It isn't that life has no meaning or motivation.
It is just that we cannot attain our aspirations due to systemic reasons or other reasons. Other reasons like money for one. This is in fact a BIG ISSUE!
I don't need to attend a course on entrepreneurship. I already know business fundamentals. I only need the sales and business. So my personal business failed because it did not have sufficient sales to sustain it.
I had start-up failures because of the licensing requirements.
I Don;t Need To Know Business Fundamentals, I Need To Generate More Sales To Sustain The Business As A Going Concern
As I said as I was running my personal training business, I was very happy. I have no complaints though it was tough at times. I only need more sales to sustain me.
I have total control over the business.
Thank You For Your Help, The "Community Of Humans" That You Are!
They wanna see you dead, the "community of people". They wanna k-poh, find out how you are and what is going on in your life. They must see you down to your last penny, drawing your last breath and dying before they will render first aid (let us assume here).
Have they considered psychological pain and emotional depression? I ain't going on any medication that has side-effects. That means money and I rather engage in physical activities to rid myself of this ailment. Physical activities like running and gymming.
Chris (one of my lecturers as you will remember) thinks that emotional depression can be controlled like the trigger on a gun. You can turn it on and off just like that. It isn't that simple.
By the time they render help (assuming) it may be too late! And I don't live on handouts or other "human" vagaries and charitable kind acts. It is vagarious, that is why.
Today you are happy, I benefit, tomorrow when you are not, I m dead. What if your fortunes turn for the worse, I become a liability.
I wanna aim for self-sufficiency and live my life my own way.
FUCK YOU MOTHER CHEEBYES AND BASTARDS!
I Embrace Diversity Within Limits - If You Are A War-Mongul Or A God-Like Moraliser, I Stop Short
As for me, I accept all people for who they are. Rich or poor. Employed or un-employed. As long as we get along together.
I don't go asking about people's background or snooping around. Like shrill-voice-accident-in-my-face. She visits my house on the pretext of a CNY occasion to snoop on me and report to boss about my background.
Your lifestyle is yours. Mine is mine. I don't begrudge anyone's lifestyle as long as they don't interfere with mine. Unless these people start firing the first salvo, then I will retailiate.
Like He-Ape's wife. She starts moralising, then I point out to her her own son. Or Old Aunty. Then I point out her own son Ben as an example to her.
One EverGreen Corporate Philosophy
If there is one corporate philosophy I wanna impart, it will be this:
For everyone out there, just do your bit for your job and keep your BLOODY FUCKING mouth shut. If you can't say anything good, don't say it. Unless that fucking prick of an egoistic braggart deserves a dressing down and wake-up call once in a while.
Don't go opening your mouth, maligning others and causing them trouble. Make them lose their job and inflict other miseries upon them.
Don't second guess anyone or think they think you think they think the way you think. Or put words into their mouths. And other false attributions like you think that is the way they feel.
Everyone has problems and pains. Singles. Married couples. Whoever.
What About My Pains? Do I Go Round With A Sob Story (Usually Exaggerated) And Then Try To Extract Opportunities Or Endanger Others?
Think about me and my pains. I was an angry young man because of all that was happening at home and to myself. Sometimes I will let loose this anger on others but I have learnt to forget the past and move on.
I can feel my sisters' pains. My mute sisiter's pains. My seond sister's pains and her attempted suicide. My third sister's pains. My eldest brother's pains. My father and my mother's pains. Their pains were caused by the environment and within themselves.
But I don't go imposing on others and causing them trouble. Do I? I shut my mouth until they put me out here the last couple of years and this is my 4th year running. You get what you truly deserve for all the maligning and gossip you generated.
My old luggages are mildwey, mouldy and green with algae. There are silverfishes. My office attire wear lay crumpled and unused. What about that? After four years, and you think I am happy?
The true sufferers are the ones suffering in silence. The ones who grit their teeth despite all their emotional and physical pain and just wanna move on. They probably drop dead first from all their inner and physical anguish. The one who seemingly has no complaints but just go on.
This Is What The "Community's Help" Is All About
But people seem to have other ideas.
They wanna interfere and by senseless gossip, cause more trouble and pain. They just wanna find out more about you and your background. Sometimes they laugh at you. They misinform you at most times.
Can you even know where I am coming from? Do you even understand all my pains?
Unless you can offer concrete help, don't even meddle and mouth incendiaries and nonsense. Causing more rifts in relationships and fuel the flames of hatred, anger and injustice.
I have met them all. Old aunties at the neighborhood. Old uncles. Ethnic bitch whores at the community club when I was holed up at Psycho's. Gays. "Educators" (sometimes meaning pseudo-teachers). Everyone.
The power of the tongue especially a loose tongue. And I would add, of politics and malignment, as my current lecturer would put it. By far he is one of the better lecturers, unlike some of the others.
People Still Don't Get It?
To me, it is very simple. How much you pay for the job. I do my job well. And is this my vocational interest. With more pay, I have a better life and I can also help my family.
No point asking me if I am single or married. Do I contribute to the family kitty.
Being single, doesn't mean we don't have aspirations, need money to retire, to have money in cases of contingencies, own a place to call our own and live life to our best.
Axes To Grind, The Fiends
Despite my age, I still wanna fight for what I aspire for life.
I can't let the bitch whores and fucktards script my life for me. They can't get to where they want, so they probably want you to be like them. Wallow in depression, self-pity and other axes they have to grind. Jealousy. Their own disappointments and failures in life.
The Gods, Their God-Like People And Acts Of Gods Or Men?
Or to think they are Gods. Put on a public facade of charitable and good acts to cover the tracks of their past sins, trangressions and guilt. And reach even higher authority positions and screw more people up.
Calling themselves saints. Putting up pictures of saints whom they are named after.
I have witnessed God-like people who politick and bicker so much at work, their colleagues lose their jobs. Yes these are God-fearing and God-loving people. And where did they cause their poor colleagues to end up in? Retrenched and left with a broken marriage.
Or this retailer who in its heydays dedicated its premises "To God Be The Glory" but what happened now? It is delisting and its owner was sentenced for organ soliciting which is a violation under HOTA.
So some property developers are doing the same thing now. Will they go the same way? What will they say then? There is no GOD?
Natural disasters like a typhoon is most likely an act of God. But economic disasters are usually acts of Man. Man-made and created.
Projections or transference and I would add of my own, cover-thy-guilty-conscience, as we call them in psychology. Defensiveness is a coping mechanism
This Is All I Need
What I need is to get a degree (any kind of degree) to get me into an education training or counselling job within an education setting, education institutions or corporations-wise.
Unfortunately academic qualifications still count. Not attitude, not communication skills, not life or work life experiences.
As I said private education is expensive and fraught with many irrelevant compulsory bridging modules sometimes. For instance for a Psychology degree, they wanna throw in compulsory tourism and hospitality modules. And it costs a bomb.
I have to consider the time frame. And the bridging gaps to make sure I don't protract the time unnecessarily. More time delay, the more resources dwindle.
I Know Myself Best, I Decide For Me Myself, Not You
With that kinda degree, there are far and few teaching assignments unlike Business degrees.
Let me decide later if the job is suitable for me. That is my problem. You don't decide what I am suited for. I know myself best. Right?
I am more an "idea" person. An intellectual coupled with some practicsm. So education and training sits well with me. Research too. I have that intellectual curiousity that extends deep beyond the superficiality.
And yes, sometimes I have an uncanny insight into someone's psyche. The motivation, the conflicts. The emotions. And so on.
I Can't Be A Counsellor At The Moment For These People
I can't be counselling marriage problems since I am single and gay.
And I can't be counselling the poor because what they really need is money. Money woes. It is too painful for me to go through with them what I went through and I can't help them financially, being in the state I am in now.
Moreover the system cannot too. It is sometimes a systemic problem. A rule and regulation. A policy. A statute. A legislation, I can't seem to change that. How can I help my counsellees?
I have to be financially stable and well-off and rid of all my current emotional pains myself before I can even embark on this arduous task.
But I Can Do Something For These People
For education institutions, I can counsel students on academic and career problems. Individual inner-conflict problems and inter-relationship problems. Some familial problems. Motivational problems
For corporations: motivation, career and welfarism. Emotional, corporate and familial problems.
Otherwise I have no business in being a counsellor or trainer/educator.
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