Manipulators - TAs
Ben is really gonna be very silly.
I can tell he isn't the business-man type and he is a whimpering, wimpy, limp-wristed, love-lorn, sick gay in need of constant sex. He has Rick but Rick is just Rick. He is no match for the Chinese.
If he thinks my ex-roomie is the debonair, suave and loving type, he is mistaken. I have seen him in action at school, always leading, always manipulating. He is a TA looking for a meek weakling like Ben to manipulate and wrest control. And he has many Chinese allies behind him, including his lover, his hometown beau who is on the program with him.
If he acts as an agent, he will squeeze Ben to death and finally gets what he wants.
He will say all kinds of things now but wait till he gets what he wants, it will be the end of Ben. He will coo sweet whispers and love into Ben's ears. Ben is the sort who will fall for it. Wait longer and then you will see.
If the degree is fake, you can imagine the other side must be collaborating. Ben will be sorely disappointed when he visits the "campus" and he better check it out. It is gonna be like one of our many private schools here. And there are many out there in Australia, Canada and the States, precisely catering to gullible Asians and they will end up nowhere.
I hope I am wrong but then again, I can be right.
The Blues
Now the cop planted here before me was an ethnic-mixed. I know for a fact, I can't trust him and he knows nothing of the law. First at the pool, then at the gym and it was a whole load of nonsensities he was mouthing.
The question is who are the others they plant in the school. I can spot them. But are they weeding out drugs and sex (especially among the Chinese girls) or are they in on it, including extorting money?
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
More Sleaze (Updated)
What More To Lose
I have lost my beau (I am not sure to who yet.....or if there is ) and in the coming days I am not even sure what I am gonna lose. Maybe even my life. I am keeping my fingers crossed and I can only hope for the best.
The Gravity Of My Plight
I hope people understand this.
I had always been a good kid. In Secondary 1 & 2, I was under very bad influence because of the class I was posted to and I made a wrong turn switching to a nieghborhood junior college after that.
I had sexuality issues and familial problems and I dropped out of university.
Private tuition fed me for a while. My working experience in the insurance, banking, accounts/audit, IT and medical/pharmaceutical sales (mostly SMEs family-based kinda set-ups) had been horrible, given the kind of colleagues and bosses I worked for.
Totally devoid of ethics and good sense. Money, more money and lots of politicking. I had to sell off my car and turned to education. I liked it but yet again it was the boss and colleagues.
When I tried my hand at entrepreneurship, it was in fact the best phase of my life. I enjoyed it but the few projects didn't see me through. I had to fold up and sold my house and did investment instead.
Now just when I thought life was picking up and I could finish with my own education and turn to schools as they now have job opportunities of the kind that can sustain me, I may be made a bankrupt and that means no employment for many years.
Not only that, I lost my beau (someone I truly love and thought we could make our lives together) and the prospect of a roof over my head and a nest egg and given my age, I can't start from scratch.
I know what kind of person Ben is and I have lived with all those landlords before (the gays, bis, straights, divorced, singles, family, young and old and whatever) and I HATE THEM ALL.
I won't live with my sisters as all my woes in part originated from them.
I can only hope that there will be a light at the end of this tunnel.
A Thriving Sex Industry
To indicate to you just how good business is at these KTVs. The parking lot has 250 vacancies. 100 is reserved for residents. The rest is open to the public.
On a weekday night, there are only about 30-60 lots empty. That means on average, there are about 90-120 customers at the KTVs. That does not even count those that come on foot or by public transport. What more weekends!
Our sex industry is thriving man!
Ben The Education Entrepreneur Or Serial PlayBoy
Ben, the landlord, is still at it. It seems his coupling with Rick (or Peter) is a scam and a cover-up. He has many visitors and one right after we sat down to chat over coffee to discuss my lease agreement when my beau left.
He said that out of 10 gay relationships, only 1 will remain faithful like himself. The next day I saw one guy visiting and last night two Frenchmen (he could actually speak some French too). He has so many different visitors and one night I could hear a Chinese guy in his room cybergaming and I wasn't sure if that was my ex-beau.
He had said that his three aunties disapprove of Chinese and that if Ben should ever marry one (they assume he is straight) they will not attend his wedding dinner.
He neglects his tutorial school and has someone running it for him. He stays home and has all these visitors. He is a playboy. Rick is probably one of these runners. Ben is rich but let us see what the longer term holds out for him.
Ben is a serial liar and says the exact opposite of what he means and his body language gives him away. He is almost like my psychotic lecturer and guess what, my lecturer isn't listed at the hospital's counselling centre when I enquired.
Ben couldn't face me squarely when he said all that and I am not sure if he is eloping with my ex-beau to Canada to do his masters degree. Sounds a lot like it and they share one thing in common - they love karaoke and that means my ex-beau was lying when I asked him about his hobbies. He had then said nature and all those things I like.
That means he is a TA and he changes his stance to suit the occasion.
I am not even sure if Ben instigated anything because my beau is now holed up near where his tutorial school is. And I am pretty sure this school is a recruitment ground for his many sexual activities and I have seen young chaps too visiting him.
If my postulate is true, Ben and my ex-beau deserve each other and they will be the death of themselves. My ex-beau is after his money and he is the sort who will then say goodbye when it is over and done with and Ben will have his end.
Private Schools' Fakes
You should examine the university logo for this overseas university affiliated to my school's MBA program. They are different. Why? Unless it is fake. And I realised my lecturer is a fake too. And I think in this bad time of property sales, these agents are masquerading themselves here as educational sales consultants. Maybe even as lecturers?
Remember, my lecturer cannot distinguish between "overlap" and "inscribe" and for the doctorate he holds? He has memory lapses and can't remember he did our course preview and yes, he lost my script (I had sent him and the program manager my scripts).
Introduce a friend for a 100 bucks commission and I was right. The women sitting around me are in on it. She got the commission for a friend introduction. I knew it.
Property Agents Masquerading As Educationists
Then when I was holed up at Tampines (remember the hot young wimpy masseur), the owners were two people with the same family name. A whole slew of agents presented themselves here when he wanted to sell off the place. I count two of them as my acting agents before when I tried selling off my place.
Now at this school (or university), the lecturer for the MBA program was similarly surnamed. He is supposed to be ethnically mixed and I knew a previous hot shot rich agent I engaged (and he didn't get the job and wasn't happy and tried halving the commission with the next agent who sold off my property as I was told) had a brother who lectures the private school circuit.
So were they trying to do me in?
That means that is how my ex-roomy comes into the picture. He must have been here some time and he was engaged as a property agent here. He must have entertained all those clients at the KTVs and judging from the medication he takes, he could have contracted something.
And he is slutting around...everywhere. And that hometown friend of his looks younger than 21. He is probably a minor. He is also in on this sleaze. And on the gay side. And doing an MBA?
Now that times are bad, muy ex-roomie takes up a MBA program in this school. He seems to know what is going on in my life too much.
Yes a few blimps were always present when I visit those same few places and of course the few foreigners and ethnic groups. I will have nothing to do with them.
Good Cops Or Bad?
I ran into a gay cop the other time. He only revealed himself much later even though I had noticed his blue pants and black shoes earlier.
I ran into him again at the gym. He is mouthing many nonsensicities. First I think what happens in private is private and does not deserve someone planted in our midst to sniff us out. If he is trying to bust drugs or commercial sex, that applies only to under 18s for the latter.
Certainly not between consenting adults. And the drugs are being sold online. He can go check that.
I know they are here among the private school. If they were to weed out the bad hats, fine and good but I suspect they are in on it as well. The sex, I mean. How despicable.
In fact this dude admitted he returned from a sex party in Hongkong involving drugs.
So much for the good guys! Or are they the bad guys?
I have lost my beau (I am not sure to who yet.....or if there is ) and in the coming days I am not even sure what I am gonna lose. Maybe even my life. I am keeping my fingers crossed and I can only hope for the best.
The Gravity Of My Plight
I hope people understand this.
I had always been a good kid. In Secondary 1 & 2, I was under very bad influence because of the class I was posted to and I made a wrong turn switching to a nieghborhood junior college after that.
I had sexuality issues and familial problems and I dropped out of university.
Private tuition fed me for a while. My working experience in the insurance, banking, accounts/audit, IT and medical/pharmaceutical sales (mostly SMEs family-based kinda set-ups) had been horrible, given the kind of colleagues and bosses I worked for.
Totally devoid of ethics and good sense. Money, more money and lots of politicking. I had to sell off my car and turned to education. I liked it but yet again it was the boss and colleagues.
When I tried my hand at entrepreneurship, it was in fact the best phase of my life. I enjoyed it but the few projects didn't see me through. I had to fold up and sold my house and did investment instead.
Now just when I thought life was picking up and I could finish with my own education and turn to schools as they now have job opportunities of the kind that can sustain me, I may be made a bankrupt and that means no employment for many years.
Not only that, I lost my beau (someone I truly love and thought we could make our lives together) and the prospect of a roof over my head and a nest egg and given my age, I can't start from scratch.
I know what kind of person Ben is and I have lived with all those landlords before (the gays, bis, straights, divorced, singles, family, young and old and whatever) and I HATE THEM ALL.
I won't live with my sisters as all my woes in part originated from them.
I can only hope that there will be a light at the end of this tunnel.
A Thriving Sex Industry
To indicate to you just how good business is at these KTVs. The parking lot has 250 vacancies. 100 is reserved for residents. The rest is open to the public.
On a weekday night, there are only about 30-60 lots empty. That means on average, there are about 90-120 customers at the KTVs. That does not even count those that come on foot or by public transport. What more weekends!
Our sex industry is thriving man!
Ben The Education Entrepreneur Or Serial PlayBoy
Ben, the landlord, is still at it. It seems his coupling with Rick (or Peter) is a scam and a cover-up. He has many visitors and one right after we sat down to chat over coffee to discuss my lease agreement when my beau left.
He said that out of 10 gay relationships, only 1 will remain faithful like himself. The next day I saw one guy visiting and last night two Frenchmen (he could actually speak some French too). He has so many different visitors and one night I could hear a Chinese guy in his room cybergaming and I wasn't sure if that was my ex-beau.
He had said that his three aunties disapprove of Chinese and that if Ben should ever marry one (they assume he is straight) they will not attend his wedding dinner.
He neglects his tutorial school and has someone running it for him. He stays home and has all these visitors. He is a playboy. Rick is probably one of these runners. Ben is rich but let us see what the longer term holds out for him.
Ben is a serial liar and says the exact opposite of what he means and his body language gives him away. He is almost like my psychotic lecturer and guess what, my lecturer isn't listed at the hospital's counselling centre when I enquired.
Ben couldn't face me squarely when he said all that and I am not sure if he is eloping with my ex-beau to Canada to do his masters degree. Sounds a lot like it and they share one thing in common - they love karaoke and that means my ex-beau was lying when I asked him about his hobbies. He had then said nature and all those things I like.
That means he is a TA and he changes his stance to suit the occasion.
I am not even sure if Ben instigated anything because my beau is now holed up near where his tutorial school is. And I am pretty sure this school is a recruitment ground for his many sexual activities and I have seen young chaps too visiting him.
If my postulate is true, Ben and my ex-beau deserve each other and they will be the death of themselves. My ex-beau is after his money and he is the sort who will then say goodbye when it is over and done with and Ben will have his end.
Private Schools' Fakes
You should examine the university logo for this overseas university affiliated to my school's MBA program. They are different. Why? Unless it is fake. And I realised my lecturer is a fake too. And I think in this bad time of property sales, these agents are masquerading themselves here as educational sales consultants. Maybe even as lecturers?
Remember, my lecturer cannot distinguish between "overlap" and "inscribe" and for the doctorate he holds? He has memory lapses and can't remember he did our course preview and yes, he lost my script (I had sent him and the program manager my scripts).
Introduce a friend for a 100 bucks commission and I was right. The women sitting around me are in on it. She got the commission for a friend introduction. I knew it.
Property Agents Masquerading As Educationists
Then when I was holed up at Tampines (remember the hot young wimpy masseur), the owners were two people with the same family name. A whole slew of agents presented themselves here when he wanted to sell off the place. I count two of them as my acting agents before when I tried selling off my place.
Now at this school (or university), the lecturer for the MBA program was similarly surnamed. He is supposed to be ethnically mixed and I knew a previous hot shot rich agent I engaged (and he didn't get the job and wasn't happy and tried halving the commission with the next agent who sold off my property as I was told) had a brother who lectures the private school circuit.
So were they trying to do me in?
That means that is how my ex-roomy comes into the picture. He must have been here some time and he was engaged as a property agent here. He must have entertained all those clients at the KTVs and judging from the medication he takes, he could have contracted something.
And he is slutting around...everywhere. And that hometown friend of his looks younger than 21. He is probably a minor. He is also in on this sleaze. And on the gay side. And doing an MBA?
Now that times are bad, muy ex-roomie takes up a MBA program in this school. He seems to know what is going on in my life too much.
Yes a few blimps were always present when I visit those same few places and of course the few foreigners and ethnic groups. I will have nothing to do with them.
Good Cops Or Bad?
I ran into a gay cop the other time. He only revealed himself much later even though I had noticed his blue pants and black shoes earlier.
I ran into him again at the gym. He is mouthing many nonsensicities. First I think what happens in private is private and does not deserve someone planted in our midst to sniff us out. If he is trying to bust drugs or commercial sex, that applies only to under 18s for the latter.
Certainly not between consenting adults. And the drugs are being sold online. He can go check that.
I know they are here among the private school. If they were to weed out the bad hats, fine and good but I suspect they are in on it as well. The sex, I mean. How despicable.
In fact this dude admitted he returned from a sex party in Hongkong involving drugs.
So much for the good guys! Or are they the bad guys?
Monday, January 19, 2009
Death Sounds Better
No beau. No love. No money. No house. No nothing. I think death is better than resolution.
What is the point?
One module into my program and faced with a psychotic and impaired lecturer like that, I know I am just gonna be distressed and perpetually turmoiled in a non-glamorous vocation like that.
What is the whole point really?
What is the point?
One module into my program and faced with a psychotic and impaired lecturer like that, I know I am just gonna be distressed and perpetually turmoiled in a non-glamorous vocation like that.
What is the whole point really?
Friday, January 16, 2009
Resolution Or Death (Updated)
It Is This Or Nothing
I will try to resolve my problem as best as I can.
I know there are just people out there trying to put me in a fix which I am already in. I am most likely to sell off my property investment at a huge loss with the possibility of forfeiture and a legal suit for bankruptcy.
That means I am left with nothing over and above what I may still owe. Fantastic!
My stock value has halved and that isn't gonna see me through this.
I will not try to get a loan from among this circle of well-off gays...the fucking gays...(I am in a predicament only because of the UNHOLY ALLIANCE) because I know they are gonna dangle a range of pre-conditions which I will not EVER FULFILL.
No gals. No blimps.
Not even among the others whom I am remotely keen. The Hindu-Arab or whoever else who is crossing my path right now.
If this is a ploy to push or drive me to them, are these plotters ever dead wrong.
No signing up with any political party either.
If I can't be in some sorta educational job in exchange for a loan, and I am still hanging out here renting a place and be at the mercy of the landlords, it is NOTHING at all. I spit at all their faces.
I can only choose one way which is the best resort for me. NEVER to compromise on my fundamentals. Certainly not for money. Only to be true to yourself.
UnCompromising On His Value System
When I hooked up with this Chinese dude the other day, I was bowled over by his simplicity. A simple job and he has his meals and lodging taken care of by his employer.
He doesn't have to compromise on anything he doesn't want to.
He has admitted a sugar daddy of an uncle treating him out. That is his business. But at least he does not compromise on anything else. He compromised on this though.
But at least he doesn't have to victimise himself if he doesn't choose to.
I NEVER WILL. I CHOOSE DEATH BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN EXPECTING THIS AND I AM PREPARED FOR THIS.
There is no other way.
These Are People Who Do Not Treasure What They Have Or They Still Wanna Fool Around
I really pity Rafi. He has a tall handsome local beau. I haven't been seeing him lately. I am not sure if he has left Rafi. If he does, Rafi must be really to blame. He has one heck of a beau, and he isn't satisfied. Or it could be the other way around or they are in some sorta "open" thingy.
Good for them. Rafi is still sneaking people in on the side.
The same goes for Ben who is with Rick (or is it Peter as I found out from Old Aunty). He thinks he has all these riches and they are in some sorta open relationship.
Maybe even boy-friend snatching from tenants or ex-tenants.
I would have killed for a beau who is steadfast and faithful and whom we can click and settle down.
This is what the whole world is all about. Bis, gays and straights. Look at what we have created here.
Don't blame stresses and complexities. We are to blame for what we seek in hedonism especially when we have that special someone.
All And Everything That He Is
I like my ex-roomie the way he is. I accept him for all that he is. People gotta understand that. Our relationship will pan out the way we both work on it.
Undeterministic And Unethical Test
I just realised how daft my lecturer can be. He can't tell the difference between "inscribe" and "overlap".
And as he admitted, the personality test he administered was flawed because of various reasons so it can't be deterministic if it was only one test in a series of 14.
We were looking for perfect squares and a equilateral triangle as was shown in the example but because the fonts and print were zoomed down, they turned out to be parallelograms, trapeziums and scalene, even right-angled triangles.
No wonder I was tearing my hair out right from the beginning. But since everyone was doing it and even my study groupy and we found out it wasn't to be perfect, I began to work on it.
He had many lapses in memory, he can't remember he did our course preview and there were many, many other lapses.
I wonder how he is gonna be useful in his counselling sessions the way he is.
I will try to resolve my problem as best as I can.
I know there are just people out there trying to put me in a fix which I am already in. I am most likely to sell off my property investment at a huge loss with the possibility of forfeiture and a legal suit for bankruptcy.
That means I am left with nothing over and above what I may still owe. Fantastic!
My stock value has halved and that isn't gonna see me through this.
I will not try to get a loan from among this circle of well-off gays...the fucking gays...(I am in a predicament only because of the UNHOLY ALLIANCE) because I know they are gonna dangle a range of pre-conditions which I will not EVER FULFILL.
No gals. No blimps.
Not even among the others whom I am remotely keen. The Hindu-Arab or whoever else who is crossing my path right now.
If this is a ploy to push or drive me to them, are these plotters ever dead wrong.
No signing up with any political party either.
If I can't be in some sorta educational job in exchange for a loan, and I am still hanging out here renting a place and be at the mercy of the landlords, it is NOTHING at all. I spit at all their faces.
I can only choose one way which is the best resort for me. NEVER to compromise on my fundamentals. Certainly not for money. Only to be true to yourself.
UnCompromising On His Value System
When I hooked up with this Chinese dude the other day, I was bowled over by his simplicity. A simple job and he has his meals and lodging taken care of by his employer.
He doesn't have to compromise on anything he doesn't want to.
He has admitted a sugar daddy of an uncle treating him out. That is his business. But at least he does not compromise on anything else. He compromised on this though.
But at least he doesn't have to victimise himself if he doesn't choose to.
I NEVER WILL. I CHOOSE DEATH BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN EXPECTING THIS AND I AM PREPARED FOR THIS.
There is no other way.
These Are People Who Do Not Treasure What They Have Or They Still Wanna Fool Around
I really pity Rafi. He has a tall handsome local beau. I haven't been seeing him lately. I am not sure if he has left Rafi. If he does, Rafi must be really to blame. He has one heck of a beau, and he isn't satisfied. Or it could be the other way around or they are in some sorta "open" thingy.
Good for them. Rafi is still sneaking people in on the side.
The same goes for Ben who is with Rick (or is it Peter as I found out from Old Aunty). He thinks he has all these riches and they are in some sorta open relationship.
Maybe even boy-friend snatching from tenants or ex-tenants.
I would have killed for a beau who is steadfast and faithful and whom we can click and settle down.
This is what the whole world is all about. Bis, gays and straights. Look at what we have created here.
Don't blame stresses and complexities. We are to blame for what we seek in hedonism especially when we have that special someone.
All And Everything That He Is
I like my ex-roomie the way he is. I accept him for all that he is. People gotta understand that. Our relationship will pan out the way we both work on it.
Undeterministic And Unethical Test
I just realised how daft my lecturer can be. He can't tell the difference between "inscribe" and "overlap".
And as he admitted, the personality test he administered was flawed because of various reasons so it can't be deterministic if it was only one test in a series of 14.
We were looking for perfect squares and a equilateral triangle as was shown in the example but because the fonts and print were zoomed down, they turned out to be parallelograms, trapeziums and scalene, even right-angled triangles.
No wonder I was tearing my hair out right from the beginning. But since everyone was doing it and even my study groupy and we found out it wasn't to be perfect, I began to work on it.
He had many lapses in memory, he can't remember he did our course preview and there were many, many other lapses.
I wonder how he is gonna be useful in his counselling sessions the way he is.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
I Am Prepared, I Will Die For My Own Cause
I know there are evil forces working against me yet again
I am prepared for the worst. I will finish off everything and you will never have me at the mercy of anyone. NEVER!
Get this really straight.
I am prepared for the worst. I will finish off everything and you will never have me at the mercy of anyone. NEVER!
Get this really straight.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
The World Is Not Elliptical As It Appears
Sexual/Dual/Multiple Relationships
This is strictly prohibted in our counselling program.
I think if you are happily coupled, this would not happen between a counsellor and a counsellee. And I wanna move towards that direction.
Unless you are a lonely, empty and loveless predator on the prowl.
Besides, speaking for myself, I have proven it in living with all those gay, bi or straight landlords. Firstly because I wasn't keen and even for those like Andy and Rhemi whom I am, I didn't allow it to happen. And I am not even emotionally attached. That says a lot right.
Andy is married with Ashley as his offspring and Rhemi as I soon got to know him, sux BIG TIME. He can go on deceiving himself and live with his voluptuous big-breasted whoever.
Right here, I have rejected Ben and Rick's (the happy couple) advances and while I like Rafi and his beau, I didn't allow it to happen either .
If it happened with that Mynamese at Fatbloke's or with my roomie, both of whom claim to be coupled with gals, I disregarded it because I knew they were fakers.
The Herd Instinct
My counselling program puts down living alone as a predisposition for suicide. O boy, do I ever think this is wrong. I didn't harbor any such thoughts , though life may be tough, when I lived on my own.
Now that I am put here amidst "humanity", I must say I have thought of it several times when dealing with these "humans". My roomie. And the rest. Oo. Plus the Great Financial And Emotional Depression.
Counsellor Impairment
I can understand my lecturer very well. He is facing stresses and so class becomes grievances-pouring sessions. It is normal. But does he have to harp on it so many times?
And he was once nearly sued for instigating a divorce between a man and a woman.
Sometimes he just spews forth many many many things without thinking (an all those cliches)and the gravity of his words are not weighed. I am not sure if this could be part of the precipitation for the divorce. He could have inadvertently done the couple a disservice.
Or did he do it on purpose.
In class he has been firing in rapid succession a whole load of issues that were too quick for us to respond to or we just didn't have the opportunity to rebutt.
And he covers his track by reacting lightning quick.
Issues there were unfair to some of us.
This Is Intent For You
He questions intent. For moi, if it is a sex therapy session or an erotic massage session, it is just that. If I do the above, why can't I act as a confidant as I provide both physical and mental relief to my patient.
Of course if it is a relaxing or sports massage, it is just that too. And I can still act as a confidant too, can't I?
And if it is just counselling, it is just counselling. Mental relief. Are you daft? Or pea-brained?
Holistic therapy in the former two cases? You bet.
*Period*
More Smoking Ban At Public Places
Even open-air places are now not spared and perhaps at car parking lots because of the combustible fumes? it is not such a bad idea.
But that 5m ban within an exit/entrance is so debatable. People cannot precisely judge that 5m though a visual assessment sometimes can. So a 5m marker to mark out this spot is in order. Otherwise any security guard can just be very subjective.
And if you are restricting so many places but ciggies are still readily available, where are the smokers supposed to smoke.
My Littering Fine - ParkWay Parade Shopping Mall
Yes I was caught within this 50m or so beltway dotted with benches and flowerbeds. On one side are fast food joints. KFC has two smoking tables with ash trays and a plastic bin (not meant for stubbing out ciggies).
The other side is a stretch of cafes with smoking zones and litter bins of course.
Both are on elevated platforms.
Smoking along this 50m beltway is allowed but not a single bin is in sight. As the other bins are not easily accessible and the sole metal litter box and bin is placed at a side entrance of a shopping mall (gosh, doesn't this violate the 5m ruling) far away, it is so preposterously stupid.
Look at other open-court smoking places with so many bins placed a couple of metres within each other.
So what is the criterion for the placement and spacing of bins? If there is even one or is it haphazard.
Towel Sharing Between Male And Female Patrons And Ridiculity Of Counter Times And Return Of Towels
Before I joined Calif, I went there for a pre-trial after 11am or so. So I wasn't cognisant that towels were shared between both male and female patrons.
Only after joining membership did I realise that. It was because the counters had different opening times.
Imagine sharing towels like that. Even husbands and wives don't, what more strangers. Yes they are laundered but can we be sure? In fact towels should be color-coded and separated out, one for males, the other for females.
Now they ridiculously want us to return towels to the 2nd floor only and they closed the 3rd floor counter untill a certain time -11am in this case. (Female showers on 2nd, males on the 3rd) Even this time limit isn't strictly observed. 11.30am and there is still no counter open yet.
I cannot see why that 3rd floor counter (or at least just a bin) be open for collecting soiled towels round the clock without the need for a staff to man the counter.
Anyway it is the one and the same towel, what big difference does it make?
Stupid as it comes, stupid as it goes.
Does it make sense?
What Does This Show?
If my roomie had prohibited visitors on my part, I would have been happy. Because it will show that he is monogamous.
I had asked about visitors and he is ok with it. But I told him that since we were sharing a room, I will not have visitors and likewise I expect the same of him.
I was disappointed to say the least.
And all the nonsense about complicated, convoluted relationships and that people are basically slut. Is this human nature or is it the effect of pornography or of ourselves and our value system?
I offered to help him with his school work but he didn't respond.
I am not sure what is happening on the side (if any) between him and Ben. I suspect there is. Ben and Rick have shown that they can be capable of deceit. And I am not sure where my roomie is holing up now.
If he is financially needy, he will probably need to hook up with them.
And Ben has typecasted (though I thought a bit unfairly) that all the Chinese were money-minded and only sought wealth.
I think maybe it only happens in my roomie's case while the rest should genuinely be seeking an education and a job or to return home for some economic role.
I just hope they are not doing something behind my back. That will be so unethical and Ben should know better.
The real playboy should be him.
This is strictly prohibted in our counselling program.
I think if you are happily coupled, this would not happen between a counsellor and a counsellee. And I wanna move towards that direction.
Unless you are a lonely, empty and loveless predator on the prowl.
Besides, speaking for myself, I have proven it in living with all those gay, bi or straight landlords. Firstly because I wasn't keen and even for those like Andy and Rhemi whom I am, I didn't allow it to happen. And I am not even emotionally attached. That says a lot right.
Andy is married with Ashley as his offspring and Rhemi as I soon got to know him, sux BIG TIME. He can go on deceiving himself and live with his voluptuous big-breasted whoever.
Right here, I have rejected Ben and Rick's (the happy couple) advances and while I like Rafi and his beau, I didn't allow it to happen either .
If it happened with that Mynamese at Fatbloke's or with my roomie, both of whom claim to be coupled with gals, I disregarded it because I knew they were fakers.
The Herd Instinct
My counselling program puts down living alone as a predisposition for suicide. O boy, do I ever think this is wrong. I didn't harbor any such thoughts , though life may be tough, when I lived on my own.
Now that I am put here amidst "humanity", I must say I have thought of it several times when dealing with these "humans". My roomie. And the rest. Oo. Plus the Great Financial And Emotional Depression.
Counsellor Impairment
I can understand my lecturer very well. He is facing stresses and so class becomes grievances-pouring sessions. It is normal. But does he have to harp on it so many times?
And he was once nearly sued for instigating a divorce between a man and a woman.
Sometimes he just spews forth many many many things without thinking (an all those cliches)and the gravity of his words are not weighed. I am not sure if this could be part of the precipitation for the divorce. He could have inadvertently done the couple a disservice.
Or did he do it on purpose.
In class he has been firing in rapid succession a whole load of issues that were too quick for us to respond to or we just didn't have the opportunity to rebutt.
And he covers his track by reacting lightning quick.
Issues there were unfair to some of us.
This Is Intent For You
He questions intent. For moi, if it is a sex therapy session or an erotic massage session, it is just that. If I do the above, why can't I act as a confidant as I provide both physical and mental relief to my patient.
Of course if it is a relaxing or sports massage, it is just that too. And I can still act as a confidant too, can't I?
And if it is just counselling, it is just counselling. Mental relief. Are you daft? Or pea-brained?
Holistic therapy in the former two cases? You bet.
*Period*
More Smoking Ban At Public Places
Even open-air places are now not spared and perhaps at car parking lots because of the combustible fumes? it is not such a bad idea.
But that 5m ban within an exit/entrance is so debatable. People cannot precisely judge that 5m though a visual assessment sometimes can. So a 5m marker to mark out this spot is in order. Otherwise any security guard can just be very subjective.
And if you are restricting so many places but ciggies are still readily available, where are the smokers supposed to smoke.
My Littering Fine - ParkWay Parade Shopping Mall
Yes I was caught within this 50m or so beltway dotted with benches and flowerbeds. On one side are fast food joints. KFC has two smoking tables with ash trays and a plastic bin (not meant for stubbing out ciggies).
The other side is a stretch of cafes with smoking zones and litter bins of course.
Both are on elevated platforms.
Smoking along this 50m beltway is allowed but not a single bin is in sight. As the other bins are not easily accessible and the sole metal litter box and bin is placed at a side entrance of a shopping mall (gosh, doesn't this violate the 5m ruling) far away, it is so preposterously stupid.
Look at other open-court smoking places with so many bins placed a couple of metres within each other.
So what is the criterion for the placement and spacing of bins? If there is even one or is it haphazard.
Towel Sharing Between Male And Female Patrons And Ridiculity Of Counter Times And Return Of Towels
Before I joined Calif, I went there for a pre-trial after 11am or so. So I wasn't cognisant that towels were shared between both male and female patrons.
Only after joining membership did I realise that. It was because the counters had different opening times.
Imagine sharing towels like that. Even husbands and wives don't, what more strangers. Yes they are laundered but can we be sure? In fact towels should be color-coded and separated out, one for males, the other for females.
Now they ridiculously want us to return towels to the 2nd floor only and they closed the 3rd floor counter untill a certain time -11am in this case. (Female showers on 2nd, males on the 3rd) Even this time limit isn't strictly observed. 11.30am and there is still no counter open yet.
I cannot see why that 3rd floor counter (or at least just a bin) be open for collecting soiled towels round the clock without the need for a staff to man the counter.
Anyway it is the one and the same towel, what big difference does it make?
Stupid as it comes, stupid as it goes.
Does it make sense?
What Does This Show?
If my roomie had prohibited visitors on my part, I would have been happy. Because it will show that he is monogamous.
I had asked about visitors and he is ok with it. But I told him that since we were sharing a room, I will not have visitors and likewise I expect the same of him.
I was disappointed to say the least.
And all the nonsense about complicated, convoluted relationships and that people are basically slut. Is this human nature or is it the effect of pornography or of ourselves and our value system?
I offered to help him with his school work but he didn't respond.
I am not sure what is happening on the side (if any) between him and Ben. I suspect there is. Ben and Rick have shown that they can be capable of deceit. And I am not sure where my roomie is holing up now.
If he is financially needy, he will probably need to hook up with them.
And Ben has typecasted (though I thought a bit unfairly) that all the Chinese were money-minded and only sought wealth.
I think maybe it only happens in my roomie's case while the rest should genuinely be seeking an education and a job or to return home for some economic role.
I just hope they are not doing something behind my back. That will be so unethical and Ben should know better.
The real playboy should be him.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Some Things Bear Repeating Because You Are Not Listening
I Still Can't Get Over Him
You would have thought it was good riddance and closure for me. Fact is, it isn't. I still have lingering feelings for him and even after I thought I could close a chapter on this emotional trauma and drama of my love life, I really couldn't.
I tried patching up and persuading him to return and his reply seared through to my heart. He asked if I was sick (lovesick that is) and denied his sexuality once again, threatened to report me to the police for sexual harrassment and asked that I do not stir up unnecessary trouble for myself.
I almost wanted to weep my heart out.
The other day when I bumped into him at school (or at least I waylaid him when I knew he had a class going on) , his frivolous, callous reply was chilling and that was when I decided enough was enough and determinedly decided to be on a quest for another roomie.
The next day, I sunk into depression and I was still thinking about him over the next couple of days. I began to have tension headache and felt very, very exhausted, so much so that I laid off gym training for a while.
And I text him again to bid goodnight like I always did before he moved in.
I was so emotionally affected by this incident that I blew my top at the towel girl at the gym. It was like a breaking point. And she asked for it because it just wasn't that incident but a culmination of several.
Is That Too Much To Ask
He was a huge disappointment as a roomie even though I had told him what he could expect.
First I wanted a buddy whom I can relate to, chat, do some things together, an emotional and mental anchor and of course if it happens, it happens - sex. And I know I had reduced myself to no more than a slut but then again that is my usual attire at night - nude in bed or topless in my underwear.
He did steal sidelong glances but didn't bite the bait and we just did our own things. He did his own thing more than I wanted to and he had exams coming up, chatted online and spent three nights away.
So we didn't even have a chance to really bond though we did chat quite a fair bit.
But when he left, he wasn't so frequent online. Why?
I can only surmise he had all those gay friends with him or whoever else and he didn't need the online chats anymore.
This Is Not A Drama Script Or A Wedding Game
I hope he doesn't expect it to happen like in the drama love serials. Somehow I thought he wanted to script it that way.
The flowers, whatever.
I told him I don't like emotional scenes and I am getting very, very tired of fakes in a relationship - that is the kinda drama we have come to expect from television or the movies.
Or the PTs trying to be like one of the boys and going into regimental style physical training in National Service. Such fakes.
A Consolation - Another Hot Young Chinese Dude To Pour My Heart Out To
So I did the next best thing and asked this young China friend out.I want to pour out my sorrows to him and I know he will understand better, being from where he comes from. A similar background to my roomie.
You would have recalled I met him working at the cafe - the hot young dude with the pretty delicate facial features, the red petal lips and perfectly snow-white complexion.
He would have been my first choice if he wasn't as unresponsive up untill now.
I can trust him more than I can trust the circle of gay people.
Damn You! First The Lecturer And At The Gym
I am not sure if this is another script and test whoever out there is trying to put me through for whatever reasons.
Maybe they thought I would be driven into the arms of my counselling lecturer and have therapy sessions with him as he wished.
I must make it pretty clear I am not the least bit interested in him (or any blimp) or in any of the Indian-Arab PTs who seem to hover around me whenever I am training or at the lockers.
First there is no chemistry and second I am not physically or sexually attracted. We can be friends, sure. Especially this Hindu-Arab.
Sure my lecturer is funny and cute. But it ends there. I find him repeating himself and the same few antics one time too many. And all those utterly insiduous remarks and untruths. I even question now if he works for the hospital as he claims to.
The experience sounds fake. I wanted to laugh out loud when he talked about what he thinks the pharmaceutical sales experience was. It wasn't really true, some parts of it. And being a psychologist, how would he know? He isn't a psychiatrist who dispenses medication and wouldn't then be in contact with pharmaceutical sales personnel.
First it is a company which did personality tests, then it is a school. So which is which? Then he is married and childless, now he admits he is single. And that explains why he has only one marital counselling to his credit.
He questions "intent" so what is his?
And Then My Classmates
Or even the ethnic women sitting around me during class. We don't share quite the same kinda religious or non-religious outlook.
I can relate to Claire only because she is an English-languagy person like myself and she had completed a course with the same school on "Creative Writing".
A friend to talk to during class and focus on our lecturer's chamelonic speech of all kinds.
*Period*
I Am Not Ready For Another Relationship Yet And A Non-Glam Vocation
With the kinda emotional trauma inflicted upon me by my roomie, I don't even wanna start anything with anyone like this gay hair stylist I know or even Rafi, my flatmate.
I only wanna work within an education institutional environs, not the medical corp services. I have been there and yes, it isn't pleasant facing oncology patients and the whole works. I caught my chicken pox too while on my pharmaceutical sales round.
Certainly I can't do marital counselling.
Youths and sports, specific population groups I certainly can. Not serious delinquent kind but milder versions, I hope.
Not the big psychotic and neurotic kind which is in the realm of psychology anyway, not counselling. Something simpler with kids like bullying or career counselling and sports motivation and counselling.
There you see - a non-glamorous job, cleaning up after the system which troubles so many people out there. Money problems, social problems, policy issues, the whole darn thing.
We Don't Need Pornography
Ban pornography for good. We don't need them. It is all pure lust.
I didn't have access to them when I was in school or in the army. It was very, very much later like when I lived on my own or earlier that I did.
Without them, I had feelings for all those people. Gabriel, Joo Wei, Allan, Chong Beng. Because it started with relationships, personality, etc.
But now I am the way I am, I am not too sure but the next generation surely can be protected against it.
Nice Coffee Chat - But What Lies Behind
I met up with Ben the houseowner to discuss my roomie moving out.
Actually I am beginning to think he was that VP once when I guardianed a China student at a SAP school. Now he isn't at this SAP school and is running a private tutorial and I know he has diverse grassroot contacts here. Both community and religious groups.
I enjoyed chatting with him but I know Ben is more like in primary school kinda mode. And it isn't so practical-oriented.
And of course all he has to say of the China students are negative. I tend to agree because of my past experiences but I am still keeping faith in my roomie. Of course I am shattered (as Ben must move around the gay circle more) that gays can't keep faithful to a relationship.
Despite everything, I am still rooting for my roomie but can you blame me when I see what happens around the KTVs here. The old and young men. Some must surely be married and can you imagine their wives or girlfriends? Trust? In the blind about their activities or just turning one blind eye.
And what the gays are doing too.......at least the ones I see.
Free Full Body Check-Up, Not Just HIV Testing - What About Foreign Sex Workers?
What of some of our leaders? They wanna test for HIV for people admitted into hospitals. Why not do a free thorough head to toe bodily medical check-up to screen for other diseases as well, not just HIV? Wouldn't that be more appreciated?
If they are so serious about rooting out HIV, foreign sex workers working in sleazespots would be at higher risk. So why not them too?
I Hope Not, That Would Be Like So Ethically Wrong
I am not even sure if Ben and my roomie are contacting each other on the sly.
He can be a boyfriend snatcher though I thought he is coupled with Rick. I mean all those visitors late in the night. And he has said he can turn a blind eye (for me if it is relationships it could be devastating) and I know he has done so on himself.
He is purportedly flying off to Canada to further his higher education in May, the same time my ex-roomie's student pass is expiring. The same country of origin of both of their programs.
Sometimes it is just the connection or link. I could be wrong of course. But what of his school during his absence?
I hope he has my interests at heart as he claims to.
Not Just Any Beau But A Beau
Well I am not that young but that does not mean I must be holed up with people much older or maybe a few years apart from me like Doray or my lecturer or Aunt Chan Moi's son or FatBloke and whoever else. When we just don't click.
I can click with my roomie but too bad he is just too distant for me as he wants it that way.
I know I am looking to settle down and Ben has told me older people are more stable. True but I am sure people at any age are settling down so age is not the preoccupation here.
If they wanna flirt, I can do the same. It is "open" though I rather not. Yes, both guys and girls. I can. I truly can.
Get This Again, Assholes!
So please assholes.
Grant me that passageway. No any political party joining for me. No coercion. You are just making me hate you like fucks even more. Maybe that is what the community is trying to do. Instigate me into being Che Guevara like my roomie and my lecturer are trying to.
My job. My house. My nestegg. My beau. My own thing. I am not that young anymore.
One day I may even thank you and support your cause, if you reform, that is.
You would have thought it was good riddance and closure for me. Fact is, it isn't. I still have lingering feelings for him and even after I thought I could close a chapter on this emotional trauma and drama of my love life, I really couldn't.
I tried patching up and persuading him to return and his reply seared through to my heart. He asked if I was sick (lovesick that is) and denied his sexuality once again, threatened to report me to the police for sexual harrassment and asked that I do not stir up unnecessary trouble for myself.
I almost wanted to weep my heart out.
The other day when I bumped into him at school (or at least I waylaid him when I knew he had a class going on) , his frivolous, callous reply was chilling and that was when I decided enough was enough and determinedly decided to be on a quest for another roomie.
The next day, I sunk into depression and I was still thinking about him over the next couple of days. I began to have tension headache and felt very, very exhausted, so much so that I laid off gym training for a while.
And I text him again to bid goodnight like I always did before he moved in.
I was so emotionally affected by this incident that I blew my top at the towel girl at the gym. It was like a breaking point. And she asked for it because it just wasn't that incident but a culmination of several.
Is That Too Much To Ask
He was a huge disappointment as a roomie even though I had told him what he could expect.
First I wanted a buddy whom I can relate to, chat, do some things together, an emotional and mental anchor and of course if it happens, it happens - sex. And I know I had reduced myself to no more than a slut but then again that is my usual attire at night - nude in bed or topless in my underwear.
He did steal sidelong glances but didn't bite the bait and we just did our own things. He did his own thing more than I wanted to and he had exams coming up, chatted online and spent three nights away.
So we didn't even have a chance to really bond though we did chat quite a fair bit.
But when he left, he wasn't so frequent online. Why?
I can only surmise he had all those gay friends with him or whoever else and he didn't need the online chats anymore.
This Is Not A Drama Script Or A Wedding Game
I hope he doesn't expect it to happen like in the drama love serials. Somehow I thought he wanted to script it that way.
The flowers, whatever.
I told him I don't like emotional scenes and I am getting very, very tired of fakes in a relationship - that is the kinda drama we have come to expect from television or the movies.
Or the PTs trying to be like one of the boys and going into regimental style physical training in National Service. Such fakes.
A Consolation - Another Hot Young Chinese Dude To Pour My Heart Out To
So I did the next best thing and asked this young China friend out.I want to pour out my sorrows to him and I know he will understand better, being from where he comes from. A similar background to my roomie.
You would have recalled I met him working at the cafe - the hot young dude with the pretty delicate facial features, the red petal lips and perfectly snow-white complexion.
He would have been my first choice if he wasn't as unresponsive up untill now.
I can trust him more than I can trust the circle of gay people.
Damn You! First The Lecturer And At The Gym
I am not sure if this is another script and test whoever out there is trying to put me through for whatever reasons.
Maybe they thought I would be driven into the arms of my counselling lecturer and have therapy sessions with him as he wished.
I must make it pretty clear I am not the least bit interested in him (or any blimp) or in any of the Indian-Arab PTs who seem to hover around me whenever I am training or at the lockers.
First there is no chemistry and second I am not physically or sexually attracted. We can be friends, sure. Especially this Hindu-Arab.
Sure my lecturer is funny and cute. But it ends there. I find him repeating himself and the same few antics one time too many. And all those utterly insiduous remarks and untruths. I even question now if he works for the hospital as he claims to.
The experience sounds fake. I wanted to laugh out loud when he talked about what he thinks the pharmaceutical sales experience was. It wasn't really true, some parts of it. And being a psychologist, how would he know? He isn't a psychiatrist who dispenses medication and wouldn't then be in contact with pharmaceutical sales personnel.
First it is a company which did personality tests, then it is a school. So which is which? Then he is married and childless, now he admits he is single. And that explains why he has only one marital counselling to his credit.
He questions "intent" so what is his?
And Then My Classmates
Or even the ethnic women sitting around me during class. We don't share quite the same kinda religious or non-religious outlook.
I can relate to Claire only because she is an English-languagy person like myself and she had completed a course with the same school on "Creative Writing".
A friend to talk to during class and focus on our lecturer's chamelonic speech of all kinds.
*Period*
I Am Not Ready For Another Relationship Yet And A Non-Glam Vocation
With the kinda emotional trauma inflicted upon me by my roomie, I don't even wanna start anything with anyone like this gay hair stylist I know or even Rafi, my flatmate.
I only wanna work within an education institutional environs, not the medical corp services. I have been there and yes, it isn't pleasant facing oncology patients and the whole works. I caught my chicken pox too while on my pharmaceutical sales round.
Certainly I can't do marital counselling.
Youths and sports, specific population groups I certainly can. Not serious delinquent kind but milder versions, I hope.
Not the big psychotic and neurotic kind which is in the realm of psychology anyway, not counselling. Something simpler with kids like bullying or career counselling and sports motivation and counselling.
There you see - a non-glamorous job, cleaning up after the system which troubles so many people out there. Money problems, social problems, policy issues, the whole darn thing.
We Don't Need Pornography
Ban pornography for good. We don't need them. It is all pure lust.
I didn't have access to them when I was in school or in the army. It was very, very much later like when I lived on my own or earlier that I did.
Without them, I had feelings for all those people. Gabriel, Joo Wei, Allan, Chong Beng. Because it started with relationships, personality, etc.
But now I am the way I am, I am not too sure but the next generation surely can be protected against it.
Nice Coffee Chat - But What Lies Behind
I met up with Ben the houseowner to discuss my roomie moving out.
Actually I am beginning to think he was that VP once when I guardianed a China student at a SAP school. Now he isn't at this SAP school and is running a private tutorial and I know he has diverse grassroot contacts here. Both community and religious groups.
I enjoyed chatting with him but I know Ben is more like in primary school kinda mode. And it isn't so practical-oriented.
And of course all he has to say of the China students are negative. I tend to agree because of my past experiences but I am still keeping faith in my roomie. Of course I am shattered (as Ben must move around the gay circle more) that gays can't keep faithful to a relationship.
Despite everything, I am still rooting for my roomie but can you blame me when I see what happens around the KTVs here. The old and young men. Some must surely be married and can you imagine their wives or girlfriends? Trust? In the blind about their activities or just turning one blind eye.
And what the gays are doing too.......at least the ones I see.
Free Full Body Check-Up, Not Just HIV Testing - What About Foreign Sex Workers?
What of some of our leaders? They wanna test for HIV for people admitted into hospitals. Why not do a free thorough head to toe bodily medical check-up to screen for other diseases as well, not just HIV? Wouldn't that be more appreciated?
If they are so serious about rooting out HIV, foreign sex workers working in sleazespots would be at higher risk. So why not them too?
I Hope Not, That Would Be Like So Ethically Wrong
I am not even sure if Ben and my roomie are contacting each other on the sly.
He can be a boyfriend snatcher though I thought he is coupled with Rick. I mean all those visitors late in the night. And he has said he can turn a blind eye (for me if it is relationships it could be devastating) and I know he has done so on himself.
He is purportedly flying off to Canada to further his higher education in May, the same time my ex-roomie's student pass is expiring. The same country of origin of both of their programs.
Sometimes it is just the connection or link. I could be wrong of course. But what of his school during his absence?
I hope he has my interests at heart as he claims to.
Not Just Any Beau But A Beau
Well I am not that young but that does not mean I must be holed up with people much older or maybe a few years apart from me like Doray or my lecturer or Aunt Chan Moi's son or FatBloke and whoever else. When we just don't click.
I can click with my roomie but too bad he is just too distant for me as he wants it that way.
I know I am looking to settle down and Ben has told me older people are more stable. True but I am sure people at any age are settling down so age is not the preoccupation here.
If they wanna flirt, I can do the same. It is "open" though I rather not. Yes, both guys and girls. I can. I truly can.
Get This Again, Assholes!
So please assholes.
Grant me that passageway. No any political party joining for me. No coercion. You are just making me hate you like fucks even more. Maybe that is what the community is trying to do. Instigate me into being Che Guevara like my roomie and my lecturer are trying to.
My job. My house. My nestegg. My beau. My own thing. I am not that young anymore.
One day I may even thank you and support your cause, if you reform, that is.
Friday, January 09, 2009
Only A Musing But Some Must Be Right On Target
A Pack Of Lies - It Is Closure And Good Riddance
Finally I have closure on my relationship with my roomie.
I can see that he is gay and the circle of friends he moves around with are gays. He is the playful sort and he just wanna have his fun and fling with all of them. He is a pack of lies about being wanna be groomed for a monogamous gay relationship and so on and how being from China (and China has modernised and changed) he is the conservative sort.
He is pretending and must have done it loads of times back home and while entertaining clients to KTVs, I cannot believe he would have nothing to do with the KTV girls.
In fact he could be earning money on the side servicing older folks to pay for his school fees like the Chinese masseurs I know. And I am pretty sure my lecturer is in on this, being the counsellor he is, he is probably getting the referrals.
Among other things my roomy had said were that he is able to attract both guys and gals and I know pretty well his relationship with his fellow countrymate. I think he thinks too highly of himself.
The last 15 days he disappeared were the days the school had a recess and he was out enjoying himself. Maybe he rode the Singapore Flyer and got stuck there too when it malfunctioned.
His excuse was that he wanted to see his cancer-stricken dying grandfather back in China. So he wants me to do all the dirty stuff for him like helping him with his English, all the back- breaking work while he is out to eat and enjoy.
After he has enough fun with the gays and probably fling with the gals as well, he is gonna marry
He probably wanna rent a place here within distance of the school so he can bring in folks for fun. School mates, friends and the whole ding-dong gang. Thinking I will have bring in my circle of people and play along.
I can only wish him a couple of things : I know his health isn't too good and it will deterioriate with time at the rate he goes on with his late night online activities and so on. His school work will suffer (but of course given his relationship with the school, he is probably gonna get off the hook).
And knowing how girls and gays are (from the circle I come from), someone in the circle will one day outmaneovure him and he will have his just dessert. *Period*
It is TATA and I am on another quest for a roomie who can be gay and faithful to me despite all the happenings in the surround.
I wanna settle down and when I start being a counsellor myself, I am stable and detached and professional to deal with a whole range of emotions. No dual or multiple relationships with any of my charges.
And Then There Is My Lecturer
I know my lecturer is stressed from the way he looks and his tired face and seriously, that explains why he is repeating the same few topics over and over again save for a couple of lessons.
I think he needs a break and a holiday. Which he said he did ride the Singapore Flyer and I am sure he did it on an outing with these Chinese students. They all know one another. The lecturers and the Chinese students and I spotted a young Chinese masseur among them.
He was tagging along with the MBA students and whoa was it a young class especially my roomie's countrymate. 21 (I think he is younger) and doing an MBA class. He isn't rich (as I postulate and contrary to what my roomie says) and is probably financed on some sexual service he provides.
And yes, my lecturer is lying too so he was constantly blinking his eyes, a surefire sign of deceit. He gets away with it only because he is sharp and quick to react. Oo and he bicycles and he lives near moi's vicinity and I am sure my roomie is holed up with him.
He has told me, you think all the lecturers are good? And I instantly get it. Not to mention he got his qualifications from the school and his credentials and working place should now be questioned because we can't verify it.
Therefore he trembled once when I spoke to him because he knew I will see through him.
EVIL will always see its day. Because it will get entangled in its own lies and be the death of the beholder.
Argh And Then There Is That Little Spy
Don't forget that little wimp they sent me who constantly mouths those thingies he does. It is so obvious he appears whenever he does.
Finally I have closure on my relationship with my roomie.
I can see that he is gay and the circle of friends he moves around with are gays. He is the playful sort and he just wanna have his fun and fling with all of them. He is a pack of lies about being wanna be groomed for a monogamous gay relationship and so on and how being from China (and China has modernised and changed) he is the conservative sort.
He is pretending and must have done it loads of times back home and while entertaining clients to KTVs, I cannot believe he would have nothing to do with the KTV girls.
In fact he could be earning money on the side servicing older folks to pay for his school fees like the Chinese masseurs I know. And I am pretty sure my lecturer is in on this, being the counsellor he is, he is probably getting the referrals.
Among other things my roomy had said were that he is able to attract both guys and gals and I know pretty well his relationship with his fellow countrymate. I think he thinks too highly of himself.
The last 15 days he disappeared were the days the school had a recess and he was out enjoying himself. Maybe he rode the Singapore Flyer and got stuck there too when it malfunctioned.
His excuse was that he wanted to see his cancer-stricken dying grandfather back in China. So he wants me to do all the dirty stuff for him like helping him with his English, all the back- breaking work while he is out to eat and enjoy.
After he has enough fun with the gays and probably fling with the gals as well, he is gonna marry
He probably wanna rent a place here within distance of the school so he can bring in folks for fun. School mates, friends and the whole ding-dong gang. Thinking I will have bring in my circle of people and play along.
I can only wish him a couple of things : I know his health isn't too good and it will deterioriate with time at the rate he goes on with his late night online activities and so on. His school work will suffer (but of course given his relationship with the school, he is probably gonna get off the hook).
And knowing how girls and gays are (from the circle I come from), someone in the circle will one day outmaneovure him and he will have his just dessert. *Period*
It is TATA and I am on another quest for a roomie who can be gay and faithful to me despite all the happenings in the surround.
I wanna settle down and when I start being a counsellor myself, I am stable and detached and professional to deal with a whole range of emotions. No dual or multiple relationships with any of my charges.
And Then There Is My Lecturer
I know my lecturer is stressed from the way he looks and his tired face and seriously, that explains why he is repeating the same few topics over and over again save for a couple of lessons.
I think he needs a break and a holiday. Which he said he did ride the Singapore Flyer and I am sure he did it on an outing with these Chinese students. They all know one another. The lecturers and the Chinese students and I spotted a young Chinese masseur among them.
He was tagging along with the MBA students and whoa was it a young class especially my roomie's countrymate. 21 (I think he is younger) and doing an MBA class. He isn't rich (as I postulate and contrary to what my roomie says) and is probably financed on some sexual service he provides.
And yes, my lecturer is lying too so he was constantly blinking his eyes, a surefire sign of deceit. He gets away with it only because he is sharp and quick to react. Oo and he bicycles and he lives near moi's vicinity and I am sure my roomie is holed up with him.
He has told me, you think all the lecturers are good? And I instantly get it. Not to mention he got his qualifications from the school and his credentials and working place should now be questioned because we can't verify it.
Therefore he trembled once when I spoke to him because he knew I will see through him.
EVIL will always see its day. Because it will get entangled in its own lies and be the death of the beholder.
Argh And Then There Is That Little Spy
Don't forget that little wimp they sent me who constantly mouths those thingies he does. It is so obvious he appears whenever he does.
More On Fakers, Impostors And Serial Liars (Updated)
Does The Gay Or Non-Gay Community Mean Me Or Anyone For That Matter Well?
When I had that tangle of long hair (I admit that because of the wave that it was a bit unkempt), the non-too-positive reactions came from all quarters.
From the gay to the non-gay communities alike. In fact, I thought I had more reaction from the gay community. The instant reaction was that I was transgendered or that I was contemplating to. So I had many unkind snide remarks about friends who were castrated and who now live as transsexuals.
I thought they were kinda like egging me on. Go on, you should! Cut it! You know, that kinda thingy.
The guy who tried to push me some pills (oO and he got a Malaysian supplier it seems), was himself I think non-too-secure, so he was the worst of the pack. And sure enough several transgendered beings cross my path soon after. As if trying to mirror me for me to see myself.
I detect some kinda jealousy over something that I am not too sure what it is. Perhaps because of the house I owned previously, the people I turned down several times or unwittingly offended or my seemingly "luxurious" lifestyle (this is so hilarious), so the community must be buzzing with hatemail and gossip about moi and spreading all those untruths.
As I said, there seem to be some collusion between the gay, bi, business and public services that are trying to pin me down, nail and crucify me. They are trying to script my life for me and for no good end. And in a most evil and insiduous way too.
Don't trust them to be supportive. In fact, trust them to jeopardise your position or relationships or to laugh at you. Not too many can be trusted. They have suffered through their own ridicules themselves back then.
More On Fakers, Impostors And Serial Liars
The most obvious give-away is the body language of this particular Filipino Personal Trainer. He is most uncomfortable in the presence of "seemingly transgendered" people (moi counting as being one once) and you can detect his insecurity.
To cover up, some will bring gals into the picture and others try to exude swaggers and sado-machoism or intone our National Service regimented style of doing the PTs.
In fact, given time, you can begin to notice the body languages of a few other PTs caving in.
One or two has taken to harassing moi more recently.
And of course the members.
Gee, what can I say? The world is full of lies? I am beginning to feel uncomfortable myself when I realise how many of them there are EVERYWHERE! Some are pretty obvious, some not at all while others are truly subtle.
My roomie has on occasions displayed his vulnerabilities and I know it. I don't hate it. I like it and I accept him for all that he is.
Gays Or Non-Gays, Hear Moi (Wahahahahahaha, This Is Such A Laugh Too) Out
I think this is also partly our education stereotypes. It happens in schools and at home.
I hear this at kindergarten or pre-nursery schools where the "educators" go on about boy and girl roles (this is a boy, he wears blue, this is a girl, he wears red or you are a boy, you can't cry), what to expect and so on.
The more we come up with stupidities like role playing, penile sizes, multiple-wayed relationships (putting off other serious-minded mongamous gay relationship seekers) or other ludicrous gay-cultural thingy (colors or fashion or whatever), the more we are gonna throw up even more horrendous insecurities, liars, fakers and impostors.
Let the relationships and roles play themselves out eventually as they surely will and we all play many, many roles.
Gays or whoever you are, do you hear moi (there, even my use of this term "moi" is fake).
*Smiles*
Bisexual But Strong Preference Is For Guys
I can now certainly conclude that I am bisexual, there is no doubt about that. But I prefer guys more and for a beau, I rather live in with a guy (and then again certain guys - no wimps and blimps) more than anyone else.
Girls are distant friends and only certain girls with good personality and character traits.
*Period*
The Complexities And Stresses Of Life
There you have it folks.
How did the complexities arise which then lead to stresses?
Because we weave a web of intricacies, deceit and lies around ourselves and others. We can't be truthful and that is because the environment (policies, conditioning and so on) disallow us to.
Therefore the environment has to change, then come truthfulness and we are able to live again.
Sometimes we self-created them. It has nothing to do with the environment. Yes, we ourselves. Because we wanna control, play games, have fun or we just didn't read clearly the signs.
Only blame ourselves in this instance. And no one else.
Practice directness, truthfulness in most instances and make things very clear from the beginning - that is clarify expectations.
And then complexities and stresses are gone for good.
When I had that tangle of long hair (I admit that because of the wave that it was a bit unkempt), the non-too-positive reactions came from all quarters.
From the gay to the non-gay communities alike. In fact, I thought I had more reaction from the gay community. The instant reaction was that I was transgendered or that I was contemplating to. So I had many unkind snide remarks about friends who were castrated and who now live as transsexuals.
I thought they were kinda like egging me on. Go on, you should! Cut it! You know, that kinda thingy.
The guy who tried to push me some pills (oO and he got a Malaysian supplier it seems), was himself I think non-too-secure, so he was the worst of the pack. And sure enough several transgendered beings cross my path soon after. As if trying to mirror me for me to see myself.
I detect some kinda jealousy over something that I am not too sure what it is. Perhaps because of the house I owned previously, the people I turned down several times or unwittingly offended or my seemingly "luxurious" lifestyle (this is so hilarious), so the community must be buzzing with hatemail and gossip about moi and spreading all those untruths.
As I said, there seem to be some collusion between the gay, bi, business and public services that are trying to pin me down, nail and crucify me. They are trying to script my life for me and for no good end. And in a most evil and insiduous way too.
Don't trust them to be supportive. In fact, trust them to jeopardise your position or relationships or to laugh at you. Not too many can be trusted. They have suffered through their own ridicules themselves back then.
More On Fakers, Impostors And Serial Liars
The most obvious give-away is the body language of this particular Filipino Personal Trainer. He is most uncomfortable in the presence of "seemingly transgendered" people (moi counting as being one once) and you can detect his insecurity.
To cover up, some will bring gals into the picture and others try to exude swaggers and sado-machoism or intone our National Service regimented style of doing the PTs.
In fact, given time, you can begin to notice the body languages of a few other PTs caving in.
One or two has taken to harassing moi more recently.
And of course the members.
Gee, what can I say? The world is full of lies? I am beginning to feel uncomfortable myself when I realise how many of them there are EVERYWHERE! Some are pretty obvious, some not at all while others are truly subtle.
My roomie has on occasions displayed his vulnerabilities and I know it. I don't hate it. I like it and I accept him for all that he is.
Gays Or Non-Gays, Hear Moi (Wahahahahahaha, This Is Such A Laugh Too) Out
I think this is also partly our education stereotypes. It happens in schools and at home.
I hear this at kindergarten or pre-nursery schools where the "educators" go on about boy and girl roles (this is a boy, he wears blue, this is a girl, he wears red or you are a boy, you can't cry), what to expect and so on.
The more we come up with stupidities like role playing, penile sizes, multiple-wayed relationships (putting off other serious-minded mongamous gay relationship seekers) or other ludicrous gay-cultural thingy (colors or fashion or whatever), the more we are gonna throw up even more horrendous insecurities, liars, fakers and impostors.
Let the relationships and roles play themselves out eventually as they surely will and we all play many, many roles.
Gays or whoever you are, do you hear moi (there, even my use of this term "moi" is fake).
*Smiles*
Bisexual But Strong Preference Is For Guys
I can now certainly conclude that I am bisexual, there is no doubt about that. But I prefer guys more and for a beau, I rather live in with a guy (and then again certain guys - no wimps and blimps) more than anyone else.
Girls are distant friends and only certain girls with good personality and character traits.
*Period*
The Complexities And Stresses Of Life
There you have it folks.
How did the complexities arise which then lead to stresses?
Because we weave a web of intricacies, deceit and lies around ourselves and others. We can't be truthful and that is because the environment (policies, conditioning and so on) disallow us to.
Therefore the environment has to change, then come truthfulness and we are able to live again.
Sometimes we self-created them. It has nothing to do with the environment. Yes, we ourselves. Because we wanna control, play games, have fun or we just didn't read clearly the signs.
Only blame ourselves in this instance. And no one else.
Practice directness, truthfulness in most instances and make things very clear from the beginning - that is clarify expectations.
And then complexities and stresses are gone for good.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Mending My Broken Heart
Yesterday night I looked at myself in the mirror and I hated what I saw.
It wasn't about my acne-scarred face or about ageing or the few grey hair strands I am beginning to harvest.
I was reflecting on my love life and what had gone so terribly wrong.
What began very earnestly in my youth beginning from the time when I was a secondary and junior college student right up to my army life and beyond, all I wanted was to look for that one soulmate, that one romanticism and love I could always call my own.
It never happened.
I couldn't come out to a mainstream that is unaccepting of gay love or at least in perpetual denial or in hiding behind a mask.
When I thought about it, Gabriel Rodriguez wasn't the only crush I had way back in primary school. In secondary school, there was Tracy Bracken and Andrew Boey. I kinda liked Andrew Seah too.
Then there was that dragonboater in JC and Allan wasn't the only army mate I came out to. There was Chong Beng. But he had a girl friend and proudly displayed her to me to tell me that I should just stop thinking ever of striking up any relationship with him.
In the university, there were a couple of guys but of course, being "hetero", they turned moi right down.
At work there were some guys I liked but of course we can't come out and say such things outright now, can we?
Then there were a couple of those foreign students.
Now at this age, I am reliving the same living hell all over again. I think I have enough of heartbreaks and this recent episode hasn't exactly put me in a good emotional state.
Lord, can you please spare me the emotional pain all over again.
All I want is to settle down to one good beau who knows who he is and not in some denial or hide-and-seek games. I am frankly getting very very tired. I don't want to go through another emotional drama or that kinda stinking depression that eats into you once someone up and leave your life and LEAVE YOU COLD.
I can be frivolous about a whole array of stuff like fashion, clothes, food , whatever.
But when it comes to love and relationships, I AM DEAD SERIOUS.
Is that so difficult to ask for?
It wasn't about my acne-scarred face or about ageing or the few grey hair strands I am beginning to harvest.
I was reflecting on my love life and what had gone so terribly wrong.
What began very earnestly in my youth beginning from the time when I was a secondary and junior college student right up to my army life and beyond, all I wanted was to look for that one soulmate, that one romanticism and love I could always call my own.
It never happened.
I couldn't come out to a mainstream that is unaccepting of gay love or at least in perpetual denial or in hiding behind a mask.
When I thought about it, Gabriel Rodriguez wasn't the only crush I had way back in primary school. In secondary school, there was Tracy Bracken and Andrew Boey. I kinda liked Andrew Seah too.
Then there was that dragonboater in JC and Allan wasn't the only army mate I came out to. There was Chong Beng. But he had a girl friend and proudly displayed her to me to tell me that I should just stop thinking ever of striking up any relationship with him.
In the university, there were a couple of guys but of course, being "hetero", they turned moi right down.
At work there were some guys I liked but of course we can't come out and say such things outright now, can we?
Then there were a couple of those foreign students.
Now at this age, I am reliving the same living hell all over again. I think I have enough of heartbreaks and this recent episode hasn't exactly put me in a good emotional state.
Lord, can you please spare me the emotional pain all over again.
All I want is to settle down to one good beau who knows who he is and not in some denial or hide-and-seek games. I am frankly getting very very tired. I don't want to go through another emotional drama or that kinda stinking depression that eats into you once someone up and leave your life and LEAVE YOU COLD.
I can be frivolous about a whole array of stuff like fashion, clothes, food , whatever.
But when it comes to love and relationships, I AM DEAD SERIOUS.
Is that so difficult to ask for?
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Squeaky Clean Singapore Squeaks Sleaze
Is It Foreigners Or Our Very Own Locals Who Patronise SleazeSpots?
Wait. As a matter of conscience, I think I have to elaborate further on the sleaze galore that is what we have become nowadays.
On a Friday night out to observe this sleazespot, and moi suspects on other weekday nights as well, I see mostly older patrons. Some are so old and so ordinary folksy-looking while others are the rich, their big BMWs and Mercs, blatantly trumpeting their wealth.
You can't tell from looks who visit these sex establishments. Some are specky, nerdy types and you would have thought decent people.
On a Saturday night, you see a younger crowd, quite a few Bengs among them - the technical services sort.
We have our leaders harping on how foreign investors like these clubs and pubs and sleaze. But I see a largely local clientele.
And the KTV girls are dressed in all kinds of clothes too. Revealing cleavages, see-throughs and zipper side shorts and of course, the really mini minis. Others are decently dressed of course.
Lorong 14 Geylang
Other news I got wind of is how Lorong 14, Geylang is filled with old Indian hookers, soliciting for clients. I chanced upon one myself, a very old Indian woman with a much younger Indian man near moi's residence.
Is This Good News Or Is It Bad?
Our medical services corp is growing at 20% per annum, so we are told.
That is why two new hospitals are coming up soon.
What does that say? Certainly it must be part of a medical hub strategy to attract a regional and international clientele.
More telling, could it be that we are not taking care of our health as much or in the kind of modern lifestyle we lead (the food, the entertainment, the whole works) that is making us sedentary and prone to illness?
Singaporeans are working and dining and entertaining and stressing themselves for a ripe old age of diseases is how I can conclude this to be.
We have a crunch of doctors and nurses. While we didn't train our own for the nursing profession untill like more recently and we made our study of medicine so stringent then, now we open the floodgates to foreigners to fill these vacancies.
What Do We Make Of These Figures?
25% of our cohort are university trained. 6% are employed in the finance sector. So what are the rest of the 19% gonna do? Cabbying, security guarding, cleaning or is it cards dealing and clients entertaining?
Complexities Of Life And Stresses
Everyone attributes their decadent lifestyles like wining, dining and womanising to these.
While it is true to a certain extent, I think it has more to do with the lack of meaningful activities to engage in. Or at least they don't wanna seek out these kinda activities, preferring the vices.
What it does boil down to, I think, is just lame excuses, to cover up their lack of control, their pleasure seeking and hedonistic ways.
I think we have ourselves to thank for complicating our lives. From the top down to the bottom.
Wait. As a matter of conscience, I think I have to elaborate further on the sleaze galore that is what we have become nowadays.
On a Friday night out to observe this sleazespot, and moi suspects on other weekday nights as well, I see mostly older patrons. Some are so old and so ordinary folksy-looking while others are the rich, their big BMWs and Mercs, blatantly trumpeting their wealth.
You can't tell from looks who visit these sex establishments. Some are specky, nerdy types and you would have thought decent people.
On a Saturday night, you see a younger crowd, quite a few Bengs among them - the technical services sort.
We have our leaders harping on how foreign investors like these clubs and pubs and sleaze. But I see a largely local clientele.
And the KTV girls are dressed in all kinds of clothes too. Revealing cleavages, see-throughs and zipper side shorts and of course, the really mini minis. Others are decently dressed of course.
Lorong 14 Geylang
Other news I got wind of is how Lorong 14, Geylang is filled with old Indian hookers, soliciting for clients. I chanced upon one myself, a very old Indian woman with a much younger Indian man near moi's residence.
Is This Good News Or Is It Bad?
Our medical services corp is growing at 20% per annum, so we are told.
That is why two new hospitals are coming up soon.
What does that say? Certainly it must be part of a medical hub strategy to attract a regional and international clientele.
More telling, could it be that we are not taking care of our health as much or in the kind of modern lifestyle we lead (the food, the entertainment, the whole works) that is making us sedentary and prone to illness?
Singaporeans are working and dining and entertaining and stressing themselves for a ripe old age of diseases is how I can conclude this to be.
We have a crunch of doctors and nurses. While we didn't train our own for the nursing profession untill like more recently and we made our study of medicine so stringent then, now we open the floodgates to foreigners to fill these vacancies.
What Do We Make Of These Figures?
25% of our cohort are university trained. 6% are employed in the finance sector. So what are the rest of the 19% gonna do? Cabbying, security guarding, cleaning or is it cards dealing and clients entertaining?
Complexities Of Life And Stresses
Everyone attributes their decadent lifestyles like wining, dining and womanising to these.
While it is true to a certain extent, I think it has more to do with the lack of meaningful activities to engage in. Or at least they don't wanna seek out these kinda activities, preferring the vices.
What it does boil down to, I think, is just lame excuses, to cover up their lack of control, their pleasure seeking and hedonistic ways.
I think we have ourselves to thank for complicating our lives. From the top down to the bottom.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Fakes, Impostors And Serial Liars
More New Year Hilarity
While on a smoke-out, I noticed this patrol car in broad daylight (Oo and the Police Post seems to operate on an office-hour basis these days) looking out for cars parked along the road. This seems to be the job of the Traffic Police.
And there was a police truck which seems to be the sort who can imprison wrong-doers was parked by the roadside all the while, for whatever reasons. Not long after, the SWAT team was seen getting out to patrol the MRT station.
Why aren't they diverting their attention to more constructive work like at night around sleazespots?
And at the stadium once, I witnessed three policemen out in full force on foot for no apparent reasons.
Instead of training your CCTVs in one particular housing estate (imagine the kinda funds spent like that), why don't you train them on sleazespots like these so you can monitor and get the real picture?
This is a laugh-a-minute kinda situation. They are never where they should be or needed. Our men-in-blue and our CCTVs.
An Exploitative West
The West has exhibited a history of exploitation. We all know that.
From driving out the Red Indians and the indigenous folks of the Pacific Ocean like Australia and New Zealand, for instance, they have, in colonial times taken advantage of Asia's goldmine of natural resources, usually with no qualms or compensation.
I chanced upon a particularly fragrant body scrub made from Javan spices which is made and packed in one of these former colonial countries. Not even a collaborative effort or the sharing of the profits or even a mention of thanks or acknowledgement with the originator of the product.
Now it seems, the situation hasn't changed much. First they have made Asia a low-cost manufacturing base for their products. Yes, the locals get jobs, probably rising to the middle-tier of society while the owners of the factors of production rise to the super-league of the rich and famous.
The rest of the masses become consumers of their products. They buy their branded goods, learn in their "reputed" schools and universities. At the end of the day, the West becomes richer than ever, keeping their first world developed status more than ever.
That explains the throng of them flooding Beijing, eager to open up a potentially huge international consumer market. Of course India is not spared.
Unfortunately the technological advances lie with them.
If Asia doesn't unite and form a bloc, and we do outnumber them in terms of population size, we will forever be exploited.
There Is Possibly One Good The West Can Do
Yes the West can do one thing fairly well.
That is to homosexualise the world. Make it legal like in some of their truly developed First World countries do. But don't stereotype or erotise it. As if they aren't already doing it with the bi or hetero communities.
Make forming meaningful relationships a first priority. Not sexual exploitation or coercion.
It is true that in imperial China or in any other current or ancient cultures, polygamy or concubinage was rampant. But the West has instituted laws forbidding this so the American media cannot possibly try to promote otherwise with its consistent portrayal of multiple relationships, fun on the side, etc etc.
The Insiduity Of Such Snide Remarks
While my lecturer is fun and funny and we consistently get our side-splitting moments, he was perpetrating many myths and he wasn't really fair with the gay community, I thought.
Like the joke on a transsexual who had colonstomy which a part of the colon then formed part of her vaginal construction. He termed it expressway and how faeces get discharged via that channel when having carnal relations.
This is of course a joke but a total injustice to transsexuals because that is biologically impossible.
He keeps harping on all kinds of gay cultural thingies which were either not heard of or untrue or perhaps only best known to himself.
We even read veiled threats into like how being an eminent psychologist, he has the power to label someone and get that person demoted or incarcerated. It smacks of harrassment of some sort. And I am pretty sure the Australian woman is in on this. She sits in class to be on hand to chastise the rest of us (in case we rebutt) in her perfect English.
In an email reply, he asked if I need therapy. That certainly shows what kind of person he is. I think he is just as dysfunctional and needs therapy even more, occupying the position that he claims to occupy.
While I appreciate his honesty and frankness and sharing his clinical experiences with us, I have to rethink that now. Because he harps on the same few issues repeatedly which shows a lack of true diverse clinical experience, being the EMINENCE he claims to be, and he wasn't sure on others that he claims to have counselled upon.
He seems to be a predator on the prowl himself for the vulnerable in the community, while holding up a false front. A lonely loveless predator. A fake.
This is perhaps a collaboration between the gay community, the bis and all that is sleaze who are in on a scam to hoodwink the rest of us. The Unholy Alliance.
Fakes, Impostors And Serial Liars
Count my roomie, my lecturer , at the gym and the rest of us.
Lies, lies and more lies. It is just insecurity, the inability to stand up for oneself, to build character to live out your sexuality, need for an emotional and security crutch or blanket. That is what it is.
You can't trust a single person these days. From my landlord (and I do suspect him doing many things on the sly like all his home visitors while holding down a relationship with one) to anyone. His parents are from across the causeway. He studied here since young and holds PR status without having to perform National Service. Life has been served to him on a silver platter.
I am not even sure if my roomie is quietly contacting him on the side now that he is out of my life. He did claim to be someone financially needy courting bigger financial powers. Who knows? He is desperate for a job here and needs the contacts.
This is what really demeans being able to form a truly positive relationship. Economics dictate and demeans it. Commercialisation. Sleaze, sex, fun, the whole slut works, everything.
Can this ever change?
While on a smoke-out, I noticed this patrol car in broad daylight (Oo and the Police Post seems to operate on an office-hour basis these days) looking out for cars parked along the road. This seems to be the job of the Traffic Police.
And there was a police truck which seems to be the sort who can imprison wrong-doers was parked by the roadside all the while, for whatever reasons. Not long after, the SWAT team was seen getting out to patrol the MRT station.
Why aren't they diverting their attention to more constructive work like at night around sleazespots?
And at the stadium once, I witnessed three policemen out in full force on foot for no apparent reasons.
Instead of training your CCTVs in one particular housing estate (imagine the kinda funds spent like that), why don't you train them on sleazespots like these so you can monitor and get the real picture?
This is a laugh-a-minute kinda situation. They are never where they should be or needed. Our men-in-blue and our CCTVs.
An Exploitative West
The West has exhibited a history of exploitation. We all know that.
From driving out the Red Indians and the indigenous folks of the Pacific Ocean like Australia and New Zealand, for instance, they have, in colonial times taken advantage of Asia's goldmine of natural resources, usually with no qualms or compensation.
I chanced upon a particularly fragrant body scrub made from Javan spices which is made and packed in one of these former colonial countries. Not even a collaborative effort or the sharing of the profits or even a mention of thanks or acknowledgement with the originator of the product.
Now it seems, the situation hasn't changed much. First they have made Asia a low-cost manufacturing base for their products. Yes, the locals get jobs, probably rising to the middle-tier of society while the owners of the factors of production rise to the super-league of the rich and famous.
The rest of the masses become consumers of their products. They buy their branded goods, learn in their "reputed" schools and universities. At the end of the day, the West becomes richer than ever, keeping their first world developed status more than ever.
That explains the throng of them flooding Beijing, eager to open up a potentially huge international consumer market. Of course India is not spared.
Unfortunately the technological advances lie with them.
If Asia doesn't unite and form a bloc, and we do outnumber them in terms of population size, we will forever be exploited.
There Is Possibly One Good The West Can Do
Yes the West can do one thing fairly well.
That is to homosexualise the world. Make it legal like in some of their truly developed First World countries do. But don't stereotype or erotise it. As if they aren't already doing it with the bi or hetero communities.
Make forming meaningful relationships a first priority. Not sexual exploitation or coercion.
It is true that in imperial China or in any other current or ancient cultures, polygamy or concubinage was rampant. But the West has instituted laws forbidding this so the American media cannot possibly try to promote otherwise with its consistent portrayal of multiple relationships, fun on the side, etc etc.
The Insiduity Of Such Snide Remarks
While my lecturer is fun and funny and we consistently get our side-splitting moments, he was perpetrating many myths and he wasn't really fair with the gay community, I thought.
Like the joke on a transsexual who had colonstomy which a part of the colon then formed part of her vaginal construction. He termed it expressway and how faeces get discharged via that channel when having carnal relations.
This is of course a joke but a total injustice to transsexuals because that is biologically impossible.
He keeps harping on all kinds of gay cultural thingies which were either not heard of or untrue or perhaps only best known to himself.
We even read veiled threats into like how being an eminent psychologist, he has the power to label someone and get that person demoted or incarcerated. It smacks of harrassment of some sort. And I am pretty sure the Australian woman is in on this. She sits in class to be on hand to chastise the rest of us (in case we rebutt) in her perfect English.
In an email reply, he asked if I need therapy. That certainly shows what kind of person he is. I think he is just as dysfunctional and needs therapy even more, occupying the position that he claims to occupy.
While I appreciate his honesty and frankness and sharing his clinical experiences with us, I have to rethink that now. Because he harps on the same few issues repeatedly which shows a lack of true diverse clinical experience, being the EMINENCE he claims to be, and he wasn't sure on others that he claims to have counselled upon.
He seems to be a predator on the prowl himself for the vulnerable in the community, while holding up a false front. A lonely loveless predator. A fake.
This is perhaps a collaboration between the gay community, the bis and all that is sleaze who are in on a scam to hoodwink the rest of us. The Unholy Alliance.
Fakes, Impostors And Serial Liars
Count my roomie, my lecturer , at the gym and the rest of us.
Lies, lies and more lies. It is just insecurity, the inability to stand up for oneself, to build character to live out your sexuality, need for an emotional and security crutch or blanket. That is what it is.
You can't trust a single person these days. From my landlord (and I do suspect him doing many things on the sly like all his home visitors while holding down a relationship with one) to anyone. His parents are from across the causeway. He studied here since young and holds PR status without having to perform National Service. Life has been served to him on a silver platter.
I am not even sure if my roomie is quietly contacting him on the side now that he is out of my life. He did claim to be someone financially needy courting bigger financial powers. Who knows? He is desperate for a job here and needs the contacts.
This is what really demeans being able to form a truly positive relationship. Economics dictate and demeans it. Commercialisation. Sleaze, sex, fun, the whole slut works, everything.
Can this ever change?
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Human Nature - Or Is It? (Updated)
No New Industries For The Masses
An early morning expedition to this podium block near moi's current residence reveals not one, not two, not three but five KTVs located on five out of the 8 floors of the building.
One is already an established old name, a bit run down too while the latest is an ultra-modern retrofitted posh club as it claims.
The other floors house a private school (WHOA! Imagine education amidst unwarranted education of another kind and that explains why another Mongolian student has moved out of this residence long ago) and a drugstore.
I can imagine what this drugstore dispenses. Can you? It must certainly complement the nature of the sex industry housed within its premise, no? There is already one right across the street.
Of couse the sleazespots also feed a burgeoning alcohol-brewed and based industry. Can they afford to lose this?
O man! We are laying claim to building up the petrochemicals, banking, digital animation and IT, pharmecuticals, research and development and the clean-energy industries. All very fine and well.
In fact our leaders were once harping on banking and IT, upholding them as the flaming torches apexing a pyramid of employment opportunites.
Now that the economy is in a tailspin and a global recession has set in and a financial crisis has swept across the world (with a myriad of banks collapsing and others retrenching), what remains of the banking sector?
Furthermore, just how many of our graduates and non-graduates are gonna be employed in these 'newly-created' industries? Can all of them be? Do the supply of graduates and non-graduates match the the supply of job vacancies?
So what of the vast majority of the rest of us who certainly cannot fill a fixed and limited quota of jobs in these industries?
Work in the scummy and sleaze trades? The gambling dens, the massage parlors, the KTVs, a slumping retail sector and the food and beverage industry?
It shows, scummies, you have created nothing for your citizenry. We are all being educated at various tiers to be unemployed.
Either that or it is cleaning, sweeping or security guarding or patrolling.
What if some of us do not wanna work in the medical services corp? Now that there is a crunch, have you thought why? You made it so hard to study medicine and you didn't train us for the nursing profession then. So who is to blame?
Human Nature
Please do not attribute any of these to "human nature". That men behave in a certan way and women in another. The law of the jungle. The alpha males. The need for power.
If we start off in schools and at home, and teach that one is enough and what a relationship entails, less of this will manifest itself.
Look at the media's portrayal of what constitute a relationship. We are shaped by Hollywood's preoccupation with sex, star looks and hot bods (in most cases, cosmetically and surgically altered that feeds a multi-billion dollar industry because you define one look and one kinda bod). Multiple relationships. It is all around us. The Internet, movies and television serials.
This has got to change. Human nature can change and has to change. It begins with education.
Sellers And Marketeers - Entertainers That Are Scripted , Packaged And Sold
We al know how we have at one time or another come head to head with a sales person.
I have nothing against them. I have been one myself. But it is just so sick that none of us can really build up true relationships with anyone these days without that back-of-the-mind uneasiness that we are always courted to be sold something.
First multi-level marketeers, flag donations, then insurance agents.
These are glib and silvery-tongued, suave , debonair , smooth operators (remember Sade's song of the same title?). Just at my university's city campus, there is an anchor tenant who deals in the insurance trade.
One training session of theirs moi chances upon says it all - "Script Creation" session.
These marketeers are not their true selves anymore. They are reading from scripts to market and sell you something. Exuding warmth and friendliness, they will talk their way through your heart and SELL YOU SOMETHING - usually something you don't need.
I remember the days when I was one and the kinda agents who were working there. One was a good-looking chap. Preying on lonely hearts and sexual needs, sex can be a weapon. Like the KTV girls.
More Pertinent And True Psychology Please
I have written about how psychologists, in order to keep alive and promote their profession, must consistently come up with new research and psychology topics. Otherwise the profession dies a certain death , no?
Now we do have some really ludicrous psychology talking points. Fetal psychology indeed.
And how does Freudian theory explain the Oediupus Complex for gays? Has he even considered the viewpoint of the gay community, instead of bulldozing through a strictly straight perspective?
Making an issue out of nothing.
Rebuttals Against Some Anti-Gay Sentiments
Why is my psychology lecturer targetting so much at LGBT issues? And he had spewed forth many anti-gay sentiments . And perpetrated some myths too. He is probably trying to psycho some of us and this is obviously obvious.
Myth #1: Gay relationships don't work
Well if he is a therapist, for sure he consults on cases that don't, the ones that do, won't be seeing him, will they?
And why doesn't it work? Because like the institution of marriage which is now threatened even more than ever, we were never given the chance to survive, with a mainstream working against it
Does that mean only "hetero" relationships work?
Myth #2: If it is harder to go by the back, why don't you go the front way.
I guess it is much tighter behind and it needs loosening and more guidance in locating the blackhole?
Unless of course you are a porn actor and that sex partner has been loosened up so many times and you had practice on him so many times already.
And we do have to peform in the cloak of darkness sometimes and in awkward places?
Myth #3:Have gay sex and get AIDS
Is AIDS a homosexual or is it now a predominantly "hetero" disease? Maybe there was cross-fertilisation. The bis contracted it and spread it around to their "hetero" community.
Myth #4: A split or multi-personality disorder is even worse than being gay.
Well true, I guess gays must mask their identities even more in a "hetero" world. But won't bis suffer the same fate?
And what of straying straights who are married? Don't they lie and cheat and wear masks too?
Doesn't everyone wear different hats to suit the occasion to survive? Games people play.
Issue #5: Is gay a being or is it a lifestyle?
What kind of a question is that? If I get it right, this just boils down to the nature-nurture debate. For sure, if you are a gay being, you pick a gay lifestyle. Likewise for the rest.
So is the two a dichotomy? Or is it one and the same. One follows the other. It is not a either-or choice. If you are a being (any kind of being), you pick a lifestyle.
Lifestyle of the rich and famous beings, remember?
An early morning expedition to this podium block near moi's current residence reveals not one, not two, not three but five KTVs located on five out of the 8 floors of the building.
One is already an established old name, a bit run down too while the latest is an ultra-modern retrofitted posh club as it claims.
The other floors house a private school (WHOA! Imagine education amidst unwarranted education of another kind and that explains why another Mongolian student has moved out of this residence long ago) and a drugstore.
I can imagine what this drugstore dispenses. Can you? It must certainly complement the nature of the sex industry housed within its premise, no? There is already one right across the street.
Of couse the sleazespots also feed a burgeoning alcohol-brewed and based industry. Can they afford to lose this?
O man! We are laying claim to building up the petrochemicals, banking, digital animation and IT, pharmecuticals, research and development and the clean-energy industries. All very fine and well.
In fact our leaders were once harping on banking and IT, upholding them as the flaming torches apexing a pyramid of employment opportunites.
Now that the economy is in a tailspin and a global recession has set in and a financial crisis has swept across the world (with a myriad of banks collapsing and others retrenching), what remains of the banking sector?
Furthermore, just how many of our graduates and non-graduates are gonna be employed in these 'newly-created' industries? Can all of them be? Do the supply of graduates and non-graduates match the the supply of job vacancies?
So what of the vast majority of the rest of us who certainly cannot fill a fixed and limited quota of jobs in these industries?
Work in the scummy and sleaze trades? The gambling dens, the massage parlors, the KTVs, a slumping retail sector and the food and beverage industry?
It shows, scummies, you have created nothing for your citizenry. We are all being educated at various tiers to be unemployed.
Either that or it is cleaning, sweeping or security guarding or patrolling.
What if some of us do not wanna work in the medical services corp? Now that there is a crunch, have you thought why? You made it so hard to study medicine and you didn't train us for the nursing profession then. So who is to blame?
Human Nature
Please do not attribute any of these to "human nature". That men behave in a certan way and women in another. The law of the jungle. The alpha males. The need for power.
If we start off in schools and at home, and teach that one is enough and what a relationship entails, less of this will manifest itself.
Look at the media's portrayal of what constitute a relationship. We are shaped by Hollywood's preoccupation with sex, star looks and hot bods (in most cases, cosmetically and surgically altered that feeds a multi-billion dollar industry because you define one look and one kinda bod). Multiple relationships. It is all around us. The Internet, movies and television serials.
This has got to change. Human nature can change and has to change. It begins with education.
Sellers And Marketeers - Entertainers That Are Scripted , Packaged And Sold
We al know how we have at one time or another come head to head with a sales person.
I have nothing against them. I have been one myself. But it is just so sick that none of us can really build up true relationships with anyone these days without that back-of-the-mind uneasiness that we are always courted to be sold something.
First multi-level marketeers, flag donations, then insurance agents.
These are glib and silvery-tongued, suave , debonair , smooth operators (remember Sade's song of the same title?). Just at my university's city campus, there is an anchor tenant who deals in the insurance trade.
One training session of theirs moi chances upon says it all - "Script Creation" session.
These marketeers are not their true selves anymore. They are reading from scripts to market and sell you something. Exuding warmth and friendliness, they will talk their way through your heart and SELL YOU SOMETHING - usually something you don't need.
I remember the days when I was one and the kinda agents who were working there. One was a good-looking chap. Preying on lonely hearts and sexual needs, sex can be a weapon. Like the KTV girls.
More Pertinent And True Psychology Please
I have written about how psychologists, in order to keep alive and promote their profession, must consistently come up with new research and psychology topics. Otherwise the profession dies a certain death , no?
Now we do have some really ludicrous psychology talking points. Fetal psychology indeed.
And how does Freudian theory explain the Oediupus Complex for gays? Has he even considered the viewpoint of the gay community, instead of bulldozing through a strictly straight perspective?
Making an issue out of nothing.
Rebuttals Against Some Anti-Gay Sentiments
Why is my psychology lecturer targetting so much at LGBT issues? And he had spewed forth many anti-gay sentiments . And perpetrated some myths too. He is probably trying to psycho some of us and this is obviously obvious.
Myth #1: Gay relationships don't work
Well if he is a therapist, for sure he consults on cases that don't, the ones that do, won't be seeing him, will they?
And why doesn't it work? Because like the institution of marriage which is now threatened even more than ever, we were never given the chance to survive, with a mainstream working against it
Does that mean only "hetero" relationships work?
Myth #2: If it is harder to go by the back, why don't you go the front way.
I guess it is much tighter behind and it needs loosening and more guidance in locating the blackhole?
Unless of course you are a porn actor and that sex partner has been loosened up so many times and you had practice on him so many times already.
And we do have to peform in the cloak of darkness sometimes and in awkward places?
Myth #3:Have gay sex and get AIDS
Is AIDS a homosexual or is it now a predominantly "hetero" disease? Maybe there was cross-fertilisation. The bis contracted it and spread it around to their "hetero" community.
Myth #4: A split or multi-personality disorder is even worse than being gay.
Well true, I guess gays must mask their identities even more in a "hetero" world. But won't bis suffer the same fate?
And what of straying straights who are married? Don't they lie and cheat and wear masks too?
Doesn't everyone wear different hats to suit the occasion to survive? Games people play.
Issue #5: Is gay a being or is it a lifestyle?
What kind of a question is that? If I get it right, this just boils down to the nature-nurture debate. For sure, if you are a gay being, you pick a gay lifestyle. Likewise for the rest.
So is the two a dichotomy? Or is it one and the same. One follows the other. It is not a either-or choice. If you are a being (any kind of being), you pick a lifestyle.
Lifestyle of the rich and famous beings, remember?
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Arh....The Wonders Of Life (Updated)
Personal Trainers - Are They Worth Their Salt And Your Money?
My personal training with a personal trainer at Calif was, to say the least, a huge disappointment.
He has a good, well-built body for sure but sorely lacks the knowledge that I would expect him to possess. For example, most of what he says I can easily read up on in almost all body-building literature but I was expecting him to give a practitioner's angle on what works and what doesn't.
He did show me some exercises that I haven't done before and I get to pick the ones which I deem to be effective, especially the cable pulley sort. After showing various body parts exercises, it was more circuit training than anything else.
He keeps changing the times and days and till today, a month or more later, I still have one LAST and FINAL PT session to clear with him.
It seems to me that he was more a salesperson than anything, selling supplements on the side, consistently on his mobile while we were doing our PTs and so on.
I am not the least bit interested in him as a partner of course. Friend maybe. Workout partner, most certainly.
That will be the last time I will engage any PTs.
Fakes At The Gym
You can spot all the fakes at the gym.
The trainers and some of the members.
My Part-Time Lecturer At The University
He is a psychology practitioner at a private hospital (we can't really verify this, can we?). So I suppose with a workload like that and this is a part-time job, the two just don't meet.
He isn't sure of the material on hand probably because he doesn't have time to read them. So classes consist of screening many video shows and sometimes we wonder how they link to our study concepts on hand.
For someone married and childless, he sure harps a lot on LGBT issues. And sometimes his words have many insiduous effects. The therapy sessions with clients where there is sex on the side - the cleavage, the six-packs, the legs, the clawing of a hotbod, etc etc. One wonders what this effect has on the student participants.
Moreover I am surprised that he brings up so many gay cultural thingy - like the dead giveaways about where the eyes look, the side the watch is worn on and so on - which I am not even aware of and I am sure the gay community isn't too.
Even that brief moment that he touches on divorces, he isn't even sure of the Women's Charter where a foreign student participant had hers annulled in 3 months while I thought there would be some years of separation (and I know it was something like 3 years).
I am not sure if he isn't even trying to psycho the gays into turning straight or if he is just hiding under a cloak of sexual ambiguity, being married that he claimed to be.
Perhaps as a shield, a marriage of convenience, a cover-up (he may be single too) or perhaps caught up in a loveless marriage nearing its end.
He certainly gels in with my roomie, and I know they are faking many many things.
Because he mentions revolutionary cause while my roomie wears a tee with the graphic icon of Che Guevara - the post communist/current capitalist icon of rebellion.
So what the hell are they up to? I suspect a link between the two of them. Maybe one has undergone counselling under him and he must have molested or had carnal relations with him?
And now he pushes him to me......
Evil will get its just desserts.
My personal training with a personal trainer at Calif was, to say the least, a huge disappointment.
He has a good, well-built body for sure but sorely lacks the knowledge that I would expect him to possess. For example, most of what he says I can easily read up on in almost all body-building literature but I was expecting him to give a practitioner's angle on what works and what doesn't.
He did show me some exercises that I haven't done before and I get to pick the ones which I deem to be effective, especially the cable pulley sort. After showing various body parts exercises, it was more circuit training than anything else.
He keeps changing the times and days and till today, a month or more later, I still have one LAST and FINAL PT session to clear with him.
It seems to me that he was more a salesperson than anything, selling supplements on the side, consistently on his mobile while we were doing our PTs and so on.
I am not the least bit interested in him as a partner of course. Friend maybe. Workout partner, most certainly.
That will be the last time I will engage any PTs.
Fakes At The Gym
You can spot all the fakes at the gym.
The trainers and some of the members.
My Part-Time Lecturer At The University
He is a psychology practitioner at a private hospital (we can't really verify this, can we?). So I suppose with a workload like that and this is a part-time job, the two just don't meet.
He isn't sure of the material on hand probably because he doesn't have time to read them. So classes consist of screening many video shows and sometimes we wonder how they link to our study concepts on hand.
For someone married and childless, he sure harps a lot on LGBT issues. And sometimes his words have many insiduous effects. The therapy sessions with clients where there is sex on the side - the cleavage, the six-packs, the legs, the clawing of a hotbod, etc etc. One wonders what this effect has on the student participants.
Moreover I am surprised that he brings up so many gay cultural thingy - like the dead giveaways about where the eyes look, the side the watch is worn on and so on - which I am not even aware of and I am sure the gay community isn't too.
Even that brief moment that he touches on divorces, he isn't even sure of the Women's Charter where a foreign student participant had hers annulled in 3 months while I thought there would be some years of separation (and I know it was something like 3 years).
I am not sure if he isn't even trying to psycho the gays into turning straight or if he is just hiding under a cloak of sexual ambiguity, being married that he claimed to be.
Perhaps as a shield, a marriage of convenience, a cover-up (he may be single too) or perhaps caught up in a loveless marriage nearing its end.
He certainly gels in with my roomie, and I know they are faking many many things.
Because he mentions revolutionary cause while my roomie wears a tee with the graphic icon of Che Guevara - the post communist/current capitalist icon of rebellion.
So what the hell are they up to? I suspect a link between the two of them. Maybe one has undergone counselling under him and he must have molested or had carnal relations with him?
And now he pushes him to me......
Evil will get its just desserts.
Who Is This Other Chinese Dude?
Worse I keep bumping into this Chinese guy who spends part of his life in our secondary school, like that disco dude who drops out at Secondary 3. Much like my roomie at Andy's who dropped out at Secondary 2.
He is telling me about all these stories about the KTVs, the school agents and so on.
What is he up to?
Right Here At Home
The owner has asked that I speak with Henry, a fellow flatmate who took over Ryan's room. This is like a repeat of Aunt Chan Moi's where his son didn't introduce Hiro to me but the other two Chinese cooks. (Introduce you all the rotten apples).
Anyway, I don't like the too big smile and grin Henry flashes. I know he is onto something and it is an artificial smile.
This could be the result of my long hair then.
As I said, I attracted all kinds of reaction, most non too positive. So Henry was probably the transgendered engrossed kind while Ryan wasn't, so Ryan was afraid and moved out? Or the owner just couldn't live with a straight and Ryan wasn't accepting of the owner. So therefore the owner malign Ryan as being a playboy? And asked him to move out?
Ryan was pretending to be straight when he isn't because he doesn't like the owner's sexual harassment?
Anyway, I ignored Henry and my judgement proved correct. He is a sales and marketing person and I have heard him speak before - another fake - and one night I stumbled on a woman he brought home. It is none of my business but she was bathing inside the bathroom and he opened the door to peer in and they left their g-string outside the door on the floor for all to see.
She could be a drag for all I know. I am glad I didn't get too close to him and though the owner's mom has told me he drives (as if like a cue for me to lash on to him for material wants), I can now console myself.
You should see Henry's face now once I shorn off my locks. I smiled one afternoon, flashing that exact big wide grin he gave me. He scooted off. He is keeping away I think.
Well everyone seems to bring in visitors even though they are supposedly attached.
What I Expect Of A Roomie
Look. What can I say except that we are in such close proximity and it will be most ideal if we are gay.
These I have hinted many, many, many times to this Chinese guy. I have prohibited female visitors. He has seen my Singapore Men's calendar. I asked him over a course of a week many personal and intimate questions and he can't be that dumb right?
And I already admitted to him my orientation on the first night. So if he is afraid or if he hates gays, then he should have moved out immediately.
More games people play. And yes there is the evil force outside who is doing this. Someone who wanna play GOD but look at the sleazespots they put here in our midst.
What do they have to say for themselves?
If One Is Your Beau, Of Course You Are Prepared, Right?
I am already fully prepared and equipped to cope with this Chinese guy if he is my beau.
For one, the snores. And yes I don't care about the baths either. The stinkier the sexier on him. And whatever else about him.
I have complete faith in him and trust his return.
I love him to death.
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