I treat the girls (Chinese, Malay, Indian, Australian, whatever) in my class as distant friends.
I am not even remotely interested in any of them out of class, except only during classes because we have to work together. And there is no attraction - either physically or sexually.
And I have made my stance very clearly right from the beginning.
If the roof over me is gonna be taken away and I have to live some more with the gays or familial people and I am kept from having a gay beau or the career I aspire to, I won't be finding life any more meaningful or the way I want it to be.
I pay rent, I stay there. I don't go ka-chou others. Especially if they are already coupled and only if it is mutual, we are singles and we like each other. I have not encountered many right now.
I won't start from scratch at my age any more and I am increasingly hating life and the people I meet. I am emotionally drained and depleted.
That has got to be made very clear.
Under the current stresses I am facing, and until I find that ever elusive gay beau, you WILL EXCUSE ME IF I go for my endless sex therapy sessions.
I NEED IT MORE THAN EVER NOW!
I Survived Relatively Unscathed
Indeed I think I graduated from the university of life.
From childhood to school to home and finally at work.
I could possibly write something like "......dabbles in various functions as an administrator, sales and marketor and trainer in the fields of banking, finance and accounts, IT, medical and pharmaceutical, media communications, real estate and education....." in my CV.
And I have varied living (my family and the people I lived with both as a lessor and lessee) working, love (all those relationships), educational (all those learning programs I have attended like Toastmastering, the government sector and private sector ones) and travelling experiences to boot.
I am just glad I survived and I didn't project any of these bad experiences onto the people around me. I may have unconsciously projected some of them at times but I always check myself and I have always tried to be nice and kind.
I can't say the same of that ex-colleague of mine who worked for Sim Mong Chai. Just yesterday he was screaming his head off on the mobile to one of his boys. I could hear him from my side and I thought the boy took it quite well.
I would have socked it to him if I had worked for him like I did Sim Mong Chai on the last day of my tenure.
ChildHood
First a very bad familial life. When I was young, my mother was a verbal abuser. She would verbally lash at me for not tying my shoelaces (but she didn't show me how) or that I tend to walk with my head stooped.
These were cutting words that must have eaten into my self-esteem and self-image.
Of course there were verbal abuses hurled my way from my classmates like Teo Kiam Yong, the artist, regarding the craters on my pimpled, scarred face.
Home
Then there was Big Brother to contend with at home. A physically violent bully and another verbal abuser, who himself must be a victim of abuse. From school to home, he was always getting into trouble with authorities. Plus pot shots taken at me from my two sisters.
And these two sisters were projecting abuses onto my nephews and niece.
The screams, the vulgarities they hurl, the self-fulling prophecy of being academic lower-rungs like themselves, these were their doing on their children.
And they were smokers, teenage rebels themselves and everything else. Second sister worked as a sales assistant for a while before she remarried just like she did before her first marriage.
Third sister worked stints at Times Publishing and Philips factory for some time. So I don't expect my second sister to have much working experience.
So my nephews and niece stay away from home most of the time, like I did when I was staying with Bro and Mom because of the kinda environment they were living in.
Work
Today after my meal and as I brushed my teeth at the loo, I noticed that the vanity top was from one of my past work places. The insignia brand was "Vansen" and the company was Alshines Trading.
The vanity basin still has all those flaws those ex-clients complained about. The staining, the gaping gaps, the need for polishing, the inability to withstand normal wear and tear. All those time spent attending to numerous complaints when I should be selling.
A family of brothers and one sister plus a mother.
One brother visits prostitutes regularly at Geylang despite being married. Another just sits around the office, serve as a watchdog and intimidate staff like the female accountant and myself. A thug.
A mother who hounds the staff and of course it is all about money again.
A factory floor manager who is a screamer.
And they are from rags-to-riches successful entrepreneurs. Selling flawed and defective products and making money out of it but destroying our lives miserably.
More Work Issues - The Skills Development Fund
And I remember how hard it was to try and work and study at the same time. What more to obtain funding.
The Skills Development Fund for one. This is funded in part by the levy imposed on companies whose employees' remuneration is under a certain stipulated amount. And the collection is funded in another part by the government.
The SDF is a scheme of sponsoring employees for skills retraining or upgrading by companies. If I remember the scheme correctly (that was like donkey years ago), it was like 70% back then by the government and the other portion is footed by the company.
Most companies, SMEs like CPA firms Wee Cheong Yew (under the tyrannical tripartite partnership of a psychotic father and son (Mah Kah Leong) team) where I work for were very relunctant and unsupportive of staff to be developed under the SDF.
They would stipulate tenure and only collect the government portion of the levy on our behalf. That means the other part usually comes from our own pockets. On a salary scale of $1200, that eats into our take-home pay on top of other costs.
But that would be an infringement. It is a company-sponsored scheme after all, not a government-employee funded scheme. Some companies like He-Ape are doing well after all. They got enriched by their businesses.
But it is true this adds on to their payroll cost. The SDL and now this.
Imagine the lack of information then. IT wasn't preponderant and websites were not the inthing like now where info is readily available .
Do you think company staff (sole proprietors and small partnerships) like the additional administrative workload to administer the SDF schemes or with the government? Or if they even know how to go about it? Even if there were info like now, these people may not have the language ability to grapple with the knowledge.
If they even have a HR team in the first place?
So there you have it folks! What kinda support and funding for employees are there?
"Educators" - I Suggest We Fire Them And Re-Hire On A Clean Slate
Not to mention some of the educators I met in school when I did my sales and marketing rounds for my enrichment programs. This fat, stout, short, old woman at First Toa Payoh Primary for one. Her posturing says it all. Baggaged and god-knows-what-else.
I shun to think of the charges under their care. What will they pick up? They can't rationalise nor reason anymore. Victims themselves of abuses from their past experiences under their superiors, colleagues or the SYSTEM perhaps?
Look at the state of the private schools here. All those fakers and no-experiencers masquerading as educators. Daryl Chan, the eunuch, with his faked accented English to claim higher overseas Western-style educational qualifications.
My first modular class had an Indian/Eurasian working in the prisons service and he speaks very well and confidently. He could probably be easily passed off as a law lecturer in any private law school.
For my counselling class, all those skewed psyhcoanalytics. From the toys to the tests. Undeterministic and utter fakes. On top of that, lecturers likle Chris and all his psychoanalytics. And an intellectual Karen with only some experience.
And the quality of the materials. Grammar, spelling mistakes on top of wrong usage of words. Twisty English language that strings sentences together in such a way that it says nothing at the end of the day.
What more can I say?
You Need Help
The real people who need psychotherapy are people like Sim Mong Chai, Richard, He Ape and his family members, She-Ape, the eunuch Daryl Chan, the two gays working for He-Ape, Wicked StepMother and the rest of the gang.
Psychopaths and psychotics.
Or You Need More Evidence?
This whole place reeks of evil, madness, money, abuse and IT STINKS BIG TIME.
From top to bottom. The role models.
Need I say more?
Check Youself And No More Lame Excuses! Stop The Vicious Cycle Right Now!
The whole crux is this. The transference, counter-transference and the vicious cycle has to stop. The buck has to stop right here.
You were raped. So you gotta rape someone else. You were abused. So you have to abuse someone else. You were bullied. So you gotta bully someone else. That is no longer a valid excuse.
Check yourself and STOP IT.
That is why I speak little. I don't wanna say the wrong thing. Or dispense the wrong advice. Like Chris.
No comments:
Post a Comment