Like a few of my previous blogs where I wrote about how a little prayer on my own has helped me overcome my severe back pain at one time and other misfortunes.
This despite being a non-church goer for the simple reason that I do not place my trust in mere fallible mortals and wavering between a free-thinker and agnostic. Still I trust there is a GOD somewhere.
And mere fallible mortals do not just include the high priests and priestesses but doctors, lawyers, educators, sages, personal trainers, real estate agents, insurance agents and the rest.
So when my new medical condition manifested its symptoms, I was frozen in shock. All I could think of was to quickly do a "wiki" to research what some possible causes were.
Immediately I threw away my half pack of ciggies as that was one of the likely culprits and till today I have never turned back.
As I couldn't do much, I began to pray very fervently and intensely. I asked the Lord to help guide me and to come to my aid in this time of need.
And there you have it, in the last week, the symptoms have all but disappeared.
Most likely benign idiopathic and due to all the stresses I suffered the past year.
Thank you my Lord, my God and my Saviour.
An Aside - Culture Shocks - First, Chat Channels
When I first entered a chat channel, it was a culture shock to me.
The kinda language used, the requests and the things being uttered. All kinds of sexual perversion.
I was expecting decent chats and topical conversation ranging from politics to social/economic issues and personal life experiences like family and relationships.
Not sex chats. Can't the two be on different channels and wavelengths?
Gradually I adapted and went along. Fortunately or unfortunately. That was part of the mantra of "Go with the flow" thingy and all the RUBBISH you spew out. But did it lead anywhere?
Even today, the foreign chat channels are really sick. Though I can understand some of the cultural and ethnic familial backgrounds are centred like that (the kinda familial dysfunction) and that is why I wouldn't wanna get too close to too culturally diverse a populace.
And Then Pornography - Do They Serve Any Purpose And Do We Need Them?
Just like when I first viewed pornography.
And as I said before I didn't have access to them till like when I was living on my own. And that is a very long time. I didn't need them because I could develop love, care and passion for some of my JC classmate, my NS buddies and yes the NUS dudes too.
Going Subcutaneously Beyond Being Skin Deep
Isn't that the way to start off first? A friendship and relationship, care and concern.
And pretty boys, handsome hunks and models are just that. A physical attraction and once we go beyond that, we look at more. Like character, personality, heart, values, ethos and so on. Frankly I get very sick of them. Just another face without depth.
So please let us try to map out a Singapore way of life uniquely ours despite some cultural differences.
All I Am Asking Is That He Pays Some Attention To Me And A Commitment - Look At Those Who Don't - Their Ages And The Places They Are Still Visiting
Otherwise I am like forced into isolation again.
I will only speak with people I like and nobody else. And isolation is gonna force me to do things which are NOT ME.
So please! Can we build a life together and I really don't need the rest.
Spas, men's clubs, chat channels, pornography, nightclubs and cruising spots.
Does he wanna follow many of the other gays' example? Many are not attached and look at their ages now. Especially the foreigners and they are visiting and living in Third World countries for reasons known to themselves.
The pathetic end and ages and they are still not waking up to this sad fact. Endless, mindless philandering and wandering, forever playing the field. Unable to form relationships or don't want to and the whole culture isn't helping any.
Once More - Stop The Self-Mutiny And Massacre Within Our Community
We are already onto self-mutiny, massacre, cannabalising ourselves and killing each other softly with our words in our very own community.
Them - They Are Trying To Knock Us Down
Then there is the media, the gals to contend with, parents, teachers and the older generation transmitting the same to the next generation.
We must stop this first by supporting each other and don't assign gender roles. Those who choose to transgender should but let us not plant the idea that the world is strictly divided into them and the rest.
And it doesn't help that conservative ethnics and fundamentalists (who won't accept gays even if we are monogamously coupled and decent living) among us and foreign Third Worlders with a different set of values are adding to the pressure cooker on one end of the spectrum and state laws are not helping any.
While at the other end of the spectrum, we are having the too highly sophisticated and sexually hyper First Worlders who wanna party and engage in debauchery.
Can we have it somewhere in between? A moderate?
AnyOne Can Succumb
Even the toughest and most hardened can and will crumble in the face of undue pressure and STOP THIS MADNESS of killing ourselves by trying to test our strength, character and so on. PURE NONSENSE! Be it straights, bis or gays or ex-gays.
Fiends with axes to grind perhaps?
As Long As We Are Happy With Each Other And Our Roles
I am happy with HIM just as I am sure HE is too. I know HIM as he must know me. I am there to support him, steer him off stereo-types and LOVE HIM to death.
Another Fervent And Intense Prayer
I pray to you my Lord that our relationship will develop, grow and blossom.
That I do not have to worry over him and that he is sensible and doing all the right things although I can only guess but not really know what is going on.
I pray for openness, honesty, communication and the truth in our relationship as I am doing this all the while. I hope he isn't playing the field or something just as I am refraining from doing so though he is isolating me communicatively.
I know for a fact he hasn't been telling me everything and the whole truth. I am saddened and just wish he would so I can move on.
He can't be at that age where he is so immature, can he? My love for him is genuine and sincere and I hope he can see and understand that.
Grow Up
And as another aside, I wish Gerald and his "brother" will also grow up and stop playing tricks, smirking and so on. The fakers that they are. It doesn't inspire confidence and trust in them. And I only wanna be with genuine people not fakers. Not the fakers at the gym, not at home, not anywhere.
One day they will face the music.
If Gerald's account is true, he got a golden handshake from the Armed Forces and that could precisely be the reason - the lack of seriousness, playfulness and trickery.
Grow up, for heaven's sake, as Daryl the Eunuch will put it but then, he sucks lollipops in class. Just like Chris.
And then there is He-Ape. Isn't he like taunted as "red bean milk" in his former school before and that really shows who he is and he expects everyone to follow his example.
A misfit and rebel who got kicked out of the public school system. Brother and 2nd sister too and they wanna project that onto the rest of us.
Mentor: Teacher, Terrorist And Traitor
I chanced upon this book : "Mentor: Teacher, Terrorist And Traitor". Fuck you bastard! You have screwed us enough and torn us asunder.
Just go drop dead somewhere and never resurrect in HELL AND DAMNATION!
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