Jigsaw Pieces Falling Together In Place (Updated)

Hot Young Dudes On A DrumBeat
There were really a couple of hot cute guys and I was trailing them a while before they disappeared up the bus. They were doing the drum thingy, you know, those loud music they make around town, beating on drums and other percussion instruments.

Two or three of them were hot and cute and young!

Screwing Up Minds
It will be lecturers like Chris and people like Ben who would screw young minds up.

According to Ben, if you are in a old age group, you tend to be more settled. How does he explain those old folks with one foot in the grave visiting the KTVS then?

I think anyone at any age can choose to want to settle down! It is because they want stability in their love life, an emotional and moral anchor and then they can concentrate on other priorities.

People marry in their twenties. That tells all. So do not pigeonhole.

In short age is no barrier.

How Is Class Getting On These Days
I am beginning to enjoy class a lot more these days.

It wasn't like this with my previous psychotic lecturer Chris for the ethics module.

Firstly it was partly because of his rather dissonant style while with Karen, it was more calming, soothing and therapeutic, at least during most part of her lessons. (save for the the times when it was disruptive like the shifting of the locale, the re-arranging of the seats, the handouts that came late, the setting up of the equipment and so on)

Of course Karen could be a little harried and flustered and worked up and frayed. Maybe that is part and parcel of being a woman.

Then of course Chris goes off a tangent, he didn't know what he was saying at times, he went into very personal stuff and perpetrated many untruths and myths especially about the gay community and the psycho stuff. Passiveness and aggressiveness. And he was reading just too much about everything.

Certainly I agreed with a lot of the other things he said about the zombification of the populace, the lack of ethics in most things we do and so on.

I am also enjoying class more because the rotation has just fallen squarely on me to become the leader of the group. And we were breaking out in groups where we could really share experiences because of the theme-defined groups we are in.

Being a leader means I could direct the group more, hear about their experiences and get things off my chest.

As a student, I am passive because the leaders will be my lecturer and those appointed to be the counsellors. In Chris' case, he was up there (on his high and mighty throne) spewing lightning quick and in succession a string of myths and I couldn't possibly rebutt all and there were just too many of them.

But nominated as a leader now, I have to be pro-active and take charge. Just like when I was an entrepreneur. This is natural.

And I think I can trust my group more than I can trust confiding in a gay group.

Some Coursemates And The Lecturers
I just realised the class is probably made up of people who are single mothers (divorced or otherwise), orphans, gays, lesbians and other misfits with varying degree of problems like myself.

OMG! Get me out of here!

Even the lecturers are as they relate their days of yore as I realised.

I should really be counselling or parolling the goody-two-shoes and that is for preventive action.

As I sit and listen to some of their hooligan days in school like bullying, hiding bags and gangstaism, I was astounded by it all. Such frivolity, silliness and free time to do such things. I would never have thought of doing them myself!

I am probably gonna pick up some of their bad habits and learn from them.

But as far as I am concerned, they are just my friends, good friends. Nothing more.

I am still on the prowl for a China dude like my ex-roomie or a local studentsy dude for a beau.

I Can Gauge Where Chris Is Coming From
From his email reply, he had said that all that he has spoken are truths and what he did in class mirrored me.

So I knew he was targetting me.

He comes from the gay community. I hate most of the gay community and some of them hate me. I must have inadvertently offended some when I rejected some of them or for envy reasons and because of the flat I own and so on.

So they must have badmouthed me, the community has a certain impression of me and he is now speaking on their behalf. I can guess that they could come from anywhere. When I worked for He-Ape (Tony Ng) of Mavis Tutorial, there were two gays there. I kept a distance because I know they will cause a lot of trouble for me.

If I was deemed slutting around then, it was because I wasn't attached. And that was the gay culture for some. After a while, I stopped asking if anyone would like to be my beau because I would assume this is the culture. And it is for some.

If there were someone then who would put his foot down and told me all that I am espousing now in my blog, I would have turned around. So it took me quite a while to consolidate my thoughts and it is only now that I can put my values in better stance.

But think about those in relationships but who are still fooling around. That is far worse. I will be happy with just one person I love. Like my ex-roomie.

This is the reason why I WILL NEVER ACCEPT SOME OF THEM. And I guess they, me.

Just look at the articles they put out and the kinda values they promote. And the title reads : "The Show Is Over, Say Goodbye". They were trivialising a relationship as a show and equating sizzle with more sex fun and movie-quality courtship and drama. Please don't do this.

In other words, SPEAK FOR YOURSELF. Like Ben. Gays fool around. He can speak for himself. There must be some who still believe in not fooling around.

Those Foreign Working And Student Ex-Tenants
I think I am not the least bit interested in any of them who is attached or in denial or who is lying. WHATEVER they say they are, I take it at face value and I don't ask any questions and leave it as that.

I don't do any of the things they do. I am always alone. I don't need a shield, a cover, whatever.

And I am not lifting a finger to clean up after them. Girls, guys, whatever.

If they bring home their beaus, their playmates and sexmates who use the facilities and dirty them, they can jolly well clean up after themselves.

After all, you can play and sex with him, but you can't look after your partner. Help him do laundry, cook for him or look after his health.

I am only interested in lonely heart souls who are alone and unattached and I was looking for a beau in that sense so I can take care of him and him, me.

*Period*

But it turns out, it was a roller-coaster game, hide-and-seek, guess the riddles kinda topsy turvy mess with girls and guys thrown in for good measure these foreign tenants created in my previous home.

When I threw them out and sometimes they left on their accord, I must have been villified as a monster.

The media must have lots to do with it. "The Wedding Game" (and guess what - it is a heterosexual thingy again) and other love serials that make love like a scripted drama loaded with fun, courtship, friends egging them on, triangles, etc.

This Gay HouseHold
Rafi may have been coerced because he was fending off predation on his beau. Or he could have offered himself for some advantage. Rent free perhaps?

But seriously I wish Ben and Rick could role model and stop doing what they are doing. And they do smash the notion that morbid and decent-looking (even old) dressing fashion sense cannot mask their sexually promiscuous lifestyle. Just a BIG cover.

So if my ex-roomie did the same for some advantage like Rafi, then he is probably not worth the while.

And I don't particularly like the other Malaysian PR tenant too.

My Hope For The Future - A Reconciliation
I am still holding open the door for a reconciliation between me and my ex-roomie. At the same time I want closure. I don't want to cling on as this eats into me too much.

I wanna move on if I have to.

I accept him for all that he is. He is just right for me. Personality and charm that overwhelmed me.

He was just too close to me in the room (and also because I like him a lot, not like that other dude at Andy's) and I do need physical (kissing and hugging) and sexual (sexual intercourse) intimacy.