I think about it, the more this becomes apparent. The inkblot test is just that - an inkblot test. And we associate ink with black-ink. What would most people associate black ink blotches with when they see them? Obviously the "dark side" right? Like the "Dark Knight".
So they will go on to describe things like they see "a black bat hanging upside down on a dark willowy tree on a moonless dark night".
If those ink blotches were the colorful ones, then more obviously the testees go like ...: "I see butterflies resting on a red rose flower" or "a rainbow in a crimson-colored horizon"....The bright side.
Isn't that obvious enough?
My One And Only Class
I know for a fact that there are now a few newbies in my class. People whom I have not seen before. Perhaps they were repeaters or they were just planted there! And this woman sure talks quite a lot in class like Dale does. Dale must always have her say, it seems.
After I blogged about my lecturer, I thought I notice a death threat scrawled on one of her slides which was addressing me. Something to the effect of "knowing too much.........I WILL KILL YOU......and life is all about death....."
Look if I am gonna die, I am gonna die. You don't have to hurry me! I will get there when it is time! And I am fully prepared. I know people are trying to hasten my death with the way they are scripting the financial crisis.
But seriously, do you wanna see my body splattered all over the sidewalk like the death of The Comedian in the movie "Watchmen"?
Wouldn't you want to see me like I am now? In one piece and pretty buff too? Wouldn't that have been a preferable choice?
*Smiles*
A Sad Sad Me In A Cold Cold World
I feel very, very sad tonight when I pondered my fate and that of Singapore.
It is such a cold, cold, cold, ruthless place here. People, even "friends", relatives and families, are just making use of each other for some advantage. Money, influence, prestige, whatever. Friendships and relationships are never really friendships and relationships.
It is the whole culture here. Superficiality, artificiality, shallowness and callousness in the way we speak and the things we do. Materialism, commercialism, sexism (and I mean sex big time), profitism and moneyism.
If today I jump off a high building and kill myself, it will just be another statistic in the annals of the DOS. I don't think it will even make any headlines.
But wait, I will probably pen a death-note to my ex-roomie, the BIG PRICK!
That is the sad state of Singapore. The economy matters more than anything else here! Business goes on, unabated!
Look Who Is Attending Classes Here With Us!
And yes, our men-in-blue are attending Financial Planning workshops at my school! At the same time my ex-roomie is doing his MBA program!
I can pick them out straight away! For the men, usually ethnic and carrying motor-cycle helmets!
And they are sponsored!
TADA!
He Is Back (Though I Haven't Seen Him Physically Yet)
Yes my ex-roomie is back in school. I haven't seen him but I know his class-is-in-progress!
I have taken pains to avoid school the last couple of months because of him and now that I think I am fully recovered, I am taking more pains to try not to run into him.
I am not sure what my reaction will be - HATE OR LOVE.
Dude, I really loved you! I had hoped for a monogamous relationship and till today, I am not sure who you are sleeping around with. The Chinese people in your circle or did you cross over to my side of the house too?
But what can I say if you have other plans? I may have to oblige if I really love you! After all I am a man! I can stomach it provided they are my type!
I know there are still ingering feelings for him but they are unrequited. So I guess I have to really ERASE him completely from my mind if he still doesn't reciprocate!
A Choice Of A Partner (Friend, Sex Or Life) Is A Matter Of Individual Preference
I am not blind to my envronment unless I am stressed like recently.
I wasn't wrong about the posturing of those Indian managers and trainers at two branches of California Fitness. Even today, the Arab Indian and his Indian partner are still doing it.
Just recently, this Indian manager walked round behind me while on his handphone when there was more than enough space in front of me for him to walk on. He was harassing me and that deserved my response in kind!
I wasn't gonna let that go that easily.
Evil Will Have His Day!
Are they connected to Old Aunty here at Ben's? Because she asked if I work out at Calif and she did mention once about this Arab Indian, as if like I must GET an Arab Indian for a life partner.
This must be Ben's evil doing and like ALL EVIL, he will get his JUST DESSERT! Why doesn't he start the ball rolling and get one for himself just to role model?
Once Again, With Hate, To The Hard Of Hearing
GET THIS TO YOUR THICK HEAD ONCE AGAIN, PEOPLE!
A choice of a friend, a friend for sex and a life partner is a very individual matter. Once again, to the profoundly deaf, I only dig Asian Chinese! With a few exceptions! And even then only certain kinds of Asian Chinese for friendship, sex or a lifetime mate!
Positive Psychology
Well blow me down!
Right next to where our class was being held at this hotel, was a school focussing on positive psychology.
What we have been doing in our class thus far was mostly negative psychology and with Chris, it was negativer than negative psychology. Usually in the order of psychological disorders.
Isn't that like focussing more on two of Eysenck's three-factor-analysis of PEN more than its positive extraversion factor?
I Wasn't Wrong, Attitude Dictates Business Outcome
You should look at this newly open food mall.
The stall-helpers and sellers all have attitudes. So do the managers. Posturing. And most likely Malaysian Chinese.
There has been one verbal exchange directed at the stall where the incendiary old aunty (most likely Malaysian Chinese again) works. This was between a China national woman and the old man at this stall.
That says it all! Business isn't roaring here and they should know why! Attitudinal workers and managers, expensive and below average quality and variety of food !
They should fold soon enough!
This book on psychology is a must-read for everybody.
More so for the gay community. Gays! Read those chapters pertaining to our gender and sexuality and start using them as weapons to defend and propagate ourselves and our causes. Even more so the values they espouse.
The Rorschacd Tests
The more I think about it, the more this becomes apparent. The inkblot test is just that - an inkblot test. And we associate ink with black-ink. What would most people associate black ink blotches with when they see them? Obviously the "dark side" right? Like the "Dark Knight".
So they will go on to describe things like they see "a black bat hanging upside down on a dark willowy tree on a moonless dark night".
If those ink blotches were the colorful ones, then more obviously the testees go like ...: "I see butterflies resting on a red rose flower" or "a rainbow in a crimson-colored horizon"....The bright side.
Isn't that obvious enough?
My One And Only Class
I know for a fact that there are now a few newbies in my class. People whom I have not seen before. Perhaps they were repeaters or they were just planted there! And this woman sure talks quite a lot in class like Dale does. Dale must always have her say, it seems.
After I blogged about my lecturer, I thought I notice a death threat scrawled on one of her slides which was addressing me. Something to the effect of "knowing too much.........I WILL KILL YOU......and life is all about death....."
Look if I am gonna die, I am gonna die. You don't have to hurry me! I will get there when it is time! And I am fully prepared. I know people are trying to hasten my death with the way they are scripting the financial crisis.
But seriously, do you wanna see my body splattered all over the sidewalk like the death of The Comedian in the movie "Watchmen"?
Wouldn't you want to see me like I am now? In one piece and pretty buff too? Wouldn't that have been a preferable choice?
*Smiles*
A Sad Sad Me In A Cold Cold World
I feel very, very sad tonight when I pondered my fate and that of Singapore.
It is such a cold, cold, cold, ruthless place here. People, even "friends", relatives and families, are just making use of each other for some advantage. Money, influence, prestige, whatever. Friendships and relationships are never really friendships and relationships.
It is the whole culture here. Superficiality, artificiality, shallowness and callousness in the way we speak and the things we do. Materialism, commercialism, sexism (and I mean sex big time), profitism and moneyism.
If today I jump off a high building and kill myself, it will just be another statistic in the annals of the DOS. I don't think it will even make any headlines.
But wait, I will probably pen a death-note to my ex-roomie, the BIG PRICK!
That is the sad state of Singapore. The economy matters more than anything else here! Business goes on, unabated!
Look Who Is Attending Classes Here With Us!
And yes, our men-in-blue are attending Financial Planning workshops at my school! At the same time my ex-roomie is doing his MBA program!
I can pick them out straight away! For the men, usually ethnic and carrying motor-cycle helmets!
And they are sponsored!
TADA!
He Is Back (Though I Haven't Seen Him Physically Yet)
Yes my ex-roomie is back in school. I haven't seen him but I know his class-is-in-progress!
I have taken pains to avoid school the last couple of months because of him and now that I think I am fully recovered, I am taking more pains to try not to run into him.
I am not sure what my reaction will be - HATE OR LOVE.
Dude, I really loved you! I had hoped for a monogamous relationship and till today, I am not sure who you are sleeping around with. The Chinese people in your circle or did you cross over to my side of the house too?
But what can I say if you have other plans? I may have to oblige if I really love you! After all I am a man! I can stomach it provided they are my type!
I know there are still ingering feelings for him but they are unrequited. So I guess I have to really ERASE him completely from my mind if he still doesn't reciprocate!
A Choice Of A Partner (Friend, Sex Or Life) Is A Matter Of Individual Preference
I am not blind to my envronment unless I am stressed like recently.
I wasn't wrong about the posturing of those Indian managers and trainers at two branches of California Fitness. Even today, the Arab Indian and his Indian partner are still doing it.
Just recently, this Indian manager walked round behind me while on his handphone when there was more than enough space in front of me for him to walk on. He was harassing me and that deserved my response in kind!
I wasn't gonna let that go that easily.
Evil Will Have His Day!
Are they connected to Old Aunty here at Ben's? Because she asked if I work out at Calif and she did mention once about this Arab Indian, as if like I must GET an Arab Indian for a life partner.
This must be Ben's evil doing and like ALL EVIL, he will get his JUST DESSERT! Why doesn't he start the ball rolling and get one for himself just to role model?
Once Again, With Hate, To The Hard Of Hearing
GET THIS TO YOUR THICK HEAD ONCE AGAIN, PEOPLE!
A choice of a friend, a friend for sex and a life partner is a very individual matter. Once again, to the profoundly deaf, I only dig Asian Chinese! With a few exceptions! And even then only certain kinds of Asian Chinese for friendship, sex or a lifetime mate!
Positive Psychology
Well blow me down!
Right next to where our class was being held at this hotel, was a school focussing on positive psychology.
What we have been doing in our class thus far was mostly negative psychology and with Chris, it was negativer than negative psychology. Usually in the order of psychological disorders.
Isn't that like focussing more on two of Eysenck's three-factor-analysis of PEN more than its positive extraversion factor?
I Wasn't Wrong, Attitude Dictates Business Outcome
You should look at this newly open food mall.
The stall-helpers and sellers all have attitudes. So do the managers. Posturing. And most likely Malaysian Chinese.
There has been one verbal exchange directed at the stall where the incendiary old aunty (most likely Malaysian Chinese again) works. This was between a China national woman and the old man at this stall.
That says it all! Business isn't roaring here and they should know why! Attitudinal workers and managers, expensive and below average quality and variety of food !
They should fold soon enough!
The Singaporean Pysche
I hung around a classroom the other day at school to study late into the evening.
Two guys struck up a conversation and later a third joined in. From their conversation, I gathered that two were working in the defence team.
It was typical Singaporean accent and talk. As you know, I was already hot and bothered with the "Singaporean" (whoever this group now is - disparate as it is after so much miscegenation and naturalisation) mentality and this conversation piece typifies it to the hilt.
Singaporeans do seem to be generalist. They aren't very specific and they do tend to oversimplify problems and prescribe typical solutions. I suppose this is what they mean by going with the flow thingy.
Most outside conversation pieces between business and working colleagues tend to focus on corporate politics and people or money. Read: target profits especially for salespeople. Sometimes among the women, they gripe about families or in-laws.
I have only revealed about my relationship break with my ex-roomie and all the attendant "home" going-ons to my study group, so they know nothing of my other problems.
In fact a member of the group suggested that I should move out if I was so concerned about my next roomie. Little does she know that I have moved 14 times and I do feel sick, tired and worn out.
I don't expect living conditions anywhere to be any better as evidenced by the same few repeating online advertisements appearing on the gay web site and quite frequently.
If I am looking for a beau, I am looking for a totally fresh outlook and perspective on life and the China Chinese do seem to offer me that.
Yes the West will still be at the top of the league when it comes to original thinking but there are of course still room for errors but frankly I am weary of the English-language speaking world and all its perceptual distortions, distorted mainly by the people here (whoever they may be).
Arh....and those Western ways..............................................
If my school has some part-time teaching jobs for me as I have requested, I will be better off. It has been 3 months and there is zilch news so far.
Two guys struck up a conversation and later a third joined in. From their conversation, I gathered that two were working in the defence team.
It was typical Singaporean accent and talk. As you know, I was already hot and bothered with the "Singaporean" (whoever this group now is - disparate as it is after so much miscegenation and naturalisation) mentality and this conversation piece typifies it to the hilt.
Singaporeans do seem to be generalist. They aren't very specific and they do tend to oversimplify problems and prescribe typical solutions. I suppose this is what they mean by going with the flow thingy.
Most outside conversation pieces between business and working colleagues tend to focus on corporate politics and people or money. Read: target profits especially for salespeople. Sometimes among the women, they gripe about families or in-laws.
I have only revealed about my relationship break with my ex-roomie and all the attendant "home" going-ons to my study group, so they know nothing of my other problems.
In fact a member of the group suggested that I should move out if I was so concerned about my next roomie. Little does she know that I have moved 14 times and I do feel sick, tired and worn out.
I don't expect living conditions anywhere to be any better as evidenced by the same few repeating online advertisements appearing on the gay web site and quite frequently.
If I am looking for a beau, I am looking for a totally fresh outlook and perspective on life and the China Chinese do seem to offer me that.
Yes the West will still be at the top of the league when it comes to original thinking but there are of course still room for errors but frankly I am weary of the English-language speaking world and all its perceptual distortions, distorted mainly by the people here (whoever they may be).
Arh....and those Western ways..............................................
If my school has some part-time teaching jobs for me as I have requested, I will be better off. It has been 3 months and there is zilch news so far.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
"Watchmen" - A Movie That Approximates True Psychology SomeWhat (Updated)
Watchmen - A Movie That Approximates True Psychology SomeWhat?
The movie "Watchmen" is a good example of a study into psychology. And it poses a very important question ....."exactly who is watching who.....that is...who watches over the watchmen?
A group of anti-superheroes really, who themselves have a few skeletons hidden in their own closet.
First the Rorschacd Test (better known as the Inkblot Test) is symbolically shown to be scattered all over the streets in one scene and when Walter Kovac, the man behind the Rorschacd mask, was caught and quizzed, the scene showed how the test could be faked if you knew how.
Rorschacd's childhood was marred by his streetwalker Mom who prostitutes herself in full view of her son and all those men who visit her. He was bullied and called names untill one fine day he retaliated and bashed up his torturers real bad.
Then there were other psychological types like the comedian. A psychotic Vietcong war veteran (a good instance of PTSD or shell-shocked syndrome?) masking his true identity who was killed in the end with a smiley badge on him. He wasn't far off from the character Joker in "The Dark Knight".
Silk Spectre was born out of a moment of indiscretion between her mother and the Comedian and even Nite Owl is not spared. He has a history of viewing child pornography .
Finally, Ozymandias, the world's smartest and richest person, but a true loner who despite his wealth hates the economy. And yes folks, the destruction of humanity which resulted in Rorschacd's death in the end, was planned by him.
All in all, the movie is nothing new, in the likes of genres like "The Dark Knight" or "The Fantastic Four". Just like "Push", the other movie about a school for gifted psychics. Mostly a rehash of past similar movies.
However "Watchmen" came at a good time just when I am doing my foundational psychology program. And boy is it heavy stuff and heavy reading, just to satisfy my interest and learn more new knowledge.
Perhaps this movie deserves the Golden Psi, for once in the lifetime of this award, which is an accolade handed out to media producers (both television and the cinemas) that seek to portray psychology realistically and truly.
Shyness - In The Gay Context
It isn't shyness at all if gays avoid girls or guys.
For one, some gays like myself, wouldn't wanna give girls the wrong idea about where the relationship is heading. So if they can get the drift and the gays have made it very clear right from the beginning, I suppose they can go into a relationship.
Secondly, for the guys, if he is "straight" (I am assuming many things here like for one, that true straights do exist and if there isn't even a remotest, teeny weeny bit of bisexualism/gayism unless of course it is repression and denial), it is strictly a no-go.
Even for gays or bisexuals, it is also selective. You may not want to be friends with all and sundry too, right? You pick your friends and finally your life partner, guided by your own personal preferences and likes. Age, appearance, built, ethnic group (which engenders cultural issues), intellectual level and so on.
Of course there will always be the few excepions.
This makes it look like a shopping list, doesn't it? But the fact is, writing down a list like this doesn't half say what you will eventually bag. When you see the person, you will know if he is meant for you or not.
Mr Right? Or Was He Mr Faker?
I hate my ex-roomie for lying and denying and whose real intentions I cannot read. Was he making me a subject of his final year consulting project? An issue of multi-cultural diversity? And was Chris in on it? Maybe writing his thesis? Useless as that may sound, given the discrepancy between his credentials and the way he expresses himself.
Was he trying to get to me to hook on to other gays? Are the other flatmates living here involved (maybe Rafi or that other Malaysian PR or Henry), now that it is known that Ben owns another apartment just not too far away from here.
I also cannot live with the fact that he lived apart from me for three nights. Who exactly is he spending his other time with? Is he into monogamity? I can be "open" if he tells me. Because I can be just as un-monogamous if he wants it that way.
If it was his hometown beau, I don't think it will last very long. After all he has been here all his life and culturally they are different though they speak the same language. Perhaps it is time the EduTrust looks into if a pre-teen or someone as young as 21 can pursue a MBA (a fake one at that) without the need for any prior working experience. But was he a faker too?
Were they cahooters collaborating to sign up other students for the course while providing some sex sleaze on the side for these students? Again, an issue of money buys everything, including a private education? Is public education spared?
Maybe money can get them through the door but I hope private or public educators have a better sense of justice in that once in, everything else hinges on performance and diligence.
If this faker is having fun (as evidenced by all his late nights up chatting on the computer and surfing and not paying attention to his work at all), he deserves to fail and repeat.
If it is other gays (or girls) he is slutting around with, it will just as soon dissipate. Coming from this circle, I know, because I can gauge where he is coming from.
If it was Chris, I wonder what taste he has.
I wasn't maligning him because he was wearing a red sweater in school and when he stayed here, he didn't have a red sweater. That either means he borrowed that red sweater (for two consecutive days?) or he left some belongings back where he came from. He wasn't intending to stay very long.
Everything else I like about him.
Though I hate him to the core now because I am focussing on his negatives (his boasting about his prowess to attract both males and females), so I can forget about him completely and MOVE ON and obtain closure.
An Analogy
Just like you pick out what food to eat for the day OR WHAT YOU WILL NEVER EAT (for me, that means cockles and duck meat) or what clothes you will wear and WILL NOT be caught wearing with your pants down (high heels and skirts?).
For me, first and foremost, he must be Asian Chinese, preferably speaking the same languages like English, Mandarin and our local dialects. Then age, built and appearance. Finally personality, character and intellectual capacity which determines compatability.
Get the drift?
What Is Happening In Class Now?
I like her revision and her concept checks. That really helps to review what we learned and test our understanding. I find that I have to attend her lessons because she does explain concepts quite clearly with examples and elaborations in some instances.
However I think her field of study in child psychology and working with pre-schools does put her at a disadvantage teaching a major module like psychology. And her psychology observational experiences were mostly limited within that age-bracket too though she does teach adult students like us.
Unlike Chris or Karen where you find that you can be lost to the world in class (particularly in Karen's because of all my recent problems and stresses) but still catch up by reading books and the handouts.
I think I might have to stick to my original judgement that she does look a bit transgendered and a real good Bollywood actress and a heavily-accented talker at that too.
*Smiles*
More Fakers In Private Education
Which reminds me of that Indian woman when I attended the Montessori pre-school teaching course. She smirks too widely and too often. Just like Chris, at one point during his lecture. She was rattling on about her days in the "university".....You can detect that it was a fake, totally insincere and question is, which university?
And yeah, just like my Indian lecturer, whose blurb says nothing of which university she graduated from.
Worse, that pre-school "lecturer" had the nerve to come up to me and ask if I am pursuing any pre-school teaching on the sly! An accusatory tone too.
Fakers, actresses, et al.
Gender And Sexuality - Some Roles Defined
This book on psychology offers the best perspective ever on "Gender And Sexuality".
I agree wholeheartedly with most of the contents in this chapter except for one or two issues.
Frankly I have no issues with women doing men's jobs like in the army or as a plumber provided if women can also accept men in what is deemed traditional women's work such as nurses or child-care teachers.
The whole point that is missing here is simply this. Let us not have men or women in any society-defined masculine or feminine roles such as the presidency of a state just to make weight or to make it seem like it is now a more equal society.
Let us only have them if they are equal to the job and make a difference.
For instance, a man at the workforce may already have issues with a male leader exhibiting aggressive traits. What's more if it is a female! And a dominatrix at that! He would have expected more nurturing or reasoning qualities instead.
In fact nobody has any issue with anyone occupying any position as long as that person (male or female) contributes positively, make a difference and is correct in exerting his/her influence or authority for good. More importantly they say things that are correct, reasonable, logical and makes sense.
If it was a female version of Sim Mong Chai, I am sure I would have the same aversion to that kinda authority.
I personally have no hangups with myself. I only begin to feel so among "humanity".
Like in class now, this girl classmate of mine makes me feel like I am a girl simply because I told her that I won't accept expensive gifts from anyone unless I like or love that person. Gifts like a laptop or a mobile the way she was showered with by a Caucasian male.
It is a matter of principle, not gender roles.
I am like made to conform to her social expectations of how I should behave. In fact, that seems to be the case among female colleagues or friends. Yes even among my sisters. Birthday celebrations seem like an intricacy of who should initiate the celebration for who, who should buy what for who, who should attend the celebration and who should pay for what .
Usually there is much happiness after that.
It is so troublesome and political.
That is the whole point I am driving at.
People Don't Listen Anymore
It is like this Aunty at the coffeeshop. One suspects she is Malaysian. She doesn't listen. You order coffee and she tells you that it is only dine-in, no take-away. I wanted to dine in anyway and I know for a fact from previous encounters that they don't have take-aways.
Then on another occasion, I plonked my money down on the counter and kept pointing to her and telling her that the money is there. After that she still forget and ask you for the money.
Or my friend, that ex-colleague whom we both work for Sim Mong Chai.
The movie "Watchmen" is a good example of a study into psychology. And it poses a very important question ....."exactly who is watching who.....that is...who watches over the watchmen?
A group of anti-superheroes really, who themselves have a few skeletons hidden in their own closet.
First the Rorschacd Test (better known as the Inkblot Test) is symbolically shown to be scattered all over the streets in one scene and when Walter Kovac, the man behind the Rorschacd mask, was caught and quizzed, the scene showed how the test could be faked if you knew how.
Rorschacd's childhood was marred by his streetwalker Mom who prostitutes herself in full view of her son and all those men who visit her. He was bullied and called names untill one fine day he retaliated and bashed up his torturers real bad.
Then there were other psychological types like the comedian. A psychotic Vietcong war veteran (a good instance of PTSD or shell-shocked syndrome?) masking his true identity who was killed in the end with a smiley badge on him. He wasn't far off from the character Joker in "The Dark Knight".
Silk Spectre was born out of a moment of indiscretion between her mother and the Comedian and even Nite Owl is not spared. He has a history of viewing child pornography .
Finally, Ozymandias, the world's smartest and richest person, but a true loner who despite his wealth hates the economy. And yes folks, the destruction of humanity which resulted in Rorschacd's death in the end, was planned by him.
All in all, the movie is nothing new, in the likes of genres like "The Dark Knight" or "The Fantastic Four". Just like "Push", the other movie about a school for gifted psychics. Mostly a rehash of past similar movies.
However "Watchmen" came at a good time just when I am doing my foundational psychology program. And boy is it heavy stuff and heavy reading, just to satisfy my interest and learn more new knowledge.
Perhaps this movie deserves the Golden Psi, for once in the lifetime of this award, which is an accolade handed out to media producers (both television and the cinemas) that seek to portray psychology realistically and truly.
Shyness - In The Gay Context
It isn't shyness at all if gays avoid girls or guys.
For one, some gays like myself, wouldn't wanna give girls the wrong idea about where the relationship is heading. So if they can get the drift and the gays have made it very clear right from the beginning, I suppose they can go into a relationship.
Secondly, for the guys, if he is "straight" (I am assuming many things here like for one, that true straights do exist and if there isn't even a remotest, teeny weeny bit of bisexualism/gayism unless of course it is repression and denial), it is strictly a no-go.
Even for gays or bisexuals, it is also selective. You may not want to be friends with all and sundry too, right? You pick your friends and finally your life partner, guided by your own personal preferences and likes. Age, appearance, built, ethnic group (which engenders cultural issues), intellectual level and so on.
Of course there will always be the few excepions.
This makes it look like a shopping list, doesn't it? But the fact is, writing down a list like this doesn't half say what you will eventually bag. When you see the person, you will know if he is meant for you or not.
Mr Right? Or Was He Mr Faker?
I hate my ex-roomie for lying and denying and whose real intentions I cannot read. Was he making me a subject of his final year consulting project? An issue of multi-cultural diversity? And was Chris in on it? Maybe writing his thesis? Useless as that may sound, given the discrepancy between his credentials and the way he expresses himself.
Was he trying to get to me to hook on to other gays? Are the other flatmates living here involved (maybe Rafi or that other Malaysian PR or Henry), now that it is known that Ben owns another apartment just not too far away from here.
I also cannot live with the fact that he lived apart from me for three nights. Who exactly is he spending his other time with? Is he into monogamity? I can be "open" if he tells me. Because I can be just as un-monogamous if he wants it that way.
If it was his hometown beau, I don't think it will last very long. After all he has been here all his life and culturally they are different though they speak the same language. Perhaps it is time the EduTrust looks into if a pre-teen or someone as young as 21 can pursue a MBA (a fake one at that) without the need for any prior working experience. But was he a faker too?
Were they cahooters collaborating to sign up other students for the course while providing some sex sleaze on the side for these students? Again, an issue of money buys everything, including a private education? Is public education spared?
Maybe money can get them through the door but I hope private or public educators have a better sense of justice in that once in, everything else hinges on performance and diligence.
If this faker is having fun (as evidenced by all his late nights up chatting on the computer and surfing and not paying attention to his work at all), he deserves to fail and repeat.
If it is other gays (or girls) he is slutting around with, it will just as soon dissipate. Coming from this circle, I know, because I can gauge where he is coming from.
If it was Chris, I wonder what taste he has.
I wasn't maligning him because he was wearing a red sweater in school and when he stayed here, he didn't have a red sweater. That either means he borrowed that red sweater (for two consecutive days?) or he left some belongings back where he came from. He wasn't intending to stay very long.
Everything else I like about him.
Though I hate him to the core now because I am focussing on his negatives (his boasting about his prowess to attract both males and females), so I can forget about him completely and MOVE ON and obtain closure.
An Analogy
Just like you pick out what food to eat for the day OR WHAT YOU WILL NEVER EAT (for me, that means cockles and duck meat) or what clothes you will wear and WILL NOT be caught wearing with your pants down (high heels and skirts?).
For me, first and foremost, he must be Asian Chinese, preferably speaking the same languages like English, Mandarin and our local dialects. Then age, built and appearance. Finally personality, character and intellectual capacity which determines compatability.
Get the drift?
What Is Happening In Class Now?
I like her revision and her concept checks. That really helps to review what we learned and test our understanding. I find that I have to attend her lessons because she does explain concepts quite clearly with examples and elaborations in some instances.
However I think her field of study in child psychology and working with pre-schools does put her at a disadvantage teaching a major module like psychology. And her psychology observational experiences were mostly limited within that age-bracket too though she does teach adult students like us.
Unlike Chris or Karen where you find that you can be lost to the world in class (particularly in Karen's because of all my recent problems and stresses) but still catch up by reading books and the handouts.
I think I might have to stick to my original judgement that she does look a bit transgendered and a real good Bollywood actress and a heavily-accented talker at that too.
*Smiles*
More Fakers In Private Education
Which reminds me of that Indian woman when I attended the Montessori pre-school teaching course. She smirks too widely and too often. Just like Chris, at one point during his lecture. She was rattling on about her days in the "university".....You can detect that it was a fake, totally insincere and question is, which university?
And yeah, just like my Indian lecturer, whose blurb says nothing of which university she graduated from.
Worse, that pre-school "lecturer" had the nerve to come up to me and ask if I am pursuing any pre-school teaching on the sly! An accusatory tone too.
Fakers, actresses, et al.
Gender And Sexuality - Some Roles Defined
This book on psychology offers the best perspective ever on "Gender And Sexuality".
I agree wholeheartedly with most of the contents in this chapter except for one or two issues.
Frankly I have no issues with women doing men's jobs like in the army or as a plumber provided if women can also accept men in what is deemed traditional women's work such as nurses or child-care teachers.
The whole point that is missing here is simply this. Let us not have men or women in any society-defined masculine or feminine roles such as the presidency of a state just to make weight or to make it seem like it is now a more equal society.
Let us only have them if they are equal to the job and make a difference.
For instance, a man at the workforce may already have issues with a male leader exhibiting aggressive traits. What's more if it is a female! And a dominatrix at that! He would have expected more nurturing or reasoning qualities instead.
In fact nobody has any issue with anyone occupying any position as long as that person (male or female) contributes positively, make a difference and is correct in exerting his/her influence or authority for good. More importantly they say things that are correct, reasonable, logical and makes sense.
If it was a female version of Sim Mong Chai, I am sure I would have the same aversion to that kinda authority.
I personally have no hangups with myself. I only begin to feel so among "humanity".
Like in class now, this girl classmate of mine makes me feel like I am a girl simply because I told her that I won't accept expensive gifts from anyone unless I like or love that person. Gifts like a laptop or a mobile the way she was showered with by a Caucasian male.
It is a matter of principle, not gender roles.
I am like made to conform to her social expectations of how I should behave. In fact, that seems to be the case among female colleagues or friends. Yes even among my sisters. Birthday celebrations seem like an intricacy of who should initiate the celebration for who, who should buy what for who, who should attend the celebration and who should pay for what .
Usually there is much happiness after that.
It is so troublesome and political.
That is the whole point I am driving at.
People Don't Listen Anymore
It is like this Aunty at the coffeeshop. One suspects she is Malaysian. She doesn't listen. You order coffee and she tells you that it is only dine-in, no take-away. I wanted to dine in anyway and I know for a fact from previous encounters that they don't have take-aways.
Then on another occasion, I plonked my money down on the counter and kept pointing to her and telling her that the money is there. After that she still forget and ask you for the money.
Or my friend, that ex-colleague whom we both work for Sim Mong Chai.
Friday, March 06, 2009
More "I Love Psychology" (With More Modifications Of Course)
Like Any Book You Read Or Person You Meet, Read Or Listen With A Huge Dose Of Skepticism And Large Pinch Of Salt
This book on pyshcology must be the best buy I ever made and it also provided me with the best read ever.
It corroborates what I believe about corporal punishment among a myriad other issues. Environmental stresses with regard to city-living for one, like over-stimulation, the concept of defensible space, the defence mechanism of callousness to cope with strangers and the socio/psychopathic tendencies of bosses, politicians and entertainers.
I was right about the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. The psychology of partial reinforcement does go hand-in-glove with the casinos after all. It is all here in this book
However like any read or any person you meet, read it with a huge dose of scepticism and a larger than large pinch of salt. You cannot read a book like it is the biblical truth nor listen to someone like he is telling the truth.
There are always exceptions, variations, mutations and circumstantial circumstances.
Nobody can be scripted, pigeonholed or typecasted into any phase of any life-span development or gender role or any general role or image or psychological disorder or whatever. That would represent a misdiagnosis.
We display a spectrum of personalities and play many roles to survive and to get on in this world.
Latent Learning - Of Languages And Interpersonals
As part of the supporting evidence from this book about latent learning, I think thay my early childhood exposure to a variety of languages at home had led to a reservoir of multi-lingualism stored deep within me, waiting for the right time to be expressed.
From the Malay language coming from my paternal side of the family which include my father of course to the Teochew and Cantonese dialects from Mom and her circle of friends and neighbors.
Even though I only scrape through Mandarin especially at 'A' levels (and that was because it was mainly a written academic exercise), that latent learning nevertheless was there. Surprisingly I found myself building up a good repertoire of Chinese vocabulary inside me.
The times to express were when I conversed with Fatbloke's Indonesian Malay maid, with the older generation of aunties and uncles at the void decks and coffee-shops and especially when I encountered all those China Chinese nationals either working or studying here.
It must have been similar when I accumulated all those experiences while working and watching a variety of characters at work from women to men, pick up most of their traits (be like a woman when you deal with one) and internalise them over a period of time
And when the ripe time came, I was situational and that was when I unleashed myself.
This book on pyshcology must be the best buy I ever made and it also provided me with the best read ever.
It corroborates what I believe about corporal punishment among a myriad other issues. Environmental stresses with regard to city-living for one, like over-stimulation, the concept of defensible space, the defence mechanism of callousness to cope with strangers and the socio/psychopathic tendencies of bosses, politicians and entertainers.
I was right about the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. The psychology of partial reinforcement does go hand-in-glove with the casinos after all. It is all here in this book
However like any read or any person you meet, read it with a huge dose of scepticism and a larger than large pinch of salt. You cannot read a book like it is the biblical truth nor listen to someone like he is telling the truth.
There are always exceptions, variations, mutations and circumstantial circumstances.
Nobody can be scripted, pigeonholed or typecasted into any phase of any life-span development or gender role or any general role or image or psychological disorder or whatever. That would represent a misdiagnosis.
We display a spectrum of personalities and play many roles to survive and to get on in this world.
Latent Learning - Of Languages And Interpersonals
As part of the supporting evidence from this book about latent learning, I think thay my early childhood exposure to a variety of languages at home had led to a reservoir of multi-lingualism stored deep within me, waiting for the right time to be expressed.
From the Malay language coming from my paternal side of the family which include my father of course to the Teochew and Cantonese dialects from Mom and her circle of friends and neighbors.
Even though I only scrape through Mandarin especially at 'A' levels (and that was because it was mainly a written academic exercise), that latent learning nevertheless was there. Surprisingly I found myself building up a good repertoire of Chinese vocabulary inside me.
The times to express were when I conversed with Fatbloke's Indonesian Malay maid, with the older generation of aunties and uncles at the void decks and coffee-shops and especially when I encountered all those China Chinese nationals either working or studying here.
It must have been similar when I accumulated all those experiences while working and watching a variety of characters at work from women to men, pick up most of their traits (be like a woman when you deal with one) and internalise them over a period of time
And when the ripe time came, I was situational and that was when I unleashed myself.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
BirthDay Surprise And Other "Psychology Issues" (Updated)
Punishment Versus Reinforcement
Suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after my break-up and all those financial distresses (or could it be partly because of the withdrawal symptoms after I have quit smoking), I am still nursing the numbing and arousal after-effects.
Of course all those past bad memories that I have to confront in my class and meeting up with people from my past life just added up.
The arousal effect must have got me blowing my top at the bank teller. The last time they wanted a fee for a replacement card but now they wanted me to apply for a totally new card with annual fees to boot.
And of course as PTSD's numbing effect would have it, I am really weary/wary of starting any new relationship. Not just gay love relationships but friendships in general.
Sure, I have read about the after-effects of nicotine from Wikipedia but it doesn't put across the message as strongly as this book on psychology does.
Namely that of making you inactive, its action in blocking out the neurotransmitter from the receptor site so that your muscles become sluggish and slow to react, which was what I was feeling lately especially when I work out.
And that sexual arousal part. Enough damage done, I thought, it is about time I quit and I did. It has been about 5 whole days now.
Think - it takes an intellectual discourse to wake me up from quitting smoking. Not a no-smoking ban nor a composition fine nor a court attendance nor a CWO. Wouldn't that have been a more positive persuasion than all the negative punishment imposed?
Which was when I posed the question - were you more concerned with my health or were you after the money?
Corporal Punishment Is A No-No
I still opine that corporal punishment must never be the negative reinforcement imposed to elicit a positive good behavior.
I have witnessed two sons taking their old parents out for a meal at a foodmall. When the old woman reached out for her food on the table, one son slapped her on the wrist. Was this a retaliatory move for what the old woman did to him when he was younger?
What about my my elder brother? He was hammered like hell when he was young by Mom and Dad. So when Dad was bed-ridden and Bro bathed him, Bro inflicted the same kinda physical violence on Dad (as I heard from my two sisters).
I still think that any corporal punishment imposed on a young child will elicit a similar physical violent manifestation in that child's life sooner or later. He/She is either gonna inflict this on the punisher (usually the parents when they are old or disabled) or on some other persons like a sibling (like what Bro did to 2nd Sis and me) or a friend or a working colleague later on in life.
A BirthDay Surprise
With all the above that was taking place, I wasn't really thinking about my birthday. I know Zahara has asked me for my birthdate but I didn't remember telling Wai Leng about it at all.
During the lecture break today, I was totally surprised when the discussion group members beckoned to me. I walked over and there on a small table was a cake and a lighted candle. They sang the "happy birthday" song and I made a wish in my heart and blew out the candle.
My wish was really to get over my financial troubles, get a new beau, have a roof over my head and start on my new career in education (which is my true vocational interest).
I almost really wanted to hug Wai Leng at Zahara's urging because she had planned this surprise and Rafidah (affectionately known as FiFi) actually made out the birthday card.
I was touched and I hoped I didn't say anything stupid because I had requested to share the small slice of cake. I didn't mean to hint anything like the cake was too small for instance. It was just a stupid remark.
It has been a long time since I felt happy and this was it. When was I ever truly happy anyway throughout my life?
When I got home, I sent out a thank-you message to the whole group and I keyed in other members' contact as well other than the few I already had.
I will be seeing the group this Saturday for dinner and I think they are worth it! Here's to seeing you this weekend! And they are like my dear brothers and sisters.
Relook This 'PsychoPathology'
Bipolar Disorder or Manic-Depressive - This means a mood swing between happiness and sadness. When you are stressed or suffer some emotional or financial setback, it is natural you feel sad or depressed. It could be for days or weeks or months especially if the stressor doesn't go away.
To get away from the doldrums and to avoid people remarking how sad you look (and they will usually ask you to cheer up), we will try to perk ourselves up and smile or try to be happy.
Sometimes we smile despite all the troubles, sadness and depression we feel inside. This is just to put on a cheery face for the world and to try to ease ourselves out of a bad emotional state.
So is this really bipolar or manic-depression?
Repression And More Bad Memories
Try as hard as I did, I couldn't remember the name of this particular CPA firm. I think it has an "associates" to its name and it is in one of the two famous landmarks for similar kinda firms back then in Beach Road.
I must have repressed the bad memory so much that I can't recall its name today.
Yes, I forgot the son of the father partner of that CPA firm was also schooled in a university in Australia. All part of the rich brat pack and they hand-hold their kind to join them here.
Even at my school library, each computer runs on its own idiosyncracy. Only the librarian has privy to them. One wasn't connected to the printer and some couldn't read my Chinese text.
Sim Mong Chai doesn't seem to understand that I had trouble operating in different clients' operating environments.
And yes then there is Richard, the loud scolding screamer who limps. I am not sure if he is that same guy who later became a tutor and from all accounts I heard, was still a screamer, maybe even more. Both the East Malaysian guy and I were the salespeople for his company then.
Computer networking back then was a tangle of long connecting wires and installation diskettes for the software back and you will excuse me if I am not that deft with my hands and brains yet.
Oh did I mention that when I worked in the medical devices' business, the Association for the Visually Handicapped was a highly fractious and political entity. I could smell the discord and infighting when I visited them on-site and they were like trying to get free meals off medical companies like the one I worked for.
Sports Psychology
I would like to rebutt Chris on this.
He took it that sports psychology was to motivate sportspeople into peak performance.
Yes, the sports coach would be the one to engage in biomechanics like analysing the motor performance and improving on the motor skills. The physical training part.
But the sports counsellor would look into the psychological part - the motivation, the concentration, the destressing and so on.
It shows how much knowledge or new knowledge Chris has.
Searching For The Wrong Roots - Perhaps She Should Go West Not East
I like this article written about "searching for roots..." in which the journalist wanted to take a month sabbatical to study the Chinese language in a yet-to-be decided Chinese province.
She refers to immersing herself in Chinese culture which in this case meant a little bit of wushu and maybe calligraphy or conversing with the locals.
Chinese culture is fast disappearing. The traditional way of life, the traditional attire, the customs, the kinda houses, etc. Sadly, it is adopting Western ways, in particular the American way. From fashion to the English language to the lifestyle (think clubs and pubs for one) to the economy to the monied ethics.
All that probably remains is the language and some of its food and festivities.
But I still wanna think that as most folks have still got that communal and countryside spirit in them, that the Chinese are friendlier, more helpful, kinder and more profound in their interpersonal relations. And I wanna get into the Chinese psyche, how they see the world, how they feel and how they think and if they have a different perspective .
I like to think that they are more intelligent, have a deeper grasp of issues and better at interpersonal relations and resolution of conflicts
One particular reason the journalist cited for learning the Chinese language was that she missed out on such a viable economic tool. It was a shallow piece to begin with that didn't really provide any new or profound insights.
I think I about had it with the Singaporean mentality!
Psychology And The IRs
At the bookstore, I was browsing for some books on the topic of psychology. There were plenty and I had to compare one with the other.
I chanced upon one written by the University of Nevada, Las Vegas which incidentally has a presence here.
It seems that psychology goes hand in hand with our upcoming IRs which was really what this university satellite campus here was gearing its students up for.
Suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after my break-up and all those financial distresses (or could it be partly because of the withdrawal symptoms after I have quit smoking), I am still nursing the numbing and arousal after-effects.
Of course all those past bad memories that I have to confront in my class and meeting up with people from my past life just added up.
The arousal effect must have got me blowing my top at the bank teller. The last time they wanted a fee for a replacement card but now they wanted me to apply for a totally new card with annual fees to boot.
And of course as PTSD's numbing effect would have it, I am really weary/wary of starting any new relationship. Not just gay love relationships but friendships in general.
Sure, I have read about the after-effects of nicotine from Wikipedia but it doesn't put across the message as strongly as this book on psychology does.
Namely that of making you inactive, its action in blocking out the neurotransmitter from the receptor site so that your muscles become sluggish and slow to react, which was what I was feeling lately especially when I work out.
And that sexual arousal part. Enough damage done, I thought, it is about time I quit and I did. It has been about 5 whole days now.
Think - it takes an intellectual discourse to wake me up from quitting smoking. Not a no-smoking ban nor a composition fine nor a court attendance nor a CWO. Wouldn't that have been a more positive persuasion than all the negative punishment imposed?
Which was when I posed the question - were you more concerned with my health or were you after the money?
Corporal Punishment Is A No-No
I still opine that corporal punishment must never be the negative reinforcement imposed to elicit a positive good behavior.
I have witnessed two sons taking their old parents out for a meal at a foodmall. When the old woman reached out for her food on the table, one son slapped her on the wrist. Was this a retaliatory move for what the old woman did to him when he was younger?
What about my my elder brother? He was hammered like hell when he was young by Mom and Dad. So when Dad was bed-ridden and Bro bathed him, Bro inflicted the same kinda physical violence on Dad (as I heard from my two sisters).
I still think that any corporal punishment imposed on a young child will elicit a similar physical violent manifestation in that child's life sooner or later. He/She is either gonna inflict this on the punisher (usually the parents when they are old or disabled) or on some other persons like a sibling (like what Bro did to 2nd Sis and me) or a friend or a working colleague later on in life.
A BirthDay Surprise
With all the above that was taking place, I wasn't really thinking about my birthday. I know Zahara has asked me for my birthdate but I didn't remember telling Wai Leng about it at all.
During the lecture break today, I was totally surprised when the discussion group members beckoned to me. I walked over and there on a small table was a cake and a lighted candle. They sang the "happy birthday" song and I made a wish in my heart and blew out the candle.
My wish was really to get over my financial troubles, get a new beau, have a roof over my head and start on my new career in education (which is my true vocational interest).
I almost really wanted to hug Wai Leng at Zahara's urging because she had planned this surprise and Rafidah (affectionately known as FiFi) actually made out the birthday card.
I was touched and I hoped I didn't say anything stupid because I had requested to share the small slice of cake. I didn't mean to hint anything like the cake was too small for instance. It was just a stupid remark.
It has been a long time since I felt happy and this was it. When was I ever truly happy anyway throughout my life?
When I got home, I sent out a thank-you message to the whole group and I keyed in other members' contact as well other than the few I already had.
I will be seeing the group this Saturday for dinner and I think they are worth it! Here's to seeing you this weekend! And they are like my dear brothers and sisters.
Relook This 'PsychoPathology'
Bipolar Disorder or Manic-Depressive - This means a mood swing between happiness and sadness. When you are stressed or suffer some emotional or financial setback, it is natural you feel sad or depressed. It could be for days or weeks or months especially if the stressor doesn't go away.
To get away from the doldrums and to avoid people remarking how sad you look (and they will usually ask you to cheer up), we will try to perk ourselves up and smile or try to be happy.
Sometimes we smile despite all the troubles, sadness and depression we feel inside. This is just to put on a cheery face for the world and to try to ease ourselves out of a bad emotional state.
So is this really bipolar or manic-depression?
Repression And More Bad Memories
Try as hard as I did, I couldn't remember the name of this particular CPA firm. I think it has an "associates" to its name and it is in one of the two famous landmarks for similar kinda firms back then in Beach Road.
I must have repressed the bad memory so much that I can't recall its name today.
Yes, I forgot the son of the father partner of that CPA firm was also schooled in a university in Australia. All part of the rich brat pack and they hand-hold their kind to join them here.
Even at my school library, each computer runs on its own idiosyncracy. Only the librarian has privy to them. One wasn't connected to the printer and some couldn't read my Chinese text.
Sim Mong Chai doesn't seem to understand that I had trouble operating in different clients' operating environments.
And yes then there is Richard, the loud scolding screamer who limps. I am not sure if he is that same guy who later became a tutor and from all accounts I heard, was still a screamer, maybe even more. Both the East Malaysian guy and I were the salespeople for his company then.
Computer networking back then was a tangle of long connecting wires and installation diskettes for the software back and you will excuse me if I am not that deft with my hands and brains yet.
Oh did I mention that when I worked in the medical devices' business, the Association for the Visually Handicapped was a highly fractious and political entity. I could smell the discord and infighting when I visited them on-site and they were like trying to get free meals off medical companies like the one I worked for.
Sports Psychology
I would like to rebutt Chris on this.
He took it that sports psychology was to motivate sportspeople into peak performance.
Yes, the sports coach would be the one to engage in biomechanics like analysing the motor performance and improving on the motor skills. The physical training part.
But the sports counsellor would look into the psychological part - the motivation, the concentration, the destressing and so on.
It shows how much knowledge or new knowledge Chris has.
Searching For The Wrong Roots - Perhaps She Should Go West Not East
I like this article written about "searching for roots..." in which the journalist wanted to take a month sabbatical to study the Chinese language in a yet-to-be decided Chinese province.
She refers to immersing herself in Chinese culture which in this case meant a little bit of wushu and maybe calligraphy or conversing with the locals.
Chinese culture is fast disappearing. The traditional way of life, the traditional attire, the customs, the kinda houses, etc. Sadly, it is adopting Western ways, in particular the American way. From fashion to the English language to the lifestyle (think clubs and pubs for one) to the economy to the monied ethics.
All that probably remains is the language and some of its food and festivities.
But I still wanna think that as most folks have still got that communal and countryside spirit in them, that the Chinese are friendlier, more helpful, kinder and more profound in their interpersonal relations. And I wanna get into the Chinese psyche, how they see the world, how they feel and how they think and if they have a different perspective .
I like to think that they are more intelligent, have a deeper grasp of issues and better at interpersonal relations and resolution of conflicts
One particular reason the journalist cited for learning the Chinese language was that she missed out on such a viable economic tool. It was a shallow piece to begin with that didn't really provide any new or profound insights.
I think I about had it with the Singaporean mentality!
Psychology And The IRs
At the bookstore, I was browsing for some books on the topic of psychology. There were plenty and I had to compare one with the other.
I chanced upon one written by the University of Nevada, Las Vegas which incidentally has a presence here.
It seems that psychology goes hand in hand with our upcoming IRs which was really what this university satellite campus here was gearing its students up for.
More Intrigue - Henry And The Construction Industry
I realised one older female classmate works for the construction industry. She has a hubby working in the defence team.
As you can remember, a senior management staff from that industry has ever attended to me with regard to starting a private school at their premise. I have rejected this after evaluating the appropriateness of the site and the kinda people I will be working with.
In fact he looks a lot like Henry who leases a room from Ben here at this place whom I never liked one bit.
I am not sure if there is a link here
The Politics Of Madness
I can relate what I read in the book on psychology. Childhood masturbation and homsexuality were deemed to be psychopathologies in the past. These were actually not psychopathologies just socially unacceptable behaviors of that time.
And in the name of politics, anarchy once was also a psychopathology. It is like give someone a bad name (like call hm a Marxist) and hang him.
Get This Into Your Thick Head! A SoulMate Is A Personal Choice
First I got a harassing call from a foreign Indian. Then a Malay called and scolded vulgarities. After that I called him to sock it to him.
At the gym, I can see the few Indian managers conversing with their kind and a Malay dude. And I keep bumping into this Malay dude at the loo. They even send that PT to talk to me about taking up heir PT program. That I know!
Mere coincidence? Someone out there is sending them to me. Just who I cannot be sure.
I know it and I can feel it. I am NOT the least bit interested in any of them and I am pretty sure they are instigating some of the China Chinese working here.
That ethnic and mixed gender class group of mine is just gonna be friends.
I am prepared for the worst case scenario in the event of any further spiral in the financial crisis and if anybody thinks s/he is gonna inherit anything, s/he is seriously wrong and demented. I will leave nothing.
*Period*
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Fire, Re-Hire And Repatriate (Updated)
Transference (In Psycho-Linguistic Terms)
First let me define what psycho-linguistics means to me here which is the language of psychology and not the other way around.
First let me define what psycho-linguistics means to me here which is the language of psychology and not the other way around.
And The Transference Goes On And On And On.........
Wednesday morning marks the first time in a very long while that I lost my cool and gave back to society as a transference all those bullying people I met throughout my life, from home to school to work.
If you wanna exclude that incident where I blew up in front of that towel girl at the gym.
In fact, like the security guards manning the commercial buildings (again a highly unproductive workforce producing nothing), the towel girls at the gym would have fared better if they kept their big mouths shut and not nit-pick on the return of the towels. Especially since they know that it was a ridiculous policy anyway.
First the sharing of towels between the two genders (which is one and the same towel but to be returned at different counters and just simply leaving a towel bin 24/7 near the showers unmanned for the convenience of members to dispose their soiled towels) and second the different operation hours throughout the day and on different days as well as the various branches.
Like the last time, my bank ATM card was almost split in two and I asked for a new replacement. The counter staff said that kinda card was no longer in service, I would have to apply for a new card and pay annual fees.
What riduculity! That was when I socked it to him!
Fire And Re-Hire On A Clean Slate, Maybe Even Repatriate?
I don't mean to be mean or rude.
I think it is high time that the unproductive sectors of our public service and in some private quarters be relooked into and assessed.
Some areas like defence, the education service, the commercial building security business, the SWAT team, parts of the home team, the 2000 environmental officers I heard that are being needlessly employed (on top of the army of cleaners) for example.
Lots of baggages, deadweight, deadwood, deadbrains, bad role models, senseless and wrong applications of authority and rules, arrogance, bullying and transference upon innocent victims. Worse if they are foreigners.
Maybe we can automate even more processes - like the towels for one. And define roles more clearly for each and every sector so that they do not stray into jurisdiction outside of their control or overstep their authority.
Let these arrogant, needless nit-pickers have a taste of what it is like to be sacked and left to fend for themselves without employment for long periods.
Perhaps they will then rethink what their attitude was like and think again before they open their big mouths. Or to even parole areas not under their purview.
The Fawning Community
There was another CPA firm near Beach Road where I had worked and have completely forgotten its name. This must be the most traumatic experience I had with the boss and the Malaysian female colleagues I worked with.
She wasn't qualified but ingratiated herself to the boss a lot and complained about a countless things about me to him. I am sure she did that to many others to protect her position in the company. That is how she could work so long in the company.
It is like at the gym where I notice many of the management staff are Indians. They posture and stand around at the gym with arms folded like they are big bosses. Friends with that fair Arab Indian who harassed me (I can link here because whenever I work out, they are always around me) . I fucked off another PT at another branch who tried selling me their PT program despite having told him off once.
I am sure in part they got promoted was because they fawn on the Caucasian bosses a lot, in additi0n to some PR skills.
Once more with hate, I only dig Asian Chinese guys with few exceptions. And even then certain kind of Asian Chinese guys. I dig younger twinks and muscled dudes. Again with a few others in between. Like my ex-roomie.
Yes the last day of Karen's class, besides the night of the Oscars with all those speeches made, there was that endless photograph-taking with so many cameras. I thought it was just one too many.
That reminds me of the madhouse CPA firm Tan Wee Tin was turned into. Even the big boss himself is aware. He has mentioned to me, look at all the people here. They were talking loudly, complaining, and engaging in all kinds of theatrics.
To win sympathy, to politick and gain advantages.
Again who are these people? PRs? Naturalised Citizens?
These Are The Facts.......
I am not trying to go on a witch hunt.
But the fact is that the first wave of new immigrant workers to arrive here are the Malaysian Chinese because of the kinda racial politics practised back in their home country.
Given that, they rather slog it out here, especially the first wave of them. Maybe the next generation has adapted fairly well.
They used to dominate employment in the food and beverage (especially the coffee-shops), retail, technical, construction, food produce sectors and now education, clerical, financial sectors. We know how their attitudes manifest themselves here.
The kinda ethics. Once they occupy positions of authority or power, we all suffer even more.
After all they are here to make money. They heck care two hoots about Singapore. Even if processes and policies are wrong. And that is to the detriment of people like us. We suffer. Huge social cost.
Then they bad-mouth us and instigate the rest of the other new immigrants from other countries.
Can't you see it for yourself?
Let us check who these people really are....Daryl Chan, the eunuch, Wicked StepMother, Sim Mong Chai, Richard....and the rest......
HotMail Co-Inventor Sabeer Bhatia Is A Good Example
I would have been placated if they started new industries for us.
Fact is they were going into traditional industries like food and beverage and then employing their own kind.
An immigrant Indian co-invented Hotmail for the United States. That spawned a multi-billion industry employing their locals and certainly foreigners I am sure. And that invention got exported to the world.
This then is the true meaning of creation and invention.
However that is only the first part of the story. The second part is that after Hotmail got sold to Microsoft for US$400 million in 1997, Sabeer has since returned to India to build a replica of Silicon Valley named Nanocity back home.
Good part is with an indigenous corporation like Microsoft who bought into Hotmail, the invention and the wealth it created is still being sustained for the long term in the USA.
So you see, with the wealth he made, he is going back home to build his home country's economy. Wouldn't that be the same for most immigrant workers who come here too eventually? What will that mean for us in the long term? Wouldn't it be better if our very own are the fuellers and the inventors instead since they are anchored here?
In population terms, our best bet will be on India and China, not Malaysia, in fuelling the invention of new industries for us.
Create and sustain for perpetuity, not take away from us.
Where Is The Education In Edutainment If It Is Just All Entertainment?
Chris is really missing the point.
Kumar and Gurmit Singh are in the entertainment industry.
I can see the entertainment in Chris' classes but where is the education? A lot of it was misssing.
Education can be entertaining - thus edutainment. But not when it becomes purely entertainment.
Join the ranks of Kumar or Gurmit, Chris, and be a drag queen! Or Daryl Chan the eunuch..who is also a pure entertainer in education. I really wasn't objecting to the comical antics or the jokes or the funny lines but just those issues they brought up which were untrue.
I can't imagine Daryl or Chris as leaders fronting the gay community. With all the nonsensities they were mouthing, people would have that kinda impression of us and think lesser of us.
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