Boxing Day Luminations

Free Smooches
Yes, I spotted that Korean gall featured in the "Free Hugs" photo in the STRAITS TIMES. She was walking over to the loo and the placard was upside down as she held it in her hands. Even though it was not the right side up, I could read it said "FREE HUGS".

I didn't know then that she was part of that trio giving out free hugs. I was thinking she was really brave and mad to walk around alone like that with that sign.

Anyone could just pounce on her and be not accused of any wrongdoing because she had it coming.

Little Bug, little bug, Whence Did Thou Cometh From?
For certain, one bed bug DID follow me from Psycho's place. I caught it busking on my bed at BULLDOG's in Punggol. I had no choice but to unfurl a tissue paper, wrap it round it, squeeze as hard as I could till it bled blood, and hey it is not even its blood, it was MINE.

That is when you can be a 100% sure it is dead. I can't ascertain if these two bed bugs were from Psycho's or they were just there at AUNTIE's/Tim's, lurking somewhere or passed on from her/his previous tenants.

After all who knows what kinda tenants they have had.

Please Review This And See If You Think It Is Reasonable
The Joint Singles Scheme insists on two singles jointly intending to own a resale flat to be BOTH at least 35 years old. This is like looking for a needle in a haystack. It is also an ageist policy. It is like insisting that a pregnant mother give birth not only to octuplets but all 8 have to be boys.

If it had been a case of one of at least 21 years of age while the other at least 35, it would have been more equitable.

We all know how couplings usually have one older than the other, never usually both on par with each other. So you can't expect both to be at least 35, can you?

In fact to further insist that at age 35, singles are then deemed to be more matured, has detrimentally overlooked the fact how other "family nulcei" at age 21 have witnessed poor parenting skills, poor parent-child relationships, dysfunctional familial relationships , some can even ill-afford to start a family in the first place, let alone sham and shotgun marriages of conveniences.

How different can a 21 year old marriagable person be when compared to a 35 year old single? Who is seriously more matured? Are grown-ups really grown-ups? Don't we go to war?Don't we play those same games we play when were were children? The game of envy, the game of tit-for-tat, the game of telling on others and so on.

The wussies at the call centres never even got this right. For new ECs, joint singles are eligible while for resale ECs, the same eligibility conditions apply as in all normal resale conditions.

I Got My Hair-Cut At A Really Top-End Salon And Blew A Hole In My Pockets
Well ok. Let us just say that I got sick of all those cheap and bad haircuts I have been getting so far. The 10-minute haircuts, the Malay barbers and even the Auntie who tended to my hair after that. I mean I have had haircuts at mid-range priced salons before which didn't exactly meet up to their extortionate claims but never this BIG !

This salon was almost the David Gan equivalent. I know I shouldn't have had my hair "straightened" when I urged a change of hair style or even wanted Kenn, the director, to do my hair when a leading stylist would do. Kenn doesn't come cheap. But hey Kenn was really persuasive and he was featured in all those swanky glossy magazines and he does shows all around the world and I just had to throw some money down his way.

Plus there was this really cute NTU dude sitting next to me, waiting to cut and dye his hair. Too bad I didn't get his contact number.

At the end of about two or more hours of waiting, "straightening" and so on, I finally had my "NEW" hairstyle.

Tell me what you think of it if you happen to see me.

Who Is This Bishan North Mall Cleaner Anyway?
Yeah, who exactly is she? Well, for starters, she cleans up after all the hungry hordes had walloped their food at the kopi-tiam (not the KOPI TIAM we all know and love but the kopi-tiam - the traditional coffee-shop of old usually tucked away at the neighborhood centres), leaving the tables ONE BIG MESSY pig swill.

As I said before, I can't really be sure if all these swines are locals or even local locals.

You go find out.

I think those of us who have had the "benefit" of our education system would have learnt from all those benign but usually out-of-touch sages in our schools how we should do good, be civic-conscious, be polite, be respectful and be deferent EVEN when PLUTO is no longer in our solar system and planets revolve around one another and DUDES now can have sex with each other EVEN in public places like the loos, the swimming pools and someone's backyard.

Anyway, this cleaner is hunched and humped and she speaks some good English, from the few words she uttered when I presented her with the X'mas gift.

GOD KNOWS what she said! All I did was tap her on her hump, smile, pointed to the gift and walked away merrily, feeling like I was Santa Claus though I know the roly-poly gift-bearer doesn't exist, America invented St Nicholas and before you know it, X'mas has become another commercial enterprise.

Just like Valentine's Day. Why don't we invent yet another festivity? Like St Gay's Day?

I have been observing how diligently she has been going from table to table to clean up and washing the rag in a pail of water she lugs around.

I have even seen her at a bus-stop on one occasion with an old man. Who he is, I do not know. It ain't my business and it aint yours either. If you wanna know, go ask her ok. You risk a slap though. He could be his brother for all you know.

All I know is she deserves a Xmas gift and GOD has been kind enough to present an opportunity for me to do this to her. I mean a good deed of course. I hope she doesn't decide she ain't fit to carry such AN EXPENSIVE purse and decide to give it away to some RICH TAIS TAIS.

THANKS BE TO GOD! YOU ARE THE BEST AND KINDEST, if you even exist at all, that is.

If Jesus Glided Over The Waters, So Can I Cross The Train Tracks
I mean of course the thought crossed my mind. I was at the Bukit Panjang LRT some time back and it had two platforms, each separated from each other by the tracks and each having a different route. I wanted to know what the other route at the other platform was.

I actually wanted to step down onto the tracks though there was a sign warning of danger and being electrocuted by the immensely high voltage, if you even manage to cross over before the train hit you, that is.

I though I could be JESUS when he gracefully and miraculously glided over water like he was some DAVID COPPERFIELD magician performing a saw-up on his human subjects.

If I had no guts to fling myself off a building, surely I can fling myself onto the tracks (ha ha - sorry I said I "jumped off" the tracks the last time - that shows that I could clamber out of the tracks just as I had climbed in).

Then again I am not sure I wanna kill myself. Maybe after I had lived the good life, had enormous wealth,
oversee a revolution that overthrows the PAP and live to see all the "teachers" quit the education service.

Ah well, guess I will stick around for some time yet.

A Three-Piece Sweaty Sweat
Wait. What if a gym machine had three parts - a back-rest, an arm-rest and a butt-rest. And you sweat in all those three places. Where do you place your towel? Have you thought about that?