This Is Indeed The End Of Mankind - The Kingdom Of Evildom

I am really angry at meself for allowing meself to be compromised like this for a two whole months, lying right next to bed bugs. I should have heeded the few I spotted already and thrown the darn thing away. This shows how inhuman Mr Psycho is. I am going to move, that is for sure.

Like with all the employers I had. For example Mr He-Ape and his family members. You can smell evil whenever you come across it. It was an economic imperative over human rights and human conditions. And I spotted a rat at the men's club too.

Religion to this family isn't about praying for goodwill, peace and humanity. It is more likely to be praying for riches. That is what religion has been reduced to in most cases anyway. Isn't a visit to a temple or church about asking for divine help in businesses or striking the lottery?

I am seriously thinking that I cannot have someone who had a traumatic childhood, indigent and so on. I need someone who has had a good and loving family environment. I am not sure what lurks or is left behind in kids who were abused in one way or another. Mr Psycho is obviously one example. Resident Evil. I will not be anywhere near him.

I keep bumping into evil. All these people are shitasses. Gay men who marry. Gay men who don't. Women, single or married. The whole fucking lot. This will be what "civilisation" has wrought upon us.

I did not exactly had a good family life either. Watching violence at home with mom, bro and my mute sister. I wetted the bed which shows how insecure I was. You must understand why I have to leave home and cut off all ties and to start my own life with someone else. This is important to me. Listening to all the bad advice, gripes and ill intentions on all quarters.

Now if sister cannot see it for herself, I wonder who can. My first brother-in-law was obviously gay. I just know it . He just had to marry to conform to his family's wishes and to have a wife to look after the farm in Malaysia. The marriage was never consummated. So sis became sorta of a maid-servant.

Speaking of maids, I see plenty here around the estate. They congregate to commiserate. I personally acknowledge one of them and whenever I ask how she is, I can tell from her expression that all isn't well.

I will have nothing to do with any immigrant, especially Chinese National women. Nor those Chinese National tenants I have had. Kids from rich families whose fathers want them to live independently and some are just forced here to fend for themselves. Whip, whack and smack all their lives - the Chinese way of disciplining (for really bad cases, maybe it might work once in a while but seriously mild cases can be dealt with in a better way). Girls who are here for other reasons. China men with the "traditional" thinking.

I have enough problems of my own and I just wanna lead a stable and loving life my way with my loved ones. That is all. Period.

A little about the upcoming GE. My Gosh! It is a walkover at my constituency! That means I don't get to vote.....again! And wait did MM Lee say the opposition were street fighters, hooligans, etc, etc and to be treated thus. Now I thought he was a bit of a thug too, according to the old colonial masters.

And wait, was the panel discussion members rude to him? I did not watch the telecast. But how about JBJ or the pilot who were quizzed and pounced on by so many of his gang . Is that fair or just plain bullying? So many against one? Remember the baptism of fire? Or the round table firing where the few pilots face an overwhelming majority?

And you wanna call this home when groups of us are oppressed. Gays for example. How different are we from anyone? When you prick us, do we not bleed? When you hurt us, do we not cry? (Merchant of venice)

Just like Mr Psycho. He is such a sissy fart, can't handle things and asks for reinforcement from friends and family. If he wants to turn around and say I did the same with this China boy tenant, I had to call in my sis and bro because he was hitting himself on the head. And he is highly suspect too coming from the same commercial school of a previous China boy tenant (remember M/s Wicked Stepmother and Daryl Chan).

And wait people are not animals or things to be "handled". They are individuals with feelings, thoughts and so on who may let you "handle" them for a while but if they know they have been had, I don't think this will go on. Remember he will temporarily let you "handle" him but he will strike back the moment he can. So much for "handling".

It is what you do. Treating fairly and justly that will win their trust and confidence. They will know sooner than later what your intentions are - good or bad. All dynasties come to an end. Please remember that too.

And I did mention about the mirroring technique when handling particularly bad or mild "disciplinary" problems among students. Like now at the LAN shop, I turn on the volume loud most of the time, so students get a taste of their own bitter medicine, to the point some had requested me to tone down.

So please, educators, don't stand there, helpless, sobbing or whatever, fighting a person hardly out of his/her teens? Copy what they do so they can see what they are doing right or wrong. I like aping M/s Black Widow in particular, the way she examines her fingernails close-up and so on.

And please don't always pick on the boys. The girls are equally guilty. It does seem that teachers think all perpetrators of "crimes" are boys.

I Bite - Steer Clear

This is the last straw. Meowy shitted on me mattress. This wasn't it. It was then while cleaning out the old fucking mattress that I discovered that it was shitass anyway and at all corners of the mattress were actually hidden the bed bugs, black and white ones, and so many. I immediately took it out to the verandah, intending to sun it but it rained and so it shall remain hung there. PUI! (100x). Well yeah, I socked it to Mr Psycho about this.

I have itched particularly bad the last couple of days and I have no intention of ruining my smooth bod. As it is, I am scratching myself mad, leaving all these red warts on my arms.

Look I am not exactly in a very good mood. I bite. So don't get me irritated. I have already mentioned this loveless life and now this. And the whole fucking bunch of gays I meet at places I lease (I already hate women so what do you expect if I meet women men again)

This reminds me of my sister who had the same problem before with her bed mattress. I can't help wondering if she had then brought this over for my use when I wanted to lease my room. And I do remember thinking how stupid she must have been, putting up with all she had with my second brother-ln-law, first in a rented room and then in a 3 roomer. All the thanks she got was his philandering ways and I distinctly remember accompanying her to the doctor one day where she was diagnosed with genital herpes (now who else could have transmitted this to her?).

Women, I am so sorry, you have yourselves to blame. First seducing others and then having yours seduced in the same way. I just have to speak with a few and men (more women men - wimps) to know who are the evil ones with evil thoughts and intentions. Just like Mr Pyshco. That tenant couple, who is his friend, came in, create a din, mess up the washroom and just yesterday, moved out. This is his way to spite me.

The same can be said of gays too. The slutty whore types who yearn for a fuck (now what is this enjoyment unless it is for your ONE AND ONLY?). In case you wonder if anything ever happened to me in the men's club, all I can say is I had only two thingies happening to me. That was all. I don't think I had such magnetic sexual attractive powers ok?

And I can't really forgive this prodigal sister of mine (don't always think of prodigal sons, people, that is stereotyping) and my mom for advising me to wash off my pimples with rice grains and water. This must be an utter misplacement of my trust in family.

Mr Psycho potters around the "garden" and digs a trench which is filled with water during this very wet monsoon season and this cesspool attracts mosquitoes.

Remember what I said about discovering things for yourself and not allowing anyone to color or influence you in anyway. Well, it was the same thing with the canoe excursion I had too. I mean with my knees bent and legs outstretched, I wasn't exactly comfortable. This, together with my carrying of the canoe, must have aggravated my lower back because I had this really bad pain over the next few days. When I crossed my legs, ah, that was really comfy.

As for the mountain bike, not only was that shop offering theirs at a ridiculously exorbitant price, the retailer wasn't exactly helpful or friendly. Definitely not buying from this shop. I will take my money where I can be assured of better support.

Even in the education system, sadists abound. Just speak with a couple of students and they will relate stories of evil deeds pepetrated by teachers. Like the pinching nipples one. (suppose we reverse this and allow male teachers to do the same with female students - how's that?).

Or those teachers who wanna "build character". I suggest we build theirs first, imbibed them with more concern, compassion and care for their really needy charges. Of course the "bad apples" can be dealt with in the usual way but are they really bad apples (as in vindictive) or just plain mischievous, fun-loving and so on at this age? Can we differentiate the two?

Speaking with educators, mostly women and some men ( the women men really), I realise this since Day 1.It is really the teachers who are vindictive who wanna hit back for one reason or another, perhaps this stemming from their own unhappiness with the management, unable to cope with their daily living as with kids, etc (all the way to the top).

They do seem sadistic, standing by and allowing the students to suffer for no real good reason. I think people remember one kind act better than they do a hundred punitive punishment.

And do not second guess what I am thinking or feeling. Hear it from the horse's mouth instead, ok.

The Last Mohican

I thought Meowy had been thoroughly toilet-trained to shit and pee on the newsheet but there were occasions he (she - well the vet says it is most likely a "she" but I am hoping it is a "he" as male cats don't caterwaul on heat) forgot. So the bed-spread had to be washed in the machine tub.

I admit to being really depressed on Monday morning after a night out at the men's club. I have been there several times already and I have yet to start up a decent anything with anyone.

It was too much a flesh thingy with little consideration for striking up a relationship. There were too many patrons and it was all pure physical attraction, sex and getting off. I will still visit but this time I will sit at the cafe, fully clothed, and chat with whoever is keen.

So Monday and even on Tuesday morning (though I did run part of the way), I went out for a walk instead of running at the reserve (I was also listening to my body as it must have been worked to death the past couple of days).

I was rewarded with hunks, no less. A whole big group who must have finished their dragon boat stuff, and appeared from nowhere. I must say I couldn't ogle as much, hung over as it is from Sunday night (by the way it wasn't even past eleven). A few I recognised as having seen them at Kallang.

A running couple ran the 4.8km course and I suspect they were living together because no guy would pass another his cell phone, his tee and ride in the same car driven by one. They made a sexy and hunky match. I spotted another couple studying at a fast-food joint and they shared drinks. It was a lovely sight to behold and envy. It made me sad too. Why can't I have the same good fortune as they do?

I can't really tackle couples or groups. I am not sure if they are together or just friends. If it was one lone ranger, I could. Then again I won't be sure of his orientation. In a group or duplet coupling, I could probably guess this straight away. I may not have sufficient courage, social skills, lame excuses and so on just to try and get a contact number.

While at the reserve, it was spent in quiet moments of thinking and dreaming. It is times like this that I wished I was with "him", holding hands, smooching, sharing a part or the whole of myself with him (communicatively or bodily) or in unison in sweaty exercise. Sex can come naturally if it has to.

I visited a shop to ask for the price of a mountain bike. It costs a couple of thousands!! WHOA! Don't think I wanna burn a hole in the pocket like that! I am dying to try out the sport as I have spotted groups of cyclists in my vicinity on a Sunday morning (through pure accident as I had to get free newsheet for Meowy) and I know of a few trails I would like to try out.

I am going to plan for rock-climbing, swimming, canoeing, hiking, camping, roller-blading, basketballing and bicycling in the weeks to come. And throw in a spot of clubbing to check out the scene , not regular for sure.

In fact tomorrow, I am gonna try out this breast-stroke and blading, if weather permit. Yes, I am gonna check out the ACS dudes again and see if they will relent this time. *Smiles. And yes the men's club. I am gonna try a different tack. *Smiles. Though I did sit out at the sarabat stall, downing cups of teh tarik and iced milo for a few hours, hoping to catch a few dudes but nobody took the cue. Instead all marched blindly to the club beat inside but not seeing outside. (Oh yes, the new tenants actually played music in their room quite similar to the club's music).

Not that I would have really wanted to join the club. After the new tenant moved in, I dread being in the room next to theirs, listening to them and coming home seeing them sitting on the couch watching television. PUI! If it were my house, I would do the same with my bf. So the club is a convenient hang-out till late when they are asleep (though this doesnt happen all the time).

I think I am really a very mono-gamous dude after all. At most three but no orgies for me. The men's club has clearly proven this. And I was never that attractive dude in school or in my youth. I was that fat, pimple-scarred, ugly toad who no-one ever noticed. I was never confident of my looks, my bod, myself or my all. I was shy and introverted. But I did dream of love, romance and settling down with a life partner. Someone who would be there for me and not when it is convenient.

I mentioned this to someone. I said do not let anyone tell you about things and have you thinking it is always like this. You should be the one who should still go out and find out for yourself. Only you can be the judge of what is and what isn't.

I am gonna make my love life happen now. If I can't I will die as the LAST MOHICAN defending what I know is best and satisfying for me. And if I can't teach (and I mean teach boys), then to the grave I take with me the GREATEST PASSION OF MY LIFE. So be it!

Hunks Galore

Meowy is coming along just fine. It is eating very well, feeding itself on a diet of dry food. Its right eye remains closed though. I still remember that fateful afternoon I took it in. It was sneezing its wheezing lungs out. All those green gluey stuff splattered on me white polo tee. And I had to be on hand to feed it its medicament, which for one was four times daily . Its wakeful hours are naughty playtime.

I still remember that rainy day the canoe dudes were down for their school training. The SJI dudes were the first to arrive, followed by two HCI dudes. They were rain-dancing, obviously loving being drenched in the downpour. It was this kinda spirit and exuberance which mark out youthfulness, determination and unafraidness despite anything.

Though the ACS dude may have shatter my heart a bit, I still remain optimistic. He may have ignored me, laughed in my face or put me down, BUT I WILL NEVER GIVE UP. I WILL REMAIN GAY. It is your loss dude if you do not have me by your side to support you in every way I can.

Another day at the reserve and all those canoe dudes again. After all that I have been through, I hung my head down and averted my eyes , shying away from all those terrific looking dudes with their muscled torsos and limbs. I was too ashamed to be always looking and staring at them like that. But I promise I will be back, only to stare and look longer and harder. *Smiles.

OO. The gym is presenting me with new opportunities. I see new faces, muscled young ones too. One even came with his mom ( it seems).

I Am So Drained - Emotionally And Physically

Meowy ( that is its name for now, it could have been Psycho - now how many people would name their pet that after finding it under a mini? ) is surprisingly quite docile when I leave it at home. It is only hyper when I am home. It shitted on the free newsheet and I applauded it. It would come huddle close to me, purring and its phlegmatic sinisutis quite audible. It even nibbles my hair, my bod, my nips and my ears, nose too. WHOA! A really loving cat.

I am really quite tired trying to seek out gay dudes. Not that I have so many chances to talk to some and reach out. Sometimes I don't feel like it. Why can't he reach out instead?

And yes these national athletes are getting my heart pumping. Especially these cute school athletes. He ignored me the second time even though I thought I could get his mobile this time round. He shattered my heart into pieces. Another (whom I had cruised right up the rest-room)whispered something to his friend and I felt embarassed. Don't you understand? All I want is some love, any love, physical, emotional and that inter-connectedness.

OH GOD! Please! Just send me thy loved one! I am really really really tired of this cat-mouse, predator-prey, cruising thingy. I just wanna get one GOOD CATCH and exit from the gay scene . OK?

Not that life around you is making anything any easier. The "hetero" world apparently. Even the gay community isn't as supportive as I would like it to be. This is so sad. I don't wanna be alone in this life. I just wan me life partner and a "son"? (this remains optionable).

Another prayer:

"O Lord
I am GAY AS HELL
I can't take it any more.
Do you have to torture me like this?
All those men and boys are getting me hot everywhere.
I just need ONE good man (boy) and that is all I ask of.
Is this so hard?
LORD?"

Stung And A Stray Kitten

It was all of a day, that much I would say. The National girls' team is here. Ewwww. Scrawny women. Please, stay home! I know I would. With arms looking like that, who needs bamboo poles? I actually carried my own kayak today and it was pretty heavy stuff. It drizzled again towards the end of my odyssey. Otherwise, I was right under the glare of the blazing sun, intoxicated by the immense expanse of the fresh water and greenery surrounding the water catchment.

I was stung by a wasp (most of us would mindlessly say that we were stung by bees but we could be stung by a lot of other bugs or animals like a scorpion for instance) as I was about to set sail. It was as if it was bidding me bon voyage. It was awfully painful, leaving a bump and red circle with a puncture mark. I even placed my thumb and forefinger between the barbed stinger and the end of what looked like its tangy ovipositor mess and yanked it out. OUCH!

I thought I should just row out anyway and if I pass out in the bow-shaped water catchment area which is about 10 metres deep in the epicentre where the canoeing lanes are, I would just drown in the reservoir and guess what, every Singaporean will have a piece of me for their drinking nourishment. *Smiles.

There were plenty of dead bees in the water too. There must be a hornet's nest somewhere near the canoe sheds and these bees and wasps are following us everywhere, even when I row down the water.

Another running hunk with his running mate. Cool candy! He cycles too! WHOA!

So I thought with the canoeing saga safely out of the way, I could actually reach home in one piece and hunker down to doing some personal stuff. But oh no! Nature had to throw in two animals along my way today!

A stray kitten had crept into the home compound and was warming itself on the underside of MR PSYCHO's mini. It had its eye membrane drawn across its pupil and looked blind. But it was cat flu, a viral infection causing this! I didn't know that. Muddied, dirtied, hoarsely and softly yelping, I couldn't bear to leave it to its dire fate and brought it to the animal hospital/clinic/hotel/pet shop/grooming centre (yeah, it was an all-in-one establishment so much so I had trouble finding the right entrance when I got there).

I had to wait as it was lunch hour. After that, it was just medicine for its flu, eye-drops and anti-biotics. I am going to nurse this kitten back to health and then decide what to do with it.

In fact as I am blogging now, I worry about it being left alone at home. It had grown very attached to me and is snuggling up to me in every way. It would whine the moment I leave it. I only snug out after I was sure it had slept on my mattress.

Ah well, the things life throw up!

Canoeing ( And It Was A Canoe)

Right! I finally got down to doing this. Not that I was hesitating but it was just that the time wasn't ripe somehow. I mean I was down at the reserve yesterday afternoon but the place was locked up, it rained and the hunks were training for their schools. DROOL! So I stood under the pavillon in the cold, eyeing all those candies. *Smiles.

But today, it was a totally different matter. I came in my skimpiest, ready for a wet time and I wasn't disappointed. One hour into my paddle (and I took the competition route, I swear I saw the floats floating towards moi and I can't be wrong if they were draining the water from the waterhole as the reservoir must be brimming over, just like I wasn't wrong about the buggy online trading system because it displayed my dates of transaction all wrong) it started to pour. WHOA! This reminded me of the simulated wet and wild wave pool. I was having a whale of a time, soaking in the rain, the sea water, the lightning and the thunder. And guess what, the weather got too dangerous and I was ordered out of the water. It is gonna be PART 2 tomorrow morning. **Smiles.

This recreational canoe was wobbly and I didn't think it helped that it was fat and open-air with holes for draining away water. So me think I am gunning for the kayak tomorrow.

In between wishfully waiting for the rain to go away, I chatted with the canoes' guardians. It seemed that 10 years ago, they started this fresh water sport activity thingy but there were complaints about the canoeists dirtying the water. Oh my God. What about all the animals swimming in the water, isn't that dirty enough? And on rainy days, the soil, twigs and what-not would have been washed into the waters too. So these unfounded complaints actually put a stop to all water activities for a decade?

And I discovered the guardian was schooled in an affiliate of mine. He mentioned something like how we were some rivals in sports. What rival? What is he talking about? In all probability, I would have sex with a couple of these "rivals". That's gonna be all the rivalry there is! *Smiles and winks.

Wait! Here is more! A National Canoeing hunk was right there lazing around on the bench. Oh my GOD! I like swooned the moment I saw him! We spoke but I couldn't fumble for the excuse to get his contact number! I hope he will be there tomorrow! I will find something to ask for his mobile!!!!! ***Wink wink wink smile and sex.

I look forward to tomorrow. Barring the GE ebing held tomorrow or all PAP candidates suddenly losing all their head hair, please do not disturb moi. Boys just wanna have FUN! (ala Cyndi Lauper)

Bonus Blog

Ok ok ok. So you think the tree that fell was a twiggy one. No siree! It was a huge fat trunky one with branches, leaves and all. So there! This morning there was a twiggy one that I could just step on and go. No problem here.

I am sick of staying "home" all the time now. Not that there are stuff to do at "home" except to read. No computer. No music. No television. Nothing.

At first it was Mr Pyscho's incessant chattering about a whole list of stuff in the past that is history. Now it is putting up with this "couple" and having to watch their antics of sort. Look, why don't I bring my boyfriend home and have sex on the couch right in front of you and see how you like it.... You mean we gays have to watch you two have a good time and we are suppose to grin and bear it? FUCK YOU!

If all the married couples are so happy (at least on show), why do some still hang out at places, gay or straight? Have we seen how they are like in private life?

Now if this couple ain't Mr Psycho's emissaries, then GOD must be fucking dead! It must be his way of hitting out at me (after I gave him a good piece of my mind and called him names too one fine day) and who would be so brave to do the things they do around the house if they were not close friends of Mr Psycho.

A blogger rightly thought that the issues of racial riots and the war were not worth harping on so much now for the coming GE. I mean these issues have to be brought up to remind everyone now and then and we have done so, haven't we, in our schools and in the media and in some public speeches.

But the present and the future is fraught with many issues, in no small respect due to our policies, which have to be sorted out. I don't think anyone who wants to contribute meangingfully to political, economic or social life in Singapore need to be in the spotlight to be in parliament or something. Perhaps there could be external consultants who could debate with and contribute to understanding, examining (or re-examining) issues of the day with parliamentarians, bringing forth their observations at the ground, their personal experiences, their interaction with the general public at large, etc.

These are people who somehow are not on anyone's radar screen. Like this poor woman sitting right at the junction amidst heavy traffic on a two-lane road outside SEIYU, Bugis. How can someone be in such dire straits without anyone doing something for her? Things that some may not see or choose not to see.

If I hadn't mentioned it, I will certainly mention it now. Many of these stuff (meaning thy good policies, rules, regulations, governance, etc) to me, are not well reasoned, not logical and make no sense. Period.

Wait. You mean we vote you guys in so you could make our lives miserable and unbearable with all the nonsensical and stupid stuff? What a fucking joke! And it isn't any better at the employing level. All those stupid, man-made, self-imposed nonsense we all make ourselves do! Double cheebye fuck.

As I mentioned to someone, I think it is really crazy to pick on young kids at that sensitive, growing age particularly on their appearance. Any kid would rebel. I would! It seems they must all look the same - uniform. Define what are and what aren't disciplinary offences.

All those drinks' vending machines at the reserve ain't working at all. Sometimes I put in my cashcard, it processes and I can make a selection.Sometimes it is an invalid card. The coin-operated ones swallowed up about $3.20 worth of my coins without dispensing a single drop of drink to quench my thirst.

Ok ok ok. So there are complaints about moi making too much noise at the LAN shop, especially with my speakers on full blast playing rock pop music. Hey, what about hearing your vulgarities and you making a din in school! Same thing too dudes!

Get the reasoning? Chee bye fuck! I suspect it is more the operator himself who complained. He seems like a sissy-ass too hanging around a girl as a prop.

What A Sunday Morning!

Did I mention I yawned several times as well while I stood outside the dark rooms? I didn't? Well there you go, that shows how bored I was! I promised myself I am gonna get hornier each time I visit the man's club! All I want is just that RIGHT MAN or boy! Here is a little prayer:

"O lord,
Is it so wrong that thee pray
For a man (boy) with a good heart, some brains, good looks (doesn't have to be
super model), good bod (no need washboard), communicative in the English language,
can reason well and above all, can live in with me and is committed.
I see so many around me but I can't reach out,
Can you advise or help?"

Yipee! I am running round the reserve in just 1 hour now and that is about a 10km route.When I first started, it was 3 hours walking, then 2 hours running and walking and now just 1 hour pure running high!

Oh and did I also mention I have uncovered the names of most of the bugs which have come visiting me room? There was a squash bug (also known as stink bug) and the ubiquitous leaf beetle (or garden chafer). All I do to rid the room of them is to pluck off a tissue and wrap it round them like a cocoon and just flush them down somewhere, anywhere.

Oh yes, the room has paint peeling off and the ceiling has little concrete pieces spalling and landing right smack on my mattress or floor. PUI! This whole place could be going to the dogs for all the cats in the world who care!

So it must really be the pair of sandals I bought the last time that caused my "downfall". Remember my replacement. Well this pair was just a couple of months old too but its strap holding it together actually went to bits. The cobbler had to glue and stitch it back. What does this prove? Don't ever buy this brand.

Whoa, what a line-up for the GE! All with glowing credentials like some CEOs of some companies! But are they really really representing my interests now as a John Doe with very little voice and say?

Met a couple of dudes. One was as hilarious as the next actor in MediaCorps while the other was a straight-talking no-nonsense sexy dude. I like both for what they are and what they represent! No mealy-mouthed FUCKING ASSHOLE BASTARDS like the ones I meet in the education system, businesses, the gay and political world and everywhere. Both men and women.

And I do really really hate people who think they can read my thoughts and feelings and in so doing, try to put words in my mouth. Mr Psycho is one of them. He is certainly a spiteful and evil fuck. He will get his just desserts, not from me but from people outside his circle who will sooner than later know what he is made of.

Look what do you expect from someone who spells deposit as "dispotsit". It says all. The more we have people like him who are perhaps economically and materially well-off in control, this whole place is going to fucks.

O MY FUCKING GOD! AND I MEAN FUCK!

Well well well. A well-known grooming and image consultancy is just round the corner where I live. It even has another branch in town. This is "THE ONE" that was featured on TV!

All those hunks at the reserve are still at it! I just drool, drool and drool! I just wanna wake up in the morning with a hard bod ( a man's!) beside me and smooching him to death!

Observing the kayakists (I think we have got "canoes and kayaks" all wrong here people) at the reserve, I have come to several conclusions. The menfolk (boyfolk) are swift, strong rowers with their musculatured style. The womenfolk (girlfolk) lag so far behind in power, stride and form and most are scrawny rowers. It was an eyeful watching the guys power their way in the water yet gracefully gliding and swerving round the floats. I am gonna do kayaking next people!

Now dont get me wrong. I think a little competition is good of course to get us fired up and motivated. But there should be fun and leisure time too like I see at the pools where the dudes play a bout of abridged water polo besides their formalised swimming instructions . And yes there were troops of learner gal swimmers at one particular pool. I didn't see any dudes at all and well the trainers were really puffed up old hags where one's vocabulary was limited to "Circle, swim, kick" or something like that. A golfer was taunting me for me slow jog. Look here MR GOLFER, when there is competition, watch me fly! Otherwise I am just enjoying my leisurely run!

So many things have happened in my life, I don't even know where to begin to blog. Like I am now a member of some men's club. You should have seen the first day I walked into the club. It was birthday suit day! WHOA! But I guess it was a case of diminishing marginal returns, what with a packed-like-sardines place and too much of a good thing can be mind-boggling! It is silly to see grown men standing outside rooms like that and move, move, move (did the teachers make the kids do this back in school and now it has become an ingrained habit?). Glory holes, peepholes and see through displays! And that dark mirrored maze had be banging into my reflection and apologizing for it! HA HA HA!The dark rooms were fully equipped too! NEAT AND COOL!

So I stood around with downcast eyes, a forlorn kinda look which was really a signal for "TAKE ME YOU FUCK". It was a straight kinda stare at the dark room. HINT HINT!

Sigh these dudes should just strike up a friendship and relationship and go from there! Rather than splatter all over such a big pool! Too many people and I can't focus, target and get high like this!

BACK TO NARURE was a flesh parade! I am nowhere near their toned bods! And huge appendages! I wasn't properly orientated to the surroundings and wearing this pair of contact lenses didn't help either. I don't think the spherical lenses are helping me any bit though my astig is really mild. Vision and motor-sensory is so bad. I should go for customised aspherical or toric lenses me think!

Now how did I ever got myself into such an uncompromising situation! I can't believe I did! I am going to keep mumb over this and I don't think I am gonna repeat it or long for it like some people do! I must have been dazed for some time afterwards and trying to sort out my feelings and thoughts! Stone dead! Not gonna happen again except for my SPECIAL ONE! And THIS WAS MY FIRST FULL ****!

Dude, whoever you were, it was excruciating pain and don't blame me for not being in an exactly aroused state! FUCK YOU too! :) I had a slimy and sore feeling after that. Sorta slippery kind. It was just pain pain pain! Now who would enjoy that? Some masochist? Now I wanna do the same thing to someone else too like I did with some other guys before! FUCK YOU ALL!

Ok ok ok. The primary reason I don't get to see flying lemurs must be because I am running now and I don't look up as much as I look down. Even on my nature walks formerly, I couldn't spot any. Flying lemur, appear before thy eyes!

Just one morning after a heavy downpour, there were felled trees blocking my running path. I thought I could just go round this but I was so wrong! That cut through the forest led me to no man's land! It was a bad thing I did not heed an earlier advice by a passing jogger to avoid that trail It was a good thing the NATIONAL PARKS BOARD had people with chainsaws hacking through the thicket which I could hear and thus head towards their direction. I was already on a 911 call and I did spot a police patrol later on, perhaps a search party of sort for moi?

I mean I was sweaty , dripping wet and my glasses compounded it all with its fogged up and misty lenses. The twigs were like hooks which caught on to my running singlet and shorts , pulling me back and stopping me dead in my tracks as I tried untangling the mess. Worse, I held on to trunks impregnated with little black thorns which stuck into my palm and fingers. I spent some time after that, using moi's nail clippers to clip them out at home. YIKES! I didn't know the reserve can be so treacherous if one isn't alert and ready for its little twists and turns! RUNNERS, HIKERS BEWARE! You have been forewarned!

I wished I could blog more but I can't. Time is almost up!

A Pangolin?

Now this must be the zenith of any runs in the reserve. A pangolin! It was lolling towards the forest after journeying in the water. It strode purposefully as if it knew where it was heading and what it had to do! How many people have actually seen a PANGOLIN?

Holy smoke! On all my runs, I am finding new trails that are a mile apart from civilisation! Imagination run amok! And these are trails that have been used as borne out by scraps left behind by humans!

Uneasy Gay Relationships And Friendships

I will say this again. By not granting gays equal rights in their pursuits of a lovelife and homelife, we are just relegating them to the "slums". That means we are all pathetically hanging around cruising spots. Just witness the cat-and-mouse game and many are not getting any younger. Some are married men as I recognise them to be. Many are into a relatonship (not a bgr but a bbr, get this right! ) and freeing their real sexual libido.

All these younger dudes in school are a feast for the eyes and they have very good communication skills. Not only can they communicate well, the conversational topics are the ones I would chat about too. MR PSYCHO is no more than 5 years older than I am but I can't click in with his chit-chat topics. So too with the old folks and the women, a generation away or so. They are in a different world, stifling, restrictive and uncommunicative at most times. We have different lifestyles too. I am into sports, reading, movies, etc. I do not like Chinese serials or movies very much which is what these people watch all the time on TV.

But I can with the kids, I mean the higher level school going ones not the primary dudes (though I could stoop really low and play with them and talk childish stuff like I would my son). And yes, the English-speaking ones.

What do you expect from an education system that punishes students who are deemed "talkative" when they are really "communicative" and rewards "silence" meaning non-communicative sorts. Yes, I think I bumped into Mark Song, another ex-student. He is still the strong silent type and I remember admiring him when I taught him for his "serious, resolute and very mannish" posturing. We need more of these kind of people leading us. Not the wimpy, mealy-mouthed and frivolous.

It is really hard as I said to reach out to gays in these places. It doesn't seem to be the platform for conversing or friendship, though it may happen if you try hard enough. I mean I don't blame anyone. If I am on my runs at the reserve, it is strictly exercise , relaxation and thinking. Same with my gym workouts. I would rather invite someone out for a drink, meal or outing if I wanna intiate anything.

I must think of "openers" to fire up a chat and some may be really stupid ones. Like I tried asking the time with this dude with a tower clock right behind us. I may not react appropriately or fast enough on that certain day too or even know how to. I mean I don't know what to ask in a public restroom. Perhaps "Hey your fly is showing?" or "That is BIG, wanna show me more?"????

The two really satisfying conversations I had were with a Britisher and an American. We talked about the weather in London with one while I showed part of the trail in the Central Catchment Nature Reserve to the other.

A new "apparently" coupled tenant has just moved in. As I suspected, they, and possibly even the "apparently" coupled Japanese tenant and his Indian girlfriend, are MR PSYCHO's friends. Well, this neophyte certainly mess up the bathroom all right. And I am cleaning after them as I can't particularly stand a dirtied WC.

The WCs at our national sports complex and our reserve are exactly like this. Small, crammed, dirtied and neglected. How can one ever hope to wash up and be "clean".

I am quite tired. But I must just try to seize any opportunity to speak with people whom I am keen on and see if things can go from there. Please pray for me as I "stalk my preys". All I want is just that "MR RIGHT" for me at the end of the rainbow.

I Am Shipwrecked!!!

To think that these two places were among the last on my itinerary. What great surprises they held for me! It had spring baths, water slides (the BIG SPLASH and Mitsokoshi Garden of old) and wave pools simulated choppy waters, crashing white waves which sweep you off your feet and one had jet-srays spouting rain. I can imagine the TITANIC or any sea tragedy where the victims are clinging to flotsam or their buoys for their lives, gulping down sea water, bracing themselves against the swirling waves and torrential downpour. It must be cold, really really cold.

It is really not easy trying to strike up a conversation with people I meet at various places. Some I could talk to but somehow I didn't get to ask for their contacts as I was wondering if it was appropriate and I was turned down once too. In fact I got rebuffed a few times. People are just not into conversing, initiating a friendship and keeping it. Even those I have met for a meal are not really getting back to me. It doesn't help that in some public places we had posters warning against thieves doing what I do to distract their victims and then steal their valuables. Now is that a helpful lot or what?

I am beginning just to tire a little bit and giving up hope. I do have needs too, physical and emotional ones. Yes there are familiar faces. I do recognise quite a few. Dunman High dude (now in Raffles?) , please don't take offence at me for requesting you to take off your smelly socks when we have sex! I mean I can't do it with you with socks smelling like that, can I?

There were cute dudes galore, especially the school-going ones. The ones who do sports and athletics. I just couldn't pluck enough courage to ask for their contact or it just didn't come out or it didn't come soon enough. Or I was slow that day. Whatever reasons. These were all the missed connections!

Perhaps I am beginning to understand Daryl's or Dwayne's blogs about insects and little creatures invading their homes. My room has seen bugs of all kinds, big ones and small ones. I just hope nothing else too venomous comes slithering along and I am sleeping on the mattress now! YIKES! Just a thought.

And yes, the word "rock" can be so misleading. I mean it can be an earthy rock or a mineral rock so we have to be extra judicious in its use!

Re-Discovering Singapore

Well what a fucking rude China woman manning this popiah counter at the Longhouse!She will not sell one roll and put it very bitchily too! The fucking bitch! I gave her the cold hard stare and she has a fucking bitchy daughter too!

Oh yes! Add politicians to my list of bumpers! I bumped into quite a few and yes professionals like architects, etc.

Yes I am beginning to speak with Chui Hong, my ex-JC matie.She is now a home-maker, lives near me, has a son and been away from Singapore for a long time. We chatted about our former JC life and I wondered aloud what happened to some of the JC tutors and lecturers, though I had seen the canoe teacher and some canoeist dudes.

I guess I didnt really enjoy canoeing in JC because it was so regimented and we were probably gearing up for some competition or something. But I had relished the leisurely , exercisy excursions at the East Coast, canoeing my heart out at sea, enjoying the breeze, sun, sand , sea and yet getting a good workout.

It is the same with the runs now at the reserve, leisurely, within my means, so unlike the blind ragy annual X-country we do in school! I have observed how some schools do their X-country and it is always getting ready at the starting line, a flag-off (sound of a horn or something) and the kids just charge ahead. Reminds me of the raging bull at a Spanish event who jumped up onto the grandstand and stampeded some of the audience! Pure blind rage! Unseeing and unthinking. They certainly miss out a chance on observing and learning about nature.

It is the same with people dispensing ill advice on exercise frequency and so on. I mean I listen to my body more than anything else. It is true that in the beginning I ran and gym almost everyday because I want to condition myself and I felt up to it. Now that I lost 5kg and feel fitter and better, I can ease off and reschedule.When I am tired, I just dont exercise.

I would rather you tell me how I can make more money so I can own my next place, plan for retirement, have money to spend in my old age and now, how I can adopt a son and an introduction to a good boy or man! In short, give me the solution to my financial enrichment and enhancement and love and family life? No point harping on stuff of yore! After all this is what we are built on, right?

This place has a few units in the valley part having basement units. Imagine my surprise when I look in and notice the houses go down! Some of the residents living in my part of the estate are blue-collared as evidenced by the trucks they drive besides the cars they own.

My financial portfolio is keeping me on life's edge. Just as I move away from one counter, its price rises enough ticks to earn me some good profit. In fact if not for the brokerage bumble, I would have made $10K on just this one bid and which was my very first. Fuck you and I do need the money for all the things I wanna do! There is also a deadline after which I cant be on the roll anymore! KNNCCB!

I am not owning the house I stay in and it is a fabulous place really. I dream of the stuff I would do to it. Full length ceiling to floor glass windows and doors. No shingled roofs but a roofed garden with a fish pond, sauna , jacuzzi and attic. A contemporary and modern look. Looking like a loft. An extension of the whole place, vertically 3 1/2 floors and horizontally. Off with the rectangular stairway which eats into the space, to be replaced by a spiral one. This will open up the living and dining areas. An open concept kitchen and bathroom with space for barbecue, al-fresco dining and laundry.

By the way my bedroom is now a kitchenette where I store my food such as bread, milo, powdered milk, oranges and apples. I should be doing this in the fridge but it is such a dreadful dwarf ( about 1.5 m or so) and it is dirty and slimy, always bloodied and filled.The whole kitchen is splattered with paint, hair (yes MR PSYCHO does his haircuts here), grime and spall. YUCKS! And yes I just squashed two, what I suspect to be body lices! DOUBLE YUCKS! Either the mattress is harbouring them or the whole place is swarming with them! CB YUCKS!

In a way, I am re-discovering Singapore. Places I have never visited and the bus rides are an eye-opener. I also have to plan for trips which can interconnect one to another. Sometimes, it is bus2bus2bus or bus2mrt2bus. It is great fun! I get to observe an amazing variety in which some places operate.

Oh yes and these places brought me in contact with people who tell me things I never heard of. Like this dude who juzt finished Os and can't seem to get any financial assitance to further his studies (he doesn't qualify for bursaries and scholarships). And yes my alma mater has a mad woman who pinches boys' nipples if they misbehave (I have spoken with this woman before and I don't like her one bit - she thinks I am arrogant when she looks far far worse and discriminatory - she only likes the academically-better students - according to people who told me). YUCKS! MOE allows this? The school allows this? I would have given her the sack long time ago.

As I sit in here at a LAN shop with all the DOTA kings dotaing away, I am turning on my radio playing pop music at full blast! AND I AM ENJOYINMG EVERY MINUTE OF IT!

Right more blogs maybe soon?