Writing Therapy Is Much Like Music Or Art Therapy (New)

Personal Writing (Or Journalling Or Blogging) As Therapy And As A Truer-To-ThySelf Personal And Social Commentary Piece
I blog only because there are nagging issues I feel I wanna comment on , general observations I make which may or may not be true or some preoccupation that caught and piqued my interest like my recent blogs on "who is who" and "who is behind a brand name" on the retail scene.

It is amazing to discover that the "Fox" retail brand is Israeli. Amazing in itself because that is coming from a historically biblical, war-torn and war-ravaged country. It goes to show that the order of life, trade and commerce goes on despite chaos.

Then there is that whole mass of interesting but intricate partnerships, joint-ventures, buy-ins and buy-outs, mergers and acquisitions among our luxury brand BOYS which ultimately boils down to the BIG THREE Players. Like the BIG FOUR (or is it now down to 2 or 3?) of the banking or accounting world.

Finally, discovering the roots and beginnings of some of the retail brands are just mind-blowing. Hugo Boss dressed up the Nazi Officers while Dior dressed their wives and their French collaborators for World War 2. And Bata, a Czech-based company, started off as a military shoe supplier during World War 1.

In fact this is the kinda of life-skill education I find more relevant, more contemporary and more practicum-based.

Writing also appeals to me as some kinda therapy and because I do enjoy writing essays to a certain extent, perhaps dating back to my General Paper days of junior college life. Particularly subjects and topics that are of immediate existential concerns. Topics that I write on in my blogs.


In the absence of flesh and blood friends to share your thoughts and feelings, writing is the next best outlet for that expression. In any case, friends, family, colleagues and whoever else CANNOT be there 24/7 to share ALL your EXISTENTIAL experiences EVERY MOMENT OF THE DAY.

Writing can. It helps you make sense of your experiences for the day, what you learned, your reflection on issues, events and it helps you consolidate and work out your feelings and thoughts.


Besides you can't say anything so freely and openly in someone's face, can you? Writing provides that safe distance for saying what you REALLY wanna say though of course the spectre of a LIBEL suit is always there?

I rather be a critic because too many are already singing praises, at most times un-necessarily while overlooking the obvious faults and defects. Let them do the flattery while I put forth the constructive and legitimate criticisms.

For betterment and for change.

Money As An End And As A Means In Itself
Losing all that money wasn't painful because of the money for its own sake really.

It was painful because it meant the house, that higher education, that retirement money, that money for existential living RIGHT NOW and contingencies that come right along with it.

For me an abode is about space (do you wanna live in an old stuffy leaking dollhouse which costs the same price as a luxury Daimler AG?), quiet, peace, tranquility, modernity, cleanliness and privacy. No nosey parkers, no interfering, no snooping, no trespassing, no fish-bowl living, no rundown dilapidated and rebuilding works needed and the whole works.

Plus my old luggages were mildewy, mouldy and green with algae and it has been four years. And those silverfishes.

I am also of a certain age, not exactly in the best of health, tired , not so energetic and so on. In short, NUAH......

Alvin Is Right Of Course -Looks, Flawless Complexion And Youth
Looks and built matter. Youth , a smooth and flawless complexion. None of which I possess very fully or even at all. But at my age, I have a bit more confidence and reckon that as long as I keep fit and the facial scars and lines away, I can still live with myself.

Unfortunate as it sounds, they are the first few things that attract, in this age of beauty and wellness fuelled by the media and everyone else. Inner beauty takes longer to stir and may never even happen.

Alvin brought this unconscious of mine back to the conscious. For a very long time, I was actually afraid to look at myself in the mirror. Any mirror untill like more recently.

And I may unconsciously wanna rip my face off too when I ripped and shredded all those articles of personal belongings in a rage of self-destruction.

The Whole Gay Community Was Here ! At Ion Orchard's Soft Opening
They were here. Togged out handsomely and youthfully. A famous blogger (sexuality: unknown but hey love your new muscle dude and your longer hair and oh yeah, fairer than fair complexion and set of pearlie whites). My ex-tenant. His new or is it old boyfriend. Everyone.

The whole gliterrati? And illuminati? Or literati?

Luxury Brands Are Beyond The Mean Average Monthly Wages Of An Average Professional - Or At Least For A Month Or So
While I may have taken to gaping at luxury brands, their price tags of $2600 a piece for a ready-to-wear apparel and a couple of hundred of bucks for an accessory are certainly well beyond my means or the monthly average wages of an average professional.

Or at least he needs to wait several months before he can lay his hands on one. It is not like small ticket items of below a hundred bucks.

Get that right too people.

And I am gaping only because they are works of art. The fine fabrics and tailoring, the ummatched authentic skins and material. The exquisite, finely crafted design and stitches. The color. The works.

What I Meant Was This............
When I wrote about that single white male I spotted at "Love Of Siam"and that he seemed visibly distraught, I meant that he was perhaps overwhelmed by the direction of that moovie. Of an evolving relationship that finally lead to a heavy smooching.

He seemed like he couldn't handle that emotion, coming as I thought he did from a diet of the West's culture of fast and furious lust and sex. Meet, wham and BAM! Sex (to the nth degree) As we all are conditioned to at some point in our life by the media.

Of course I am just second-guessing and we all know it can BE WRONG.

And this event brings me to my next point.

Open Up, Be Open And We Can All Cavort In Open Gay Sex.....TADA!
There will be no question of extortion, emotional or financial blackmail, discrimination or behind-my-back gossip if everyone accepts everyone else for who they are.

Look, by now, everyone knows I am gay. They may not know me in person but I am sure there are others who do.

If it becomes a norm and nobody has any hangups, THEN who can kick up a BIG FUSS and make a big DEAL out of nothing? Nobody right?

In fact it becomes a good thing. We can all come out in the open. Hang out. Brazenly. Openly. Unabashedly AND CAVORT IN OPEN GAY SEX....

Tada!

You Know What, This Counselling Program Wasn't That Bad After All
I am into the last two modules of my program.

Despite having said what I said and all the emotionally distressing and frustrating moments that happened in my life (breakups and financial losses) and during the learning program (all the past and present crises I have to face up to), I finally came to ONE BIG CONCLUSION.

My counselling program DID help me survive it all. If not for it, telling me to focus on my glimmer of hope and yes, unfinished businesses, and dissipating or displacing anger in a safer way (is that why sometimes potentially lethal martial arts classes like tae-kwondo still hold court?) I really might have just ended my life.

Thank you Mr/M/s/Mrs/Miss/Dr Counselling Program!

General Comments About The Modules
While I still believe that being financially strapped and too emotionally laden like I am at this moment means I probably have no business counselling the poor (and they do need some financial handouts, no? ) and the equally if not more emotionally burdened, there are a couple of things I wanna highlight.

Ethics was a fiasco through no fault of Chris, really, because that is just the way things are. GC helped me through my crises by talking about it with a group while I had an interest in psychology so FP was interesting.

Despite everything, I find Chris' predisposition model flawless, the FACTS@Life, the Fear and Trigger models real but they needed some refinements and I couldn't apply the second half of the FACTS model and his "Trigger" model.

When I wrote the CM essay, I happened to identify more with the spiral model. CT imbibed me with all the ready facts and theories of counselling and I loved that and today, CI was the best. It helped mediate my current financial crisis.

While I enjoyed the sharing of experiences of the lecturers, their anecdotes and travelogues but because the award of the certificate hinges on passing the assignment and exams, this has to be negatively discounted. So exam tips, revision and concept checks were prized instead.

I look forward to the modules of CC and CS coming up next.

What I Meant By Intellectual Rigour.........
I suppose there are constraints.

But sometimes the seminars were just too much of a monologue. There were not very many chances of an exchange, of discussion or debate.

And can we be as open as we want with the class? What about supposedly taboo topics like "suicide" and "homosexuality" .Or will we risk penalising ourselves with the lecturers? For instance with their God-given-and-God-imbued values? Or their personal beliefs and value systems.

Everyone has them, even you and me.

When there were opportunities like during my FP module, I was facing my own set of personal problems and floored by them. So psycho-somatic, current and past physiological, emotional and psychological states play a part


This was what I thought was most lacking in the program apart from my earlier blogs about the language proficiency issues, some accented communication problems, the material in terms of its presentation of facts, the grammar, word usage and language construction.


Plus don't expect us to agree with everything. We have to agree to disagree on some points raised.


It will be a very sad day indeed if legitimate and constructive criticiscms are not taken in its own proper context or people cannot have that degree of freedom of expression or of speech or of writing.

And to be enunciating their views without fear of reprisal or penalty.

And The Assessment Modes.......
And exams are just exams and I don't really like them. Memory work, recalling, getting to the exam venue, the people in the exam hall and when you are down and out, you could be impaired?

Can't concentrate, memory lapses, you stutter, you have eating disorders, etc.

Maybe just assignments?

But I can't really be sure which option or if both is best.

It All Finally Happened......
What happened in the last few weeks meant that it all finally happened.

My world crumbled and my whole immune system broke down. I was down with cough, flu, fever, rashes, aches, pains, depression, drifting in and out between sleep disorders like insomnia and sleeping all the time and get this.....constipation......

To keep a tight lid on our anger is just overcontrolling and overdoing anger management......we have to let loose and let go at times except in a safer way.....

P$
Does this mean I can get my money back? Capital, stamp duty plus profit and interest? Isn't too much to ask, is it?

I promise I will be good from now on? Plea$e????

*$mile$* *Wink$* *$ob$ $ob$ $ob$* Whateva

The Soft Opening Of Ion Orchard (New)

More "Good" Things, Coming From The Acts Of Men
Great!

When you are stressed, down and out, more BAD things hit you! All sorts of ailments strike you! I am a little kid all over again!

I have to visit the old doc for the third time yesterday. After two rounds of theophylline (and I suspect it is this drug that is causing the allergy in addition to stress-related factors) , I developed rashes that covered me from neck to toe.

It itched so I did scratch myself quite a bit but I told myself I have to stop

This morning, most had subsided. But my cough still persists and I am drowsy after taking the medication.

Thank you PEOPLE, for all the "good" things you have caused me throughout my life! All the grief, pain, sorrows and suffering from young till old

I dedicate this to my family, all my ex-employers, all my ex-colleagues and everyone else who has made my life as miserable as possible.

By the way, do you think employers and colleagues are interested in your problems? They have their own set of existential problems like profits, making more money and their own familial problems.

But at least I know from school to work, I have never given anyone any problems as far as I can. I just do my own work and concentrate on my studies. As I said, people have other ideas. Like He-Ape and She-Ape. They want you to play their corporate games for some reasons. FUCK YOU MOTHER CHEE BYES!

All I wanted was just to make some money for a better life for myself and if I am stable, I can try to help my family and maybe others!

If I were to die, it has to be in the comfort and relative peace of my own home. Not here, not anywhere else. I am not the world's luckiest person and have had enough. FUCK YOU, understand!

Oops. Did I just said that I was sick? Oo

Ion Orchard Has Opened
Quite a few luxury brand shops have yet to open!

But the whole place was already swarming with people what with 70% of the shops open.

Standing at a diminutive 660 000 square feet, much smaller than the 750 000 sqft surburban Jurong Point mall , Ion Orchard, however, offers that luxurious touch and imposing radiant architecture which befits its brand name and location on Singapore's premier shopping belt.

I love the NEW BRANDS all right - Korloff, Titanium, Metrox, BreadSociety, Food Opera and OkabAsia (fka Soo Kee, Gramophone, Metro? BreadTalk, Food Republic and NUM). Wait! That is rebranding, isn't it? Silly old me!! Muahahahahahaha....Burp! O....I m sick......

As usual, the LVMH group is strongly represented here and everywhere with the likes of Marc Jacobs, Tag Heuer, Sephora, Chaumet and Dior (incidentally this group is also part-owner) while Prada's daily-oriented, younger generation offshoot Miu Miu has opened its own boutique .

But of course, how could I forget the other Swiss-based conglomerate with Cartier, Piaget , Dunhill, Van Cleef & Arpels, Baume et Mercier already established here. What can I say? I am sick?

Roberto Cavalli is here, so too is Steve Madden. The other French conglomerate with Gucci heading its brand name and other stalwarts like YSL and Boucheron are visibly conspicuous too.

Giorgio Armani and D&G are set to open soon and yes both groups were embroiled in an Armani Feud just at the beginning of this year. Amazing that they are gonna be on the same floor and within reach of each other.

I can't wait for them to open! Won't you?

Roots
And yes following our national newspaper report which stated that Dsquared2 is an Italian label, much like Bally would be mistaken for an Italian rather than a Swiss root, I just wanna clarify that Dsquared2 is of Canadian origin.

Just as Diane Von Furstenberg is Belgium-born before becoming an American fashion designer or American Bebe of Iranian-descent. Even Pierre-Cardin is Italian-born before becoming a Parisian designer.

Of Forgettables And Unforgettables & Past Nemeses

All I Need Now
A job that pays well enough to finance my higher education which is a ticket to my job ambitions and aspirations and my vocational calling.

My current investment that will soar to the point that I can buy back my own place or at least to fuel another reinvestment to see me reach this.

Friends and community can't do much for me. We can share good and bad times together, talk no end about it, spent time and money together on food, movies, pubs, clubs, shopping, whatever. But that is no help at all. You have money, you have friends.

And lastly a male beau to share my bunk and bed with me and to start a relationship for the long term.

Friends do not live in with you. That is just friendship to share the good times of jollying. Not to share the burden of a true relationship.

*Period*.

Other Job-Hunting Woes

That Monday was the deadline for my assignment. I had to rush for an interview for a stint of relief teaching but guess what, they say they will call me if they need me and somehow I don't fit the job.

They promised to look into why I wasn't called for relief teaching though I am on their database annually. Apparently that school, Yishun Secondary (and btw my CPF statement reflected that I was there somewhere around 17th June 2003) has to be the one to keep calling me back and no other school can.

Therefore Yishun has to terminate me from their list before the rest can call on me.

What if Yishun has no need for a relief teacher but other schools do? Does that not deny me my chances of teaching?

Such procedural bureaucracy. Somehow it looks more like a matter of the ground being inflexible and insensitive in interpreting the policies or rules.

Much like the mother who just wanted to wait for her daughter at the foyer but the servant insisted that she should take the H1N1 screening as well.

I wasted my 30 odd bucks cab-fare that day to rush down for the interview and back home again to complete my assignment before the deadline (I was floored by all that emotional depression and was seriously depressed and sleeping it off).

But still no job. On top of forgetting to exchange my pass back for my ID, I had to go back to the school again to do that. All that money wasted for nothing.

And an Indian classmate invited me for her wedding and I had to hand her a red packet.

Money out, no money in.

FUCK YOU!

Get This Right Too, "People"

Since there seems to be nothing on hand, I can only retreat to an escapist world of my own to take my mind off the stresses I am facing. Like retail therapy, movie therapy, long deep sleeps (floored as I am), engaging in my academic pursuits once again, admiring objects of art and aesthethics, physical exercises and so on.

I can't be facing people in crisis and emotional disturbances or in financial distress because I am no better off than they.

It will be too painful, too overwhelming and I can't help them very much at this moment.

And to make the circuit to talk about all my pains will just be too much of a labor, emotionally anguishing and distressing to be talking over and over again about all my personal crises.

Get this right too, "people"!

Why Did I Misinvest In The First Place?

The Agent Rep, The Location, The Unit In Question And The Sentiments Prevailing At That Time

I was swayed by the agent rep (an ex-flight attendant or was she just part-timing here) and that was the time of an overall euphoric investment mood before turning sombre in recent months. The unit in question was in a good location and the design was really good. Exclusive and not too many units.

The property in itself is a good investment certainly but timing was bad. By my calculation given HDB resale prices at that time, I still couldn't afford to buy one so I had to reinvest.

But the other day when I visited the site, one and a half years later, the building was still in its foundational foundation stage. In fact at the canal digging part. Didn't seem like stage 1 has passed and almost all work has stopped.

Did they run into financing or cash-flow problem and the TOP is 2013, 4 years from now....

The Living Environment

I was also holing up with the PUNK at that time and with all the nonsense he and his fiance were generating, they affected my judgement.

The Agent Rep Again

When sentiments turned bad, I asked my agent rep but she said it was ok to hold until the bubble burst and then she said there was a problem. FUCK YOU AGAIN!

The Law Firm

They were supposed to be on my side but the woman lawyer came across as someone who was combative and talking about personals.

She only warned of bankruptcy should I not be able to cough up the progress payment but she didn't warn about the forfeiure and repudiation.

There you have it folks! The community of "humans".

Why Did I Invest In This Counselling Program In The First Place?

It is not getting me anywhere with this qualification.

And to top it up to a degree program in psychology and when I requested for a single major Psychology program, they wanted bridging modules like Tourism (though this must be for the double majors in Marketing Management program).

There you have it again folks! A plethora of shit-trashes. I am pretty sure some of the better written essays are being circulated around for the lecturers' and students' benefits.

Like some of my classmates. The girls. All they want is to examine how other students in the class are writing their essays and they wanna copy.

And all the sales consultant want is sales! I will not recommend anyone for this program with the likes of Chris teaching the module and the quality control.

Intent As Chris Would Put It

What exacty is the class' agenda is another issue.

While the current lecturer Richard is fine, I thought too many attributions to God in the materials was just one too many.

And it does become theoretical and as usual I disagree with many issues raised.

Do they wanna know where my weaknesses lie so they wanna manipulate me like my agent rep? Make me their mouthpieces for some political or social cause? A poster boy for religosity or conversion? A black sheep coming back to the fold? Or they think they are God and wanna mete out some punishment for some of the things I blogged about?

Maybe of God? Of a gender? Of a certain minority community? Or a certain ethnic community?

I must just wait and see and thread carefully.

Hollywood's Unforgettable And Forgettable Films
Hollywood's mill of animation, action thriller and superheroes' genres of movies have always sizzled with thrills and spills.

Movies like "Ice Age", "Terminator" and "X-men". However its social drama and social comedy dramas may not always be my cuppa unless I am going for laughs. So I may just give movies like "Confessions of a Shopaholic" a miss because it is kinda frivolous although funny.

Unlike "BrokeBack Mountain"(Made in America by an Asian) or "Dive" (A Japanese production), which featured pretty faces and bods and walks on a finely thin plot , "Love Of Siam" (A South-East Asian make, specifically a Thai one) was superbly directed.

Thailand's Unforgettable "Love Of Siam"
Set in a typical South-East Asian home (the backdrop says it all) , it starts off with two young boys and their stirring relationship with one rescuing the other from the big bullies in their school. That is when Tong, the rescuer invites Mew, the bullied, to his home.

There are all kinds of love featured in this 2 and a half hour movie marathon. There is that love between Mew and his granny. The love among the quartet of family members made up of Tong, his sister Tang and their parents.

When Tang goes missing, the family disintegrates and moves away. Thus Mew and Tang are separated from each other.

The movie then moves along to another time-era when Mew, all grown-up, joins an all-boy band (the bond and concern among the members) while Tong has a love-interest in Donut. When they reunite, Mew's unrequited love for Tong is met for an instance by their heavy smooching in Tong's home backyard and witnessed by Tong's mom.

Mew's agent, June, is the perfect and exact substitute for Tang and she joins Tong's family to help his father ease out of his alcoholic and poor mental state following Tang's MIA.

There are crossed relationships. A crush on Mew by a neighborhood girl. Tong's ambivalent sexual attraction for Mew, Donut and Mew's neighbor.

Tong finally breaks up with Donut but he can only claim friendship with Mew.

It is a moving story that features love and relationships. None of those Hollywood's fast and furious sex. Deeply touching yet meaningful.

I could sense that the non-Asian audience I spotted was too distraught at the end of the movie. He was perhaps bowled over by this poignant movie-piece and maybe he was expecting homo-eroticism and sex which was visibly absent.

I am assuming here of course.

A ReUnion With Past Nemeses
There was supposed to be a reunion with my Secondary 1 & 2 classmates. Benjamin Lingam rang me up to tell me about this. He is someone I remember alternating between the good and the bad guy. That class of mine had caused me much grief and pain.

You will remember that Chinese class of gansta but this reunion isn't with them but with that mixed bag of people. People like the obnoxious couple of Trevor Grosse and Joseph Philips.

Jeffrey Edwards became an insurance agent later on in life, wanted to sell me insurance which I turned down and duly apologized for making my life difficult back in school. "Sorry no cure" my friend.

Merwin Wilfred, teased no end in class for being Mr BigHead, was also a victim. So was Sunil Menon. Tan Soon Chuan to a certain extent. Charlie Foo, one of the bullies, is now a regular in the armed forces. The rest are apparently doing well.

Richard Dragon, Elcana Jacobs, Ramalingam, Franco Carlos (this guy had to work at the Pizzas to earn pocket money), Melvin D'Rozario, Achak Bradley, Trevor D Silva, Justin Llyod Fernadez , Hector Gomez, the couple of Martin Tay and De Souza (can't remember his Christian name at this moment) all variously jived and ribbed me.

Teachers like JL and Brother Dennis were no help and added on to my woes. Not that the Principal Edmund James was doing his job well either. (Was he demoted for some reason like this?)

Was it because they didn't like Chinese as a race? Or maybe they noticed me in primary school acting in girly jigs on Maria Teo's orders so they thought I was sissy?

For a time, I also went bonkers like them. I must say I don't particularly like them all except maybe for Redzwan and Tracy Bracken.

In Secondary 3 & 4, Tan Yew Tong and Boon Leong (both Malaysians) were no better bullies than the rest. There was always this group of Toh Choon Peng, Koh Kwee Ngee, Andrew Seah and sometimes James Lee who monopolise the class headed by Mr Peter Tan.

Colin Sebastian sat next to me and he was also an opinion-leader at some time.

They were the vocal and articulate ones, coming as they were from influential and well-to-do family backgrounds.

Sigh, what am I gonna do when I meet them?

What Do I Make Of These?
I guess at home, it was also a case of sibling rivalry. My brother and sisters. Imagine your own flesh and blood who are jealous of you. And don't wanna see you excel in school or work.

In school it must be the same too. I was always topping my Secondary 1 & 2 classes. That is why I was picked on.

At work too. You work harder and are better-performing and the likes of She-Ape and Shrill-Voice are also jealous. Or Choo Li Hiang. Even your bosses, who fear you may strike out on your own one day or be promoted over and above them. Because you are more capable.

There you have it folks. This is the "community of humans and people" for you.

Once More With Hate, "People" (NEW)

We Can't Attain Our Aspirations Because "People" Wanna Script Our Lives As They Think Fit
It isn't that life has no meaning or motivation.

It is just that we cannot attain our aspirations due to systemic reasons or other reasons. Other reasons like money for one. This is in fact a BIG ISSUE!

I don't need to attend a course on entrepreneurship. I already know business fundamentals. I only need the sales and business. So my personal business failed because it did not have sufficient sales to sustain it.

I had start-up failures because of the licensing requirements.

I Don;t Need To Know Business Fundamentals, I Need To Generate More Sales To Sustain The Business As A Going Concern
As I said as I was running my personal training business, I was very happy. I have no complaints though it was tough at times. I only need more sales to sustain me.

I have total control over the business.

Thank You For Your Help, The "Community Of Humans" That You Are!
They wanna see you dead, the "community of people". They wanna k-poh, find out how you are and what is going on in your life. They must see you down to your last penny, drawing your last breath and dying before they will render first aid (let us assume here).

Have they considered psychological pain and emotional depression? I ain't going on any medication that has side-effects. That means money and I rather engage in physical activities to rid myself of this ailment. Physical activities like running and gymming.

Chris (one of my lecturers as you will remember) thinks that emotional depression can be controlled like the trigger on a gun. You can turn it on and off just like that. It isn't that simple.

By the time they render help (assuming) it may be too late! And I don't live on handouts or other "human" vagaries and charitable kind acts. It is vagarious, that is why.

Today you are happy, I benefit, tomorrow when you are not, I m dead. What if your fortunes turn for the worse, I become a liability.

I wanna aim for self-sufficiency and live my life my own way.

FUCK YOU MOTHER CHEEBYES AND BASTARDS!

I Embrace Diversity Within Limits - If You Are A War-Mongul Or A God-Like Moraliser, I Stop Short

As for me, I accept all people for who they are. Rich or poor. Employed or un-employed. As long as we get along together.

I don't go asking about people's background or snooping around. Like shrill-voice-accident-in-my-face. She visits my house on the pretext of a CNY occasion to snoop on me and report to boss about my background.

Your lifestyle is yours. Mine is mine. I don't begrudge anyone's lifestyle as long as they don't interfere with mine. Unless these people start firing the first salvo, then I will retailiate.

Like He-Ape's wife. She starts moralising, then I point out to her her own son. Or Old Aunty. Then I point out her own son Ben as an example to her.

One EverGreen Corporate Philosophy
If there is one corporate philosophy I wanna impart, it will be this:

For everyone out there, just do your bit for your job and keep your BLOODY FUCKING mouth shut. If you can't say anything good, don't say it. Unless that fucking prick of an egoistic braggart deserves a dressing down and wake-up call once in a while.

Don't go opening your mouth, maligning others and causing them trouble. Make them lose their job and inflict other miseries upon them.

Don't second guess anyone or think they think you think they think the way you think. Or put words into their mouths. And other false attributions like you think that is the way they feel.

Everyone has problems and pains. Singles. Married couples. Whoever.

What About My Pains? Do I Go Round With A Sob Story (Usually Exaggerated) And Then Try To Extract Opportunities Or Endanger Others?
Think about me and my pains. I was an angry young man because of all that was happening at home and to myself. Sometimes I will let loose this anger on others but I have learnt to forget the past and move on.

I can feel my sisters' pains. My mute sisiter's pains. My seond sister's pains and her attempted suicide. My third sister's pains. My eldest brother's pains. My father and my mother's pains. Their pains were caused by the environment and within themselves.

But I don't go imposing on others and causing them trouble. Do I? I shut my mouth until they put me out here the last couple of years and this is my 4th year running. You get what you truly deserve for all the maligning and gossip you generated.

My old luggages are mildwey, mouldy and green with algae. There are silverfishes. My office attire wear lay crumpled and unused. What about that? After four years, and you think I am happy?

The true sufferers are the ones suffering in silence. The ones who grit their teeth despite all their emotional and physical pain and just wanna move on. They probably drop dead first from all their inner and physical anguish. The one who seemingly has no complaints but just go on.

This Is What The "Community's Help" Is All About
But people seem to have other ideas.

They wanna interfere and by senseless gossip, cause more trouble and pain. They just wanna find out more about you and your background. Sometimes they laugh at you. They misinform you at most times.

Can you even know where I am coming from? Do you even understand all my pains?

Unless you can offer concrete help, don't even meddle and mouth incendiaries and nonsense. Causing more rifts in relationships and fuel the flames of hatred, anger and injustice.

I have met them all. Old aunties at the neighborhood. Old uncles. Ethnic bitch whores at the community club when I was holed up at Psycho's. Gays. "Educators" (sometimes meaning pseudo-teachers). Everyone.

The power of the tongue especially a loose tongue. And I would add, of politics and malignment, as my current lecturer would put it. By far he is one of the better lecturers, unlike some of the others.

People Still Don't Get It?
To me, it is very simple. How much you pay for the job. I do my job well. And is this my vocational interest. With more pay, I have a better life and I can also help my family.

No point asking me if I am single or married. Do I contribute to the family kitty.

Being single, doesn't mean we don't have aspirations, need money to retire, to have money in cases of contingencies, own a place to call our own and live life to our best.

Axes To Grind, The Fiends
Despite my age, I still wanna fight for what I aspire for life.

I can't let the bitch whores and fucktards script my life for me. They can't get to where they want, so they probably want you to be like them. Wallow in depression, self-pity and other axes they have to grind. Jealousy. Their own disappointments and failures in life.

The Gods, Their God-Like People And Acts Of Gods Or Men?

Or to think they are Gods. Put on a public facade of charitable and good acts to cover the tracks of their past sins, trangressions and guilt. And reach even higher authority positions and screw more people up.

Calling themselves saints. Putting up pictures of saints whom they are named after.

I have witnessed God-like people who politick and bicker so much at work, their colleagues lose their jobs. Yes these are God-fearing and God-loving people. And where did they cause their poor colleagues to end up in? Retrenched and left with a broken marriage.

Or this retailer who in its heydays dedicated its premises "To God Be The Glory" but what happened now? It is delisting and its owner was sentenced for organ soliciting which is a violation under HOTA.

So some property developers are doing the same thing now. Will they go the same way? What will they say then? There is no GOD?

Natural disasters like a typhoon is most likely an act of God. But economic disasters are usually acts of Man. Man-made and created.

Projections or transference and I would add of my own, cover-thy-guilty-conscience, as we call them in psychology. Defensiveness is a coping mechanism

This Is All I Need
What I need is to get a degree (any kind of degree) to get me into an education training or counselling job within an education setting, education institutions or corporations-wise.

Unfortunately academic qualifications still count. Not attitude, not communication skills, not life or work life experiences.

As I said private education is expensive and fraught with many irrelevant compulsory bridging modules sometimes. For instance for a Psychology degree, they wanna throw in compulsory tourism and hospitality modules. And it costs a bomb.

I have to consider the time frame. And the bridging gaps to make sure I don't protract the time unnecessarily. More time delay, the more resources dwindle.

I Know Myself Best, I Decide For Me Myself, Not You
With that kinda degree, there are far and few teaching assignments unlike Business degrees.

Let me decide later if the job is suitable for me. That is my problem. You don't decide what I am suited for. I know myself best. Right?

I am more an "idea" person. An intellectual coupled with some practicsm. So education and training sits well with me. Research too. I have that intellectual curiousity that extends deep beyond the superficiality.

And yes, sometimes I have an uncanny insight into someone's psyche. The motivation, the conflicts. The emotions. And so on.

I Can't Be A Counsellor At The Moment For These People
I can't be counselling marriage problems since I am single and gay.

And I can't be counselling the poor because what they really need is money. Money woes. It is too painful for me to go through with them what I went through and I can't help them financially, being in the state I am in now.

Moreover the system cannot too. It is sometimes a systemic problem. A rule and regulation. A policy. A statute. A legislation, I can't seem to change that. How can I help my counsellees?

I have to be financially stable and well-off and rid of all my current emotional pains myself before I can even embark on this arduous task.

But I Can Do Something For These People
For education institutions, I can counsel students on academic and career problems. Individual inner-conflict problems and inter-relationship problems. Some familial problems. Motivational problems

For corporations: motivation, career and welfarism. Emotional, corporate and familial problems.

Otherwise I have no business in being a counsellor or trainer/educator.

I Want To Exact Sweet Revenge $$$$$$$$@%%#

There Is Nothing To Really Live For And Moving On Is Gonna Be Hard
Besides being in a foul mood, I am also devastated at all that I have lost.

My counsellor (well, actually he isn't but his visit that day was timely) confided in me that his businessman father lost like tens of thousands at most in any financial venture.

And again come to think of it, like my close China friend who stood by me when I broke up with my ex-roomie, he proved to be a source of solace and confidance.

On the other hand, Alvin proved otherwise. Like my ex-roomie. Smiling and seeming happy at my misfortune. And saying a few stupid things. Much like Henry in class the last time. Imagine smiling and looking happy while doing grief , death and suicide counselling.

Here I am, an ordinary folk, an innocent by-stander, someone who was just trying to make a tidy sum to secure a future home, finance a higher education for a better-paying job and maybe fuel a personal business, lost 3-4 times a 6-digit sum.

Given my age, my education background and current health, I don't think I can make a come-back anymore.

I Can Only Pin My Hope Here But Can It Go As Far And Fast As I Want It To? (Ideally 1600 to 2 000x Return?)
These are my aspirations. I have always harbored them but didn't wanna get my hopes too high until there is enough hard cash and then I dream about it.

As I said, I am not young and I do get tired these days plagued with vision problems and body aches and since I moved out of my home, persistent cough and flu. No point earning the money or getting what you want when you will drop dead the next day.

I am just keeping myself in my room, moping.

All I want is a simple life : a place of my own, my beau, my job or personal business and enough retirement money. FUCK YOU!

Rain Cusses On You
I really wanna fuck all those billionaires, financial gurus and whoever else that make this happen. That include my real estate agent representative. Even if they had lost billions, they would still have millions left. Enough to see them through.

My real estate rep and her company must be delighting in being able to re-sell the property again and at no loss to them.

May she and her company and their descendants and whoever else involved in what I perceive to be a financial 'scam' to grab at innocent investors' monies, be cursed with some debilitating health concerns some time in their life.

The companies will go broke and they be buried in a mountain of debts.

And before you go build that next mega-place of worship, ask the God first. Did he/she wants it in the first place.

I am pretty sure my cusses work magic like they always have.

I Have Been Trying All These Years But I Am Just Not Wicked, Vindictive, Politically Savvy , Connivng And Shrewd Enough To Outmaneovure The Fiends, Fiends With Axes To Grind (Like Most Of The People I Have Met)
It is not that I have not tried my hands on everything I could before and after the episode.

As I said, I am just someone trying to eke out a living to make ends meet, buy back my own abode, finance a higher education, get a better-paying job and maybe start a personal business later in life. But not too long.

All that is gone. Especially that roof over my head.

I was an entrepreneur before knocking on doors. From schools to schools, from companies to companies, from government agency to government agency.

What did they do? Nothing except incendiaries or the occasional project which rarely happens. Or they kick you from pillar to post, mis-inform you, steal your ideas and implement them as their own. This is totally unforgivable.

Worse they try to extract money from you instead, leaving you even broker.

At work, a job is just a job. I just do my work and it seems that bosses and colleagues have other ideas. Political games, charades, psychodramatics, Hollywood acting skills, etc.

Fuck them!

I will never forget those fuckers! The employers I worked for, the bitch-whores, the gossiping, maligning colleagues, the unproductive but politicking colleagues, the psychopathic bosses, the mis-information, those fat, well-fed civil servants, THE BLOODY FUCKERS!

I resolve I will have my day of vengeance and extract my revenge on them all.

FUCK YOU MOTHER BASTARDS!

Fiends With Axes To Grind
That is the whole point.

I have been frugal and thrifty when I was young. I save and I invest. These have come in useful when I need money for one thing or the other.

It is only in the last three years that I had to sell off my home and before that my car, that I started buying some clothes here and there and so on.

I have also never known about saunas until this time. And I never hankered for them. Or massages because I had a massage chair at home (which does the job well and it can be daily, unlike humans).

A victim of all those politicking bitch-whores (marriage problems, jealousy, etc), old farts and wimps. Gossip-mongering, maligning and so on. FUCK YOU!

So I played with hard cash, not loans. Who wanna be caught with a bad loan? And be made bankrupt!

Your Destiny Is Also Mine
Like the little CPF money of mine pledged to the Children's Cancer Foundation, the little kiddos' fortunes will be tied to my personal fortunes.

If even just ONLY one of the terminally ill leaukimic kid can survive and go on to thrive in the midst of all the nay-sayers, so will I.

$ob $ob $ob

It Finally All Happened (Updated)

She Is Tall, Really Really Tall
Let me correct myself.

That installation art of this tall woman in highcut boots clutching a handbag at OC is only 4 storey high by OC's loft-like floor by floor level standard.

I actually caught sight of her smiling face peering into the lounge area on this floor.

But going by HDB's storey-level, she could easily be between 8 to 10 storeys tall.

Competition And Woes In Jobs-Finding
On Sunday when I went for an interview, I already had a very bad feeling.

Like the last time when I applied for a variety of jobs (even simple librarying work), I was passed over because of younger, cheaper and more educated applicants. Don't forget all the foreign pass-holders competing here. Besides candidature numbers totalling in the range of between 15-85 for one measly, lousy job at all strata level of education requirements.

I just froze and gave up after many futile attempts. You would be hopeless too after so long applying and applying. On top of all my woes, I also had problem uploading my CV via the server because of some format glitch. This was also the same thing that happened to me the last time.

Get That Right, Poker Ass
The employer-to-be is a Chinese national. Among sensitive questions he asked me was if I am married (apparently to find out if I am equal to the job because of the intensity of the job scope and singlehood seems to confer that ability) and later insinuated that there are many opportunities for marriage because of the many "super" hot Chinese chicks working there.

So I promptly told him off that if I am ever there, it is because I enjoy teaching and interacting with young people and primarily for the salary.

In any case at $1100 for a 5-day week (to him it is not 44-hours week so it is considered part-time), it is not going to help finance my futue HDB home (and yes resale prices have shot up again even for a 2-room flat which equals a 3-room price anyway) or my higher education and aspirations.

Deteriorating Health
If everything else isn't bad enough, I coughed and had aches and pains and flu, body and head aches. Even after finishing three bottles of Robitussin, the cough did not subside.

I had no choice but to see the doc. It was an old doc. He prescibed theophylline (my research shows that this isn't popular anymore) and dexamethasone (anti-inflammatory) and yes my cough got better but is this safe? He had diagnosed me with asthmatic bronchitis associating it with childhood asthma.

All Hell Broke Loose
By Monday when news finally broke of what I had lost on my property investment (and I am not giving a figure) I was ANGRY and frustrated.

My first reaction was to vent it on my laptop. I smashed it so hard (and boy do I really regret this because the laptop is the one thing I really need in life for all sorta information and transactions (despite software. hardware and Internet connection problems) it went blank.

It could have been my head or I could have thrown myself out the window but the car-parking lot below would probably break my fall and make me an invalid. If I wanna die, I must make sure I die instantly and in one broken piece. I am glad I restrained myself.

In a rage of self-destruction, I tore up all my clothes and belongings and dumped them so that I could squeeze everything in one suitcase. The next thing I could think of was to leave the country and try to find a second life but if it didn't offer me that chance, I was gonna kill myself so my body would never be found. So I bought an air-ticket for my intended destination.

I was reckless and bought things I would have thought twice. If I was going to die, all that money left isn't gonna be any good in the after-life.

I am gladder I thought better of living and dying in a foreign land. Because of its First World developed status destination, and without a proper job on top of a language barrier, the living expenses is gonna eat into all that I have left.

I also liquidated my bank assets and whatever I may have and closed the accounts. Plus I renominated for my CPF monies. And whatever last mail I may have.

Anger Management Is OverDone - You Have To Let Loose Sometimes But Displacing It In A Safer Way
Imagine the hassle of replacing my laptop (and in that stupor I bought yet another OS when I had an existing one) and asking for a refund for my air-ticket (a 3-6 month wait). And re-activating my bank account.

I also threw away items that I would need to buy again for my immediate use.

Even a rational thinking person could be overwhelmed by all the traumatic events that happened, one after the other and I just lost control of myself.

I skipped class that day and after being emotionally drained and exhausted, I slept over it for the night.

Glimmer Of Hope And Finding New Options
In a moment of liquidating my assets, I actually stumbled upon generating some extra money for myself. This was the UPSIDE to all that had happened.

And then it struck me that I still had a glimmer of hope in this. The only hope I have and I will hold fast and dear to it. The only chance of a comeback. My higher education, my career and my own abode.

I began exploring options and I still am even though there are many doors kept shut in my face.

For one, the WDA's worker-based funding for education is off-limits. So too is the CPF education scheme. All those restrictions. I will just have to see what else there is which I know is probably zilch.

The route to a private education advancement is fraught with extra unnecessary bridging modules because of some entry criteria, a very long protracted time and most importantly VERY VERY EXPENSIVE.

Community And Friends Are No Help At All
The community is no help. As I mentioned, everyone is living in his own world. In a tight circle of the same industry. They are mis-informed and don't know what is really happening.

Like talking to Sab, my classmate. She still thinks that WDA will fund our diploma and degree programs. Nor is she in tune with other industries as she only moves within her own building contracting circle.

Or even that fat gal classmate of mine. She asked if I had mouth ulcers and a sore throat, how is that gonna prevent me from working? What if you are a trainer or educator who has to talk most of the time.

Or Alvin, a young 20 year old polytechnic student. He is a green-horn, wet behind the ears. And like some of his polytechnic friends, he was channelled into a program which was his last few choices and thus a vocation he has no interest in.

Or Old Aunty. She is old and only moves within her coffee-shop business circle.

In fact, they add on to your woes by giving all the wrong information and probably thinking that you are lazy and a loafer. So don't even open your mouth and judge.

They are no support at all

Too Many Unfinished Businesses
There is the course I have to finish. The classes to attend and I attended mine yesterday night. My braces. My CWO (fuck you) . And so on.

I can only hope.

$ob $ob $ob $ob? And more $obs? ($$$$$$$$$$$$$2 500 000 x is all I need?)

Of Luxury And Luxury (New)

Ice Age 3: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs
Hollywood's mill of animation movies has never failed to amaze me.

Time and again, they have consistently come up with plots, stories and ideas that are fresh and portray different animal caricatures past and present and their traits in comical yet realistic ways. Where do they ever get those ideas from?

While the two extinct woolly mammoths are expecting their baby girl, Sabre-tooth tiger begins to ponder his aging singlehood while Sid, the Sloth, decides to mother and nurse three baby T-Rex dinos. In the meantime, Scrat is up to his usual antics with his favourite nut and it seems this matters more than a compatible female paramour as a side-distraction.

The consequences of Sid bringing up carnivorous baby T-Rexes are understandable. Sid may want them to be herbivores but mama T-Rex knows what is best for her brood. She may be ferocious, yet she shows her softer side in protecting and saving Sid from harm later on from an even bigger dino danger, Rudy.

Once the baby T-Rexes joins the community, the other baby animals have a rough time. The kid T-Rexes play hardball and even eat them up and spit them out again. The kid animals prove to be easy pushovers.

I could identify with Sid, the Sloth when he had to hang on while he treads his way through a minefield of floating boulders laced in hot boiling molten lava and his last words..."This is the end of Sid...." as he thought he would plunge to his death down the volcanic Nigara Falls.

The animals' journey through a dungeon filled with laughing gas was of course exaggerated but nevertheless hilarious. The aerial fights between the flying dinos and the heroes were almost like the futuristic Star-Wars Galactica saga except that this is in prehistoric times.

Nobody should miss out on this movie, if not for the plot, funny lines and antics, then for the 3D visuals.

What else can I say? $ob, $ob, $ob?

The Singapore Sling And As I Have Mentioned Before, It Would Be Convenient If All Luxury Brands' Full Collection Are Housed Under One Roof
Well ok, so Armani Casa, Armani's home collection, is available here in Singapore.

At Raffles Hotel where the Singapore Sling is concocted and sold at the Long Bar. The Singapore Sling is even available at supermarkets and I have tried out the cocktail in its distinctive fire-engine red bottle. It tastes FANTASTIC.

Ok ok, I digressed. I haven't visited the Armani Casa shop yet but as I did mention, it would be nice to house it all under one roof but then again of course there could be constraints?

But my fingers are still crossed for those other brandnames to make their way here.

Homosexuality Is No Longer A Mental Illness And Now The World's Largest Democracy Has Legalised It
Guess what?

The world's biggest democracy and the second most populous country has declared gay sex legal.

This is perhaps a timely move for other democracies like ours to follow?

Anticipation (New)

One Scare Tactics Too Many?
There have always been posters at our public loos detailing hand-washing rituals for users to follow so that no germs are left alive for transmission on our hands.

You could almost laugh at what the various steps in those posters teaches you, from rubbing to scrubbing every nook and cranny imaginable of your pair of hands.

Today, the scare campaign, like the packing on our cigarettes' boxes, have gone a few steps further. It features one hand filled with gooey, sick-looking and ghastly microbes, magnified by their ugly teeth and tongues, to drive home the point that 30 seconds is all it takes for us to rid our hands of them.

If it is attention and publicity that the HPB wants, they got them all right. Nobody would miss a poster like that displayed so prominently and strategically

Moreover, 30 seconds or not, with the soap on our hands and a trickle of water at some of the public wash-rooms, it isn't an easy task to wash off the bubblly foam. Thus a 30-second time-limit is really subjective.

Maybe we are overdoing it by that puke-provoking poster (PPP) and does this ritual actually encourage Obsessive Comppulsion Disorder in the long run?

I hope our authorities have seriously considered the demerits of an ad-campaign like this which could lead to an obsession with overt cleanliness, sterilisation and hand-washing akin to a surgical hand-scrub prior to an operation.

Finally could resources like this be deployed more productively.

Biblical History Recurring Again

There is this tee sold by a popular HongKong-based retailer here which bears the slogan : "Ordinary men crave fabric clothes while Gods or God-like people crave golden garb".

Telling in the light of mega and gold places of worship we have all come to know. Maybe it is the mortals not the Gods who want this.

Fashionista
I am aware that dollars and cents probably figure in luxury brands finally deciding to establish their brandnames here.

But what if they make Singapore their flagship of SEA or even Asia, maybe even making it unavailable anywhere else on this continent. That helps I am sure.

Therefore, I am crossing my fingers for other luxury brands like Tom Ford, Craig Robinson, Derek Lam (all of the USA), Adolfo Dominguez (Spain), Escada, Jette Joop (Germany), Raf Simmons (Belgium), Nina Ricci, Claude Montana (France), Missoni, Franco Moschino (Italy) Alexander McQueen (UK), Hanae Mori, Junya Watanabe (Japan) , Ritu Kumar and Ritu Beri (India) to make their way here.

The AYG And UpComing YOG
The AYG has begun and will end next week. The YOG, on the other hand, is slated for next year, 2010.

The Jurong West Sports facilities opened like more than a year and a half ago.

Already it is unbelievably filthy and dirty marked with stained floor, broken shower heads and paintworks. A broken mirror even grace one of the stadium's upper level arena's washroom.

I wonder if before the YOG that repair and remedial works will be carried out ?

The GreyHound Bus Way From LAX To SF Across A Couple Of Other Cities
While talking with someone the other time, I just remembered that the bus journey via the Greyhound Bus from LAX to San Francisco took me through various cities like Fresno, Bakersfield, Modesto and Oakland plus a couple more which I can't really recall.

That was when I blogged about being hopping excited when the Golden Gate Bridge came into sight over the San Francisco Bay.

And yes while doing a little research to re-confirm my itinerary travelled, the Greyhound terminal at SF was indeed something called the Mission TransBay Station. It was a two storey old structure as I remember it.

I also remembered waking up super early in the day like 4am or earlier just to catch the special shuttle from LAX airport (and I was like the only one there that morning in the dark cold night) to the Greyhound Terminal at LAX.

And yes at the Fisherman's Wharf, SF, I could look out over the Bay to Alcatraz Island.

LAX and SF are truly cities with wonderfully mild and temperate weather and they are beautiful cities.

The research jolted my memory and here I am blogging about some of my States travel.