A job that pays well enough to finance my higher education which is a ticket to my job ambitions and aspirations and my vocational calling.
My current investment that will soar to the point that I can buy back my own place or at least to fuel another reinvestment to see me reach this.
Friends and community can't do much for me. We can share good and bad times together, talk no end about it, spent time and money together on food, movies, pubs, clubs, shopping, whatever. But that is no help at all. You have money, you have friends.
And lastly a male beau to share my bunk and bed with me and to start a relationship for the long term.
Friends do not live in with you. That is just friendship to share the good times of jollying. Not to share the burden of a true relationship.
*Period*.
Other Job-Hunting Woes
That Monday was the deadline for my assignment. I had to rush for an interview for a stint of relief teaching but guess what, they say they will call me if they need me and somehow I don't fit the job.
They promised to look into why I wasn't called for relief teaching though I am on their database annually. Apparently that school, Yishun Secondary (and btw my CPF statement reflected that I was there somewhere around 17th June 2003) has to be the one to keep calling me back and no other school can.
Therefore Yishun has to terminate me from their list before the rest can call on me.
What if Yishun has no need for a relief teacher but other schools do? Does that not deny me my chances of teaching?
Such procedural bureaucracy. Somehow it looks more like a matter of the ground being inflexible and insensitive in interpreting the policies or rules.
Much like the mother who just wanted to wait for her daughter at the foyer but the servant insisted that she should take the H1N1 screening as well.
I wasted my 30 odd bucks cab-fare that day to rush down for the interview and back home again to complete my assignment before the deadline (I was floored by all that emotional depression and was seriously depressed and sleeping it off).
But still no job. On top of forgetting to exchange my pass back for my ID, I had to go back to the school again to do that. All that money wasted for nothing.
And an Indian classmate invited me for her wedding and I had to hand her a red packet.
Money out, no money in.
FUCK YOU!
Get This Right Too, "People"
Since there seems to be nothing on hand, I can only retreat to an escapist world of my own to take my mind off the stresses I am facing. Like retail therapy, movie therapy, long deep sleeps (floored as I am), engaging in my academic pursuits once again, admiring objects of art and aesthethics, physical exercises and so on.
I can't be facing people in crisis and emotional disturbances or in financial distress because I am no better off than they.
It will be too painful, too overwhelming and I can't help them very much at this moment.
And to make the circuit to talk about all my pains will just be too much of a labor, emotionally anguishing and distressing to be talking over and over again about all my personal crises.
Get this right too, "people"!
Why Did I Misinvest In The First Place?
The Agent Rep, The Location, The Unit In Question And The Sentiments Prevailing At That Time
I was swayed by the agent rep (an ex-flight attendant or was she just part-timing here) and that was the time of an overall euphoric investment mood before turning sombre in recent months. The unit in question was in a good location and the design was really good. Exclusive and not too many units.
The property in itself is a good investment certainly but timing was bad. By my calculation given HDB resale prices at that time, I still couldn't afford to buy one so I had to reinvest.
But the other day when I visited the site, one and a half years later, the building was still in its foundational foundation stage. In fact at the canal digging part. Didn't seem like stage 1 has passed and almost all work has stopped.
Did they run into financing or cash-flow problem and the TOP is 2013, 4 years from now....
The Living Environment
I was also holing up with the PUNK at that time and with all the nonsense he and his fiance were generating, they affected my judgement.
The Agent Rep Again
When sentiments turned bad, I asked my agent rep but she said it was ok to hold until the bubble burst and then she said there was a problem. FUCK YOU AGAIN!
The Law Firm
They were supposed to be on my side but the woman lawyer came across as someone who was combative and talking about personals.
She only warned of bankruptcy should I not be able to cough up the progress payment but she didn't warn about the forfeiure and repudiation.
There you have it folks! The community of "humans".
Why Did I Invest In This Counselling Program In The First Place?
It is not getting me anywhere with this qualification.
And to top it up to a degree program in psychology and when I requested for a single major Psychology program, they wanted bridging modules like Tourism (though this must be for the double majors in Marketing Management program).
There you have it again folks! A plethora of shit-trashes. I am pretty sure some of the better written essays are being circulated around for the lecturers' and students' benefits.
Like some of my classmates. The girls. All they want is to examine how other students in the class are writing their essays and they wanna copy.
And all the sales consultant want is sales! I will not recommend anyone for this program with the likes of Chris teaching the module and the quality control.
Intent As Chris Would Put It
What exacty is the class' agenda is another issue.
While the current lecturer Richard is fine, I thought too many attributions to God in the materials was just one too many.
And it does become theoretical and as usual I disagree with many issues raised.
Do they wanna know where my weaknesses lie so they wanna manipulate me like my agent rep? Make me their mouthpieces for some political or social cause? A poster boy for religosity or conversion? A black sheep coming back to the fold? Or they think they are God and wanna mete out some punishment for some of the things I blogged about?
Maybe of God? Of a gender? Of a certain minority community? Or a certain ethnic community?
I must just wait and see and thread carefully.
Hollywood's Unforgettable And Forgettable Films
Hollywood's mill of animation, action thriller and superheroes' genres of movies have always sizzled with thrills and spills.
Movies like "Ice Age", "Terminator" and "X-men". However its social drama and social comedy dramas may not always be my cuppa unless I am going for laughs. So I may just give movies like "Confessions of a Shopaholic" a miss because it is kinda frivolous although funny.
Unlike "BrokeBack Mountain"(Made in America by an Asian) or "Dive" (A Japanese production), which featured pretty faces and bods and walks on a finely thin plot , "Love Of Siam" (A South-East Asian make, specifically a Thai one) was superbly directed.
Thailand's Unforgettable "Love Of Siam"
Set in a typical South-East Asian home (the backdrop says it all) , it starts off with two young boys and their stirring relationship with one rescuing the other from the big bullies in their school. That is when Tong, the rescuer invites Mew, the bullied, to his home.
There are all kinds of love featured in this 2 and a half hour movie marathon. There is that love between Mew and his granny. The love among the quartet of family members made up of Tong, his sister Tang and their parents.
When Tang goes missing, the family disintegrates and moves away. Thus Mew and Tang are separated from each other.
The movie then moves along to another time-era when Mew, all grown-up, joins an all-boy band (the bond and concern among the members) while Tong has a love-interest in Donut. When they reunite, Mew's unrequited love for Tong is met for an instance by their heavy smooching in Tong's home backyard and witnessed by Tong's mom.
Mew's agent, June, is the perfect and exact substitute for Tang and she joins Tong's family to help his father ease out of his alcoholic and poor mental state following Tang's MIA.
There are crossed relationships. A crush on Mew by a neighborhood girl. Tong's ambivalent sexual attraction for Mew, Donut and Mew's neighbor.
Tong finally breaks up with Donut but he can only claim friendship with Mew.
It is a moving story that features love and relationships. None of those Hollywood's fast and furious sex. Deeply touching yet meaningful.
I could sense that the non-Asian audience I spotted was too distraught at the end of the movie. He was perhaps bowled over by this poignant movie-piece and maybe he was expecting homo-eroticism and sex which was visibly absent.
I am assuming here of course.
A ReUnion With Past Nemeses
There was supposed to be a reunion with my Secondary 1 & 2 classmates. Benjamin Lingam rang me up to tell me about this. He is someone I remember alternating between the good and the bad guy. That class of mine had caused me much grief and pain.
You will remember that Chinese class of gansta but this reunion isn't with them but with that mixed bag of people. People like the obnoxious couple of Trevor Grosse and Joseph Philips.
Jeffrey Edwards became an insurance agent later on in life, wanted to sell me insurance which I turned down and duly apologized for making my life difficult back in school. "Sorry no cure" my friend.
Merwin Wilfred, teased no end in class for being Mr BigHead, was also a victim. So was Sunil Menon. Tan Soon Chuan to a certain extent. Charlie Foo, one of the bullies, is now a regular in the armed forces. The rest are apparently doing well.
Richard Dragon, Elcana Jacobs, Ramalingam, Franco Carlos (this guy had to work at the Pizzas to earn pocket money), Melvin D'Rozario, Achak Bradley, Trevor D Silva, Justin Llyod Fernadez , Hector Gomez, the couple of Martin Tay and De Souza (can't remember his Christian name at this moment) all variously jived and ribbed me.
Teachers like JL and Brother Dennis were no help and added on to my woes. Not that the Principal Edmund James was doing his job well either. (Was he demoted for some reason like this?)
Was it because they didn't like Chinese as a race? Or maybe they noticed me in primary school acting in girly jigs on Maria Teo's orders so they thought I was sissy?
For a time, I also went bonkers like them. I must say I don't particularly like them all except maybe for Redzwan and Tracy Bracken.
In Secondary 3 & 4, Tan Yew Tong and Boon Leong (both Malaysians) were no better bullies than the rest. There was always this group of Toh Choon Peng, Koh Kwee Ngee, Andrew Seah and sometimes James Lee who monopolise the class headed by Mr Peter Tan.
Colin Sebastian sat next to me and he was also an opinion-leader at some time.
They were the vocal and articulate ones, coming as they were from influential and well-to-do family backgrounds.
Sigh, what am I gonna do when I meet them?
What Do I Make Of These?
I guess at home, it was also a case of sibling rivalry. My brother and sisters. Imagine your own flesh and blood who are jealous of you. And don't wanna see you excel in school or work.
In school it must be the same too. I was always topping my Secondary 1 & 2 classes. That is why I was picked on.
At work too. You work harder and are better-performing and the likes of She-Ape and Shrill-Voice are also jealous. Or Choo Li Hiang. Even your bosses, who fear you may strike out on your own one day or be promoted over and above them. Because you are more capable.
There you have it folks. This is the "community of humans and people" for you.
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