Reminiscent Ramblings And the Citizenry

I broke my lenses the other day and had to go virtually blind over the next few days. The shattered piece was so bad, fine hair-like cracks were emanating all across from the fulcrum. It was only at the optometrist that I chanced upon an old pair of glasses I used to don - the huge, oversize metal-rimmed sort very much like what the swooning dude wore in Mysterious Skin.

I couldn't have imagined myself wearing this thingy in that distant era. It was so "obiang" to say the least. I must have looked really like a nerd and a moron. Which I guess I was back then. Outwardly that is because I had no fashion sense, didn't see the need to, don't have the financial resources nor do I like to be with the in-crowd always.

Inside I know I am more than my peers, in my values and my beliefs. I guess you could say I could not identify with most of what they were doing. Who they are and what they portray themselves to be.

Above all, I think I didn't really want to hang out much because that meant spending money. I was out most of the time giving tuition to earn my keep. This was so evident even back in my National Service days.

I could be arranging my schedule back-to-back, shuttling from one place to another on foot or via the public transport system. And I was picking up driving lessons as well which I passed miraculously on my fourth attempt. I gave some reason for needing my licence as a need for a meal ticket.

Back at the optometrist, times have changed. I was directed to an auto-refractor to check for astigmatism where there was a green-red landscape with a pin-light at the centre. Moreover my lens power had increased some 2.5 diopters with correction for toricism.

In the mean time, I put on my pair of Made-In-Singapore Free-Con hazel blue contact lenses. Now if you think I am being a real spender with such frivolous accessories, think again! This is a recent upgrade from my last one since the turn of the century? And they are supposed to be disposables which I did not dispose of fornightly or monthly as the case may be.

Boy how I must really stand out! People were giving me the stares and they must be wondering if I was some Caucasian with jet-black hair but a genetic mutative gene.

Or perhaps I could pass for a white?

I remember this little boy I met at an orphanage. Poor family finances and familial dysfunction. I can imagine why he sports such a tough and competitive complexion. In the home, he had to fend off those other bigger or meaner boys.

He is also known to have a fiery temperament. I can't blame him. Anyone brought up in such a hostile environment and who need to keep up with bread and butter issues, cannot be expected to be all cordial and nice. I say it is even too early at this young age to pre-judge anyone. Even at all our other phases in our lives. Be it 15, 20, 30, 40 or even 50.

And the orphanage reminded me of the all too familiar Oliver Twist saga. Again the place was staffed by women and guess what, the usual dose of scolds and pinch. I can only feel great pity for these kids growing up in such a place.

I will certainly not put my (adopted) kids in such a place. Or for that matter in many of our institutions. I think many of our prejudices and myopic beliefs are seriously being transmitted through these "great" institutions we have made ourselves to be.

More so the ones that are commercialised. I cannot understand why parents would want to subject their little ones through sarcasm, scolds and high-handedness at the mercy of these "institutions". Apart from those reasons that they cannot do so themselves or afford the time, I think a personalised approach will do much better. I suspect it is the expense so parents really haven't the resources to muster.

The one thing I do know is that this place is swarming with zombies. That was the reason why Jesus had to preach with parables.

Everyone is so caught up in their own world. Everyone talks in their own veiled language. It is as if blinders are pulled right over their senses. They can't seem to see, think, hear, speak or understand. That shallowness and superficiality.

And they like jumping to conclusions. They love putting words into your mouth even though you didn't say them or even meant them that way. In all, highly assumptive and crass .

Let me give you an illustration. Anyone who sees someone with a copy of the bible will think that this person is a God-fearing pious man! Can anyone not own a copy like he owns other books such as Dan Brown's or Stephen Jay Gould's?

I will probably have to pen another blog on this. What I perceive to be our citizenry.

When I look back on myself and the so many crazy things I did, I am surprised I am even here today. I could have been a statistic for all I know.

And that was when I realised that if the world ever lack one thing, it has to be this - a need to have a really stimulating and profund sharing with a close one (sorry girls, I don't think this space in my heart is for you) and not the superficialities we deal with at work, school and even among friends and family.

Look, let us be honest, how many of us actually know our family or friends that well? Do you know what your parents work as? Are you even on such close terms to understand what your siblings are really working as or doing? The companies they work in? Do you know the sexual orientation of your friend? Or his other relationships outside the circle both of you share?

I can only wait with sincere hope and fervent anticipation for this to happen.

Any takers? I am ready to commit and love. Are you? (Girls - please lay off and give me space - I have had enough of your nonsense)