To illustrate even further how pathethic friendships or relationships have become, I actually have someone who asks me to hang on till after he has finished his "cultural" week at the university.
I mean if I am close to that person, I don't think I will do that (but I will if they are people I HATE to the core). Anyway, that is it. I am not gonna be there for him when that date draws near.
Nobody puts a relationship or friendship on hold like that, does anyone?
Can you imagine your kid or beau needs you and you do that? Unimaginable right?
Love Should Be Simple And Easy, Not Complicated And Convoluted
And I hate convoluted and multiple relationship-way. All I want is ONE SIMPLE BEAU and ONE SIMPLE LOVE.
Is that so hard to ask?
Alarm Bells Ringing - Read The Literature And Be Very Afraid
A reminder to the fuckees in our community.
Please read the literature. Even though it may not be explicit, I am sure you can put two and two together and link prostatitis and prostate cancer with your kinda activity.
Do you wanna risk this to yourself?
I Already Knew What I Wanted From The OutSet. Please Get This Right!
Let me blog about this once more.
I already know what I wanted when I was in junior college and during my National Service days. It started with my unhappy family background and got progressively worse in school and NS, seeing the fakers at work.
It is just that those PIGs around me were gutless, spineless, mindless (no will and mind of their own and just bend with the wind), mentally retarded and TOTALLY CHILDISH AND IMMATURE and ABOVE ALL, game players.
At any age.
I can't find the ONE (or if I did, they were just NOT READY OR wavering OR I couldn't express this to them because it was FORBIDDEN OR he was seeing someone OR wateva).
And I don't own a home to build this life with HIM.
A Home Valentine
For me, my Valentine's Day is spending it with HIM at home. Hugs, kisses, cuddles, kind words, encouragement, love, household chores, meals, home movies and the like.
Sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings and fears and so on. Chatting and sharing and more chatting and sharing and being honest, open, frank and truthful.
Yeah and SEX! Why not?
I Have A Right To Pick My Beau Just As I Will Respect HIS Right To (Though I Am Just Not Ready To Let Go Without Clear Signals From His Own Horse's Mouth That I Am Not The One )
You do not dictate my choice of a beau. I will know it when I see HIM. It isn't this NEW TENANT. Neither is it Gerald's faker of an older brother. Nor is it that chief tenant at the new place IF I am ever moving there. Nor is it Gerald.
Look. I am not trying to convert anyone's sexuality. It is already there. Latent or open. It is all up to the individual. But because of environmental pressures, we all deny, suppress, conform or whatever.
All I can do is to try and bring it to the fore and the individual decides.
And only with my beau will I do that.
So the issue is not conversion, confusion or wateva. It is the issue of not LETTING HIM get into the dark rut which is the other side of the gay world. The DARK SIDE of all those endless cruising and SEX and debauchery.
I do have that pair of eyes which tells me a lot and I am all knowing. There is a Sanskrit word for that in Hindu astrology. It is mahashiri or something. That is why the Hindus are probably more attuned.
All I know is that the person is HIM.
These Are His Friends And Colleagues Whom I Am Concerned About
I see a lot of ME in him. He is what he is today because of the faker GAYs and whoever else friends he is hanging out with. The blind leading the blind. I have seen two of them and I am not impressed.
One was like Ben. Speaks like him and fake like him. Does that explain Ben's miseries in his relationship with Vic? Because Vic knows him well. And Vic isn't absolved either because of the "stuff" they both do.
The other I could tell that he is just another spineless and gutless wimpy creature.
And there were several colleagues of his that I can also tell who they are. I just wanna warn him of the dangers. One was a HIMBO like that fucktard holed up next to my room at Ben's.
That is why I said his fate isn't gonna be pleasant if he persists in hanging out with THEM or whoever else I have not met. It is his propensity to hang out with the wrong crowd.
He Is A Part Of Me And I, Him
They are not bringing him to the fore and the light. Which is a home-based life with a partner.
They are bringing him to the dark tunnel which is a world of men's clubs, pubs, all kinds of debauchery, fashion, looks, physique, beauty, dick size, the whole gay culture and GOD-KNOWS-WHAT-ELSE and their own skewed belief systems!
I wanna bring him there together with ME. His personality and chemistry is mine. It exactly matches. I want him to be ULTIMATELY himself which he isn't yet and his "FIENDS" are just feeding him. More deceit, lies and faking.
He is certainly already GAY. And I can guess the roles and all. He is trying to change and pretend or otherwise. All I want him to know is that I ACCEPT AND LIKE HIM AS HE IS.
In fact, I detect a slight (maybe not so serious) autism or something in him. Maybe he is a GEEK?
But I do find him authentic.
I Can't Live With Fakers AnyMore
That explains why I was a loner and independent most of the time. It is so HARD to find a genuine person. So many are fakers and we have to fake along.
I have blogged about how I didn't fit in at home with the biggest faker of all, my eldest brother and yes, my dear sisters. And when I was living alone, I found myself.
But guess what? The foreign tenants who came aknocking were just bad fakers too and so problems arose.
At least grant me that sanctuary to be myself and with my beau where we are both GENUINE. That is all I ask. We can't be facing fakers everywhere. Home, work and at play. It is terrifying and dehumanising.
I can't be living with FAKERS anymore. It is just heart-wrenching.
Because We Were Led To The Dark Hole That Is The Making Of The Environment, So We Are Where We Are Today
Because you can see where I and so many others have ended up because of THIS.
Old And New Schools?
And there is NO question about new and old schools.
If there is, why are so many old songs being revived or remixed today by new and younger singers and there is a following among the NEXT generation of listeners that cut across the generation gap.
Explain that.
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