Sexual/Dual/Multiple Relationships
This is strictly prohibted in our counselling program.
I think if you are happily coupled, this would not happen between a counsellor and a counsellee. And I wanna move towards that direction.
Unless you are a lonely, empty and loveless predator on the prowl.
Besides, speaking for myself, I have proven it in living with all those gay, bi or straight landlords. Firstly because I wasn't keen and even for those like Andy and Rhemi whom I am, I didn't allow it to happen. And I am not even emotionally attached. That says a lot right.
Andy is married with Ashley as his offspring and Rhemi as I soon got to know him, sux BIG TIME. He can go on deceiving himself and live with his voluptuous big-breasted whoever.
Right here, I have rejected Ben and Rick's (the happy couple) advances and while I like Rafi and his beau, I didn't allow it to happen either .
If it happened with that Mynamese at Fatbloke's or with my roomie, both of whom claim to be coupled with gals, I disregarded it because I knew they were fakers.
The Herd Instinct
My counselling program puts down living alone as a predisposition for suicide. O boy, do I ever think this is wrong. I didn't harbor any such thoughts , though life may be tough, when I lived on my own.
Now that I am put here amidst "humanity", I must say I have thought of it several times when dealing with these "humans". My roomie. And the rest. Oo. Plus the Great Financial And Emotional Depression.
Counsellor Impairment
I can understand my lecturer very well. He is facing stresses and so class becomes grievances-pouring sessions. It is normal. But does he have to harp on it so many times?
And he was once nearly sued for instigating a divorce between a man and a woman.
Sometimes he just spews forth many many many things without thinking (an all those cliches)and the gravity of his words are not weighed. I am not sure if this could be part of the precipitation for the divorce. He could have inadvertently done the couple a disservice.
Or did he do it on purpose.
In class he has been firing in rapid succession a whole load of issues that were too quick for us to respond to or we just didn't have the opportunity to rebutt.
And he covers his track by reacting lightning quick.
Issues there were unfair to some of us.
This Is Intent For You
He questions intent. For moi, if it is a sex therapy session or an erotic massage session, it is just that. If I do the above, why can't I act as a confidant as I provide both physical and mental relief to my patient.
Of course if it is a relaxing or sports massage, it is just that too. And I can still act as a confidant too, can't I?
And if it is just counselling, it is just counselling. Mental relief. Are you daft? Or pea-brained?
Holistic therapy in the former two cases? You bet.
*Period*
More Smoking Ban At Public Places
Even open-air places are now not spared and perhaps at car parking lots because of the combustible fumes? it is not such a bad idea.
But that 5m ban within an exit/entrance is so debatable. People cannot precisely judge that 5m though a visual assessment sometimes can. So a 5m marker to mark out this spot is in order. Otherwise any security guard can just be very subjective.
And if you are restricting so many places but ciggies are still readily available, where are the smokers supposed to smoke.
My Littering Fine - ParkWay Parade Shopping Mall
Yes I was caught within this 50m or so beltway dotted with benches and flowerbeds. On one side are fast food joints. KFC has two smoking tables with ash trays and a plastic bin (not meant for stubbing out ciggies).
The other side is a stretch of cafes with smoking zones and litter bins of course.
Both are on elevated platforms.
Smoking along this 50m beltway is allowed but not a single bin is in sight. As the other bins are not easily accessible and the sole metal litter box and bin is placed at a side entrance of a shopping mall (gosh, doesn't this violate the 5m ruling) far away, it is so preposterously stupid.
Look at other open-court smoking places with so many bins placed a couple of metres within each other.
So what is the criterion for the placement and spacing of bins? If there is even one or is it haphazard.
Towel Sharing Between Male And Female Patrons And Ridiculity Of Counter Times And Return Of Towels
Before I joined Calif, I went there for a pre-trial after 11am or so. So I wasn't cognisant that towels were shared between both male and female patrons.
Only after joining membership did I realise that. It was because the counters had different opening times.
Imagine sharing towels like that. Even husbands and wives don't, what more strangers. Yes they are laundered but can we be sure? In fact towels should be color-coded and separated out, one for males, the other for females.
Now they ridiculously want us to return towels to the 2nd floor only and they closed the 3rd floor counter untill a certain time -11am in this case. (Female showers on 2nd, males on the 3rd) Even this time limit isn't strictly observed. 11.30am and there is still no counter open yet.
I cannot see why that 3rd floor counter (or at least just a bin) be open for collecting soiled towels round the clock without the need for a staff to man the counter.
Anyway it is the one and the same towel, what big difference does it make?
Stupid as it comes, stupid as it goes.
Does it make sense?
What Does This Show?
If my roomie had prohibited visitors on my part, I would have been happy. Because it will show that he is monogamous.
I had asked about visitors and he is ok with it. But I told him that since we were sharing a room, I will not have visitors and likewise I expect the same of him.
I was disappointed to say the least.
And all the nonsense about complicated, convoluted relationships and that people are basically slut. Is this human nature or is it the effect of pornography or of ourselves and our value system?
I offered to help him with his school work but he didn't respond.
I am not sure what is happening on the side (if any) between him and Ben. I suspect there is. Ben and Rick have shown that they can be capable of deceit. And I am not sure where my roomie is holing up now.
If he is financially needy, he will probably need to hook up with them.
And Ben has typecasted (though I thought a bit unfairly) that all the Chinese were money-minded and only sought wealth.
I think maybe it only happens in my roomie's case while the rest should genuinely be seeking an education and a job or to return home for some economic role.
I just hope they are not doing something behind my back. That will be so unethical and Ben should know better.
The real playboy should be him.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Some Things Bear Repeating Because You Are Not Listening
I Still Can't Get Over Him
You would have thought it was good riddance and closure for me. Fact is, it isn't. I still have lingering feelings for him and even after I thought I could close a chapter on this emotional trauma and drama of my love life, I really couldn't.
I tried patching up and persuading him to return and his reply seared through to my heart. He asked if I was sick (lovesick that is) and denied his sexuality once again, threatened to report me to the police for sexual harrassment and asked that I do not stir up unnecessary trouble for myself.
I almost wanted to weep my heart out.
The other day when I bumped into him at school (or at least I waylaid him when I knew he had a class going on) , his frivolous, callous reply was chilling and that was when I decided enough was enough and determinedly decided to be on a quest for another roomie.
The next day, I sunk into depression and I was still thinking about him over the next couple of days. I began to have tension headache and felt very, very exhausted, so much so that I laid off gym training for a while.
And I text him again to bid goodnight like I always did before he moved in.
I was so emotionally affected by this incident that I blew my top at the towel girl at the gym. It was like a breaking point. And she asked for it because it just wasn't that incident but a culmination of several.
Is That Too Much To Ask
He was a huge disappointment as a roomie even though I had told him what he could expect.
First I wanted a buddy whom I can relate to, chat, do some things together, an emotional and mental anchor and of course if it happens, it happens - sex. And I know I had reduced myself to no more than a slut but then again that is my usual attire at night - nude in bed or topless in my underwear.
He did steal sidelong glances but didn't bite the bait and we just did our own things. He did his own thing more than I wanted to and he had exams coming up, chatted online and spent three nights away.
So we didn't even have a chance to really bond though we did chat quite a fair bit.
But when he left, he wasn't so frequent online. Why?
I can only surmise he had all those gay friends with him or whoever else and he didn't need the online chats anymore.
This Is Not A Drama Script Or A Wedding Game
I hope he doesn't expect it to happen like in the drama love serials. Somehow I thought he wanted to script it that way.
The flowers, whatever.
I told him I don't like emotional scenes and I am getting very, very tired of fakes in a relationship - that is the kinda drama we have come to expect from television or the movies.
Or the PTs trying to be like one of the boys and going into regimental style physical training in National Service. Such fakes.
A Consolation - Another Hot Young Chinese Dude To Pour My Heart Out To
So I did the next best thing and asked this young China friend out.I want to pour out my sorrows to him and I know he will understand better, being from where he comes from. A similar background to my roomie.
You would have recalled I met him working at the cafe - the hot young dude with the pretty delicate facial features, the red petal lips and perfectly snow-white complexion.
He would have been my first choice if he wasn't as unresponsive up untill now.
I can trust him more than I can trust the circle of gay people.
Damn You! First The Lecturer And At The Gym
I am not sure if this is another script and test whoever out there is trying to put me through for whatever reasons.
Maybe they thought I would be driven into the arms of my counselling lecturer and have therapy sessions with him as he wished.
I must make it pretty clear I am not the least bit interested in him (or any blimp) or in any of the Indian-Arab PTs who seem to hover around me whenever I am training or at the lockers.
First there is no chemistry and second I am not physically or sexually attracted. We can be friends, sure. Especially this Hindu-Arab.
Sure my lecturer is funny and cute. But it ends there. I find him repeating himself and the same few antics one time too many. And all those utterly insiduous remarks and untruths. I even question now if he works for the hospital as he claims to.
The experience sounds fake. I wanted to laugh out loud when he talked about what he thinks the pharmaceutical sales experience was. It wasn't really true, some parts of it. And being a psychologist, how would he know? He isn't a psychiatrist who dispenses medication and wouldn't then be in contact with pharmaceutical sales personnel.
First it is a company which did personality tests, then it is a school. So which is which? Then he is married and childless, now he admits he is single. And that explains why he has only one marital counselling to his credit.
He questions "intent" so what is his?
And Then My Classmates
Or even the ethnic women sitting around me during class. We don't share quite the same kinda religious or non-religious outlook.
I can relate to Claire only because she is an English-languagy person like myself and she had completed a course with the same school on "Creative Writing".
A friend to talk to during class and focus on our lecturer's chamelonic speech of all kinds.
*Period*
I Am Not Ready For Another Relationship Yet And A Non-Glam Vocation
With the kinda emotional trauma inflicted upon me by my roomie, I don't even wanna start anything with anyone like this gay hair stylist I know or even Rafi, my flatmate.
I only wanna work within an education institutional environs, not the medical corp services. I have been there and yes, it isn't pleasant facing oncology patients and the whole works. I caught my chicken pox too while on my pharmaceutical sales round.
Certainly I can't do marital counselling.
Youths and sports, specific population groups I certainly can. Not serious delinquent kind but milder versions, I hope.
Not the big psychotic and neurotic kind which is in the realm of psychology anyway, not counselling. Something simpler with kids like bullying or career counselling and sports motivation and counselling.
There you see - a non-glamorous job, cleaning up after the system which troubles so many people out there. Money problems, social problems, policy issues, the whole darn thing.
We Don't Need Pornography
Ban pornography for good. We don't need them. It is all pure lust.
I didn't have access to them when I was in school or in the army. It was very, very much later like when I lived on my own or earlier that I did.
Without them, I had feelings for all those people. Gabriel, Joo Wei, Allan, Chong Beng. Because it started with relationships, personality, etc.
But now I am the way I am, I am not too sure but the next generation surely can be protected against it.
Nice Coffee Chat - But What Lies Behind
I met up with Ben the houseowner to discuss my roomie moving out.
Actually I am beginning to think he was that VP once when I guardianed a China student at a SAP school. Now he isn't at this SAP school and is running a private tutorial and I know he has diverse grassroot contacts here. Both community and religious groups.
I enjoyed chatting with him but I know Ben is more like in primary school kinda mode. And it isn't so practical-oriented.
And of course all he has to say of the China students are negative. I tend to agree because of my past experiences but I am still keeping faith in my roomie. Of course I am shattered (as Ben must move around the gay circle more) that gays can't keep faithful to a relationship.
Despite everything, I am still rooting for my roomie but can you blame me when I see what happens around the KTVs here. The old and young men. Some must surely be married and can you imagine their wives or girlfriends? Trust? In the blind about their activities or just turning one blind eye.
And what the gays are doing too.......at least the ones I see.
Free Full Body Check-Up, Not Just HIV Testing - What About Foreign Sex Workers?
What of some of our leaders? They wanna test for HIV for people admitted into hospitals. Why not do a free thorough head to toe bodily medical check-up to screen for other diseases as well, not just HIV? Wouldn't that be more appreciated?
If they are so serious about rooting out HIV, foreign sex workers working in sleazespots would be at higher risk. So why not them too?
I Hope Not, That Would Be Like So Ethically Wrong
I am not even sure if Ben and my roomie are contacting each other on the sly.
He can be a boyfriend snatcher though I thought he is coupled with Rick. I mean all those visitors late in the night. And he has said he can turn a blind eye (for me if it is relationships it could be devastating) and I know he has done so on himself.
He is purportedly flying off to Canada to further his higher education in May, the same time my ex-roomie's student pass is expiring. The same country of origin of both of their programs.
Sometimes it is just the connection or link. I could be wrong of course. But what of his school during his absence?
I hope he has my interests at heart as he claims to.
Not Just Any Beau But A Beau
Well I am not that young but that does not mean I must be holed up with people much older or maybe a few years apart from me like Doray or my lecturer or Aunt Chan Moi's son or FatBloke and whoever else. When we just don't click.
I can click with my roomie but too bad he is just too distant for me as he wants it that way.
I know I am looking to settle down and Ben has told me older people are more stable. True but I am sure people at any age are settling down so age is not the preoccupation here.
If they wanna flirt, I can do the same. It is "open" though I rather not. Yes, both guys and girls. I can. I truly can.
Get This Again, Assholes!
So please assholes.
Grant me that passageway. No any political party joining for me. No coercion. You are just making me hate you like fucks even more. Maybe that is what the community is trying to do. Instigate me into being Che Guevara like my roomie and my lecturer are trying to.
My job. My house. My nestegg. My beau. My own thing. I am not that young anymore.
One day I may even thank you and support your cause, if you reform, that is.
You would have thought it was good riddance and closure for me. Fact is, it isn't. I still have lingering feelings for him and even after I thought I could close a chapter on this emotional trauma and drama of my love life, I really couldn't.
I tried patching up and persuading him to return and his reply seared through to my heart. He asked if I was sick (lovesick that is) and denied his sexuality once again, threatened to report me to the police for sexual harrassment and asked that I do not stir up unnecessary trouble for myself.
I almost wanted to weep my heart out.
The other day when I bumped into him at school (or at least I waylaid him when I knew he had a class going on) , his frivolous, callous reply was chilling and that was when I decided enough was enough and determinedly decided to be on a quest for another roomie.
The next day, I sunk into depression and I was still thinking about him over the next couple of days. I began to have tension headache and felt very, very exhausted, so much so that I laid off gym training for a while.
And I text him again to bid goodnight like I always did before he moved in.
I was so emotionally affected by this incident that I blew my top at the towel girl at the gym. It was like a breaking point. And she asked for it because it just wasn't that incident but a culmination of several.
Is That Too Much To Ask
He was a huge disappointment as a roomie even though I had told him what he could expect.
First I wanted a buddy whom I can relate to, chat, do some things together, an emotional and mental anchor and of course if it happens, it happens - sex. And I know I had reduced myself to no more than a slut but then again that is my usual attire at night - nude in bed or topless in my underwear.
He did steal sidelong glances but didn't bite the bait and we just did our own things. He did his own thing more than I wanted to and he had exams coming up, chatted online and spent three nights away.
So we didn't even have a chance to really bond though we did chat quite a fair bit.
But when he left, he wasn't so frequent online. Why?
I can only surmise he had all those gay friends with him or whoever else and he didn't need the online chats anymore.
This Is Not A Drama Script Or A Wedding Game
I hope he doesn't expect it to happen like in the drama love serials. Somehow I thought he wanted to script it that way.
The flowers, whatever.
I told him I don't like emotional scenes and I am getting very, very tired of fakes in a relationship - that is the kinda drama we have come to expect from television or the movies.
Or the PTs trying to be like one of the boys and going into regimental style physical training in National Service. Such fakes.
A Consolation - Another Hot Young Chinese Dude To Pour My Heart Out To
So I did the next best thing and asked this young China friend out.I want to pour out my sorrows to him and I know he will understand better, being from where he comes from. A similar background to my roomie.
You would have recalled I met him working at the cafe - the hot young dude with the pretty delicate facial features, the red petal lips and perfectly snow-white complexion.
He would have been my first choice if he wasn't as unresponsive up untill now.
I can trust him more than I can trust the circle of gay people.
Damn You! First The Lecturer And At The Gym
I am not sure if this is another script and test whoever out there is trying to put me through for whatever reasons.
Maybe they thought I would be driven into the arms of my counselling lecturer and have therapy sessions with him as he wished.
I must make it pretty clear I am not the least bit interested in him (or any blimp) or in any of the Indian-Arab PTs who seem to hover around me whenever I am training or at the lockers.
First there is no chemistry and second I am not physically or sexually attracted. We can be friends, sure. Especially this Hindu-Arab.
Sure my lecturer is funny and cute. But it ends there. I find him repeating himself and the same few antics one time too many. And all those utterly insiduous remarks and untruths. I even question now if he works for the hospital as he claims to.
The experience sounds fake. I wanted to laugh out loud when he talked about what he thinks the pharmaceutical sales experience was. It wasn't really true, some parts of it. And being a psychologist, how would he know? He isn't a psychiatrist who dispenses medication and wouldn't then be in contact with pharmaceutical sales personnel.
First it is a company which did personality tests, then it is a school. So which is which? Then he is married and childless, now he admits he is single. And that explains why he has only one marital counselling to his credit.
He questions "intent" so what is his?
And Then My Classmates
Or even the ethnic women sitting around me during class. We don't share quite the same kinda religious or non-religious outlook.
I can relate to Claire only because she is an English-languagy person like myself and she had completed a course with the same school on "Creative Writing".
A friend to talk to during class and focus on our lecturer's chamelonic speech of all kinds.
*Period*
I Am Not Ready For Another Relationship Yet And A Non-Glam Vocation
With the kinda emotional trauma inflicted upon me by my roomie, I don't even wanna start anything with anyone like this gay hair stylist I know or even Rafi, my flatmate.
I only wanna work within an education institutional environs, not the medical corp services. I have been there and yes, it isn't pleasant facing oncology patients and the whole works. I caught my chicken pox too while on my pharmaceutical sales round.
Certainly I can't do marital counselling.
Youths and sports, specific population groups I certainly can. Not serious delinquent kind but milder versions, I hope.
Not the big psychotic and neurotic kind which is in the realm of psychology anyway, not counselling. Something simpler with kids like bullying or career counselling and sports motivation and counselling.
There you see - a non-glamorous job, cleaning up after the system which troubles so many people out there. Money problems, social problems, policy issues, the whole darn thing.
We Don't Need Pornography
Ban pornography for good. We don't need them. It is all pure lust.
I didn't have access to them when I was in school or in the army. It was very, very much later like when I lived on my own or earlier that I did.
Without them, I had feelings for all those people. Gabriel, Joo Wei, Allan, Chong Beng. Because it started with relationships, personality, etc.
But now I am the way I am, I am not too sure but the next generation surely can be protected against it.
Nice Coffee Chat - But What Lies Behind
I met up with Ben the houseowner to discuss my roomie moving out.
Actually I am beginning to think he was that VP once when I guardianed a China student at a SAP school. Now he isn't at this SAP school and is running a private tutorial and I know he has diverse grassroot contacts here. Both community and religious groups.
I enjoyed chatting with him but I know Ben is more like in primary school kinda mode. And it isn't so practical-oriented.
And of course all he has to say of the China students are negative. I tend to agree because of my past experiences but I am still keeping faith in my roomie. Of course I am shattered (as Ben must move around the gay circle more) that gays can't keep faithful to a relationship.
Despite everything, I am still rooting for my roomie but can you blame me when I see what happens around the KTVs here. The old and young men. Some must surely be married and can you imagine their wives or girlfriends? Trust? In the blind about their activities or just turning one blind eye.
And what the gays are doing too.......at least the ones I see.
Free Full Body Check-Up, Not Just HIV Testing - What About Foreign Sex Workers?
What of some of our leaders? They wanna test for HIV for people admitted into hospitals. Why not do a free thorough head to toe bodily medical check-up to screen for other diseases as well, not just HIV? Wouldn't that be more appreciated?
If they are so serious about rooting out HIV, foreign sex workers working in sleazespots would be at higher risk. So why not them too?
I Hope Not, That Would Be Like So Ethically Wrong
I am not even sure if Ben and my roomie are contacting each other on the sly.
He can be a boyfriend snatcher though I thought he is coupled with Rick. I mean all those visitors late in the night. And he has said he can turn a blind eye (for me if it is relationships it could be devastating) and I know he has done so on himself.
He is purportedly flying off to Canada to further his higher education in May, the same time my ex-roomie's student pass is expiring. The same country of origin of both of their programs.
Sometimes it is just the connection or link. I could be wrong of course. But what of his school during his absence?
I hope he has my interests at heart as he claims to.
Not Just Any Beau But A Beau
Well I am not that young but that does not mean I must be holed up with people much older or maybe a few years apart from me like Doray or my lecturer or Aunt Chan Moi's son or FatBloke and whoever else. When we just don't click.
I can click with my roomie but too bad he is just too distant for me as he wants it that way.
I know I am looking to settle down and Ben has told me older people are more stable. True but I am sure people at any age are settling down so age is not the preoccupation here.
If they wanna flirt, I can do the same. It is "open" though I rather not. Yes, both guys and girls. I can. I truly can.
Get This Again, Assholes!
So please assholes.
Grant me that passageway. No any political party joining for me. No coercion. You are just making me hate you like fucks even more. Maybe that is what the community is trying to do. Instigate me into being Che Guevara like my roomie and my lecturer are trying to.
My job. My house. My nestegg. My beau. My own thing. I am not that young anymore.
One day I may even thank you and support your cause, if you reform, that is.
Friday, January 09, 2009
Only A Musing But Some Must Be Right On Target
A Pack Of Lies - It Is Closure And Good Riddance
Finally I have closure on my relationship with my roomie.
I can see that he is gay and the circle of friends he moves around with are gays. He is the playful sort and he just wanna have his fun and fling with all of them. He is a pack of lies about being wanna be groomed for a monogamous gay relationship and so on and how being from China (and China has modernised and changed) he is the conservative sort.
He is pretending and must have done it loads of times back home and while entertaining clients to KTVs, I cannot believe he would have nothing to do with the KTV girls.
In fact he could be earning money on the side servicing older folks to pay for his school fees like the Chinese masseurs I know. And I am pretty sure my lecturer is in on this, being the counsellor he is, he is probably getting the referrals.
Among other things my roomy had said were that he is able to attract both guys and gals and I know pretty well his relationship with his fellow countrymate. I think he thinks too highly of himself.
The last 15 days he disappeared were the days the school had a recess and he was out enjoying himself. Maybe he rode the Singapore Flyer and got stuck there too when it malfunctioned.
His excuse was that he wanted to see his cancer-stricken dying grandfather back in China. So he wants me to do all the dirty stuff for him like helping him with his English, all the back- breaking work while he is out to eat and enjoy.
After he has enough fun with the gays and probably fling with the gals as well, he is gonna marry
He probably wanna rent a place here within distance of the school so he can bring in folks for fun. School mates, friends and the whole ding-dong gang. Thinking I will have bring in my circle of people and play along.
I can only wish him a couple of things : I know his health isn't too good and it will deterioriate with time at the rate he goes on with his late night online activities and so on. His school work will suffer (but of course given his relationship with the school, he is probably gonna get off the hook).
And knowing how girls and gays are (from the circle I come from), someone in the circle will one day outmaneovure him and he will have his just dessert. *Period*
It is TATA and I am on another quest for a roomie who can be gay and faithful to me despite all the happenings in the surround.
I wanna settle down and when I start being a counsellor myself, I am stable and detached and professional to deal with a whole range of emotions. No dual or multiple relationships with any of my charges.
And Then There Is My Lecturer
I know my lecturer is stressed from the way he looks and his tired face and seriously, that explains why he is repeating the same few topics over and over again save for a couple of lessons.
I think he needs a break and a holiday. Which he said he did ride the Singapore Flyer and I am sure he did it on an outing with these Chinese students. They all know one another. The lecturers and the Chinese students and I spotted a young Chinese masseur among them.
He was tagging along with the MBA students and whoa was it a young class especially my roomie's countrymate. 21 (I think he is younger) and doing an MBA class. He isn't rich (as I postulate and contrary to what my roomie says) and is probably financed on some sexual service he provides.
And yes, my lecturer is lying too so he was constantly blinking his eyes, a surefire sign of deceit. He gets away with it only because he is sharp and quick to react. Oo and he bicycles and he lives near moi's vicinity and I am sure my roomie is holed up with him.
He has told me, you think all the lecturers are good? And I instantly get it. Not to mention he got his qualifications from the school and his credentials and working place should now be questioned because we can't verify it.
Therefore he trembled once when I spoke to him because he knew I will see through him.
EVIL will always see its day. Because it will get entangled in its own lies and be the death of the beholder.
Argh And Then There Is That Little Spy
Don't forget that little wimp they sent me who constantly mouths those thingies he does. It is so obvious he appears whenever he does.
Finally I have closure on my relationship with my roomie.
I can see that he is gay and the circle of friends he moves around with are gays. He is the playful sort and he just wanna have his fun and fling with all of them. He is a pack of lies about being wanna be groomed for a monogamous gay relationship and so on and how being from China (and China has modernised and changed) he is the conservative sort.
He is pretending and must have done it loads of times back home and while entertaining clients to KTVs, I cannot believe he would have nothing to do with the KTV girls.
In fact he could be earning money on the side servicing older folks to pay for his school fees like the Chinese masseurs I know. And I am pretty sure my lecturer is in on this, being the counsellor he is, he is probably getting the referrals.
Among other things my roomy had said were that he is able to attract both guys and gals and I know pretty well his relationship with his fellow countrymate. I think he thinks too highly of himself.
The last 15 days he disappeared were the days the school had a recess and he was out enjoying himself. Maybe he rode the Singapore Flyer and got stuck there too when it malfunctioned.
His excuse was that he wanted to see his cancer-stricken dying grandfather back in China. So he wants me to do all the dirty stuff for him like helping him with his English, all the back- breaking work while he is out to eat and enjoy.
After he has enough fun with the gays and probably fling with the gals as well, he is gonna marry
He probably wanna rent a place here within distance of the school so he can bring in folks for fun. School mates, friends and the whole ding-dong gang. Thinking I will have bring in my circle of people and play along.
I can only wish him a couple of things : I know his health isn't too good and it will deterioriate with time at the rate he goes on with his late night online activities and so on. His school work will suffer (but of course given his relationship with the school, he is probably gonna get off the hook).
And knowing how girls and gays are (from the circle I come from), someone in the circle will one day outmaneovure him and he will have his just dessert. *Period*
It is TATA and I am on another quest for a roomie who can be gay and faithful to me despite all the happenings in the surround.
I wanna settle down and when I start being a counsellor myself, I am stable and detached and professional to deal with a whole range of emotions. No dual or multiple relationships with any of my charges.
And Then There Is My Lecturer
I know my lecturer is stressed from the way he looks and his tired face and seriously, that explains why he is repeating the same few topics over and over again save for a couple of lessons.
I think he needs a break and a holiday. Which he said he did ride the Singapore Flyer and I am sure he did it on an outing with these Chinese students. They all know one another. The lecturers and the Chinese students and I spotted a young Chinese masseur among them.
He was tagging along with the MBA students and whoa was it a young class especially my roomie's countrymate. 21 (I think he is younger) and doing an MBA class. He isn't rich (as I postulate and contrary to what my roomie says) and is probably financed on some sexual service he provides.
And yes, my lecturer is lying too so he was constantly blinking his eyes, a surefire sign of deceit. He gets away with it only because he is sharp and quick to react. Oo and he bicycles and he lives near moi's vicinity and I am sure my roomie is holed up with him.
He has told me, you think all the lecturers are good? And I instantly get it. Not to mention he got his qualifications from the school and his credentials and working place should now be questioned because we can't verify it.
Therefore he trembled once when I spoke to him because he knew I will see through him.
EVIL will always see its day. Because it will get entangled in its own lies and be the death of the beholder.
Argh And Then There Is That Little Spy
Don't forget that little wimp they sent me who constantly mouths those thingies he does. It is so obvious he appears whenever he does.
More On Fakers, Impostors And Serial Liars (Updated)
Does The Gay Or Non-Gay Community Mean Me Or Anyone For That Matter Well?
When I had that tangle of long hair (I admit that because of the wave that it was a bit unkempt), the non-too-positive reactions came from all quarters.
From the gay to the non-gay communities alike. In fact, I thought I had more reaction from the gay community. The instant reaction was that I was transgendered or that I was contemplating to. So I had many unkind snide remarks about friends who were castrated and who now live as transsexuals.
I thought they were kinda like egging me on. Go on, you should! Cut it! You know, that kinda thingy.
The guy who tried to push me some pills (oO and he got a Malaysian supplier it seems), was himself I think non-too-secure, so he was the worst of the pack. And sure enough several transgendered beings cross my path soon after. As if trying to mirror me for me to see myself.
I detect some kinda jealousy over something that I am not too sure what it is. Perhaps because of the house I owned previously, the people I turned down several times or unwittingly offended or my seemingly "luxurious" lifestyle (this is so hilarious), so the community must be buzzing with hatemail and gossip about moi and spreading all those untruths.
As I said, there seem to be some collusion between the gay, bi, business and public services that are trying to pin me down, nail and crucify me. They are trying to script my life for me and for no good end. And in a most evil and insiduous way too.
Don't trust them to be supportive. In fact, trust them to jeopardise your position or relationships or to laugh at you. Not too many can be trusted. They have suffered through their own ridicules themselves back then.
More On Fakers, Impostors And Serial Liars
The most obvious give-away is the body language of this particular Filipino Personal Trainer. He is most uncomfortable in the presence of "seemingly transgendered" people (moi counting as being one once) and you can detect his insecurity.
To cover up, some will bring gals into the picture and others try to exude swaggers and sado-machoism or intone our National Service regimented style of doing the PTs.
In fact, given time, you can begin to notice the body languages of a few other PTs caving in.
One or two has taken to harassing moi more recently.
And of course the members.
Gee, what can I say? The world is full of lies? I am beginning to feel uncomfortable myself when I realise how many of them there are EVERYWHERE! Some are pretty obvious, some not at all while others are truly subtle.
My roomie has on occasions displayed his vulnerabilities and I know it. I don't hate it. I like it and I accept him for all that he is.
Gays Or Non-Gays, Hear Moi (Wahahahahahaha, This Is Such A Laugh Too) Out
I think this is also partly our education stereotypes. It happens in schools and at home.
I hear this at kindergarten or pre-nursery schools where the "educators" go on about boy and girl roles (this is a boy, he wears blue, this is a girl, he wears red or you are a boy, you can't cry), what to expect and so on.
The more we come up with stupidities like role playing, penile sizes, multiple-wayed relationships (putting off other serious-minded mongamous gay relationship seekers) or other ludicrous gay-cultural thingy (colors or fashion or whatever), the more we are gonna throw up even more horrendous insecurities, liars, fakers and impostors.
Let the relationships and roles play themselves out eventually as they surely will and we all play many, many roles.
Gays or whoever you are, do you hear moi (there, even my use of this term "moi" is fake).
*Smiles*
Bisexual But Strong Preference Is For Guys
I can now certainly conclude that I am bisexual, there is no doubt about that. But I prefer guys more and for a beau, I rather live in with a guy (and then again certain guys - no wimps and blimps) more than anyone else.
Girls are distant friends and only certain girls with good personality and character traits.
*Period*
The Complexities And Stresses Of Life
There you have it folks.
How did the complexities arise which then lead to stresses?
Because we weave a web of intricacies, deceit and lies around ourselves and others. We can't be truthful and that is because the environment (policies, conditioning and so on) disallow us to.
Therefore the environment has to change, then come truthfulness and we are able to live again.
Sometimes we self-created them. It has nothing to do with the environment. Yes, we ourselves. Because we wanna control, play games, have fun or we just didn't read clearly the signs.
Only blame ourselves in this instance. And no one else.
Practice directness, truthfulness in most instances and make things very clear from the beginning - that is clarify expectations.
And then complexities and stresses are gone for good.
When I had that tangle of long hair (I admit that because of the wave that it was a bit unkempt), the non-too-positive reactions came from all quarters.
From the gay to the non-gay communities alike. In fact, I thought I had more reaction from the gay community. The instant reaction was that I was transgendered or that I was contemplating to. So I had many unkind snide remarks about friends who were castrated and who now live as transsexuals.
I thought they were kinda like egging me on. Go on, you should! Cut it! You know, that kinda thingy.
The guy who tried to push me some pills (oO and he got a Malaysian supplier it seems), was himself I think non-too-secure, so he was the worst of the pack. And sure enough several transgendered beings cross my path soon after. As if trying to mirror me for me to see myself.
I detect some kinda jealousy over something that I am not too sure what it is. Perhaps because of the house I owned previously, the people I turned down several times or unwittingly offended or my seemingly "luxurious" lifestyle (this is so hilarious), so the community must be buzzing with hatemail and gossip about moi and spreading all those untruths.
As I said, there seem to be some collusion between the gay, bi, business and public services that are trying to pin me down, nail and crucify me. They are trying to script my life for me and for no good end. And in a most evil and insiduous way too.
Don't trust them to be supportive. In fact, trust them to jeopardise your position or relationships or to laugh at you. Not too many can be trusted. They have suffered through their own ridicules themselves back then.
More On Fakers, Impostors And Serial Liars
The most obvious give-away is the body language of this particular Filipino Personal Trainer. He is most uncomfortable in the presence of "seemingly transgendered" people (moi counting as being one once) and you can detect his insecurity.
To cover up, some will bring gals into the picture and others try to exude swaggers and sado-machoism or intone our National Service regimented style of doing the PTs.
In fact, given time, you can begin to notice the body languages of a few other PTs caving in.
One or two has taken to harassing moi more recently.
And of course the members.
Gee, what can I say? The world is full of lies? I am beginning to feel uncomfortable myself when I realise how many of them there are EVERYWHERE! Some are pretty obvious, some not at all while others are truly subtle.
My roomie has on occasions displayed his vulnerabilities and I know it. I don't hate it. I like it and I accept him for all that he is.
Gays Or Non-Gays, Hear Moi (Wahahahahahaha, This Is Such A Laugh Too) Out
I think this is also partly our education stereotypes. It happens in schools and at home.
I hear this at kindergarten or pre-nursery schools where the "educators" go on about boy and girl roles (this is a boy, he wears blue, this is a girl, he wears red or you are a boy, you can't cry), what to expect and so on.
The more we come up with stupidities like role playing, penile sizes, multiple-wayed relationships (putting off other serious-minded mongamous gay relationship seekers) or other ludicrous gay-cultural thingy (colors or fashion or whatever), the more we are gonna throw up even more horrendous insecurities, liars, fakers and impostors.
Let the relationships and roles play themselves out eventually as they surely will and we all play many, many roles.
Gays or whoever you are, do you hear moi (there, even my use of this term "moi" is fake).
*Smiles*
Bisexual But Strong Preference Is For Guys
I can now certainly conclude that I am bisexual, there is no doubt about that. But I prefer guys more and for a beau, I rather live in with a guy (and then again certain guys - no wimps and blimps) more than anyone else.
Girls are distant friends and only certain girls with good personality and character traits.
*Period*
The Complexities And Stresses Of Life
There you have it folks.
How did the complexities arise which then lead to stresses?
Because we weave a web of intricacies, deceit and lies around ourselves and others. We can't be truthful and that is because the environment (policies, conditioning and so on) disallow us to.
Therefore the environment has to change, then come truthfulness and we are able to live again.
Sometimes we self-created them. It has nothing to do with the environment. Yes, we ourselves. Because we wanna control, play games, have fun or we just didn't read clearly the signs.
Only blame ourselves in this instance. And no one else.
Practice directness, truthfulness in most instances and make things very clear from the beginning - that is clarify expectations.
And then complexities and stresses are gone for good.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Mending My Broken Heart
Yesterday night I looked at myself in the mirror and I hated what I saw.
It wasn't about my acne-scarred face or about ageing or the few grey hair strands I am beginning to harvest.
I was reflecting on my love life and what had gone so terribly wrong.
What began very earnestly in my youth beginning from the time when I was a secondary and junior college student right up to my army life and beyond, all I wanted was to look for that one soulmate, that one romanticism and love I could always call my own.
It never happened.
I couldn't come out to a mainstream that is unaccepting of gay love or at least in perpetual denial or in hiding behind a mask.
When I thought about it, Gabriel Rodriguez wasn't the only crush I had way back in primary school. In secondary school, there was Tracy Bracken and Andrew Boey. I kinda liked Andrew Seah too.
Then there was that dragonboater in JC and Allan wasn't the only army mate I came out to. There was Chong Beng. But he had a girl friend and proudly displayed her to me to tell me that I should just stop thinking ever of striking up any relationship with him.
In the university, there were a couple of guys but of course, being "hetero", they turned moi right down.
At work there were some guys I liked but of course we can't come out and say such things outright now, can we?
Then there were a couple of those foreign students.
Now at this age, I am reliving the same living hell all over again. I think I have enough of heartbreaks and this recent episode hasn't exactly put me in a good emotional state.
Lord, can you please spare me the emotional pain all over again.
All I want is to settle down to one good beau who knows who he is and not in some denial or hide-and-seek games. I am frankly getting very very tired. I don't want to go through another emotional drama or that kinda stinking depression that eats into you once someone up and leave your life and LEAVE YOU COLD.
I can be frivolous about a whole array of stuff like fashion, clothes, food , whatever.
But when it comes to love and relationships, I AM DEAD SERIOUS.
Is that so difficult to ask for?
It wasn't about my acne-scarred face or about ageing or the few grey hair strands I am beginning to harvest.
I was reflecting on my love life and what had gone so terribly wrong.
What began very earnestly in my youth beginning from the time when I was a secondary and junior college student right up to my army life and beyond, all I wanted was to look for that one soulmate, that one romanticism and love I could always call my own.
It never happened.
I couldn't come out to a mainstream that is unaccepting of gay love or at least in perpetual denial or in hiding behind a mask.
When I thought about it, Gabriel Rodriguez wasn't the only crush I had way back in primary school. In secondary school, there was Tracy Bracken and Andrew Boey. I kinda liked Andrew Seah too.
Then there was that dragonboater in JC and Allan wasn't the only army mate I came out to. There was Chong Beng. But he had a girl friend and proudly displayed her to me to tell me that I should just stop thinking ever of striking up any relationship with him.
In the university, there were a couple of guys but of course, being "hetero", they turned moi right down.
At work there were some guys I liked but of course we can't come out and say such things outright now, can we?
Then there were a couple of those foreign students.
Now at this age, I am reliving the same living hell all over again. I think I have enough of heartbreaks and this recent episode hasn't exactly put me in a good emotional state.
Lord, can you please spare me the emotional pain all over again.
All I want is to settle down to one good beau who knows who he is and not in some denial or hide-and-seek games. I am frankly getting very very tired. I don't want to go through another emotional drama or that kinda stinking depression that eats into you once someone up and leave your life and LEAVE YOU COLD.
I can be frivolous about a whole array of stuff like fashion, clothes, food , whatever.
But when it comes to love and relationships, I AM DEAD SERIOUS.
Is that so difficult to ask for?
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Squeaky Clean Singapore Squeaks Sleaze
Is It Foreigners Or Our Very Own Locals Who Patronise SleazeSpots?
Wait. As a matter of conscience, I think I have to elaborate further on the sleaze galore that is what we have become nowadays.
On a Friday night out to observe this sleazespot, and moi suspects on other weekday nights as well, I see mostly older patrons. Some are so old and so ordinary folksy-looking while others are the rich, their big BMWs and Mercs, blatantly trumpeting their wealth.
You can't tell from looks who visit these sex establishments. Some are specky, nerdy types and you would have thought decent people.
On a Saturday night, you see a younger crowd, quite a few Bengs among them - the technical services sort.
We have our leaders harping on how foreign investors like these clubs and pubs and sleaze. But I see a largely local clientele.
And the KTV girls are dressed in all kinds of clothes too. Revealing cleavages, see-throughs and zipper side shorts and of course, the really mini minis. Others are decently dressed of course.
Lorong 14 Geylang
Other news I got wind of is how Lorong 14, Geylang is filled with old Indian hookers, soliciting for clients. I chanced upon one myself, a very old Indian woman with a much younger Indian man near moi's residence.
Is This Good News Or Is It Bad?
Our medical services corp is growing at 20% per annum, so we are told.
That is why two new hospitals are coming up soon.
What does that say? Certainly it must be part of a medical hub strategy to attract a regional and international clientele.
More telling, could it be that we are not taking care of our health as much or in the kind of modern lifestyle we lead (the food, the entertainment, the whole works) that is making us sedentary and prone to illness?
Singaporeans are working and dining and entertaining and stressing themselves for a ripe old age of diseases is how I can conclude this to be.
We have a crunch of doctors and nurses. While we didn't train our own for the nursing profession untill like more recently and we made our study of medicine so stringent then, now we open the floodgates to foreigners to fill these vacancies.
What Do We Make Of These Figures?
25% of our cohort are university trained. 6% are employed in the finance sector. So what are the rest of the 19% gonna do? Cabbying, security guarding, cleaning or is it cards dealing and clients entertaining?
Complexities Of Life And Stresses
Everyone attributes their decadent lifestyles like wining, dining and womanising to these.
While it is true to a certain extent, I think it has more to do with the lack of meaningful activities to engage in. Or at least they don't wanna seek out these kinda activities, preferring the vices.
What it does boil down to, I think, is just lame excuses, to cover up their lack of control, their pleasure seeking and hedonistic ways.
I think we have ourselves to thank for complicating our lives. From the top down to the bottom.
Wait. As a matter of conscience, I think I have to elaborate further on the sleaze galore that is what we have become nowadays.
On a Friday night out to observe this sleazespot, and moi suspects on other weekday nights as well, I see mostly older patrons. Some are so old and so ordinary folksy-looking while others are the rich, their big BMWs and Mercs, blatantly trumpeting their wealth.
You can't tell from looks who visit these sex establishments. Some are specky, nerdy types and you would have thought decent people.
On a Saturday night, you see a younger crowd, quite a few Bengs among them - the technical services sort.
We have our leaders harping on how foreign investors like these clubs and pubs and sleaze. But I see a largely local clientele.
And the KTV girls are dressed in all kinds of clothes too. Revealing cleavages, see-throughs and zipper side shorts and of course, the really mini minis. Others are decently dressed of course.
Lorong 14 Geylang
Other news I got wind of is how Lorong 14, Geylang is filled with old Indian hookers, soliciting for clients. I chanced upon one myself, a very old Indian woman with a much younger Indian man near moi's residence.
Is This Good News Or Is It Bad?
Our medical services corp is growing at 20% per annum, so we are told.
That is why two new hospitals are coming up soon.
What does that say? Certainly it must be part of a medical hub strategy to attract a regional and international clientele.
More telling, could it be that we are not taking care of our health as much or in the kind of modern lifestyle we lead (the food, the entertainment, the whole works) that is making us sedentary and prone to illness?
Singaporeans are working and dining and entertaining and stressing themselves for a ripe old age of diseases is how I can conclude this to be.
We have a crunch of doctors and nurses. While we didn't train our own for the nursing profession untill like more recently and we made our study of medicine so stringent then, now we open the floodgates to foreigners to fill these vacancies.
What Do We Make Of These Figures?
25% of our cohort are university trained. 6% are employed in the finance sector. So what are the rest of the 19% gonna do? Cabbying, security guarding, cleaning or is it cards dealing and clients entertaining?
Complexities Of Life And Stresses
Everyone attributes their decadent lifestyles like wining, dining and womanising to these.
While it is true to a certain extent, I think it has more to do with the lack of meaningful activities to engage in. Or at least they don't wanna seek out these kinda activities, preferring the vices.
What it does boil down to, I think, is just lame excuses, to cover up their lack of control, their pleasure seeking and hedonistic ways.
I think we have ourselves to thank for complicating our lives. From the top down to the bottom.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Fakes, Impostors And Serial Liars
More New Year Hilarity
While on a smoke-out, I noticed this patrol car in broad daylight (Oo and the Police Post seems to operate on an office-hour basis these days) looking out for cars parked along the road. This seems to be the job of the Traffic Police.
And there was a police truck which seems to be the sort who can imprison wrong-doers was parked by the roadside all the while, for whatever reasons. Not long after, the SWAT team was seen getting out to patrol the MRT station.
Why aren't they diverting their attention to more constructive work like at night around sleazespots?
And at the stadium once, I witnessed three policemen out in full force on foot for no apparent reasons.
Instead of training your CCTVs in one particular housing estate (imagine the kinda funds spent like that), why don't you train them on sleazespots like these so you can monitor and get the real picture?
This is a laugh-a-minute kinda situation. They are never where they should be or needed. Our men-in-blue and our CCTVs.
An Exploitative West
The West has exhibited a history of exploitation. We all know that.
From driving out the Red Indians and the indigenous folks of the Pacific Ocean like Australia and New Zealand, for instance, they have, in colonial times taken advantage of Asia's goldmine of natural resources, usually with no qualms or compensation.
I chanced upon a particularly fragrant body scrub made from Javan spices which is made and packed in one of these former colonial countries. Not even a collaborative effort or the sharing of the profits or even a mention of thanks or acknowledgement with the originator of the product.
Now it seems, the situation hasn't changed much. First they have made Asia a low-cost manufacturing base for their products. Yes, the locals get jobs, probably rising to the middle-tier of society while the owners of the factors of production rise to the super-league of the rich and famous.
The rest of the masses become consumers of their products. They buy their branded goods, learn in their "reputed" schools and universities. At the end of the day, the West becomes richer than ever, keeping their first world developed status more than ever.
That explains the throng of them flooding Beijing, eager to open up a potentially huge international consumer market. Of course India is not spared.
Unfortunately the technological advances lie with them.
If Asia doesn't unite and form a bloc, and we do outnumber them in terms of population size, we will forever be exploited.
There Is Possibly One Good The West Can Do
Yes the West can do one thing fairly well.
That is to homosexualise the world. Make it legal like in some of their truly developed First World countries do. But don't stereotype or erotise it. As if they aren't already doing it with the bi or hetero communities.
Make forming meaningful relationships a first priority. Not sexual exploitation or coercion.
It is true that in imperial China or in any other current or ancient cultures, polygamy or concubinage was rampant. But the West has instituted laws forbidding this so the American media cannot possibly try to promote otherwise with its consistent portrayal of multiple relationships, fun on the side, etc etc.
The Insiduity Of Such Snide Remarks
While my lecturer is fun and funny and we consistently get our side-splitting moments, he was perpetrating many myths and he wasn't really fair with the gay community, I thought.
Like the joke on a transsexual who had colonstomy which a part of the colon then formed part of her vaginal construction. He termed it expressway and how faeces get discharged via that channel when having carnal relations.
This is of course a joke but a total injustice to transsexuals because that is biologically impossible.
He keeps harping on all kinds of gay cultural thingies which were either not heard of or untrue or perhaps only best known to himself.
We even read veiled threats into like how being an eminent psychologist, he has the power to label someone and get that person demoted or incarcerated. It smacks of harrassment of some sort. And I am pretty sure the Australian woman is in on this. She sits in class to be on hand to chastise the rest of us (in case we rebutt) in her perfect English.
In an email reply, he asked if I need therapy. That certainly shows what kind of person he is. I think he is just as dysfunctional and needs therapy even more, occupying the position that he claims to occupy.
While I appreciate his honesty and frankness and sharing his clinical experiences with us, I have to rethink that now. Because he harps on the same few issues repeatedly which shows a lack of true diverse clinical experience, being the EMINENCE he claims to be, and he wasn't sure on others that he claims to have counselled upon.
He seems to be a predator on the prowl himself for the vulnerable in the community, while holding up a false front. A lonely loveless predator. A fake.
This is perhaps a collaboration between the gay community, the bis and all that is sleaze who are in on a scam to hoodwink the rest of us. The Unholy Alliance.
Fakes, Impostors And Serial Liars
Count my roomie, my lecturer , at the gym and the rest of us.
Lies, lies and more lies. It is just insecurity, the inability to stand up for oneself, to build character to live out your sexuality, need for an emotional and security crutch or blanket. That is what it is.
You can't trust a single person these days. From my landlord (and I do suspect him doing many things on the sly like all his home visitors while holding down a relationship with one) to anyone. His parents are from across the causeway. He studied here since young and holds PR status without having to perform National Service. Life has been served to him on a silver platter.
I am not even sure if my roomie is quietly contacting him on the side now that he is out of my life. He did claim to be someone financially needy courting bigger financial powers. Who knows? He is desperate for a job here and needs the contacts.
This is what really demeans being able to form a truly positive relationship. Economics dictate and demeans it. Commercialisation. Sleaze, sex, fun, the whole slut works, everything.
Can this ever change?
While on a smoke-out, I noticed this patrol car in broad daylight (Oo and the Police Post seems to operate on an office-hour basis these days) looking out for cars parked along the road. This seems to be the job of the Traffic Police.
And there was a police truck which seems to be the sort who can imprison wrong-doers was parked by the roadside all the while, for whatever reasons. Not long after, the SWAT team was seen getting out to patrol the MRT station.
Why aren't they diverting their attention to more constructive work like at night around sleazespots?
And at the stadium once, I witnessed three policemen out in full force on foot for no apparent reasons.
Instead of training your CCTVs in one particular housing estate (imagine the kinda funds spent like that), why don't you train them on sleazespots like these so you can monitor and get the real picture?
This is a laugh-a-minute kinda situation. They are never where they should be or needed. Our men-in-blue and our CCTVs.
An Exploitative West
The West has exhibited a history of exploitation. We all know that.
From driving out the Red Indians and the indigenous folks of the Pacific Ocean like Australia and New Zealand, for instance, they have, in colonial times taken advantage of Asia's goldmine of natural resources, usually with no qualms or compensation.
I chanced upon a particularly fragrant body scrub made from Javan spices which is made and packed in one of these former colonial countries. Not even a collaborative effort or the sharing of the profits or even a mention of thanks or acknowledgement with the originator of the product.
Now it seems, the situation hasn't changed much. First they have made Asia a low-cost manufacturing base for their products. Yes, the locals get jobs, probably rising to the middle-tier of society while the owners of the factors of production rise to the super-league of the rich and famous.
The rest of the masses become consumers of their products. They buy their branded goods, learn in their "reputed" schools and universities. At the end of the day, the West becomes richer than ever, keeping their first world developed status more than ever.
That explains the throng of them flooding Beijing, eager to open up a potentially huge international consumer market. Of course India is not spared.
Unfortunately the technological advances lie with them.
If Asia doesn't unite and form a bloc, and we do outnumber them in terms of population size, we will forever be exploited.
There Is Possibly One Good The West Can Do
Yes the West can do one thing fairly well.
That is to homosexualise the world. Make it legal like in some of their truly developed First World countries do. But don't stereotype or erotise it. As if they aren't already doing it with the bi or hetero communities.
Make forming meaningful relationships a first priority. Not sexual exploitation or coercion.
It is true that in imperial China or in any other current or ancient cultures, polygamy or concubinage was rampant. But the West has instituted laws forbidding this so the American media cannot possibly try to promote otherwise with its consistent portrayal of multiple relationships, fun on the side, etc etc.
The Insiduity Of Such Snide Remarks
While my lecturer is fun and funny and we consistently get our side-splitting moments, he was perpetrating many myths and he wasn't really fair with the gay community, I thought.
Like the joke on a transsexual who had colonstomy which a part of the colon then formed part of her vaginal construction. He termed it expressway and how faeces get discharged via that channel when having carnal relations.
This is of course a joke but a total injustice to transsexuals because that is biologically impossible.
He keeps harping on all kinds of gay cultural thingies which were either not heard of or untrue or perhaps only best known to himself.
We even read veiled threats into like how being an eminent psychologist, he has the power to label someone and get that person demoted or incarcerated. It smacks of harrassment of some sort. And I am pretty sure the Australian woman is in on this. She sits in class to be on hand to chastise the rest of us (in case we rebutt) in her perfect English.
In an email reply, he asked if I need therapy. That certainly shows what kind of person he is. I think he is just as dysfunctional and needs therapy even more, occupying the position that he claims to occupy.
While I appreciate his honesty and frankness and sharing his clinical experiences with us, I have to rethink that now. Because he harps on the same few issues repeatedly which shows a lack of true diverse clinical experience, being the EMINENCE he claims to be, and he wasn't sure on others that he claims to have counselled upon.
He seems to be a predator on the prowl himself for the vulnerable in the community, while holding up a false front. A lonely loveless predator. A fake.
This is perhaps a collaboration between the gay community, the bis and all that is sleaze who are in on a scam to hoodwink the rest of us. The Unholy Alliance.
Fakes, Impostors And Serial Liars
Count my roomie, my lecturer , at the gym and the rest of us.
Lies, lies and more lies. It is just insecurity, the inability to stand up for oneself, to build character to live out your sexuality, need for an emotional and security crutch or blanket. That is what it is.
You can't trust a single person these days. From my landlord (and I do suspect him doing many things on the sly like all his home visitors while holding down a relationship with one) to anyone. His parents are from across the causeway. He studied here since young and holds PR status without having to perform National Service. Life has been served to him on a silver platter.
I am not even sure if my roomie is quietly contacting him on the side now that he is out of my life. He did claim to be someone financially needy courting bigger financial powers. Who knows? He is desperate for a job here and needs the contacts.
This is what really demeans being able to form a truly positive relationship. Economics dictate and demeans it. Commercialisation. Sleaze, sex, fun, the whole slut works, everything.
Can this ever change?
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Human Nature - Or Is It? (Updated)
No New Industries For The Masses
An early morning expedition to this podium block near moi's current residence reveals not one, not two, not three but five KTVs located on five out of the 8 floors of the building.
One is already an established old name, a bit run down too while the latest is an ultra-modern retrofitted posh club as it claims.
The other floors house a private school (WHOA! Imagine education amidst unwarranted education of another kind and that explains why another Mongolian student has moved out of this residence long ago) and a drugstore.
I can imagine what this drugstore dispenses. Can you? It must certainly complement the nature of the sex industry housed within its premise, no? There is already one right across the street.
Of couse the sleazespots also feed a burgeoning alcohol-brewed and based industry. Can they afford to lose this?
O man! We are laying claim to building up the petrochemicals, banking, digital animation and IT, pharmecuticals, research and development and the clean-energy industries. All very fine and well.
In fact our leaders were once harping on banking and IT, upholding them as the flaming torches apexing a pyramid of employment opportunites.
Now that the economy is in a tailspin and a global recession has set in and a financial crisis has swept across the world (with a myriad of banks collapsing and others retrenching), what remains of the banking sector?
Furthermore, just how many of our graduates and non-graduates are gonna be employed in these 'newly-created' industries? Can all of them be? Do the supply of graduates and non-graduates match the the supply of job vacancies?
So what of the vast majority of the rest of us who certainly cannot fill a fixed and limited quota of jobs in these industries?
Work in the scummy and sleaze trades? The gambling dens, the massage parlors, the KTVs, a slumping retail sector and the food and beverage industry?
It shows, scummies, you have created nothing for your citizenry. We are all being educated at various tiers to be unemployed.
Either that or it is cleaning, sweeping or security guarding or patrolling.
What if some of us do not wanna work in the medical services corp? Now that there is a crunch, have you thought why? You made it so hard to study medicine and you didn't train us for the nursing profession then. So who is to blame?
Human Nature
Please do not attribute any of these to "human nature". That men behave in a certan way and women in another. The law of the jungle. The alpha males. The need for power.
If we start off in schools and at home, and teach that one is enough and what a relationship entails, less of this will manifest itself.
Look at the media's portrayal of what constitute a relationship. We are shaped by Hollywood's preoccupation with sex, star looks and hot bods (in most cases, cosmetically and surgically altered that feeds a multi-billion dollar industry because you define one look and one kinda bod). Multiple relationships. It is all around us. The Internet, movies and television serials.
This has got to change. Human nature can change and has to change. It begins with education.
Sellers And Marketeers - Entertainers That Are Scripted , Packaged And Sold
We al know how we have at one time or another come head to head with a sales person.
I have nothing against them. I have been one myself. But it is just so sick that none of us can really build up true relationships with anyone these days without that back-of-the-mind uneasiness that we are always courted to be sold something.
First multi-level marketeers, flag donations, then insurance agents.
These are glib and silvery-tongued, suave , debonair , smooth operators (remember Sade's song of the same title?). Just at my university's city campus, there is an anchor tenant who deals in the insurance trade.
One training session of theirs moi chances upon says it all - "Script Creation" session.
These marketeers are not their true selves anymore. They are reading from scripts to market and sell you something. Exuding warmth and friendliness, they will talk their way through your heart and SELL YOU SOMETHING - usually something you don't need.
I remember the days when I was one and the kinda agents who were working there. One was a good-looking chap. Preying on lonely hearts and sexual needs, sex can be a weapon. Like the KTV girls.
More Pertinent And True Psychology Please
I have written about how psychologists, in order to keep alive and promote their profession, must consistently come up with new research and psychology topics. Otherwise the profession dies a certain death , no?
Now we do have some really ludicrous psychology talking points. Fetal psychology indeed.
And how does Freudian theory explain the Oediupus Complex for gays? Has he even considered the viewpoint of the gay community, instead of bulldozing through a strictly straight perspective?
Making an issue out of nothing.
Rebuttals Against Some Anti-Gay Sentiments
Why is my psychology lecturer targetting so much at LGBT issues? And he had spewed forth many anti-gay sentiments . And perpetrated some myths too. He is probably trying to psycho some of us and this is obviously obvious.
Myth #1: Gay relationships don't work
Well if he is a therapist, for sure he consults on cases that don't, the ones that do, won't be seeing him, will they?
And why doesn't it work? Because like the institution of marriage which is now threatened even more than ever, we were never given the chance to survive, with a mainstream working against it
Does that mean only "hetero" relationships work?
Myth #2: If it is harder to go by the back, why don't you go the front way.
I guess it is much tighter behind and it needs loosening and more guidance in locating the blackhole?
Unless of course you are a porn actor and that sex partner has been loosened up so many times and you had practice on him so many times already.
And we do have to peform in the cloak of darkness sometimes and in awkward places?
Myth #3:Have gay sex and get AIDS
Is AIDS a homosexual or is it now a predominantly "hetero" disease? Maybe there was cross-fertilisation. The bis contracted it and spread it around to their "hetero" community.
Myth #4: A split or multi-personality disorder is even worse than being gay.
Well true, I guess gays must mask their identities even more in a "hetero" world. But won't bis suffer the same fate?
And what of straying straights who are married? Don't they lie and cheat and wear masks too?
Doesn't everyone wear different hats to suit the occasion to survive? Games people play.
Issue #5: Is gay a being or is it a lifestyle?
What kind of a question is that? If I get it right, this just boils down to the nature-nurture debate. For sure, if you are a gay being, you pick a gay lifestyle. Likewise for the rest.
So is the two a dichotomy? Or is it one and the same. One follows the other. It is not a either-or choice. If you are a being (any kind of being), you pick a lifestyle.
Lifestyle of the rich and famous beings, remember?
An early morning expedition to this podium block near moi's current residence reveals not one, not two, not three but five KTVs located on five out of the 8 floors of the building.
One is already an established old name, a bit run down too while the latest is an ultra-modern retrofitted posh club as it claims.
The other floors house a private school (WHOA! Imagine education amidst unwarranted education of another kind and that explains why another Mongolian student has moved out of this residence long ago) and a drugstore.
I can imagine what this drugstore dispenses. Can you? It must certainly complement the nature of the sex industry housed within its premise, no? There is already one right across the street.
Of couse the sleazespots also feed a burgeoning alcohol-brewed and based industry. Can they afford to lose this?
O man! We are laying claim to building up the petrochemicals, banking, digital animation and IT, pharmecuticals, research and development and the clean-energy industries. All very fine and well.
In fact our leaders were once harping on banking and IT, upholding them as the flaming torches apexing a pyramid of employment opportunites.
Now that the economy is in a tailspin and a global recession has set in and a financial crisis has swept across the world (with a myriad of banks collapsing and others retrenching), what remains of the banking sector?
Furthermore, just how many of our graduates and non-graduates are gonna be employed in these 'newly-created' industries? Can all of them be? Do the supply of graduates and non-graduates match the the supply of job vacancies?
So what of the vast majority of the rest of us who certainly cannot fill a fixed and limited quota of jobs in these industries?
Work in the scummy and sleaze trades? The gambling dens, the massage parlors, the KTVs, a slumping retail sector and the food and beverage industry?
It shows, scummies, you have created nothing for your citizenry. We are all being educated at various tiers to be unemployed.
Either that or it is cleaning, sweeping or security guarding or patrolling.
What if some of us do not wanna work in the medical services corp? Now that there is a crunch, have you thought why? You made it so hard to study medicine and you didn't train us for the nursing profession then. So who is to blame?
Human Nature
Please do not attribute any of these to "human nature". That men behave in a certan way and women in another. The law of the jungle. The alpha males. The need for power.
If we start off in schools and at home, and teach that one is enough and what a relationship entails, less of this will manifest itself.
Look at the media's portrayal of what constitute a relationship. We are shaped by Hollywood's preoccupation with sex, star looks and hot bods (in most cases, cosmetically and surgically altered that feeds a multi-billion dollar industry because you define one look and one kinda bod). Multiple relationships. It is all around us. The Internet, movies and television serials.
This has got to change. Human nature can change and has to change. It begins with education.
Sellers And Marketeers - Entertainers That Are Scripted , Packaged And Sold
We al know how we have at one time or another come head to head with a sales person.
I have nothing against them. I have been one myself. But it is just so sick that none of us can really build up true relationships with anyone these days without that back-of-the-mind uneasiness that we are always courted to be sold something.
First multi-level marketeers, flag donations, then insurance agents.
These are glib and silvery-tongued, suave , debonair , smooth operators (remember Sade's song of the same title?). Just at my university's city campus, there is an anchor tenant who deals in the insurance trade.
One training session of theirs moi chances upon says it all - "Script Creation" session.
These marketeers are not their true selves anymore. They are reading from scripts to market and sell you something. Exuding warmth and friendliness, they will talk their way through your heart and SELL YOU SOMETHING - usually something you don't need.
I remember the days when I was one and the kinda agents who were working there. One was a good-looking chap. Preying on lonely hearts and sexual needs, sex can be a weapon. Like the KTV girls.
More Pertinent And True Psychology Please
I have written about how psychologists, in order to keep alive and promote their profession, must consistently come up with new research and psychology topics. Otherwise the profession dies a certain death , no?
Now we do have some really ludicrous psychology talking points. Fetal psychology indeed.
And how does Freudian theory explain the Oediupus Complex for gays? Has he even considered the viewpoint of the gay community, instead of bulldozing through a strictly straight perspective?
Making an issue out of nothing.
Rebuttals Against Some Anti-Gay Sentiments
Why is my psychology lecturer targetting so much at LGBT issues? And he had spewed forth many anti-gay sentiments . And perpetrated some myths too. He is probably trying to psycho some of us and this is obviously obvious.
Myth #1: Gay relationships don't work
Well if he is a therapist, for sure he consults on cases that don't, the ones that do, won't be seeing him, will they?
And why doesn't it work? Because like the institution of marriage which is now threatened even more than ever, we were never given the chance to survive, with a mainstream working against it
Does that mean only "hetero" relationships work?
Myth #2: If it is harder to go by the back, why don't you go the front way.
I guess it is much tighter behind and it needs loosening and more guidance in locating the blackhole?
Unless of course you are a porn actor and that sex partner has been loosened up so many times and you had practice on him so many times already.
And we do have to peform in the cloak of darkness sometimes and in awkward places?
Myth #3:Have gay sex and get AIDS
Is AIDS a homosexual or is it now a predominantly "hetero" disease? Maybe there was cross-fertilisation. The bis contracted it and spread it around to their "hetero" community.
Myth #4: A split or multi-personality disorder is even worse than being gay.
Well true, I guess gays must mask their identities even more in a "hetero" world. But won't bis suffer the same fate?
And what of straying straights who are married? Don't they lie and cheat and wear masks too?
Doesn't everyone wear different hats to suit the occasion to survive? Games people play.
Issue #5: Is gay a being or is it a lifestyle?
What kind of a question is that? If I get it right, this just boils down to the nature-nurture debate. For sure, if you are a gay being, you pick a gay lifestyle. Likewise for the rest.
So is the two a dichotomy? Or is it one and the same. One follows the other. It is not a either-or choice. If you are a being (any kind of being), you pick a lifestyle.
Lifestyle of the rich and famous beings, remember?
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Arh....The Wonders Of Life (Updated)
Personal Trainers - Are They Worth Their Salt And Your Money?
My personal training with a personal trainer at Calif was, to say the least, a huge disappointment.
He has a good, well-built body for sure but sorely lacks the knowledge that I would expect him to possess. For example, most of what he says I can easily read up on in almost all body-building literature but I was expecting him to give a practitioner's angle on what works and what doesn't.
He did show me some exercises that I haven't done before and I get to pick the ones which I deem to be effective, especially the cable pulley sort. After showing various body parts exercises, it was more circuit training than anything else.
He keeps changing the times and days and till today, a month or more later, I still have one LAST and FINAL PT session to clear with him.
It seems to me that he was more a salesperson than anything, selling supplements on the side, consistently on his mobile while we were doing our PTs and so on.
I am not the least bit interested in him as a partner of course. Friend maybe. Workout partner, most certainly.
That will be the last time I will engage any PTs.
Fakes At The Gym
You can spot all the fakes at the gym.
The trainers and some of the members.
My Part-Time Lecturer At The University
He is a psychology practitioner at a private hospital (we can't really verify this, can we?). So I suppose with a workload like that and this is a part-time job, the two just don't meet.
He isn't sure of the material on hand probably because he doesn't have time to read them. So classes consist of screening many video shows and sometimes we wonder how they link to our study concepts on hand.
For someone married and childless, he sure harps a lot on LGBT issues. And sometimes his words have many insiduous effects. The therapy sessions with clients where there is sex on the side - the cleavage, the six-packs, the legs, the clawing of a hotbod, etc etc. One wonders what this effect has on the student participants.
Moreover I am surprised that he brings up so many gay cultural thingy - like the dead giveaways about where the eyes look, the side the watch is worn on and so on - which I am not even aware of and I am sure the gay community isn't too.
Even that brief moment that he touches on divorces, he isn't even sure of the Women's Charter where a foreign student participant had hers annulled in 3 months while I thought there would be some years of separation (and I know it was something like 3 years).
I am not sure if he isn't even trying to psycho the gays into turning straight or if he is just hiding under a cloak of sexual ambiguity, being married that he claimed to be.
Perhaps as a shield, a marriage of convenience, a cover-up (he may be single too) or perhaps caught up in a loveless marriage nearing its end.
He certainly gels in with my roomie, and I know they are faking many many things.
Because he mentions revolutionary cause while my roomie wears a tee with the graphic icon of Che Guevara - the post communist/current capitalist icon of rebellion.
So what the hell are they up to? I suspect a link between the two of them. Maybe one has undergone counselling under him and he must have molested or had carnal relations with him?
And now he pushes him to me......
Evil will get its just desserts.
My personal training with a personal trainer at Calif was, to say the least, a huge disappointment.
He has a good, well-built body for sure but sorely lacks the knowledge that I would expect him to possess. For example, most of what he says I can easily read up on in almost all body-building literature but I was expecting him to give a practitioner's angle on what works and what doesn't.
He did show me some exercises that I haven't done before and I get to pick the ones which I deem to be effective, especially the cable pulley sort. After showing various body parts exercises, it was more circuit training than anything else.
He keeps changing the times and days and till today, a month or more later, I still have one LAST and FINAL PT session to clear with him.
It seems to me that he was more a salesperson than anything, selling supplements on the side, consistently on his mobile while we were doing our PTs and so on.
I am not the least bit interested in him as a partner of course. Friend maybe. Workout partner, most certainly.
That will be the last time I will engage any PTs.
Fakes At The Gym
You can spot all the fakes at the gym.
The trainers and some of the members.
My Part-Time Lecturer At The University
He is a psychology practitioner at a private hospital (we can't really verify this, can we?). So I suppose with a workload like that and this is a part-time job, the two just don't meet.
He isn't sure of the material on hand probably because he doesn't have time to read them. So classes consist of screening many video shows and sometimes we wonder how they link to our study concepts on hand.
For someone married and childless, he sure harps a lot on LGBT issues. And sometimes his words have many insiduous effects. The therapy sessions with clients where there is sex on the side - the cleavage, the six-packs, the legs, the clawing of a hotbod, etc etc. One wonders what this effect has on the student participants.
Moreover I am surprised that he brings up so many gay cultural thingy - like the dead giveaways about where the eyes look, the side the watch is worn on and so on - which I am not even aware of and I am sure the gay community isn't too.
Even that brief moment that he touches on divorces, he isn't even sure of the Women's Charter where a foreign student participant had hers annulled in 3 months while I thought there would be some years of separation (and I know it was something like 3 years).
I am not sure if he isn't even trying to psycho the gays into turning straight or if he is just hiding under a cloak of sexual ambiguity, being married that he claimed to be.
Perhaps as a shield, a marriage of convenience, a cover-up (he may be single too) or perhaps caught up in a loveless marriage nearing its end.
He certainly gels in with my roomie, and I know they are faking many many things.
Because he mentions revolutionary cause while my roomie wears a tee with the graphic icon of Che Guevara - the post communist/current capitalist icon of rebellion.
So what the hell are they up to? I suspect a link between the two of them. Maybe one has undergone counselling under him and he must have molested or had carnal relations with him?
And now he pushes him to me......
Evil will get its just desserts.
Who Is This Other Chinese Dude?
Worse I keep bumping into this Chinese guy who spends part of his life in our secondary school, like that disco dude who drops out at Secondary 3. Much like my roomie at Andy's who dropped out at Secondary 2.
He is telling me about all these stories about the KTVs, the school agents and so on.
What is he up to?
Right Here At Home
The owner has asked that I speak with Henry, a fellow flatmate who took over Ryan's room. This is like a repeat of Aunt Chan Moi's where his son didn't introduce Hiro to me but the other two Chinese cooks. (Introduce you all the rotten apples).
Anyway, I don't like the too big smile and grin Henry flashes. I know he is onto something and it is an artificial smile.
This could be the result of my long hair then.
As I said, I attracted all kinds of reaction, most non too positive. So Henry was probably the transgendered engrossed kind while Ryan wasn't, so Ryan was afraid and moved out? Or the owner just couldn't live with a straight and Ryan wasn't accepting of the owner. So therefore the owner malign Ryan as being a playboy? And asked him to move out?
Ryan was pretending to be straight when he isn't because he doesn't like the owner's sexual harassment?
Anyway, I ignored Henry and my judgement proved correct. He is a sales and marketing person and I have heard him speak before - another fake - and one night I stumbled on a woman he brought home. It is none of my business but she was bathing inside the bathroom and he opened the door to peer in and they left their g-string outside the door on the floor for all to see.
She could be a drag for all I know. I am glad I didn't get too close to him and though the owner's mom has told me he drives (as if like a cue for me to lash on to him for material wants), I can now console myself.
You should see Henry's face now once I shorn off my locks. I smiled one afternoon, flashing that exact big wide grin he gave me. He scooted off. He is keeping away I think.
Well everyone seems to bring in visitors even though they are supposedly attached.
What I Expect Of A Roomie
Look. What can I say except that we are in such close proximity and it will be most ideal if we are gay.
These I have hinted many, many, many times to this Chinese guy. I have prohibited female visitors. He has seen my Singapore Men's calendar. I asked him over a course of a week many personal and intimate questions and he can't be that dumb right?
And I already admitted to him my orientation on the first night. So if he is afraid or if he hates gays, then he should have moved out immediately.
More games people play. And yes there is the evil force outside who is doing this. Someone who wanna play GOD but look at the sleazespots they put here in our midst.
What do they have to say for themselves?
If One Is Your Beau, Of Course You Are Prepared, Right?
I am already fully prepared and equipped to cope with this Chinese guy if he is my beau.
For one, the snores. And yes I don't care about the baths either. The stinkier the sexier on him. And whatever else about him.
I have complete faith in him and trust his return.
I love him to death.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
More Of What Goes On
Why Am I So Taken Up With This Chinese Guy?
First I think half of me is Chinese, coming as it is from my mom. And we know how many years of civilisation the Chinese has. Its exotic, imperial, warring times that dazzles and beckons. Having visited Beijing, that was even more surreal.
Kinda going back to my roots.
When I visited Taipei, I was impressed with the mostly refined, melodious and soft-toned Chinese language the men spoke. Of course some of the women were coarse. China is catching up but probably the countryfolks have a lot more catching up to do.
This Chinese guy typifies it. It is a different language and I am drawn to it as I am frankly sick of our Singlish, or English as it is spoken.
A perfect gentleman. Schooled, refined and suave.
If he is for real, that is. And he is not faking it, packaging it because he was a marketeer.
Many parts of China have modernised. The culture for them now is to entertain clients at KTVs and massage parlors. So I am not expecting them to be too different from us here. But I am sure some roots still die hard.
But Who Exactly Is He?
There are of course many other postulates about him. Like maybe he really came here to study but fell into bad company (yes, I have seen his friends and I don't like most of them save for one or two). And his English is impeding him from going further.
He has gone nuah while here. I can see him logging on till late in the night while he stays with me which is really depriving him of his much needed sleep but elsewhere, he logs on only in the afternoon which means he sleeps till the late morning and perhaps goes out at night as he doesn't log on at night anymore.
The ticketing stamp on his hand luggage reads 15 Sep and he claims he is here only for 3 months. Like most other Chinese guys I ran into, they invariably seem to be here only 2 months. But the ticket does look a bit worn down and I am sure he has been here longer than he claims.
I have not checked his passport and that would say it all. Is he even the person he claims he is? Is he from a different school even.
If he was seducing moi for some bad intentions, I cuss him to hell and he will have his just desserts as he surely will, along with his other conspirators.
He will end up like my army mate Allan. Look at what has happened to him decades later.
I have a funny feeling, he is playing with both women's and men's emotions. But as I said, he will have his just rewards.
I am crossing my fingers and keeping faith and see how things will go.
It Does Leave Me With An Emotional Vacuum
I am not sure if I can take on another new roomie in his place.
His leaving has left me in emotional flux and turmoil for a while. First there is denial that he is gone and then depression and sadness and now anger if he was trifling with my emotions all the while.
Now I just wanna forget him and get on with my life but it is easier said than done.
So a new roomie if he isn't gonna return will have to wait a while longer.
I am just hoping for his eventual return.
Class Sucks
I can't make fast friends here in my class. Half of them are of a different ethnic background. Most are women. Some are very much older women. Most are young. Mostly Singaporeans and we all know how we all think the same way most of the time.
Some internation students will be good. For a different perspective. The Australian woman is vocal. But where are the younger set?
Shsssssssh..........
Doesn't make it any better that it is part-time and there are no recreational or co-curricular activities for more interaction.
Unlike a full-time class with the Chinese or younger students or the matured students doing masters or something like the Chinese guy.
One less circle for knowing people.
Come Up With More Consistent And Wholesome Values
Unless the gay community can come up with more consistent articles that espouses fidelity, we are gonna be looked upon as trash, sluts and doomed.
Of course it happens in the bi and hetero communities too.
Start off with striking up relationships. What is it all about. Friendship, love, caring, trust, etc.
Then, no pre-occupation with penile sizes as a prerequisite for a relationship or sex.
Emphasize a monogamous relationship first and foremost. Then perhaps a three-way or a four or multi-way may be feasible for some, but not all. Certainly a couple seeking a third or multi for ONS is gonna make us look trashier and sluttier.
Worse if it is with a bi. Emphasize that this may not work out in the longer term if he chooses to go another way. Then we are just side-kicks. Unless he switches back or chooses one.
Finally no definition of roles. It will be on a basis of mutual attraction first and the roles will play out eventually. Even then we play several roles with different people.
For the younger and prettier boys or even the not so young but pretty, I top. For the others, I may bottom. So in a sense I am flexi.
Do not make our community look as if like we are transgendered. That is at least what my lecturer seems to be harping on. All the time.
First I think half of me is Chinese, coming as it is from my mom. And we know how many years of civilisation the Chinese has. Its exotic, imperial, warring times that dazzles and beckons. Having visited Beijing, that was even more surreal.
Kinda going back to my roots.
When I visited Taipei, I was impressed with the mostly refined, melodious and soft-toned Chinese language the men spoke. Of course some of the women were coarse. China is catching up but probably the countryfolks have a lot more catching up to do.
This Chinese guy typifies it. It is a different language and I am drawn to it as I am frankly sick of our Singlish, or English as it is spoken.
A perfect gentleman. Schooled, refined and suave.
If he is for real, that is. And he is not faking it, packaging it because he was a marketeer.
Many parts of China have modernised. The culture for them now is to entertain clients at KTVs and massage parlors. So I am not expecting them to be too different from us here. But I am sure some roots still die hard.
But Who Exactly Is He?
There are of course many other postulates about him. Like maybe he really came here to study but fell into bad company (yes, I have seen his friends and I don't like most of them save for one or two). And his English is impeding him from going further.
He has gone nuah while here. I can see him logging on till late in the night while he stays with me which is really depriving him of his much needed sleep but elsewhere, he logs on only in the afternoon which means he sleeps till the late morning and perhaps goes out at night as he doesn't log on at night anymore.
The ticketing stamp on his hand luggage reads 15 Sep and he claims he is here only for 3 months. Like most other Chinese guys I ran into, they invariably seem to be here only 2 months. But the ticket does look a bit worn down and I am sure he has been here longer than he claims.
I have not checked his passport and that would say it all. Is he even the person he claims he is? Is he from a different school even.
If he was seducing moi for some bad intentions, I cuss him to hell and he will have his just desserts as he surely will, along with his other conspirators.
He will end up like my army mate Allan. Look at what has happened to him decades later.
I have a funny feeling, he is playing with both women's and men's emotions. But as I said, he will have his just rewards.
I am crossing my fingers and keeping faith and see how things will go.
It Does Leave Me With An Emotional Vacuum
I am not sure if I can take on another new roomie in his place.
His leaving has left me in emotional flux and turmoil for a while. First there is denial that he is gone and then depression and sadness and now anger if he was trifling with my emotions all the while.
Now I just wanna forget him and get on with my life but it is easier said than done.
So a new roomie if he isn't gonna return will have to wait a while longer.
I am just hoping for his eventual return.
Class Sucks
I can't make fast friends here in my class. Half of them are of a different ethnic background. Most are women. Some are very much older women. Most are young. Mostly Singaporeans and we all know how we all think the same way most of the time.
Some internation students will be good. For a different perspective. The Australian woman is vocal. But where are the younger set?
Shsssssssh..........
Doesn't make it any better that it is part-time and there are no recreational or co-curricular activities for more interaction.
Unlike a full-time class with the Chinese or younger students or the matured students doing masters or something like the Chinese guy.
One less circle for knowing people.
Come Up With More Consistent And Wholesome Values
Unless the gay community can come up with more consistent articles that espouses fidelity, we are gonna be looked upon as trash, sluts and doomed.
Of course it happens in the bi and hetero communities too.
Start off with striking up relationships. What is it all about. Friendship, love, caring, trust, etc.
Then, no pre-occupation with penile sizes as a prerequisite for a relationship or sex.
Emphasize a monogamous relationship first and foremost. Then perhaps a three-way or a four or multi-way may be feasible for some, but not all. Certainly a couple seeking a third or multi for ONS is gonna make us look trashier and sluttier.
Worse if it is with a bi. Emphasize that this may not work out in the longer term if he chooses to go another way. Then we are just side-kicks. Unless he switches back or chooses one.
Finally no definition of roles. It will be on a basis of mutual attraction first and the roles will play out eventually. Even then we play several roles with different people.
For the younger and prettier boys or even the not so young but pretty, I top. For the others, I may bottom. So in a sense I am flexi.
Do not make our community look as if like we are transgendered. That is at least what my lecturer seems to be harping on. All the time.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
I Wanna Do My Own Thing, Get This, ShitHeads!
After The Ramble, Comes The Thunder And Lightning
Yesterday my blog was just a ramble.
Today I am gonna elaborate on what is happening in my life and all around me.
Sleaze Everywhere, So When Is It One Too Many?
First the sleaze that exists right here around the estate where I live.
I have written about the prolific KTVs and massage parlors that have sprouted here stretching from Selegie Road to Bencoolen Street and Middle Road (the Bras Basah Civic District if you like) all the way to Concorde Hotel (formerly Le Meridien).
As if that is not enough, Jalan Besar and Balestier which are just a stone's throw away have enough of them and near-24 hr Internet gaming centres which can feed an army of street-walkers and late-night young cybergamers.
The night life extends even further away to the Chinatown district and Tanjong Pagar.
Thai drags, darker-skinned girls (Filipinas or Thais), loads of China girls and a couple of Malaysians. Almost everywhere you walk, you see them.
If it isn't bad enough, a new KTV has just opened right down the street where moi lives. You just need to take a peek at their webby to be cognisant of what goes on inside the establishment.
My apartment building houses the mostly China show-girls, the kept mistresses and lovers and yes, there is a thriving gay community living here as well.
There are late night brawls, loud shouting matches, drunken stupor and unconsciousness of the hostesses and their clients. I have seen one patrol car whizzing past so far, on a late night out observation. But our men-in-blue do not seem to want to get out of their cars to patrol the streets. Why?
Yes, occasionally we see a few white men and a few Japs or maybe Koreans. But the clientele is largely local. The towkays and probably some establishment players too.
I have seen a SMU Mongolian student reeking of alcohol in the elevator with arms twirled around a woman in short minis and high-cut boots (apparently she is a resident of the same apartment as him). Even he has fallen by the wayside.
Another has gone wayward 6 months after he arrived, had to disrupt his studies promptly and is now back again.
Sleaze Extends To Private Schools
Even the students are not spared.
I have heard how school agents are wining and dining them at these KTV establishments in order to ink or close a deal. That means signing up for a course or getting them to switch schools or to come study here in Singapore.
And it is good money to be made.
Students, mind you!
My Roomie
3 months after I have settled down here and recovering from my depression living at yet another sleazespot, I thought I could perhaps hunt down a roomie for company.
As it turns out, he is supposedly a MBA student at this private school where moi is doing his learning program.
11 days later he is out of my life.
First he had worked 2 years before back home in China. A property dealer doing exactly the kinda entertainment I have described above (if that is even true)
When we first met, I liked him instantly. He had all the charm and qualities of a gentleman, the glibest of tongue and an aura of warmth and friendliness. His body language was just too close to me and over a week, I have repeatedly text him to hint to him what to expect of me as a room-mate.
He gave all the correct answers and moved in.
I am not sure anymore who he is and what his intentions are!
A few postulates and possibly more if I can think of it:
(1) He is sent by the private school to spy on me, to know why I am at their school and to learn of my background
(2) He is a school agent and is preying on me to possibly sign up for a higher education course in the school
(3)If the above two are true, then even my lecturer and the administration must be in on this
(4)He is who he says he is
He apparently studies overnight at his friends' prior to exams and disappears for two nights promptly thereafter. I know he goes to church on Sundays as if perhaps to ask for forgiveness after all that he has done for the week?
I have seen one of his friend who is almost a local here (having spent his primary school days here) and who is from his same hometown back in China.
I don't like him one bit because he reminds me of that dude whom I spent a month or two with at Andy's. The dyed hair, clubbing sort and the private school he studied in was one mentioned as being a sleazespot too. He is 21 and doing an MBA. Whoa!
I have nothing against clubbing if it is pure fun and dancing and you can hold your drink. Not what happens after that. The excesses, the vomit, the drunken stupor , the high, the unconsciousness. The damaging health effects. And the sex.
I was jealous. My roomie bought bread for this dude and he was away three nights. And sometimes when I talk to my roomie, he does not seem to be a real person. It was a packaged form, from his conditioned days of marketing and entertaining clients and he is probably still at it here, and somehow I knew he was talking in a third person.
I am not sure if he is just trapping moi to sell moi something or if he has something up his sleeve.
I have professed my love for him three times but he has rejected them all.
And for my home-life I don't like complications.
He certainly has a wealth of knowledge about us gays when he claims to be straight (possibly bi, maybe gay). Either way, I don't like the idea of him staying here. First the gay household and then the surrounding girly bars. I am like doomed.
Suggestions coming from him range from holing up with a lesbian and doing each own's thing and he probably doesn't mind multiple relationships, judging from the things he says.
There is that real, goody-goody boy deep down inside him that I can't reach out to.
It hurts me very deeply that he is in denial, that he is conditioned and the real him can't come out. He is either faking it or he is just conditioned the way he is.
I fell in love with him the moment I set eyes on him the day we met.I am just so sorry I have to let him go, but cross my fingers that he will come back.
I still have complete faith in him and I wanna trust him if he can just tell me what is going on.
More games people play.
My Learning Program
Now if it is true the school is in collusion with my roomie then my lecturer must also be in on it.
The topics he espouses during lessons and the email he replied me. I am not too sure what his intentions are. As far as I am concerned, he is lecturer, we are all just his students.
He is funny and leaves us in stitches ...always. But he does harp a lot on LGBT issues when he is married. We don't hear so much of marital woes' issues from him?
Then he keeps changing the assignment topics and format. He asks if we have dysfunctional friends. I say I have. Him! Ha ha ha.
I thought when he defines neuroses and psychoses that he didn't get it right. But he insists, so what can I say? And I know for a fact things keep changing in what he says during his class.
The School Surrounds
I like this city campus and the whole professional set-up. But I wished I was a full-time student along with the other younger people so I can communicate better with them.
As it is, my class are older locals and I don't click as much with them and this happens only at night.
And yes some recreational facilities would probably facilitate better interaction too.
My Long Hair Experience
The year I kept my hair long has been quite an experience.
I have swept it up and tied it down with an over the crown kinda hair band. It must have been a talking point with some people for sure. The longer than usual hair. The hair band. Etc Etc. Was I gonna be a trans? To cut or to fix (as my lecturer in the class has harped on for the nth time in his class about transgendered people)?
It has also served me several advantages to look a bit more androgynous. Some sexual ambivalence. I thought I attracted quite a few blimps and more accepting people of another ethnicity. Plus people who like transgendered kind. And then I could spend more time in the loo.
This is just how people are. Stereotyping. Assumptions. Presumptions. Jumping to conclusions. Worse of all, conformity. We are all conditioned to the short crop cut and we don't seem to be able to accept longer-styled hair.
I have shorn off my locks and it will be another year again before my long hair comes back in vogue.
And Then My Attire
I am not sure what my lecturer or my classmates make of my attire. I am dressed in tight-fitting tees and skinnies and sporting ear-studs and ear-rings.
They can say all they want about a second childhood or whatever. I don't care. I just wanna feel young again.
I suppose that could be a psychologist's issue. Like fetal psychology is, just to promote the profession and make an issue out of nothing. Otherwise psychology will just die a certain death?
Sexual Grooming Of Minors
Yes there is a Penal Code on this.
I don't see how this is wrong especially in the gay context.
If I groom a minor, I groom him for a monogamous, gay, loving relationship. What is love, what is a relationship, what is caring, what is sacrifice! Not sex and lust first before anything else. Not a three-way like the gay community has espoused in one of its articles or even worse, a couple seeking a third for ONS fun.
That in fact should have been taught in schools.
So what is wrong with that?
Fundamentals
All that has happened recently had me resolving even more issues.
I would like a monogamous relationship, ideally with a room-mate. But if he wanna fool around, well, I can too. I hope it will be this China guy. I am not interested in blimps, bimbs or wimps or someone of a different ethnic background.
There will be no girls in my life except as friends.
I will not complicate home life with a woman (lesby or otherwise) fronting a facade and then engaging in gay sex on the side.
I wanna complete this program of learning and get a job in the niches I aspire to. Please do not close all the doors on me as I soon discovered I probably will be upon graduation after I attended a public service networking session.
I will not join any party! As a China dude pointed out to me that I should at this networking session.
I wanna buy a place in an appropriate location. Where I am now is not too bad. I can live with the sleaze and the foreign workers milling around especially on weekends. Coz I am gay I am ok with the girls. But I am not too sure if another gay can with Rafi the Filipino in the household. And yes even the owner who is supposed to be coupled (he sure has some visitors alright) And for a bi....the girly bars around.
I am not Che Guevara. I wanna do my own thing. You let me do them. You go your way, I go mine. And maybe I will eventually thank you in the end.
Period.
Assholes, you get this?
Yesterday my blog was just a ramble.
Today I am gonna elaborate on what is happening in my life and all around me.
Sleaze Everywhere, So When Is It One Too Many?
First the sleaze that exists right here around the estate where I live.
I have written about the prolific KTVs and massage parlors that have sprouted here stretching from Selegie Road to Bencoolen Street and Middle Road (the Bras Basah Civic District if you like) all the way to Concorde Hotel (formerly Le Meridien).
As if that is not enough, Jalan Besar and Balestier which are just a stone's throw away have enough of them and near-24 hr Internet gaming centres which can feed an army of street-walkers and late-night young cybergamers.
The night life extends even further away to the Chinatown district and Tanjong Pagar.
Thai drags, darker-skinned girls (Filipinas or Thais), loads of China girls and a couple of Malaysians. Almost everywhere you walk, you see them.
If it isn't bad enough, a new KTV has just opened right down the street where moi lives. You just need to take a peek at their webby to be cognisant of what goes on inside the establishment.
My apartment building houses the mostly China show-girls, the kept mistresses and lovers and yes, there is a thriving gay community living here as well.
There are late night brawls, loud shouting matches, drunken stupor and unconsciousness of the hostesses and their clients. I have seen one patrol car whizzing past so far, on a late night out observation. But our men-in-blue do not seem to want to get out of their cars to patrol the streets. Why?
Yes, occasionally we see a few white men and a few Japs or maybe Koreans. But the clientele is largely local. The towkays and probably some establishment players too.
I have seen a SMU Mongolian student reeking of alcohol in the elevator with arms twirled around a woman in short minis and high-cut boots (apparently she is a resident of the same apartment as him). Even he has fallen by the wayside.
Another has gone wayward 6 months after he arrived, had to disrupt his studies promptly and is now back again.
Sleaze Extends To Private Schools
Even the students are not spared.
I have heard how school agents are wining and dining them at these KTV establishments in order to ink or close a deal. That means signing up for a course or getting them to switch schools or to come study here in Singapore.
And it is good money to be made.
Students, mind you!
My Roomie
3 months after I have settled down here and recovering from my depression living at yet another sleazespot, I thought I could perhaps hunt down a roomie for company.
As it turns out, he is supposedly a MBA student at this private school where moi is doing his learning program.
11 days later he is out of my life.
First he had worked 2 years before back home in China. A property dealer doing exactly the kinda entertainment I have described above (if that is even true)
When we first met, I liked him instantly. He had all the charm and qualities of a gentleman, the glibest of tongue and an aura of warmth and friendliness. His body language was just too close to me and over a week, I have repeatedly text him to hint to him what to expect of me as a room-mate.
He gave all the correct answers and moved in.
I am not sure anymore who he is and what his intentions are!
A few postulates and possibly more if I can think of it:
(1) He is sent by the private school to spy on me, to know why I am at their school and to learn of my background
(2) He is a school agent and is preying on me to possibly sign up for a higher education course in the school
(3)If the above two are true, then even my lecturer and the administration must be in on this
(4)He is who he says he is
He apparently studies overnight at his friends' prior to exams and disappears for two nights promptly thereafter. I know he goes to church on Sundays as if perhaps to ask for forgiveness after all that he has done for the week?
I have seen one of his friend who is almost a local here (having spent his primary school days here) and who is from his same hometown back in China.
I don't like him one bit because he reminds me of that dude whom I spent a month or two with at Andy's. The dyed hair, clubbing sort and the private school he studied in was one mentioned as being a sleazespot too. He is 21 and doing an MBA. Whoa!
I have nothing against clubbing if it is pure fun and dancing and you can hold your drink. Not what happens after that. The excesses, the vomit, the drunken stupor , the high, the unconsciousness. The damaging health effects. And the sex.
I was jealous. My roomie bought bread for this dude and he was away three nights. And sometimes when I talk to my roomie, he does not seem to be a real person. It was a packaged form, from his conditioned days of marketing and entertaining clients and he is probably still at it here, and somehow I knew he was talking in a third person.
I am not sure if he is just trapping moi to sell moi something or if he has something up his sleeve.
I have professed my love for him three times but he has rejected them all.
And for my home-life I don't like complications.
He certainly has a wealth of knowledge about us gays when he claims to be straight (possibly bi, maybe gay). Either way, I don't like the idea of him staying here. First the gay household and then the surrounding girly bars. I am like doomed.
Suggestions coming from him range from holing up with a lesbian and doing each own's thing and he probably doesn't mind multiple relationships, judging from the things he says.
There is that real, goody-goody boy deep down inside him that I can't reach out to.
It hurts me very deeply that he is in denial, that he is conditioned and the real him can't come out. He is either faking it or he is just conditioned the way he is.
I fell in love with him the moment I set eyes on him the day we met.I am just so sorry I have to let him go, but cross my fingers that he will come back.
I still have complete faith in him and I wanna trust him if he can just tell me what is going on.
More games people play.
My Learning Program
Now if it is true the school is in collusion with my roomie then my lecturer must also be in on it.
The topics he espouses during lessons and the email he replied me. I am not too sure what his intentions are. As far as I am concerned, he is lecturer, we are all just his students.
He is funny and leaves us in stitches ...always. But he does harp a lot on LGBT issues when he is married. We don't hear so much of marital woes' issues from him?
Then he keeps changing the assignment topics and format. He asks if we have dysfunctional friends. I say I have. Him! Ha ha ha.
I thought when he defines neuroses and psychoses that he didn't get it right. But he insists, so what can I say? And I know for a fact things keep changing in what he says during his class.
The School Surrounds
I like this city campus and the whole professional set-up. But I wished I was a full-time student along with the other younger people so I can communicate better with them.
As it is, my class are older locals and I don't click as much with them and this happens only at night.
And yes some recreational facilities would probably facilitate better interaction too.
My Long Hair Experience
The year I kept my hair long has been quite an experience.
I have swept it up and tied it down with an over the crown kinda hair band. It must have been a talking point with some people for sure. The longer than usual hair. The hair band. Etc Etc. Was I gonna be a trans? To cut or to fix (as my lecturer in the class has harped on for the nth time in his class about transgendered people)?
It has also served me several advantages to look a bit more androgynous. Some sexual ambivalence. I thought I attracted quite a few blimps and more accepting people of another ethnicity. Plus people who like transgendered kind. And then I could spend more time in the loo.
This is just how people are. Stereotyping. Assumptions. Presumptions. Jumping to conclusions. Worse of all, conformity. We are all conditioned to the short crop cut and we don't seem to be able to accept longer-styled hair.
I have shorn off my locks and it will be another year again before my long hair comes back in vogue.
And Then My Attire
I am not sure what my lecturer or my classmates make of my attire. I am dressed in tight-fitting tees and skinnies and sporting ear-studs and ear-rings.
They can say all they want about a second childhood or whatever. I don't care. I just wanna feel young again.
I suppose that could be a psychologist's issue. Like fetal psychology is, just to promote the profession and make an issue out of nothing. Otherwise psychology will just die a certain death?
Sexual Grooming Of Minors
Yes there is a Penal Code on this.
I don't see how this is wrong especially in the gay context.
If I groom a minor, I groom him for a monogamous, gay, loving relationship. What is love, what is a relationship, what is caring, what is sacrifice! Not sex and lust first before anything else. Not a three-way like the gay community has espoused in one of its articles or even worse, a couple seeking a third for ONS fun.
That in fact should have been taught in schools.
So what is wrong with that?
Fundamentals
All that has happened recently had me resolving even more issues.
I would like a monogamous relationship, ideally with a room-mate. But if he wanna fool around, well, I can too. I hope it will be this China guy. I am not interested in blimps, bimbs or wimps or someone of a different ethnic background.
There will be no girls in my life except as friends.
I will not complicate home life with a woman (lesby or otherwise) fronting a facade and then engaging in gay sex on the side.
I wanna complete this program of learning and get a job in the niches I aspire to. Please do not close all the doors on me as I soon discovered I probably will be upon graduation after I attended a public service networking session.
I will not join any party! As a China dude pointed out to me that I should at this networking session.
I wanna buy a place in an appropriate location. Where I am now is not too bad. I can live with the sleaze and the foreign workers milling around especially on weekends. Coz I am gay I am ok with the girls. But I am not too sure if another gay can with Rafi the Filipino in the household. And yes even the owner who is supposed to be coupled (he sure has some visitors alright) And for a bi....the girly bars around.
I am not Che Guevara. I wanna do my own thing. You let me do them. You go your way, I go mine. And maybe I will eventually thank you in the end.
Period.
Assholes, you get this?
Monday, December 29, 2008
I Am Only Too Keenly Aware
I know who is trying to direct the script in my life right now.
Somebody out there evil is trying to push me into a corner. First my financial portfolio and then my property investment are being affected.
I am fully aware of the people who keep appearing in my life at this moment. From school to the gym to home. These are people they plant among me. I know the few women who sit around my table and the things they say.
And the lecturer. And then my short-term room mate. Then at "home". Then there is the gym where this Middle Eastern keep appearing. I cn only guess at their intentions.
Fuck you, mother bastards, whoever you are.
I pick my beau, not you. I choose who I wanna live with. I wanna pursue my interest in my career. I wanna buy my own place. You deny me the job aspiration I want with the qualifications I have and I will kill you.
There are all these evil wimps, bimbs and blimps as usual surrounding me. Putting on acts and so on. I am from the dark side so I don't need to see the dark side even more.
I am already living in one dark black hole surrounding me and you put them there. With more of them cropping up.
Fuck you once again!
Somebody out there evil is trying to push me into a corner. First my financial portfolio and then my property investment are being affected.
I am fully aware of the people who keep appearing in my life at this moment. From school to the gym to home. These are people they plant among me. I know the few women who sit around my table and the things they say.
And the lecturer. And then my short-term room mate. Then at "home". Then there is the gym where this Middle Eastern keep appearing. I cn only guess at their intentions.
Fuck you, mother bastards, whoever you are.
I pick my beau, not you. I choose who I wanna live with. I wanna pursue my interest in my career. I wanna buy my own place. You deny me the job aspiration I want with the qualifications I have and I will kill you.
There are all these evil wimps, bimbs and blimps as usual surrounding me. Putting on acts and so on. I am from the dark side so I don't need to see the dark side even more.
I am already living in one dark black hole surrounding me and you put them there. With more of them cropping up.
Fuck you once again!
Sunday, November 09, 2008
InFidelity - Only For Some Of Us? (Updated)
So That Is Why I Smoke?
I guess the reasons I smoke are manifold. It isn't addiction, for sure. I can quit anytime.
It is a question more of boredom, refuelling and thinking and of itchy fingers.
Then there is that issue of sitting alone somewhere in some smoking zones of a public place. If moi just sit there and stare and observe, he will probably be mistaken for a kook (if he isn't already).
The cops would probably also wanna know what moi is doing down there at that time of night. If he isn't gonna be questioned, handcuffed and taken away (OO S&M fun), he is probably gonna be accosted for sex (being mistaken for a sex whore) -not that that is too far off the mark - and carried off to be gang-raped (I look forward to this). *Smiles*
Smoking takes away that stigma. You are there for a legitimate reason - to puff. That is ok. It is cool. It is reasonable. You won't be arrested.
That Old Generation Of Thinking
The Wet Wet Wet Floor
I have a funny feeling Old Aunty hates me to the guts. You know she is pissed whenever she sits in the hallway, writing into her little Buddhist book of sins, I think.
Everything I do seems to grate on her. First the shower area floor are the slippery kind when wet. The crevices throw up dirt whenever water is sprayed onto them.
I have bought not one but four pieces of those stick-on anti-slip rugs to cover various parts of this floor. Even if they hold water and turn dirty easily (I will help wash if necessary), they are still far better off in preventing slip-ups.
Everyone (there are altogether 4 of us and that excludes the visitors and the beaus and the playmates who use it too) bathes here. So expect it to be wet. I can't apologise for that.
There is another small cramped loo which is hardly utilised. That loo has a nice rough anti-slip surface however.
In fact I think all the playmates who come here to play should just use this loo.
Someone has been smoking near the balcony and leaving ashes on the floor. That is not moi. Someone is trying to nail and crucify moi (Oops, haven't I already said that a long time ago?)
It Is Wet Wet Wet Out Here Too
This reminds me of the gym, the shopping malls and the swimming complexes where washing seems to take place at anytime. Usually when moi visits. Strangely.
Ben, the owner, should have let Old Aunty sleep in the master bedroom with its attached bath.
She is cognisant of the visitors here and of her own son. But whether she is accepting or not is another matter. Even Ben isn't sure if she is when I asked him.
Since she monopolises the kitchen moi has taken to washing my cups and what-nots in the loo save for filling up my kettle jug which is just too tall to go under the tap. That has to be done in the kitchen.
Why Buy When You Can Borrow? Question Is, We Do Need Some Reference Books And Some Books Can't Be Had For A Long Time
I have bought a couple of books for my upcoming program of learning. She asks if I had not bought them from Popular. We all know that Popular sells mainly school textbooks and assessment books.
The books I bought are of a different nature. She must also be thinking I could borrow from the library.
Books go on loan and they can disappear for a long time.
There are only so many copies and so many branches that stock them. I have actually visited more than four outlets to hunt for this health exercise book I borrowed once from a branch. I was never able to lay my hands on it again untill I spotted it at a bookstore and promptly snap it up.
Besides I do need some books for reference from time to time.
Eat Fresh
I have written about how veggies like lettuce or cabbage and fruits like tomatoes or bananas (and they come in their plastic wrap foil too in some cases) just do not keep well (even in the fridge) for too long. They turn soggy and rot.
I know because I have bought French loafs from Delifrance before (yes the bread doesn't keep well for too long too and we don't eat sandwiches everyday) and do my own sandwiches myself.
If aluminium foil helps, then add this to the cost.
That Generation Again!
Imagine that Old Dude I met when I wanted to lease a room. He was actually using a huge urn for scooping water to wash and flush the toilet.
OMFG!
Level The Playing Field And Make Equality Of The Sexes Truly Equal
It bears repeating this.
If out-in-the-open solicitation in public places is allowed for the bis and heteros, then gays must be allowed the same shot at equality of the sexes.
Most of the time, we do it out of sight, discreetly and away from the prying eyes of the public. How dare the rest be allowed to do it unabashedly, blatantly and openly!
I guess it is also this discreetness, the speed, the quickie and the amazing array of nooks and crannies to do our "stuff" which spells stealth that moi doesn't feel safe with a gay dude because of fidelity issues.
The best hope for moi is someone fidel outside of the well-known cruising gay circle.
But the same must go for the bis and the heteros too, married or attached who stealthily have fun on the side at the same time.
Let us then make this on-par for all and don't moralise for one segment of the population only.
I guess the reasons I smoke are manifold. It isn't addiction, for sure. I can quit anytime.
It is a question more of boredom, refuelling and thinking and of itchy fingers.
Then there is that issue of sitting alone somewhere in some smoking zones of a public place. If moi just sit there and stare and observe, he will probably be mistaken for a kook (if he isn't already).
The cops would probably also wanna know what moi is doing down there at that time of night. If he isn't gonna be questioned, handcuffed and taken away (OO S&M fun), he is probably gonna be accosted for sex (being mistaken for a sex whore) -not that that is too far off the mark - and carried off to be gang-raped (I look forward to this). *Smiles*
Smoking takes away that stigma. You are there for a legitimate reason - to puff. That is ok. It is cool. It is reasonable. You won't be arrested.
That Old Generation Of Thinking
The Wet Wet Wet Floor
I have a funny feeling Old Aunty hates me to the guts. You know she is pissed whenever she sits in the hallway, writing into her little Buddhist book of sins, I think.
Everything I do seems to grate on her. First the shower area floor are the slippery kind when wet. The crevices throw up dirt whenever water is sprayed onto them.
I have bought not one but four pieces of those stick-on anti-slip rugs to cover various parts of this floor. Even if they hold water and turn dirty easily (I will help wash if necessary), they are still far better off in preventing slip-ups.
Everyone (there are altogether 4 of us and that excludes the visitors and the beaus and the playmates who use it too) bathes here. So expect it to be wet. I can't apologise for that.
There is another small cramped loo which is hardly utilised. That loo has a nice rough anti-slip surface however.
In fact I think all the playmates who come here to play should just use this loo.
Someone has been smoking near the balcony and leaving ashes on the floor. That is not moi. Someone is trying to nail and crucify moi (Oops, haven't I already said that a long time ago?)
It Is Wet Wet Wet Out Here Too
This reminds me of the gym, the shopping malls and the swimming complexes where washing seems to take place at anytime. Usually when moi visits. Strangely.
Ben, the owner, should have let Old Aunty sleep in the master bedroom with its attached bath.
She is cognisant of the visitors here and of her own son. But whether she is accepting or not is another matter. Even Ben isn't sure if she is when I asked him.
Since she monopolises the kitchen moi has taken to washing my cups and what-nots in the loo save for filling up my kettle jug which is just too tall to go under the tap. That has to be done in the kitchen.
Why Buy When You Can Borrow? Question Is, We Do Need Some Reference Books And Some Books Can't Be Had For A Long Time
I have bought a couple of books for my upcoming program of learning. She asks if I had not bought them from Popular. We all know that Popular sells mainly school textbooks and assessment books.
The books I bought are of a different nature. She must also be thinking I could borrow from the library.
Books go on loan and they can disappear for a long time.
There are only so many copies and so many branches that stock them. I have actually visited more than four outlets to hunt for this health exercise book I borrowed once from a branch. I was never able to lay my hands on it again untill I spotted it at a bookstore and promptly snap it up.
Besides I do need some books for reference from time to time.
Eat Fresh
I have written about how veggies like lettuce or cabbage and fruits like tomatoes or bananas (and they come in their plastic wrap foil too in some cases) just do not keep well (even in the fridge) for too long. They turn soggy and rot.
I know because I have bought French loafs from Delifrance before (yes the bread doesn't keep well for too long too and we don't eat sandwiches everyday) and do my own sandwiches myself.
If aluminium foil helps, then add this to the cost.
That Generation Again!
Imagine that Old Dude I met when I wanted to lease a room. He was actually using a huge urn for scooping water to wash and flush the toilet.
OMFG!
Level The Playing Field And Make Equality Of The Sexes Truly Equal
It bears repeating this.
If out-in-the-open solicitation in public places is allowed for the bis and heteros, then gays must be allowed the same shot at equality of the sexes.
Most of the time, we do it out of sight, discreetly and away from the prying eyes of the public. How dare the rest be allowed to do it unabashedly, blatantly and openly!
I guess it is also this discreetness, the speed, the quickie and the amazing array of nooks and crannies to do our "stuff" which spells stealth that moi doesn't feel safe with a gay dude because of fidelity issues.
The best hope for moi is someone fidel outside of the well-known cruising gay circle.
But the same must go for the bis and the heteros too, married or attached who stealthily have fun on the side at the same time.
Let us then make this on-par for all and don't moralise for one segment of the population only.
Monday, November 03, 2008
My, My, You Are A Gregarious Little Creature, Aren't You?
Midnight Tete-A-Tete
Moi: "Ryan, I am really afraid!"
Ryan: "What happened?"
Moi: "There is a party going on in the other room."
Ryan: "Which room?"
Moi: "You know. That Filipino's room."
Ryan: "Oh? The Filpino beside me?"
Moi: "Yeah. You mean there is another Filipino other than the two of you? Jesus! What is this house coming to? A house full of Pinoys?"
Ryan: "Well.....wassup?"
Moi: "You know I am a newbie. I have seen a couple of fresh faces everytime in the two short weeks I am here and up untill now I thought I knew who was who. I guess not huh?"
Ryan: "While I was staying there, I didn't bother. I only brought my girlfriend over occasionally."
Moi (thinking aloud): "Yeah right Ryan! I have heard about all your sexcapades with fat ones, skinny ones and so on....You are monogamous?....Muahahahahahahaha....
Moi: "Besides, I thought it was a Sunday and you gotta get back to work on Monday. So a party on Sunday? And on some occasions I have got up to hear all those strange noises in his room and he was fucking our local boys. Fuck man! What of his beau?"
Moi: "Well.....looks deceive, don't they. I didn't know he was so "gregarious" (a euphemism really, for "promiscuous", much like "Integrated Resort" is for casinos)"
Maybe moi is just jealous he wasn't invited for the party. Maybe moi just wanted to sink his teeth into the jugular of that Filipino dude and his beau. And of course there is Ryan
Just maybe.
After all, moi can be equally gregarious?
I love you to Death (3x)
Moi: "Ryan, I am really afraid!"
Ryan: "What happened?"
Moi: "There is a party going on in the other room."
Ryan: "Which room?"
Moi: "You know. That Filipino's room."
Ryan: "Oh? The Filpino beside me?"
Moi: "Yeah. You mean there is another Filipino other than the two of you? Jesus! What is this house coming to? A house full of Pinoys?"
Ryan: "Well.....wassup?"
Moi: "You know I am a newbie. I have seen a couple of fresh faces everytime in the two short weeks I am here and up untill now I thought I knew who was who. I guess not huh?"
Ryan: "While I was staying there, I didn't bother. I only brought my girlfriend over occasionally."
Moi (thinking aloud): "Yeah right Ryan! I have heard about all your sexcapades with fat ones, skinny ones and so on....You are monogamous?....Muahahahahahahaha....
Moi: "Besides, I thought it was a Sunday and you gotta get back to work on Monday. So a party on Sunday? And on some occasions I have got up to hear all those strange noises in his room and he was fucking our local boys. Fuck man! What of his beau?"
Moi: "Well.....looks deceive, don't they. I didn't know he was so "gregarious" (a euphemism really, for "promiscuous", much like "Integrated Resort" is for casinos)"
Maybe moi is just jealous he wasn't invited for the party. Maybe moi just wanted to sink his teeth into the jugular of that Filipino dude and his beau. And of course there is Ryan
Just maybe.
After all, moi can be equally gregarious?
I love you to Death (3x)
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Gay And Sex Busters
GhostBusters (Gay/Sex Busters) - Lyrics Of A Song That Fit What Goes On Here
You should see the things going on around here in this house and all around the streets outside the apartment building.
All the different pairs of shoes every weekend night and sometimes on weekday nights lined up outside the house is LIVING PROOF of what goes on.
I can only think of ONE song that fits the description.
GayBusters (or alternately SexBusters)
If there's something strange in your neighborhood
Who ya gonna call?
SexBusters
A naked man sleeping in ya bed
Oh who ya gonna call?
GayBusters
I ain't afraid of no gays
I ain't afraid of no sex
I hear it likes the gays and sex
If you are all alone, join in the fun
And call GayBusters
I Love You To Death
I wrote in an earlier blog how I will love my beau to death, whoever he may be once we are hooked on to each other.
Incidentally that forms part of the lyrics of a song whose singer I thought was Freddy Mercury. Anyway, here are some lyrics that I can still remember:
I love you to death (3x)
Oh Baby
Too bad I can't remember the rest which are seriously quite meaningful in this context.
You should see the things going on around here in this house and all around the streets outside the apartment building.
All the different pairs of shoes every weekend night and sometimes on weekday nights lined up outside the house is LIVING PROOF of what goes on.
I can only think of ONE song that fits the description.
GayBusters (or alternately SexBusters)
If there's something strange in your neighborhood
Who ya gonna call?
SexBusters
A naked man sleeping in ya bed
Oh who ya gonna call?
GayBusters
I ain't afraid of no gays
I ain't afraid of no sex
I hear it likes the gays and sex
If you are all alone, join in the fun
And call GayBusters
I Love You To Death
I wrote in an earlier blog how I will love my beau to death, whoever he may be once we are hooked on to each other.
Incidentally that forms part of the lyrics of a song whose singer I thought was Freddy Mercury. Anyway, here are some lyrics that I can still remember:
I love you to death (3x)
Oh Baby
Too bad I can't remember the rest which are seriously quite meaningful in this context.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Another Day Another Blog (Updated)
Isolate, Contain, Confine And Sectorise
Maybe I haven't made myself very clear with my recent blog on the sleaze that lurks here.
Well, there is a proliferation of KTV Disco pubs here, which are just front covers for prostitution and sex. Some come with show performances. Nothing really wrong with that, you say. It has been around for ages.
True.
Unfortunately, moi's 30 year-old apartment building (and as the security guard told moi, when he first started work, it was all nice and pleasant here untill sub-letting to foreigners began and the whole place turned to sleaze) is housing some of these show-girls and the hostesses (who are just plain streetwalkers).
There are families, singles and foreign students living here.
What the hookers do is in full public view. The scantily clad dresses. The solicitation out in the streets. The pick-ups. The pairing. The whole works.
Ah, foreign students. What does that conjure up? Read: young, virile and testesterone-driven males - alone, without parental control and holing up with their fellow young, virile, lonely, testesterone-driven peers.
What can possibly happen? If they aren't already doing it in the comfort of their hostels, this sure adds another piece of SEX temptation.
For that matter, any foreign worker. Alone, young and male.
It does seem like the foreigners are having it all. First our jobs, then our homes, even education and now it seems SEX AND FUN!
For most local boys living with families, they are more restrained and they usually defer sex.
To top it all, there are 24-hour Internet and cybergaming shops here. So many of them that local and foreign students flock to them and if they can't see what goes on around them, they must be BLIND!
A budget hotel sits right next to a private school in another street in this area.
Yes hotels are for tourists and locals. But we also know who else uses them. And schools do operate till late in the night.
Urban planners, do have some good sense in you.
Can you please isolate, confine, contain and sectorise SEX establishments (and that include both hetero, bi or gay oriented ones) in one development area with all its attendant ancillary services like accomodation, hotels, beer-drinking cafes or pubs, eateries and what-nots!
Especially those operating in full public view - the open solicitation, the congregation and the beer-drinkers and their sexily and scantily dressed companions.
Bangkok seems to have done better than we have!
OO Maybe That Is Why - Now I Know
Maybe that explains who is crucifying moi.
I have banned visitors especially female visitors for all my previous tenants.
This must be a HOT POTATO issue since they wanna bring their playmates, their toy boys, their beaus, their sex partners, their mistresses in for HOT FUN and SEX.
They wanna play and sex but they won't clean up after that.
And I was looking for an all male, all gay (maybe bisexual) household when I rent.
But for living, I just prefer my own beau.
Guess what, they were jealous and they were angry and they were restricted and sexually frustrated. Imagine underaged school-going foreign tenants who are here on STUDY PASSES!
Not FUN and SEX passes!
More Asides
I possibly didn't explain too clearly what I blogged about the last time.
First, looking at some of the noxious state of the refuse receptacles (meaning dust-bins) and the litter that fill their brims, it makes one wonder why the Environmental Public Health Act doesn't kick in to clean up these public loos.
And these are loos of our public places.
Second, I am sure there are issues of eating sandwiches at Subway. People will tell you that you can always make them yourselves.
Yes I certainly can and I have done it before. Question is I don't eat sandwiches everyday.
By the time I do, the cabbage, tomatoes or lettuce probably doesn't keep very well. Therefore when I do need to eat sandwiches, I eat fresh,
Third, the same reasoning goes for bananas. It is more expensive paying for single bananas rather than a comb of them. But again a comb doesn't keep very well.
Yet again when I do need to eat, I eat fresh.
You can imagine how people do not know about contracted names anymore. Like Liz is for Elizabeth or Joe is for Joseph.
I think Asians are in a dilemma. Asians who wanna build their bodies for example. Thus far all the health literature and research on all those health supplements do not study Asians. So is there a difference? More importantly do we still follow the kinda recommended dosage? How much is enough and how little is too little?
Finally three to six small meals a day. What constitute a small meal? For Asians we still like our rice with vegs and other dishes. Is this a small meal?
By All Means Reuse And Recycle But There Comes A Point In Time It Has To Be Disposed Of And Replaced
There comes a point in time that something has to be replaced.
The table wipes can be washed and rewashed but there will come a point in time that it is just dirty and grimy and a new one has to be bought.
The same goes for a sponge wipe, the mop-wipe head and nappies.
Remember nappies have babies peeing and shitting in them. Reusing again and again after washing and rewashing just won't do. Therefore disposable diapers were invented. For hygiene and sanitary reasons.
Our underwears are only stained with urine or faeces (we don't purposefully defecate or urinate on them) but that is ok. It can be washed and rewashed and reused. But I suppose we will one fine day also replace them.
Get This Right Pigs!
That roof over my head has been constantly under threat. I have moved 14 times. I need to buy my own place but given the sky-high prices of public housing and the financial crisis now, I am put on hold.
Even when I do buy my own place and I am with a beau, I wanna be financially independent. No handouts, no dependence on human vagaries, NO NOTHING. Totally self-reliant.
I can't plan for my studies until now. I can't settle down to a good read or study. And even then this REALLY isn't home. I anticipate problems with an older generation living under the same roof. I can't be sure about the rest.
I don't wanna spend too much time and money given my age. And I am not even sure I am employable after graduation. Especially to be employed in an industry and vocation that I am passionate about. Pointless to spend your whole life doing something you don't like.
And money is always an issue. I am paying out of my own pocket.
Get this into your thick heads, PIGS!
Maybe I haven't made myself very clear with my recent blog on the sleaze that lurks here.
Well, there is a proliferation of KTV Disco pubs here, which are just front covers for prostitution and sex. Some come with show performances. Nothing really wrong with that, you say. It has been around for ages.
True.
Unfortunately, moi's 30 year-old apartment building (and as the security guard told moi, when he first started work, it was all nice and pleasant here untill sub-letting to foreigners began and the whole place turned to sleaze) is housing some of these show-girls and the hostesses (who are just plain streetwalkers).
There are families, singles and foreign students living here.
What the hookers do is in full public view. The scantily clad dresses. The solicitation out in the streets. The pick-ups. The pairing. The whole works.
Ah, foreign students. What does that conjure up? Read: young, virile and testesterone-driven males - alone, without parental control and holing up with their fellow young, virile, lonely, testesterone-driven peers.
What can possibly happen? If they aren't already doing it in the comfort of their hostels, this sure adds another piece of SEX temptation.
For that matter, any foreign worker. Alone, young and male.
It does seem like the foreigners are having it all. First our jobs, then our homes, even education and now it seems SEX AND FUN!
For most local boys living with families, they are more restrained and they usually defer sex.
To top it all, there are 24-hour Internet and cybergaming shops here. So many of them that local and foreign students flock to them and if they can't see what goes on around them, they must be BLIND!
A budget hotel sits right next to a private school in another street in this area.
Yes hotels are for tourists and locals. But we also know who else uses them. And schools do operate till late in the night.
Urban planners, do have some good sense in you.
Can you please isolate, confine, contain and sectorise SEX establishments (and that include both hetero, bi or gay oriented ones) in one development area with all its attendant ancillary services like accomodation, hotels, beer-drinking cafes or pubs, eateries and what-nots!
Especially those operating in full public view - the open solicitation, the congregation and the beer-drinkers and their sexily and scantily dressed companions.
Bangkok seems to have done better than we have!
OO Maybe That Is Why - Now I Know
Maybe that explains who is crucifying moi.
I have banned visitors especially female visitors for all my previous tenants.
This must be a HOT POTATO issue since they wanna bring their playmates, their toy boys, their beaus, their sex partners, their mistresses in for HOT FUN and SEX.
They wanna play and sex but they won't clean up after that.
And I was looking for an all male, all gay (maybe bisexual) household when I rent.
But for living, I just prefer my own beau.
Guess what, they were jealous and they were angry and they were restricted and sexually frustrated. Imagine underaged school-going foreign tenants who are here on STUDY PASSES!
Not FUN and SEX passes!
More Asides
I possibly didn't explain too clearly what I blogged about the last time.
First, looking at some of the noxious state of the refuse receptacles (meaning dust-bins) and the litter that fill their brims, it makes one wonder why the Environmental Public Health Act doesn't kick in to clean up these public loos.
And these are loos of our public places.
Second, I am sure there are issues of eating sandwiches at Subway. People will tell you that you can always make them yourselves.
Yes I certainly can and I have done it before. Question is I don't eat sandwiches everyday.
By the time I do, the cabbage, tomatoes or lettuce probably doesn't keep very well. Therefore when I do need to eat sandwiches, I eat fresh,
Third, the same reasoning goes for bananas. It is more expensive paying for single bananas rather than a comb of them. But again a comb doesn't keep very well.
Yet again when I do need to eat, I eat fresh.
You can imagine how people do not know about contracted names anymore. Like Liz is for Elizabeth or Joe is for Joseph.
I think Asians are in a dilemma. Asians who wanna build their bodies for example. Thus far all the health literature and research on all those health supplements do not study Asians. So is there a difference? More importantly do we still follow the kinda recommended dosage? How much is enough and how little is too little?
Finally three to six small meals a day. What constitute a small meal? For Asians we still like our rice with vegs and other dishes. Is this a small meal?
By All Means Reuse And Recycle But There Comes A Point In Time It Has To Be Disposed Of And Replaced
There comes a point in time that something has to be replaced.
The table wipes can be washed and rewashed but there will come a point in time that it is just dirty and grimy and a new one has to be bought.
The same goes for a sponge wipe, the mop-wipe head and nappies.
Remember nappies have babies peeing and shitting in them. Reusing again and again after washing and rewashing just won't do. Therefore disposable diapers were invented. For hygiene and sanitary reasons.
Our underwears are only stained with urine or faeces (we don't purposefully defecate or urinate on them) but that is ok. It can be washed and rewashed and reused. But I suppose we will one fine day also replace them.
Get This Right Pigs!
That roof over my head has been constantly under threat. I have moved 14 times. I need to buy my own place but given the sky-high prices of public housing and the financial crisis now, I am put on hold.
Even when I do buy my own place and I am with a beau, I wanna be financially independent. No handouts, no dependence on human vagaries, NO NOTHING. Totally self-reliant.
I can't plan for my studies until now. I can't settle down to a good read or study. And even then this REALLY isn't home. I anticipate problems with an older generation living under the same roof. I can't be sure about the rest.
I don't wanna spend too much time and money given my age. And I am not even sure I am employable after graduation. Especially to be employed in an industry and vocation that I am passionate about. Pointless to spend your whole life doing something you don't like.
And money is always an issue. I am paying out of my own pocket.
Get this into your thick heads, PIGS!
From Living To Studying To Gay Issues
So What's Happening Dude? Plenty!
My One-Year Abode Here
I have been here a whole 16 days.
I love the location here, situated right in the heart of Orchard Road, one of Singapore's uptown and upscale shopping belt. That means moi can gym very conveniently, especially since 2 of Calif's branches are within walking distance.
As for running and librarying, moi has to venture fuirther afield as there isn't a single track within sight here and the central library may not stock all the books moi wants.
And moi is gymming very seriously now, following his own self-taught training regime and downing a variety of supplements to boost this work-out. From whey protein and meal replacement powders to creatin and from fat-burners to growth hormones.
This is truly inner-city living where the streets are busy and there is an international community living here.
To catch some alone time and space and breather, I venture out early mornings or very late nights to puff and to think. There are various nice "refuel, think and puff spots" dotted along the whole way.
I was, as you remember, still reeling from the financial and emotional distress of the past month. The Great Financial and Emotional Depression. The global financial crisis. Living at Ah Yong's. The neighborhood. The community. The sleaze that looms nearby.
I suppose that was the period of "grief" and despair I was undergoing as I learn from a read on social issues and problems. I am now entering a phase of recovery and reorganisation.
A Learning Program For An Emerging And Developing Field
While here, I bump into a couple of foreign students (and boy, are they hot! and of course that include the tenants here) and somehow, like an invisible hand, they directed moi to the school that they were studying in and moi learn of a program that suits him to an almost perfect 'T'.
Moi wants to specialise in a very specific and emerging and developiong field here. A field that will come to fruit in 2011. A field that engages the human health services.
As far as moi knows, its last intake was about half a year ago and that tells you how under-supplied and unpopular the course is, unlike other humanities and business programs.
And that in turn spells good news for a tight job market.
From Sleaze To Sleaze
It was also while moi was on a late night out refuelling, thinking and puffing that he bgan to notice the sleaze that lurks around what is essentiallly a very schoolsy, artsy and school-residency environ here.
It makes one wonder how many "red-light" districts we are trying to create here. We already have them in Joo Chiat and in Geylang. And I am sure there are pockets in other places too like Bukit Timah, Chinatown or Peninsula Plaza.
Moi does not object to prostitution per se. It has been around for centuries, is one of the world's oldest profession and it serves a human need. But of course that has to be weighed against the social cost of contracting sexual diseases and breaking up families.
However I do object on several other grounds.
Points To Ponder - How Gays Are Further Discriminated Against
One, keep them out of the heartlands where the majority of Singaporeans live. No solicitation in void decks, coffee-shops, whatever.
Two, exactly how many red light districts are enough for Singapore? One, two, three, four...or twenty? Our sex industry seems to be hotting up and foreigners are staffing them, most of the time.
Three, the open and blatant nature of the solicitation and prostitution in residency areas just do not gel. From the way the hookers dress and congregate in numbers to the various times in the day and night that they choose to solicit. Spilling onto streets, eateries, malls and pathways meant for people who live, work or play there.
Four, if we must have them, put them in the downtown and commercial hub areas.
Our policy-makers have been deft at redrawing electoral boundaries (to the extent of making a GRC look so disparate because of the various wards they are made up of) but they have not learned to isolate, sectorise and contain sleaze from residency.
That means a whole street or development meant for sleaze. Very, very, very far away from schools, residence (and that means student hostels or just about any kind of hostel) and 24-hour genuine eating or Internet cafes.
We gays are discreet and we do our "stuff" usually under the cloak of dark, in camouflage, in private, away from the prying eyes of the public. Like forested areas, beaches and parks buffered by trees and shrubs. Loos and generally any pubic place that is out of sight of prying eyes.
However we were harassed and hunted down like gaming preys while the "out in the open" and blatant nature of hetero-prostitution isn't.
So the Penal Code for gayism has to be revised and changed. And in the name of fairness and equality of the sexes, gay men have to be allowed to dress up scantily and prostitute in the open like their "hetero' counterparts.
Other Asides
Why have tree, shrub and grass patches levelled to ground level? Why not recess them a couple of inches below ground level? That way, when it rains, no soil gets washed out to the pathways?
Develop noiseless and silent technology for a range of home gadgets. Vacuum cleaners, electric shavers, juice blenders and mixers, hair dryers, air-conditioners and electric fans for starters. Then branch out to bigger things like cars, planes, motors and so on.
It comes as a surprise to me that cruelty to animals and birds are prosecutable under the Act but that humans are not equally protected under the law. I am talking about the kind space and living confinement of us humans and stuff like infuriating, torturing and terrifying humans.
Someone Out There Means Moi Harm
I guess someone (whoever you are) out there is trying to make a monster out of me. They are trying to nail and crucify me. I think I have met a couple of them recently but I can't confirm it.
They wanna play God and they don't start by looking at themselves and the things they have done themselves.
I am willing to meet them out in the open, debate on who has done what and thrash things out and let us see who wins.
We are all almost on par and no better and holier than each other.
Get that real right PIGS!
My One-Year Abode Here
I have been here a whole 16 days.
I love the location here, situated right in the heart of Orchard Road, one of Singapore's uptown and upscale shopping belt. That means moi can gym very conveniently, especially since 2 of Calif's branches are within walking distance.
As for running and librarying, moi has to venture fuirther afield as there isn't a single track within sight here and the central library may not stock all the books moi wants.
And moi is gymming very seriously now, following his own self-taught training regime and downing a variety of supplements to boost this work-out. From whey protein and meal replacement powders to creatin and from fat-burners to growth hormones.
This is truly inner-city living where the streets are busy and there is an international community living here.
To catch some alone time and space and breather, I venture out early mornings or very late nights to puff and to think. There are various nice "refuel, think and puff spots" dotted along the whole way.
I was, as you remember, still reeling from the financial and emotional distress of the past month. The Great Financial and Emotional Depression. The global financial crisis. Living at Ah Yong's. The neighborhood. The community. The sleaze that looms nearby.
I suppose that was the period of "grief" and despair I was undergoing as I learn from a read on social issues and problems. I am now entering a phase of recovery and reorganisation.
A Learning Program For An Emerging And Developing Field
While here, I bump into a couple of foreign students (and boy, are they hot! and of course that include the tenants here) and somehow, like an invisible hand, they directed moi to the school that they were studying in and moi learn of a program that suits him to an almost perfect 'T'.
Moi wants to specialise in a very specific and emerging and developiong field here. A field that will come to fruit in 2011. A field that engages the human health services.
As far as moi knows, its last intake was about half a year ago and that tells you how under-supplied and unpopular the course is, unlike other humanities and business programs.
And that in turn spells good news for a tight job market.
From Sleaze To Sleaze
It was also while moi was on a late night out refuelling, thinking and puffing that he bgan to notice the sleaze that lurks around what is essentiallly a very schoolsy, artsy and school-residency environ here.
It makes one wonder how many "red-light" districts we are trying to create here. We already have them in Joo Chiat and in Geylang. And I am sure there are pockets in other places too like Bukit Timah, Chinatown or Peninsula Plaza.
Moi does not object to prostitution per se. It has been around for centuries, is one of the world's oldest profession and it serves a human need. But of course that has to be weighed against the social cost of contracting sexual diseases and breaking up families.
However I do object on several other grounds.
Points To Ponder - How Gays Are Further Discriminated Against
One, keep them out of the heartlands where the majority of Singaporeans live. No solicitation in void decks, coffee-shops, whatever.
Two, exactly how many red light districts are enough for Singapore? One, two, three, four...or twenty? Our sex industry seems to be hotting up and foreigners are staffing them, most of the time.
Three, the open and blatant nature of the solicitation and prostitution in residency areas just do not gel. From the way the hookers dress and congregate in numbers to the various times in the day and night that they choose to solicit. Spilling onto streets, eateries, malls and pathways meant for people who live, work or play there.
Four, if we must have them, put them in the downtown and commercial hub areas.
Our policy-makers have been deft at redrawing electoral boundaries (to the extent of making a GRC look so disparate because of the various wards they are made up of) but they have not learned to isolate, sectorise and contain sleaze from residency.
That means a whole street or development meant for sleaze. Very, very, very far away from schools, residence (and that means student hostels or just about any kind of hostel) and 24-hour genuine eating or Internet cafes.
We gays are discreet and we do our "stuff" usually under the cloak of dark, in camouflage, in private, away from the prying eyes of the public. Like forested areas, beaches and parks buffered by trees and shrubs. Loos and generally any pubic place that is out of sight of prying eyes.
However we were harassed and hunted down like gaming preys while the "out in the open" and blatant nature of hetero-prostitution isn't.
So the Penal Code for gayism has to be revised and changed. And in the name of fairness and equality of the sexes, gay men have to be allowed to dress up scantily and prostitute in the open like their "hetero' counterparts.
Other Asides
Why have tree, shrub and grass patches levelled to ground level? Why not recess them a couple of inches below ground level? That way, when it rains, no soil gets washed out to the pathways?
Develop noiseless and silent technology for a range of home gadgets. Vacuum cleaners, electric shavers, juice blenders and mixers, hair dryers, air-conditioners and electric fans for starters. Then branch out to bigger things like cars, planes, motors and so on.
It comes as a surprise to me that cruelty to animals and birds are prosecutable under the Act but that humans are not equally protected under the law. I am talking about the kind space and living confinement of us humans and stuff like infuriating, torturing and terrifying humans.
Someone Out There Means Moi Harm
I guess someone (whoever you are) out there is trying to make a monster out of me. They are trying to nail and crucify me. I think I have met a couple of them recently but I can't confirm it.
They wanna play God and they don't start by looking at themselves and the things they have done themselves.
I am willing to meet them out in the open, debate on who has done what and thrash things out and let us see who wins.
We are all almost on par and no better and holier than each other.
Get that real right PIGS!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
The Least You Can Do - Discretion And Clean Up After Yourselves (Updated)
Gays, Please Clean Up After Your Sex Act Especially In A Family Home (Or Any Home For That Matter) And Can You Be More Discreet About It
I feel I have to write this as a matter of social conscience.
Right here where moi is now living, there live an old couple together with their "happily" coupled gay son (who knows what goes on in the middle of the night when everyone sleeps - visitors and with each fellow tenant).
I feel very sorry for this old lady who must be cognisant of what goes on around the house from the various conversations that I have with her.
First there is this hot muscular Filipino IT (and it seems someone holding a very senior position) dude living in one room. I have, on my first week living here, witnessed his very young and equally hot local school-boy type companion visiting him.
His companion actually uses the loo and they shower before their sex act and then right after, right under the nose of this old lady. The old lady has even told me he brings groupies over to booze and he has other sex visitors too.
Then this loo isn't exactly very clean - with moi cleaning up faecal smudges and what-nots that lurk around.
At least if you wanna sex, keep the common areas clean. Clean up after yourself and after your companions. In fact beaus are for just that. Helping you clean up. Worse try not to let your companions compete with paying tenants who also need to use the common facilities.
The same goes for the other Filipino 'hetero' couple. He has many female companions it seems.
Most of all, can you try not to hurt the feelings of the old couple (especially the old lady) living here or at least put her in an awkward and difficult position.
Oops, I Thought Old Uncle Is Only Visiting And Old Aunty Is Rotated Among The Three Siblings And Not Permanent Fixtures? Otherwise I Will Think Twice Before Shifting In Here
I know I have committed many faux pax when I moved in here.
First the loo's walls, toilet bowl and surrounds were coated with slime and faeces and I gave it a good scrub-down. I accidentally knocked over the suction plastic soap dish holder but promptly bought a brand new replacement.
Then I replaced the old bathroom rug which even though it could be washed, it won't be clean, grimy as it is. Just like Ah Yong's. Except that Ah Yong's had his two Chihuahuas shitting on them before and they are in worse condition (that is why we have diposal diapers nowadays).
Finally I bought a new rug for placing outside the bathroom.
These were to prove to be contentious with Old Aunty. I had knocked on her door to ask for her permission but she had gone on a trip across the causeway. She thought that they didn't soak up water well enough and wasn't very anti-slip. So I bought another.
The gay Filipino leaves thick toothpaste smudges in the wash basin which can't be washed or hosed down unless you remove the pothole. I don't like competing for the loo with his gay lover on weekends.
And Old Aunty is probably unhappy with all his many gay visitors, just as she is with the other "hetero" Filipino's female companions. He has been accused of being a playboy but I have only seen one girl so far.
This Filipino leaves his razor blade filled with hair on the wash basin's rest. I am not sure if he or Old Uncle is the one who leaves the faecal smudges. Everytime either one uses, the loo has them.
I have bought myself a bedroom LCD TV set and a laundry rack. I really do not want to hang them in the laundry area which is a small space above the air-condensing unit and the bamboo poles are grimy and dirty (like Ah Yong's) and a rusty iron netted mesh rest below it.
Imagine your washed laundry falling below and getting dirtied again. And competing with 6 other people in the household for that small space.
The bathroom door isn't closing properly (just as Ah Yong's, except that Ah Yong's is worse, the door is off its thread and you have to shut it really loud and tight).
I know from the few conversations I have had with Old Aunty, to know who she really is.
As long as I do my part and I do my own stuff in the privacy of my own room, they can live in their own worlds too.
Save for washing and bathing, will moi ever venture out.
And oh yes, the mover who shifted my stuff here was the same one I used at the hot young masseur's. Guess what? He told me "hot young masseur" actually asked him for sex.
TADA!
I feel I have to write this as a matter of social conscience.
Right here where moi is now living, there live an old couple together with their "happily" coupled gay son (who knows what goes on in the middle of the night when everyone sleeps - visitors and with each fellow tenant).
I feel very sorry for this old lady who must be cognisant of what goes on around the house from the various conversations that I have with her.
First there is this hot muscular Filipino IT (and it seems someone holding a very senior position) dude living in one room. I have, on my first week living here, witnessed his very young and equally hot local school-boy type companion visiting him.
His companion actually uses the loo and they shower before their sex act and then right after, right under the nose of this old lady. The old lady has even told me he brings groupies over to booze and he has other sex visitors too.
Then this loo isn't exactly very clean - with moi cleaning up faecal smudges and what-nots that lurk around.
At least if you wanna sex, keep the common areas clean. Clean up after yourself and after your companions. In fact beaus are for just that. Helping you clean up. Worse try not to let your companions compete with paying tenants who also need to use the common facilities.
The same goes for the other Filipino 'hetero' couple. He has many female companions it seems.
Most of all, can you try not to hurt the feelings of the old couple (especially the old lady) living here or at least put her in an awkward and difficult position.
Oops, I Thought Old Uncle Is Only Visiting And Old Aunty Is Rotated Among The Three Siblings And Not Permanent Fixtures? Otherwise I Will Think Twice Before Shifting In Here
I know I have committed many faux pax when I moved in here.
First the loo's walls, toilet bowl and surrounds were coated with slime and faeces and I gave it a good scrub-down. I accidentally knocked over the suction plastic soap dish holder but promptly bought a brand new replacement.
Then I replaced the old bathroom rug which even though it could be washed, it won't be clean, grimy as it is. Just like Ah Yong's. Except that Ah Yong's had his two Chihuahuas shitting on them before and they are in worse condition (that is why we have diposal diapers nowadays).
Finally I bought a new rug for placing outside the bathroom.
These were to prove to be contentious with Old Aunty. I had knocked on her door to ask for her permission but she had gone on a trip across the causeway. She thought that they didn't soak up water well enough and wasn't very anti-slip. So I bought another.
The gay Filipino leaves thick toothpaste smudges in the wash basin which can't be washed or hosed down unless you remove the pothole. I don't like competing for the loo with his gay lover on weekends.
And Old Aunty is probably unhappy with all his many gay visitors, just as she is with the other "hetero" Filipino's female companions. He has been accused of being a playboy but I have only seen one girl so far.
This Filipino leaves his razor blade filled with hair on the wash basin's rest. I am not sure if he or Old Uncle is the one who leaves the faecal smudges. Everytime either one uses, the loo has them.
I have bought myself a bedroom LCD TV set and a laundry rack. I really do not want to hang them in the laundry area which is a small space above the air-condensing unit and the bamboo poles are grimy and dirty (like Ah Yong's) and a rusty iron netted mesh rest below it.
Imagine your washed laundry falling below and getting dirtied again. And competing with 6 other people in the household for that small space.
The bathroom door isn't closing properly (just as Ah Yong's, except that Ah Yong's is worse, the door is off its thread and you have to shut it really loud and tight).
I know from the few conversations I have had with Old Aunty, to know who she really is.
As long as I do my part and I do my own stuff in the privacy of my own room, they can live in their own worlds too.
Save for washing and bathing, will moi ever venture out.
And oh yes, the mover who shifted my stuff here was the same one I used at the hot young masseur's. Guess what? He told me "hot young masseur" actually asked him for sex.
TADA!
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