Knick Knacks

Let me correct several things I wrote previously. One, the bathroom scrub was only thigh-high. Two, the gravel at the reserve is reflective but where it is canopied or soiled, it isn't anymore.

There is this man who walks five of his dogs, one dog a day. The Jack Russell doesn't look it as it has grown pudgy. Just this morning I discovered he actually lives literally at the water's edge, in a house filled with dogs and cats. One morning the entire international schools community was out for their X-country run. There were the French, the Australians and the Canadians. As usual, the boy canoeists were the cutie hunks running and working out near the canoe sheds. But it was see-no-touch. What is the point?

My new mobile has proved to be a handy little gadget. It is not only a portable radio but a torchlight in my moments of darkness. Once I hung out with a dude till late in the night and by the time I finished my dilly-dally, it had turned pitch black. I made my way alone in the dark forest with my mobile's beacon showing the way. It is also my appointment scheduler.

Living life with the janitor isn't easy. It kinda reminds me of my life in the "Dark Ages" living out part of my existence with my mom and brother. Now bro isn't exactly the very reasonable sort. I can't blame him either. With the kind of strict upbringing he had, with Mom especially. He was a gangsta. He got picked on by the discipline master, someone whom I don't particularly fancy very much too in my school days (yes we were from the same school) . Nor can I articulate all my feelings or thoughts to my mother in Teochew. She can speak and understand some English but her vocabulary range is limited.

I can imagine all those good kids hanging out the whole time because of all the communication and/or problems they face at home with their parents and siblings. All the naggards, control freaks, unreasonable bums and illogical farts. I did that once before in my life and it seems I am doing it now.

It does strike me that gays aren't very into relationships. Even at cruising spots, it was more hormonally charged quick sex drive thingy, voyeurism and exhibitionism. Hardly any stop and chat to introduce oneself to one another or to strike up a friendship. I have told myself that I will try to do that once the opportunity avails itself.

Well it isn't only at cruising spots. Everywhere you meet people, they are in their own cliques and in their own world. They hardly acknowledge others' presence or stop to chat. So I am not anti-social. They are. And probably they have problems initiating a relationship. They are the problem dudes. Not moi. But it could also be because of down-time that we sometimes don't feel like chatting. Time alone, bad hair day, feeling fucked up, etc. Remember it is worse for gays. We have to second guess who is and who isn't.

I am dying for the day I get myself a boyfriend. I wanna watch the laser displays at Sentosa with him. I am gonna cuddle up to him. I am gonna french him long and deep in the mouth. I am gonna hold his hands. I am gonna have sex with him in exotic places. All these in full view of the public except the last. Dare me! Girls, I am so jealous of all the smooching and stuff you couples do, I am gonna wreak my revenge. See how you feel if I do the same, except this is now a GUY!

Surfing at LAN shops has opened up my eyes to the kids who hang out at such places. The different styles practised at the shops are also varied. This has meant great inconvenience too. Some have this but not that. In a day, I may be surfing at the public library one part of the time and at a LAN shop another part of the time.

Guess what! I met one of my students today! His name is Casper. There are many unresolved issues I want to iron out with him. I remember him as the kid who has this Mom who asks "standard" questions about his son and I have to, like all others do, answer back in "standard" mode. I really regretted not standing up for this kid and saying the things I should have said instead. There were many things I regretted doing and not doing. Just going with the flow of life's convention, I had to do it or not do it . I told myself I will not do this anymore.

Which was the reason why I rejected the offer to teach at a tuition centre. First, it was a paltry $25 an hour which barely covers my transport and food. Second, it had no school materials. It isn't exactly a new start-up, existing as it is for several years now. In fact I had attended one interview eons ago and rejected the offer for the same reasons. It wants moi to go buy materials and reimburse me for the effort. I don't think I am very keen on such an arrangement. In fact I am not keen on teaching at any private commercial schools, if only to pass the time and earn a small keep.

I am really not sure how my life is heading. But I do know I have those dreams which I can't seem to launch. I am not getting any younger and this is a real pain for me to ever start something at an old age. The hate returns of all those who have denied me this. FUCK YOU!