It Finally All Happened (Updated)

She Is Tall, Really Really Tall
Let me correct myself.

That installation art of this tall woman in highcut boots clutching a handbag at OC is only 4 storey high by OC's loft-like floor by floor level standard.

I actually caught sight of her smiling face peering into the lounge area on this floor.

But going by HDB's storey-level, she could easily be between 8 to 10 storeys tall.

Competition And Woes In Jobs-Finding
On Sunday when I went for an interview, I already had a very bad feeling.

Like the last time when I applied for a variety of jobs (even simple librarying work), I was passed over because of younger, cheaper and more educated applicants. Don't forget all the foreign pass-holders competing here. Besides candidature numbers totalling in the range of between 15-85 for one measly, lousy job at all strata level of education requirements.

I just froze and gave up after many futile attempts. You would be hopeless too after so long applying and applying. On top of all my woes, I also had problem uploading my CV via the server because of some format glitch. This was also the same thing that happened to me the last time.

Get That Right, Poker Ass
The employer-to-be is a Chinese national. Among sensitive questions he asked me was if I am married (apparently to find out if I am equal to the job because of the intensity of the job scope and singlehood seems to confer that ability) and later insinuated that there are many opportunities for marriage because of the many "super" hot Chinese chicks working there.

So I promptly told him off that if I am ever there, it is because I enjoy teaching and interacting with young people and primarily for the salary.

In any case at $1100 for a 5-day week (to him it is not 44-hours week so it is considered part-time), it is not going to help finance my futue HDB home (and yes resale prices have shot up again even for a 2-room flat which equals a 3-room price anyway) or my higher education and aspirations.

Deteriorating Health
If everything else isn't bad enough, I coughed and had aches and pains and flu, body and head aches. Even after finishing three bottles of Robitussin, the cough did not subside.

I had no choice but to see the doc. It was an old doc. He prescibed theophylline (my research shows that this isn't popular anymore) and dexamethasone (anti-inflammatory) and yes my cough got better but is this safe? He had diagnosed me with asthmatic bronchitis associating it with childhood asthma.

All Hell Broke Loose
By Monday when news finally broke of what I had lost on my property investment (and I am not giving a figure) I was ANGRY and frustrated.

My first reaction was to vent it on my laptop. I smashed it so hard (and boy do I really regret this because the laptop is the one thing I really need in life for all sorta information and transactions (despite software. hardware and Internet connection problems) it went blank.

It could have been my head or I could have thrown myself out the window but the car-parking lot below would probably break my fall and make me an invalid. If I wanna die, I must make sure I die instantly and in one broken piece. I am glad I restrained myself.

In a rage of self-destruction, I tore up all my clothes and belongings and dumped them so that I could squeeze everything in one suitcase. The next thing I could think of was to leave the country and try to find a second life but if it didn't offer me that chance, I was gonna kill myself so my body would never be found. So I bought an air-ticket for my intended destination.

I was reckless and bought things I would have thought twice. If I was going to die, all that money left isn't gonna be any good in the after-life.

I am gladder I thought better of living and dying in a foreign land. Because of its First World developed status destination, and without a proper job on top of a language barrier, the living expenses is gonna eat into all that I have left.

I also liquidated my bank assets and whatever I may have and closed the accounts. Plus I renominated for my CPF monies. And whatever last mail I may have.

Anger Management Is OverDone - You Have To Let Loose Sometimes But Displacing It In A Safer Way
Imagine the hassle of replacing my laptop (and in that stupor I bought yet another OS when I had an existing one) and asking for a refund for my air-ticket (a 3-6 month wait). And re-activating my bank account.

I also threw away items that I would need to buy again for my immediate use.

Even a rational thinking person could be overwhelmed by all the traumatic events that happened, one after the other and I just lost control of myself.

I skipped class that day and after being emotionally drained and exhausted, I slept over it for the night.

Glimmer Of Hope And Finding New Options
In a moment of liquidating my assets, I actually stumbled upon generating some extra money for myself. This was the UPSIDE to all that had happened.

And then it struck me that I still had a glimmer of hope in this. The only hope I have and I will hold fast and dear to it. The only chance of a comeback. My higher education, my career and my own abode.

I began exploring options and I still am even though there are many doors kept shut in my face.

For one, the WDA's worker-based funding for education is off-limits. So too is the CPF education scheme. All those restrictions. I will just have to see what else there is which I know is probably zilch.

The route to a private education advancement is fraught with extra unnecessary bridging modules because of some entry criteria, a very long protracted time and most importantly VERY VERY EXPENSIVE.

Community And Friends Are No Help At All
The community is no help. As I mentioned, everyone is living in his own world. In a tight circle of the same industry. They are mis-informed and don't know what is really happening.

Like talking to Sab, my classmate. She still thinks that WDA will fund our diploma and degree programs. Nor is she in tune with other industries as she only moves within her own building contracting circle.

Or even that fat gal classmate of mine. She asked if I had mouth ulcers and a sore throat, how is that gonna prevent me from working? What if you are a trainer or educator who has to talk most of the time.

Or Alvin, a young 20 year old polytechnic student. He is a green-horn, wet behind the ears. And like some of his polytechnic friends, he was channelled into a program which was his last few choices and thus a vocation he has no interest in.

Or Old Aunty. She is old and only moves within her coffee-shop business circle.

In fact, they add on to your woes by giving all the wrong information and probably thinking that you are lazy and a loafer. So don't even open your mouth and judge.

They are no support at all

Too Many Unfinished Businesses
There is the course I have to finish. The classes to attend and I attended mine yesterday night. My braces. My CWO (fuck you) . And so on.

I can only hope.

$ob $ob $ob $ob? And more $obs? ($$$$$$$$$$$$$2 500 000 x is all I need?)